Bucky walked down the now familiar halls of Princess Shuri's giant lab. As ever she had something playing with a deep beat, something that spoke of Wakanda and the bright, quick personality the young princess had.
He was feeling better, more himself. Less himself. He could not quite decide. BARF helped. It was helping. His mind was clearing and he was more stable, more at peace with himself. He was working through the things that he had done, the things he was remembering doing. Before BARF the nightmares had been horrific. Shuri and T'Challa had been worried that he would not survive them. He had been worried that he would not survive them. They had been driving him mad, the guilt, the horror, the knowledge of what he had become now that he had the knowledge of who he had been before that fall.
And then the program had appeared on Shuri's computer. BARF. A quick trace had tracked it to Stark. Steve had been reluctant and worried about using it, knowing where it had come from, he had been sure that this was Tony trying to hurt Bucky. However, Shuri had pointed out that that was probably why Stark had sent her the designs, so that she could build it herself and ensure that nothing dangerous was in place, making sure that there was nothing that could harm Bucky.
When Steve had still looked mullish right up until Bucky's first go with BARF Bucky had pointed out that without trying it the likelihood was he wouldn't survive anyway. With reluctance, he had been 'allowed' to go under. And did it work! The improvement wasn't miraculous, but enough for him to feel a flash of hope that he could get a hold of his slipping sanity. Shuri had looked brighter and happier, she had seemed 100% more positive if that was possible, and that gave him even more hope.
He hated thinking it, but when Shuri had banned Steve from his BARF sessions it had helped a lot more. Steve was so focused on who he used to be he struggled to really understand that that was never who Bucky was going to be again. That man had died at the bottom of that mountain, he was gone, done, and in his place stood a damaged and repairing man.
He had had to come to terms with the fact that the Winter Soldier was never going to be gone, the two of them were learning to live with each other, learning where they met in the middle and learning how to function. And he was getting there, he was healing, he was learning who he was and he was getting to the point where he could accept himself.
Walking down into the main part of Shuri's lab, he knew that he had a lot to thank the young girl for. He liked coming in here, he liked speaking to her and seeing her work.
Though he had to admit that he wasn't sure why she had asked him to come to the lab today.
Walking into the main part of the lab that Shuri worked in he paused in the doorway when he realised that she was not alone. He paused unsurely, still not quite used to interacting with strangers. Shuri was laughing and chattering away excitedly to the stranger, the two of them were pouring over holographic designs of things he could not even begin to imagine what they were for. It looked interesting though. Shuri had slowly been drawing him out of the 'dark ages' so things like this no longer stunned him the way that they had when he had first woken from his Cryo sleep again and started working with the Princess.
He tilted his head as he watched Shuri listen intently as the stranger waved his hands around describing something to her. He nearly hit the roof when a voice spoke from somewhere above his head, joining in the conversation.
"Sir, Mr Barnes has arrived,"
The stranger turned and Bucky's eyes widened at the sight of Tony Stark standing there, staring straight back at him. He could feel himself starting to draw into himself, something he had tried to avoid doing more and more. He wasn't the asset anymore, he wasn't the weapon, he wasn't IT, he didn't have to hide in the shadows anymore, disappear, but sometimes when he felt uncomfortable those instincts kicked back in.
And facing this man, well he wanted to disappear into the wall.
Of course, Shuri wouldn't allow that. "Come on White Wolf," she grabbed his arm and dragged him over to Stark before muttering about a chair and running over to where it was sitting in the far corner of the lab. Leaving him standing trying not to look at Stark who he could feel staring at him.
"She is quite the force of personality isn't she," Stark started with. Bucky looked back to Shuri, a small smile rising.
"She is deceptively strong," Bucky snorted.
"I'm liking the man bun," That had Bucky looking at Stark before he could stop himself, blinking confused at him. He reached back with his hand and touched the bun.
"I erm, they do my hair for me, I erm," he motioned uncomfortably to the empty space of his arm. He couldn't stop staring at the other man now, confused as to what he was doing here, and the lack of hostility in Stark's face.
"Ah yes," Tony nodded. He bit his lip and looked to the side unsure clearly of what to say, something that he did not suffer from a lot going by what he had heard about the genius.
The moment was broken when something tapped his hip and beeped brightly at him.
"Dum-E! No!" Tony groaned covering his eyes. Bucky stared down at the robot who came up to his hip and was holding a drink in its clawed hand. "Not the time!" Toy scolded as though he was speaking to a naughty child.
The robot beeped sadly and seemed to somehow droop a little. Bucky was getting used to amazing technology, you couldn't live in Wakanda and not, but he was still fascinated by it.
"No it's ok, thank you," Bucky bent down and held his hand out for the glass. The robot brightened and held the glass out with some musical beeps.
"I don't even know how you managed to find a blender here!" Tony shook his head at the robot. "You might want to take a small sip first, his smoothies can be touch and go depending on what he got his claw on,"
"Oh, it's...good," Bucky coughed after the first sip. He had no clue what had gone into the mix, but good was not the word he would put on it.
"Me and Tasty-Freeze need to have adult time Dum-E, go pester Shuri, she might take you apart and use your parts for something worthwhile out of you," Tony waved the robot away.
"He is, interesting," Bucky shuffled a little, dropping his eyes to the floor.
"You not going to ask why I am here?" Tony asked leaning against the worktop and crossing his arms.
"I'm a little worried to," Bucky shrugged. But he squared his shoulders and met the younger man's eyes, ready for whatever he wanted to dish out to him.
"An explanation first then," Tony nodded to himself.
"You don't have to explain. Whatever you want to do to me you can, I deserve it," Bucky stood steady and waited. What he wasn't expecting was for Tony to roll his eyes and hit him on the head with rolled up paperwork that had been sitting on Shuri's worktop. "Wha..."
"I am not here to...punish you or whatever you were expecting. Why do you think I sent BARF if I was still angry?" Tony scowled.
"So that I could be in my right mind when you decided to punish me, I was a little... scrambled when we met, I still am, but I am here enough to understand," Bucky answered straight away, he had thought it over a lot, and that had been the best answer that he could come up with.
"I...you...wow, I thought it was like banging your head against a brick wall with Steve!" Tony sighed, waving his hands around expressively. "Shuri!" He shouted into the lab. Shuri poked her head around the corner clutching a tennis ball and looking sheepish. Dum-E shot around the corner and did an excited wiggle, clearly wanting her to throw the ball.
"Yes?" She smiled brightly.
"I am stealing Frosty here, we need a deep and meaningful conversation and to clear up a little confusion. We may be a while, I think I will have to use small, simple words," Tony called brightly.
"Hey!" Bucky found himself protesting before he could stop himself. He flushed when Tony snickered, reaching out and giving him a small shove towards the door.
"Have fun!" Shuri waved. "I will look after Dum-E!"
Bucky shot her a betrayed look, but he trailed after Tony to the exit of the lab. The younger man bounced along, looking at everything with interest, and seemingly unconcerned as to his company. However, Bucky's trained eyes picked up the small things, the hands twisting the rolled up paper gently, nervously. The fact he wouldn't put his back to Bucky, the eyes that kept flicking nervously to him.
He was confused as to what this was, and so was the Soldier. Nothing in Stark's nervous ticks said he was about to attack, nothing said anger or hatred. He was nervous, uncomfortable, uncertain, but there was nothing at all in his body language that said he was here to attack Bucky. As he had healed, and remembered, everything that he had done, he had made the resolution that whatever Tony wanted to do to him, he would not fight. Stark deserved that much.
"I have no clue where I am going from here," Tony admitted with a nervous laugh. "Would you take me somewhere you like?" he asked turning to Bucky.
"I..sure," Bucky nodded and set off, walking slow enough that the smaller man could keep up.
Luckily it was not that far away, and they stepped out of the small patch of trees to stand beside the lake, the sound of children laughing filled the air. Bucky led Tony away from the huts and the laughter, and slightly up the hill. The view was breathtaking, and every time it made something in his chest rise. It told him that he wasn't blank, that he wasn't empty.
He stopped at the top of the hill and looked out over the Wakandan countryside as he sat down on the rocks and waited.
"Wow, this is, wow," Tony breathed staring around.
"I like it here," Bucky nodded.
"Wow, a full sentence!" Tony teased gently as he sat down as well, a gap between them, but sitting down with Bucky.
The silence between them was uncertain but not uncomfortable, Bucky's mind was just spinning trying to figure out what was happening, why Stark was here, what he wanted, and what he was going to do. The genius found a good sized rock and placed the rolled up paperwork safely underneath it before he turned to face Bucky.
"I am angry," Tony started with, and Bucky hunched a little into himself.
"You have every right to..."
"Not with you," Tony shook his head. "If Steve, I can't say how I would have reacted, I can't, but I would like to think that if Steve had come to me, told me, explained, and given me a little time, I would have understood. I trusted him, and that doesn't come easy for me, trust, but I did, I trusted him, and he lied to me, he kept things from me. He left us wide open for the trickery that was used to rip us apart. Seeing that video I reacted, I didn't think, I..."
"You acted as any human being would have, that is something no one would have to see," Bucky said quietly staring at his feet. It was something he wished he could stop seeing.
"But given a little time I would have understood," Tony answered.
"I killed them," The words were acid, burning and painful.
"No, Hydra killed them," Tony shook his head.
"I was Hydra,"
"You were a prisoner of war, a victim as much as...as they were," Tony made an aborted motion to touch him.
"I don't...I don't understand why are you making excuses for me?" Bucky frowned running his hand through his hair with exasperation.
"It's not an excuse, it's true. You were a weapon that they used, what they did to you, the things they did, for 70 years. The only actions you are responsible for is from here on out," Tony shook his head.
"I'm guilty, I still did those things! My fingers pulled those triggers, my hands kil...they hurt people, I hurt you," Bucky shook his head, images, memories flashing in front of his eyes.
"I was trying to kill you too, so to be fair can't really hold that against you," Tony snorted. "Think we can claim a draw on the idiocy of that fight,"
"I don't...how can you be so..." Bucky shook his head, confusion waring through him. He had imagined meeting Tony Stark again a million times, all without different words spoken and consequences, and none of them had gone like this.
Tony sighed and stripped off his jacket, throwing it onto the ground and sprawling comfortably back to stare up at the blue blue sky. "Heart to heart it is," He said softly, more to himself than to Bucky the older man realised. "Steve has no doubt told you about me, who I used to be before Iron Man existed. I was selfish and spoiled, I had money to burn, and I was a genius, still am of course, but back then I used it to get away with a hell of a lot more. I designed and built weapons, thousands of deadly weapons, and I sold them to the American government, to defend our borders and our people, I was a national hero, one of the figures in place keeping them and the world safe with the weapons I designed!"
Bucky turned to look at the younger man intently when his eyes closed, bitterness so sharp in the man's voice that Bucky could practically taste it, and he wanted to reach out, he wanted to touch to...comfort. He realised he wanted to offer comfort. That was new, he had not had that emotion since waking from Cryo.
"And then I was kidnapped, it's how I got this," Tony tapped the arc reactor glowing a little through his top. Bucky closed his eyes briefly as he remembered trying to crush the reactor. "My own weapons, shrapnel from them are sitting inside my chest right now, trying to worm their way into my heart. This stops them. Its a long story, but basically I was kidnapped, supposed to be killed there and then but they wanted more off of me," Tony shrugged as though it didn't bother him.
Bucky shuffled around and looked at the other man properly, wondering where he was going with this.
"Anyway, I found out that my weapons had been being sold to anyone who would pay enough, they had been being used to kill innocents, control towns and cities out of fear thousands of people dead. And I realised that my weapons killed so many people, innocent people, in the hands of our government, terrorists, greedy people. I built Iron Man to escape, and I closed down the weapons department and I made Iron Man to try and bring peace. I made Ultron to try and bring peace.
I hurt people, my actions, my designs, my choices killed people. But after a hell of a lot of expensive therapy and the use of BARF myself, I have been able to let go of a lot of the guilt and realised that I can not be blamed for the actions of others. I built the weapons, yes, but Stane sold them, he profited from the deaths of innocents more, the people that used them to kill innocents were to blame. I built Ultron, but Bruce was there as well and we both thought that we were building something good, we both thought he would do good. Wanda and her Brother had a big part to play in the damage that happened as well,"
"You...you have been trying to bring peace and that's...that is good, Vision is good and you made him," Bucky said quietly. Tony's eyes snapped open.
"Yes he is, my pride and joy," The words were playful, the tone was honest. "My rambling point is though. I held a lot of guilt for the destruction the things I have designed wrought, and I blamed myself. I was at fault, I was naive and foolish, selfish, but I have reached a point where I realise that I can't myself for the actions of others and how they used those weapons. So, how can I be angry at you?"
"I think I get what you're saying," Bucky blinked when intent chocolate eyes settled on him.
"What I am saying is, I forgive you," Tony said slowly. But he might as well have punched Bucky. His hand curled into a first and his breathing hitched. "I would have to be a special type of shit to blame you for being tortured and hurt, for what they did to you. BARF was me apologising for what happened, this...this is a peace offering,"
Tony reached out and took the rolled up papers and held them out to Bucky. Trembling, his mind still spinning with everything that had just been said, for the open gaping wound in his chest that he had not even realised he still had, which had suddenly been cleared of the festering infection by Tony's words, he reached out numbly for the offered papers.
There were four. 2 designs. A better metal arm, not just a weapon but something practical as well. And the second was a normal prosthetic hand, no weapon, just an arm and hand. He blinked down at the designs before looking wide-eyed at Tony. There were hours upon hours of work here, with what he had learned from Shuri while she was healing him, he could see that Tony had worked out how to give every single tiny sensation into both hands, it would be like he had not lost the arm practically.
"If you are comfortable with it, I would like to build and fit both, they will be swappable so you can choose by the day," Tony explained.
"This...this is too much, you don't have to...you shouldn't...I am not..." Bucky stammered.
"Sergeant Barnes, for your brave service and for the decades that you spend as a prisoner of war, I would be honoured to do this for you," Bucky couldn't take his eyes from the hand gripping his wrist gently, the first person aside from Shuri, T'Challa and Steve who had touched him with kindess in...who knew how long. "Fuck, fuck I am sorry!" Tony blurted out as Bucky's shoulders started trembling and he clearly started crying.
"Thank you," Bucky said with more feeling than he had managed to feel or express in 70 years.
"Ice pop!" Tony said brightly walking into the lab. Bucky straightened quickly and held his hand up trying to look innocent. "I saw that!" the scientist tutted. Dum-E beeped and rolled behind Bucky's legs. "And don't you try and look innocent!"
"They were also playing fetch for a while," FRIDAY announced making Bucky glare into the air.
"Traitor," He muttered.
"My little girl, at least someone is honest!" Tony sniffed.
"Of course Boss, always," FRIDAY chirped, sounding so much the sister sucking up to her father while Dum-E beeped grumpily behind Bucky that the soldier had to smile.
"I can see you Barnes! How many times stop encouraging him or you will adopt him!" Tony warned. "I shall run and leave him here with you to look after, and then you will be grumbling about all your things being dropped and the foul smoothies that you will be presented with, finding your food depleted and clogging your blender! He tried to make a kiwi, kale, strawberry and steak smoothie the other day!" Tony rambled as he moved around the section of the lab Shuri was loaning him.
"I don't have a blender," Bucky shrugged.
"You don't...well we shall have to correct that!" Tony shook his head.
"Fairly sure I would also need a fridge first," Bucky snorted amused, his eyes trailing the scientist. He smirked when Tony absently patted Dum-E's arm as he passed him the plans for Bucky's arm. He grumbled about the AI, but he loved it.
"All in good time. Now hop up and strip off," Tony wiggled his eyebrows as he patted the bed they were using.
"Only if I can convince you to join me," Bucky said as he started tugging his top off one-handed. When he looked up Tony was gawping at him, making him feel a little self-conscious. "What?" He grunted.
"You just flirted with me!"
"Well, sorry, I you..." Bucky huffed and chose to scowl at his feet instead.
"Hey, hey none of that! It just shocked me, that's all. I mean we have been chatting over the computer for a month while I was working on this, and you haven't flirted before," Tony waved his hands around.
It had been true, they had been speaking every day for a month since Tony left Wakanda the day of their chat. At first, it had been purely business, talking about the arms and the designs. Bucky had been confused the first couple of days as to why Tony wanted to talk about it with him, he was not advanced with...any of the sciences that were going into making the arms. And then Tony had slipped up, he mentioned about Bucky having a choice this time around, and Bucky had clicked onto what he was doing. He wanted to make sure that Bucky had an input in this every step of the way, that Bucky's arm was HIS this time.
The man baffled him. He had every reason to hate Bucky, even with what he said about Bucky being a weapon that Hydra had tortured and abused, that he had not been responsible for his actions, he could have understood and still wanted nothing to do with Bucky. But he was trying to help him, he had given him his mind back, he had given him himself back, his history, who he had been. And now he was giving him his arm back, while also ensuring that he had a control over his life that he had been denied for 70 years.
And he didn't look at Bucky like he was glass, he didn't look at him like he was going to break, he didn't look at him with sympathy or pity. He treated him like a human being.
There chats moved from talking only about the arms, to talking about BARF, Tony curious about any improvements that it needed and making sure it was helping. That had left to Bucky talking about memories that he had managed to recover, and Tony sharing how BARF helped with him. And suddenly Bucky realised that their chats had become longer and longer, and didn't even touch on his arms some days. Once Tony had called him fourteen times in a day to tell him different things he needed to watch or read after he had told Tony he was catching up with pop culture, one of those calls had been from the bathroom Tony had run to while in a meeting when he had thought of another film. The image of Pepper bursting in and dragging Tony from the bathroom after they had started chatting and he had been gone too long had managed to actually make Bucky chuckle.
And Bucky had found himself looking forward to the day that Tony came back. He looked forward to their online chats, really looked forward to his chats with Tony. He looked forward to his science babble and hearing what he was working on now, he was fascinated by the hard work that Tony was making into green energy using his arc reactor, and he loved how passionate Tony was about it. Two weeks ago Tony had started calling him right before bed, chatting with him for a few more hours telling him about his day and what he had been up to, and Bucky looked forward every day to that moment where Tony was vulnerable and soft, in his pyjamas and tucked under his covers.
He had realised that he liked the younger man a week ago, and not as a friend.
"So...Shuri spoke to me about a concern she has this morning," Tony said as he started fiddling around Bucky, straightening his tools - he had insisted on bringing his own offending Shuri, but insisting that he would not go near Bucky with anything else - that did not need straightening.
"Oh?" Bucky looked up at him cautiously, wondering what on earth the princess had said to make him sound so... nervous he decided was the right word as he watched Tony refusing to meet his eyes.
"Mm hm, can you take the beanie off your shoulder please," Tony motioned to the black fabric covering the remains of the arm. Bucky reached up and took the covering ff, without taking his eyes off of Tony, watching the genius gather what he needed, before setting about removing the remains of the metal arm carefully.
He had insisted on doing this part himself as well, and Bucky had been more than happy to allow that. It seemed...fitting somehow. Tony was giving him back so much of himself, both through BARF and his new arms, but also in their talks and the emotions that he was managing to dig out of Bucky that the soldier had been sure were gone forever.
Tony reached out, paused and waited for Bucky's nod, and then started tinkering. Unlike his 'maintenance updates' as the Asset, he felt nothing as Tony started removing the remains of the arm, the genius had made sure that none of the receptors would work while he was carrying out the form of surgery. It was a little weird watching Tony start removing a chunk of his arm without feeling anything.
He, however, was more distracted by whatever was bothering Tony and what the hell Shuri had said to the other man. He did, however, know Tony well enough by now to know that pushing him before he was ready would have the opposite effect of getting him to talk. So Bucky sat and just watched him, waiting.
"Shuri, she is concerned," Tony finally said as he removed a small chunk of the arm remains.
"Concerned about what? Me?!" Bucky frowned feeling a little hurt and worried. Shuri had said nothing to him, in fact, she had seemed really pleased with the progress that he had been making.
"No, me," Tony said quickly, still not meeting Bucky's eyes.
"You?" Bucky blinked. "I'm really confused," he groaned.
"She is worried about our friendship," Tony clarified.
"Oh...why? I have been doing better since meeting you properly," Bucky frowned, unashamed to admit what a help Tony had been to him.
"That is what she is worried about. In her words, I have become a cornerstone of your healing and a base for your stability, she is worried that I could withdraw that from you and do more damage," Tony explained and he gently withdrew another small chunk of metal, leaving mainly wiring.
"Oh...right...once the arms are done though..." Bucky drew off, not quite admitting to the other that he had been worried about this fact since Tony had told him the arms were ready and he would be coming back to Wakanda to fit them.
"Would...do you want to keep talking?" Tony bit his lip, his brown eyes focussed intently on Bucky's arm as he worked.
Bucky sat for a few beats and then pulled the Soldier forward. He wasn't great in assessing situations as Bucky, emotions and trying to read other people were complicated when his own emotions were thrown in there as well, the Soldier, however, was analytic and unattached. It liked Tony, and it wanted to protect rather than hurt, but it was also unattached and could give Bucky a better reading on Tony's body language.
"Huh," Bucky blinked stunned as the Soldier finished scanning over Tony and came to a conclusion.
"Huh?" Tony actually met his eyes this time, looking baffled.
"I don't understand, why would you be worried that I would not want to talk to you once this is done? As Shuri said, I have been better since talking to you, I...I like talking to you, I like...I like how you treat me, and that you don't coddle me. But, I don't understand why you would be worried about not talking to me anymore," Bucky frowned.
"You have proper fucking bambi eyes you know that," Tony groaned. When said eyes just blinked at him, still looking baffled he rolled his own eyes. Carefully removing the last chunk of metal so only wires remained Tony set down his tools and then turned to face Bucky, clutching his face between his hands and peering into his eyes, his own chocolate ones determined and steady.
"Tony?"
"Listen to me, and listen to me good James Barnes! I may have become a cornerstone to your healing, but you have become a cornerstone of mine too. And I am not sure that that is exactly healthy, but then there are not a lot of people out there who have gone through all the shit that we have and can understand, so well beggers can't be choosers and all that. Buck, I like talking to you too, I like nattering away and having someone be interested in what I am saying, I like coming home knowing that I am going to call you and hear about what new things you have discovered that day - either in your healing or on tv or a book or a place. I don't...I don't want to lose that," Tony said before he lowered his eyes and tried to move away again.
Bucky reached out and wrapped a gentle hand around Tony's wrist, stopping the retreat and peering at the other with both the Soldier and Bucky's eyes. They didn't talk about it, not properly, but what wasn't said had informed Bucky that what happened with Steve and the other Avengers had hurt Tony more than they could imagine. He was embarrassed to admit that he had gone over their conversations at least 3 times, analysing and picking up on things that he had missed, his training determining that he make sure of every small detail in his life had apparently transitioned to conversations as well. And well, as he got to know Tony and listened to him, he realised that Tony missed his friends, he missed what they had, but he was also beyond hurt as well.
The words had circled around in his head so many times between their conversations. "But he's my friend," "So was I,". Tony had forgiven Bucky for what had happened because he accepted that his brains had been 'mush' at that time. But he could not forgive Steve, for not telling him, for attacking him, for choosing one side and not listening, but more than anything Bucky knew that Tony was really hurt by the fact that Steve had not trusted Tony. He knew that when it came down to it, Tony's heart was broken because Steve had not trusted Tony to understand, he had not trusted him to help Steve with Bucky when it came down to it.
And Tony had proved how wrong that choice had been. He knew, he had all the facts, and he had against all the odds not only forgiven Bucky, but he was helping him. Bucky could not help but wonder that if Steve had gone to Tony if he had explained, if he had just shared everything with Tony and trusted the man, he wondered how their lives would be right now.
He knew that Tony would not have that sadness lingering in his eyes, he knew that he would not have that wariness and defence built up around him like a wall most of the time. He would not have this fear that Bucky would take the equipment, the arms, that he was building for him and use them to wave him off once his 'use' was done with.
"I...I can't speak, for, Steve, and I know you would not want me to. But I do know that he is sorry for what happened, and he regrets the choices he made," Bucky said softly and slowly, when Tony backed up, clearly trying to withdraw from the conversation, Bucky drew him in closer. "For myself, I would rather have a few more weeks of your company than the arms at all,"
"No one would rather my company over anything," Tony snorted, clearly meaning it to be a joke, but falling short, and they both knew it. He grimaced, and Bucky acted quickly, releasing his wrist and touching his face instead.
"I would," He said firmly.
"Your brains are still mush clearly," Tony shook his head but a smile was growing as he looked at Bucky.
"You're important to me Tony and not for what you can give me, but..." Bucky frowned trying to think how to phrase every confusing thing he felt when it came to the other man. "You don't expect anything from me, I can just be with you, you make me feel like a human, a man, again and not The Asset, not It, the Weapon. You help me believe I can be redeemed and live again,"
"You kind of do the same thing for me. Everyone around me, the need or expect something from me, even if they don't mean to. Rodey needs my help with his legs and his healing, and in creating the new Avengers because he won't admit he is struggling, I have a teenager who is going to be a superhero no matter what I do, so I am trying to keep him safe as best I can. I...everything is...a lot and you help, I just, you need to know you have become a cornerstone for me as well, and I don't want to lose this,"
Bucky knew how much that confession cost Tony, he knew how much courage it would have taken for him to admit something like that. People let him down, that had been clear from a simple web search that Bucky had performed, Stane had betrayed him in the worst way possible, Pepper had left him - they still seemed friendly but still, everyone that he tried to rely on hurt him and left him behind. Steve, the other rogue Avengers had turned their backs on him and left him, left him to fend for himself fixing the mess that they had made yet again, left him to try and batter out the Accords to try and give them the best deal that they could get, and he was doing it for them all whether he would admit it or not.
For him to admit to himself, never mind out loud to Bucky that he needing him, it was some leap of faith.
"Not going anywhere, I promise Doll," Bucky drawled.
"Oh my god, that is a smile! A real, full smile!" Tony squealed, distracted from their conversation by the bright, honest smile that lit up Bucky's face and eyes. Blinking Bucky reached up and touched his mouth, feeling the smile for himself.
"Huh, didn't know I could still do that," He felt the smile getting bigger.
"Hang on, hang on this needs to be documented," Tony looked so happy as he pulled his phone from his pocket that Bucky could not have stopped smiling even if he had wanted to. He shook his head fondly and looked at Tony when the man pressed himself next to him and took a selfie of the two of them smiling.
Bucky reckoned Tony was nearly as relieved to know that he himself could still smile honestly as he was excited that Bucky had smiled.
"He's just left it like that?" Steve frowned.
Bucky took a deep breath and tried not to snap. He cared for Steve, he did, he had all those memories of the little kid he had met in the street getting beaten up, the teenager he had constantly been pulling out of fights, the young man who refused to back down from the right thing, the hero who had inspired them all in a time that had felt its most hopeless. Steve was his best friend, his brother, and he cared about him. But he was frustrating.
"He is supposed to be fixing it!" Clint scowled.
"He is half arsing," Natasha shrugged flicking through her magazine. "As ever,"
"He's probably trying to cause more damage you know, it is what he does best," Wanda sneered.
Bucky didn't spend a lot of time with the rogue Avengers, he didn't like crowds or a lot of people, it tended to put him on edge. Really Steve, Shuri and Tony were the only people he properly mixed with, T'Challa when he was available. But he had been feeling good today, he had what was left of Hydra removed from his body, he had smiled, Tony was here, he was seeing him later and not just through a screen. He had made a mistake.
He could feel Winter rolling in his chest, angry and snarling. He could feel Bucky's temper going as well.
"It needs time to settle after everything that he did today, it's safe," Bucky grunted. He wished he had been able to put the 'beanie' over it again but Tony had told him off and gave him strict instructions.
"That's what he says, he is probably waiting for it to explode or something," Natasha frowned.
"Would he do something that obvious to hurt Bucky," Steve frowned concernedly. He was being honestly worried, and Bucky was glad to know his oldest friend was worried about him, and still cared about him despite everything that had happened in his life. However, he also was fed up of Steve's judgement on Tony, the whole time that Tony and he had been working on the arms, the whole time they had been talking and becoming friends, the whole time Tony had just been trying to HELP Bucky even though he did not have to, Steve had been half a step behind nagging and twittering, worried about what Tony was doing, what ulterior motives he had to have, worrying about him hurting Bucky, warning Bucky not to let him in too close because it was probably all a trick. And Bucky and Winter, well they were done.
"I trust Tony!" Bucky growled before grimacing.
"That is why you live in a hut!" Shuri scolded hurrying into the room from where she had been passing. "Well, let me see the damage!" She waved at his hand which was burried elbow deep into the wall.
"I can't, it's stuck," He grunted tugging at his arm.
In the end it took him and Shuri to get his arm back out, the Princess holding onto his arm with her feet on the wall to pull it loose. Steve had tried to help and get flashed a dark enough look that he actually took the hint this time and backed away.
"Sorry Shuri," Bucky mumbled looking at the hole he had left behind.
"Nothing a bit of repair work can't fix don't worry," She shrugged. "I'm impressed!" She added peering into the gap.
"I shouldn't have lost my temper," He shook his head.
"What happened? You haven't lost your temper like that for a long time," She asked concerned.
"They were bad mouthing Tony," Bucky grunted, having to fight down the urge to punch another hole through the wall at the thought.
"Ah," It was her turn to glare as she turned to face them.
"We're just concerned that Tony had left his arm like that, that is all, we're just worried," Steve defended.
"When you have a science degree halfway close to Tony's and can understand the intricate nature of the way Hydra managed to fuse nerve endings with wires and the reattachment and fusing methods that will be needed to be performed to ensure that White Wolf does not lose all feeling and ability to use the arm. Then you can comment. As none of you do, or have been able to help Wolf even half as much Tony Stark has, I suggest you shut up before you let the Winter Soldier loose in our palace," Shuri ranted.
She gave them a sharp nod, smiled at Bucky reassuringly and swept out, leaving them all gawping at her.
"Buck..." Steve started to say but Bucky shook his head.
"No Punk, enough!" He warned.
"Tony?" Bucky watched as Tony padded around the small lab area, he was just giving Bucky a small break now they were finished for the day. The work was intricate and Tony was working away with painstaking precision at the job. Bucky had it easy, he literally just had to lie still.
"Ah ha," Tony grinned turning to him.
"I...erm..."
"What is it? Is it sore?" Tony asked concerned hurrying over to the table. Bucky couldn't help but grin at him making the genius roll his eyes. "Obviously not! What is it," He huffed going back to his work.
"Come with me, when you have finished?" Bucky asked nervously.
"Oh of course, where are we going? Is it somewhere exciting? Have you convinced Shuri to let me have free reign in her lab for 24 hours? Oh oh oh have you tracked down how the King becomes 'The Black Panther' and we're going to try it?!" Tony rambled as he started fitting the basic plastic covering that he had shaped like an arm over Bucky's shoulder. He had made this to protect the wiring and the work that they were doing when they paused for breaks or finished for the day.
"I am going to pretend I did not hear that," T'Challa drawled as he strolled into the area.
"Kitty cat," Tony grinned in welcome making Bucky and T'Challa both roll their eyes fondly.
"I hope you know that I am relying on you to keep him out of trouble," the king smirked at Bucky.
"That is a full-time job, you will have to convince him to hire me as his bodyguard," Bucky snorted.
"Trust me Snowflake that is not a job you want," Tony laughed patting his cheek before turning to put the last of his tools away for the day.
"I don't know, getting to spend every day with you, watching your back, doesn't sound too bad to me," Bucky shrugged. He looked up and met the King's eyes who smiled and nodded to him.
"Ok! What are you two up to?!" Tony demanded pointing between them.
"What?"
"Oh no mister, do not try and look innocent! I saw that little exchange there! The problem when you have 90% glass walls, reflections! I saw it!" He narrowed his eyes playfully as he tapped Bucky on the nose to emphasise every word making the veteran go cross-eyed looking at it.
"I claim innocence, I got pulled into this by my sister!" T'Challa laughed holding up his hands. "May I?" He requested motioning to Bucky's arm. Tony did not even seem to think about responding himself, he just looked at Bucky and waited for his response.
"Course," Bucky shrugged shuffling so his host could peer at the work Tony had been doing through the plastic.
"Very nice," T'Challa nodded.
"It is a surprise," Bucky unconsciously gave Tony a pleading look as the genius tried to figure out what he was up to.
"A surprise, for me?" Tony perked up a little. Bucky was again reminded of how much he did for others, and how little he expected back.
"Yes, I made you something," Bucky nodded. The expression on Tony's face made every single frustrating moment of trying and failing over and over until he succeeded worth it.
"I shall let you two get going then. I shall go and prevent Mr Rogers from tracking you down. Have fun," T'Challa waved. When Bucky looked back Tony was looking worried.
"I don't want to intrude on your time with Steve, I take up most of your day, I can..."
"I asked you," Bucky reminded him. "And I told Steve I was giving you a present and would not see him this evening," Bucky said firmly.
"I bet that went down well," Tony sighed, Bucky grimaced but didn't say anything, there was another wall with a hole in it in the palace though. He wasn't sure what his dinner plans suddenly had to do with the witch but she was pushing on already very frayed nerves.
"It does not matter," Bucky shook his head. Tony's smile was sad when he turned around, and Bucky found himself with the biggest urge to find a way to make that expression go away. He disliked seeing Tony upset, it annoyed and angered both him and Winter, it made them want to break, hurt, to destroy anything that upset or could potentially harm the genius.
"It does. I am not the only cornerstone of your healing. You need Steve as well," Tony walked back over slowly, his bare feet patting on the floor until he stood with his hips touching Bucky's knees.
"He wants me to be someone I am not anymore," Bucky frowned down at his hand, clenching it tightly.
"He reminds you of the man you once were, he reminds you of where you have come from. That is as important for you right now as who you will become is," Tony said gently.
"No, I..."
"Bucky, you need to come to terms with who you were, Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier, both. You're becoming you, and he is just great, I really like him. But part of that is in understanding your own history. It's why I created BARF," Tony smiled.
"You, you really think who I am is ok?" Bucky smiled slightly.
"I think who you are is pretty great," Tony smiled at him, and it was his honest smile, no lie or deception behind it. None of his masks.
"Steve is important," Bucky nodded. "But so are you, and if he can't understand that then.."
"Hey enough," Tony nudged him gently. "I want to see my surprise!"
Bucky smiled, he knew that he was changing the subject, but he allowed it anyway. "This way,"
Tony looked so relaxed as they were walking, their previous conversation was saved for another day, they both knew that. But right now, this, this was the closest Bucky had felt to normal for a long time. Tony was nattering away next to him about the progress FRIDAY was making.
Bucky enjoyed hearing about the AI and Tony was proud of her like a father would be over a child. Bucky had quickly realised that that was what FRIDAY was really, every day she grew and developed as a human child would, she developed her own personality and her own mannerisms.
Tony had told him about JARVIS, the human and the AI that a lonely teenager had created after losing the two people who meant the most to him. He had told him everything about the AI, watching as he became more than Tony had ever dreamt he could become.
He also spoke of the confusion he felt with The Vision. He was JARVIS and yet he was not. Tony had mourned the loss of the person he had been his oldest friend, who he had created to comfort himself after the loss of the man who raised and loved him, and at the same time he was not sure that he could, because he did not want to hurt the Vision's feelings, and he felt joy at being able to touch and hug his creation.
He spoke proudly of FRIDAY, her development was a thing of pride for her. And Bucky was fascinated with the AI, and it appeared she with him. Tony had been amused and disgruntled when he found out FRIDAY had installed herself onto Bucky's phone and tablet. He was fairly sure that Tony was aware that she kept him company on the nights he was suffering from nightmares.
"...and then the little madame sassed me and told me that she thought it was beyond time that I went to bed and turned everything off!" Tony ranted.
"She is getting more and more of a personality," Bucky grinned.
"Don't pretend that the two of you are not conspiring together Mr!" Tony waved his finger in front of Bucky's nose. The squeak and the expression that the genius made when Bucky reached out and snatched his wrist before pulling his hand forward to nip at the offending finger made Bucky grin mischievously. "Oh! Oh yes, you think you're so cute!"
"I know I am," Bucky snorted.
"Yes, like a big lethal puppy with Bambi eyes!" Tony snickered. Neither of them mentioned that Bucky still had his fingers wrapped gently around Tony's wrist, leading him through the trees.
When they stepped out onto the area Bucky had brought Tony to all those weeks ago the genius gasped as he looked over his surprise.
"Buck...Did you do this?" Tony blinked taking in what was in front of him.
"Yeah, before I came down. T'Challa was making sure that everything was still good, lighting the candles and bringing the food out,"
"Food? Did you cook?" Tony grinned. They had had a long conversation about how hopeless the two of them were at cooking, sharing horror stories over their attempts. Including the time Bucky had given Steve a dose of food poisoning - post serum. Tony had even managed to laugh while Bucky told him how it had led the Howard running a line of tests on Steve to check if he could be poisoned or catch anything.
"No, I did not. I did, however, spend a good hour sweet talking the cooks into aking all your favourites," Bucky admitted.
"This is amazing," Tony smiled stepping closer.
Bucky had laid out a blanket and cushions at the top of the cliff overlooking the best view Bucky had seen of Wakanda, candles and a few lanterns had been set out and were glittering prettily, Wakandan music was playing from a cube of Shuri's making, and a basket sat to the side filled with goodies.
"I'm glad that you like it. May I?" Bucky smirked a little as he held out his hand to Tony.
He was pleased to see a little red flush taking over Tony's cheeks before he slipped his hand into Bucky's and allowed the super soldier to help him onto the blanket once he had toed his sandals off, and then ease him down onto the cushions. Once they were settled he reached for the basket and lifted it easily, settling in between them.
Tony groaned when he opened their basket food and the smell of the rich foods of Wakanda filled the air, reminding him of how hungry he actually was. Bucky snickered leaving him with no choice but to stick his tongue out at the man before looking with interest at the food Bucky was unpacking. It was every food that he had told the other he loved since coming to Wakanda and getting to taste the new cuisine, every single one he had mentioned.
The warmth in his chest grew a little warmer, especially when Bucky looked up at him with sparkling, pleased blue eyes as he groaned happily at the sight of the feast being laid around them.
"I used to really enjoy poetry actually,"
Tony turned his head to look at him stunned. Somehow they had ended up lying down, Bucky resting his head against a couple pillows, Tony's head was resting on his stomach. The sun was setting and once they had finished their meal they had settled down to talk and just enjoy the beautiful night.
"Poetry? Really?" Tony asked interestedly.
"Yes. Stevie was always the artist and I was the poet," Bucky admitted a little shyly.
"Writing or reading?" Tony asked.
"Both. I...I can't remember much about what I wrote, it is coming back slowly, but that's not there yet. I remember more of the poems I learnt and loved, and I have been reading poetry books again...it makes me feel more me," Bucky admitted.
"Recite me some?" Tony asked softly, rolling onto his side so that he could look properly at Bucky, chocolate brown eyes warm and accepting this new part of Bucky.
"Oh erm...
Hither hither, love—
'Tis a shady mead—
Hither, hither, love!
Let us feed and feed!
Hither, hither, sweet—
'Tis a cowslip bed—
Hither, hither, sweet!
'Tis with dew bespread!
Hither, hither, dear
By the breath of life,
Hither, hither, dear!—
Be the summer's wife!
Though one moment's pleasure
In one moment flies—
Though the passion's treasure
In one moment dies;—
Yet it has not passed—
Think how near, how near!—
And while it doth last,
Think how dear, how dear!
Hither, hither, hither
Love its boon has sent—
If I die and wither
I shall die content!"
"Wow...I like that, I've never really read much poetry," Tony hummed.
"None?" Bucky asked bemusedly.
"None, Howard thought that things like that were a waste of time, and that it would be a waste of my intelligence to learn poetry," Tony shrugged.
Bucky clenched his fist slightly and fought down the urge to do something...to say something. Howard Stark was a complicated matter in his mind, as was Maria Stark for that matter. He had known Howard, not as well as Steve but he had known the man, and while he had not liked him particularly he had respected the man. What he had learnt from the internet, what he had picked up from Tony had led him to dislike the man more and more. But then the guilt would kick in as he remembered it was his hands that had taken the man's life, even though Tony had forgiven him, and he had nearly come to terms with the fact that he had not had a choice in the act - though it would never wash the blood from his hands.
"Buck?" Tony frowned reaching out to tap his chin.
"I have another one that you would like," Bucky shook off the thoughts.
"Oh?" Tony smiled again.
"Mark but this flea, and mark in this,
How little that which thou deniest me is;
It sucked me first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be;
Thou know'st that this cannot be said
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead,
Yet this enjoys before it woo,
And pampered swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than we would do.
Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare,
Where we almost, nay more than married are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is;
Though parents grudge, and you, w'are met,
And cloistered in these living walls of jet.
Though use make you apt to kill me,
Let not to that, self-murder added be,
And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.
Cruel and sudden, hast thou since
Purpled thy nail, in blood of innocence?
Wherein could this flea guilty be,
Except in that drop which it sucked from thee?
Yet thou triumph'st, and say'st that thou
Find'st not thy self, nor me the weaker now;
'Tis true; then learn how false, fears be:
Just so much honor, when thou yield'st to me,
Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee,"
There was a pause and then Tony burst out laughing, holding his sides and full out giggling. An answering smile grew wider of wider over Bucky's face as he watched Tony, the delight and joy in the younger man.
He brought delight and joy back into Bucky's life in a way the soldier had not thought possible.
Unknown to the two men a pair of blue eyes was watching them watching their interactions and watching them closely. A hand ran through blonde hair and a soft sight spilt from the man's lips as he stepped back and slipped away, leaving the to of them to their privacy.
Steve had been concerned by the growing relationship between the two of them, scared that Tony would hurt Bucky or set him back. He had not been able to understand what Tony was doing or why. He had been so sure that Tony would take revenge on Bucky for what he had been forced to do to Howard and Maria.
Even the assurances from T'Challa and especially Shuri that they would not let anyone near Bucky if they thought that he could do him harm, even Tony, had not put those fears to bed. Even when Bucky had started improving even more with the interaction with Tony, even when Tony had sent BARF to help Bucky, even when he offered to rebuild his arm - and even when they had had their talk and whatever he had said to Bucky had managed to break down a hundred walls that Steve had been desperately trying to get through - he had still doubted Tony.
But he had seen the way Bucky looked at Tony, and he knew, he knew that he was going to have to find a way to apologise to Tony, to mend the bridges he had burnt, it was even more important now. Because from that look, from the smile that Tony managed to pull from Bucky - and the smile that Bucky managed to pull from Tony - it was more than clear that if he wanted a part in Bucky's life Tony would be there as well, and visa versa he hoped.
Right now he would go and figure out how he could start trying to make things right and talk to the rest of his team to make sure that they understood once and for all that Tony was not trying to do any harm, that he was not the bad guy...no one was.
Hopefully, that would save the walls of T'Challa's palace.
And he would leave the two of them to their privacy, to their friendship...and maybe more.
NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW
"What's happened?! Where is Bucky?!" Steve demanded as he ran panting up to the jet.
"He is heading for America I would imagine, and right now Winter is more in charge than Bucky," Shuri explained as she fired up the jet. Clint, Natasha and Steve quickly took their seats on the jet and strapped in, looking to where T'Challa was also doing the same. If he was allowing Shuri on a mission it was serious.
"Winter?" Clint frowned concernedly.
"To be fair I think they are on pretty equal footing right now," Okoye commented also strapping herself in and glaring faintly at the young princess as she drove the jet like a bat out of hell.
"What's that got to d with him stealing a jet and disappearing to America?" Natasha asked.
"Tony..." Steve breathed as realisation washed over him.
"Yes, FRIDAY contacted him concerned over Tony, a quick check and...we think he has been kidnapped. Winter and Bucky seemed to reach an agreement in a second that they were getting him back," Shuri said dryly looking over her shoulder at them. "Its really nice to see them bonding if it weren't for the fact that I am fairly sure Winter and Bucky are pretty much ready to burn down everything in their path to get Tony back,"
"Eyes ahead please Shuri!" Okoye scolded as the mountain side rushed towards them.
"Yes, yes I know," Shuri rolled her eyes.