I arrive at the well of secrets. A hidden entrance where knowledge slips through. The knowledge is warm and loving. It's cold and cruel. It's temptation and warning both.

Marching forward, I dive into it. Both mentally and physically. Cold seawater envelops me, the salt stinging my eyes. Yet unlike what I expected, knowledge doesn't consume me.

I'm not there yet. Anticipation strokes my skin as I swim towards the surface, my movements guided by that which I'm meant to discover. The Force can be so dramatic.

I'm more annoyed than anything else when I resurface where I need to be and get out of the water. Then my annoyance makes way for disquiet.

There's a mirror. A gateway. A glimpse into all that could be. It wants to show me all I need to know.

It will show me things I don't want to know.

Clenching my jaw, I move forward. Part of me is afraid. Part of me is telling me to leave. To avoid the pain I know this will lead to.

Pain is part of life. The only way to avoid it is to avoid everything else as well. I refuse to do that. Fear might have controlled me before but it no longer does.

I'm done running.

Lifting a hand that trembles a little despite how hard I try to prevent it, I touch the mirror.

I fall into it. The island has vanished, replaced by endless possibilities. By roads not taken and choices yet to come. Here's a life where I never leave Jakku. Here's one where I leave years earlier. Here I never find my ship, here I never meet Finn. Here I find a different home. Here I love other people.

Here I never lose my family. Here I grow old with them. Here I die with them.

And everywhere, in every life, he's there. Here he finds me as a child, here we don't meet until we're old and near the end of our days. Here he dies before I'm even born and I chase the memory of him. Here I chase him while he still lives.

Here I hurt him. Here I fall while he doesn't.

Here we both fall. Here we don't. Here I don't remember my past life but he does. Here it's the other way around.

Here neither of us remembers.

The possibilities are endless and overwhelming and all true. Every life, every could be and might have been is as real as what is. It's happening all at once, as it always has and always will.

It's too much.

It won't last forever. The possibilities are endless but my journey isn't. And at the end of it, it will show me what I came to see.

The end has always been there. It's the source that fuels all that could be. The root that makes all of this possible.

Show me. Show me my family, show me what I've been looking for all this time.

Show me why I'm here.

The core shifts, responding to my plea. Taking on a form I can understand.

It turns into me. In who I used to be. The girl who had no idea how fragile life is. Who was filled with dreams she never saw come true. Who only understood how fleeting time is after it was already too late.

The girl isn't alone. She's with a boy. A boy who's like her and not. He did know how fragile life is, he did know that time is fleeting.

He never saw his dreams come true either.

They're holding hands. They're bound together. They have been since the very beginning.

The beginning was their end.

It's always the two of us

I fall to my knees, back in the life I never left. Back in front of the mirror filled with all that could be. I sense the sunlight above, a bright power that warms all, yet all I feel is cold.

Because there's no could be that doesn't involve him. No life where I'm free of him. I'm bound to him. I'm trapped by him.

I always will be.

"I saw us, holding hands. Bound together since the very beginning. And I never felt so alone."

"You aren't alone."

I tighten my hold on Finn, cling to him and my ship both. Finn's own hug is firm yet gentle. As all encompassing as the gravity of his presence.

I still feel alone.

I feel trapped.

"I can never escape him."

"You can kill him."

I let out a broken laugh at the statement that isn't funny at all. Finn is right. I can kill him.

I don't know if I can without falling.

"I might end up just like him." Might become a monster just as bad.

"No."

Finn's denial comes from the heart. He nudges me so I'll open my eyes and meet his gaze. His breath warms my skin and his eyes are endless as space is.

"Rey, you're nothing like him."

He means that. To him, there are no similarities between us.

He's wrong.

"In some ways I am." We both want to live above all else. We're both willing to give up anything in the pursuit of happiness.

We're selfish. We put our own needs above those of everyone else. Even those we love.

"You aren't," Finn says with unshakeable conviction.

He's still wrong.

"Whatever traits you share, they don't matter as much as the differences," he continues in response to my feelings. I'm clinging to him too hard for him not to pick up on them. "A blaster and a baton are both weapons."

I let out a startled chuckle. Can't argue with that.

Finn is pleased. He pulls me even closer and curls around me beneath the blankets. Hiding with me instead of from me.

"You aren't like him, Rey."

This time I can almost believe him.

I close my eyes and hold on to Finn and my ship both. Trying to chase away the cold with their presence. With Artie's presence as well. Artie doesn't feel worry in the same way Finn does, but their habitual annoyance is higher than usual. They're also working on the exterior of my ship, just a few paces away from where I'm lying on the ramp. If I were to point that out, Artie would counter that my functionality is important to the repair of the love of its life. While that wouldn't be a lie, it isn't Artie's only motivation.

Artie is worried. Artie and Finn care for me. They love me.

I'm unworthy of that love. I'd give them up if it meant living to the fullest. That's fine with Artie, the affection it holds for me is nothing compared to the adoration it holds for our ship.

It isn't the same for Finn. To him, I'm the most important person there is. His love for his birds, his love for Poe. All of it pales compared to what he feels for me. And a big part of that is that he just hasn't had the chance yet to meet more connections. He's been with me since basically the moment he got free. I'm a constant to him.

I make him feel safe.

"I'm sorry." For hurting him. For not returning his devotion. For not being the person he deserves. Forget keeping him safe from that monster, I can't even keep him safe from myself.

"It's fine," Finn says, truly meaning that. When I arrived, he was in front of my ship with his birds, filled with lingering hurt and frustration. Yet the moment he saw me, he opened his arms and offered me comfort. He wanted to comfort me. Being the selfish person I am, I hadn't been able to resist.

"You deserve better than me," I say, my self-pity at an all time high. I know it isn't fair to put that on Finn but I can't help myself.

I still feel cold. Finn, with Artie's guidance, got us thermal blankets and enough pillows to build a mattress that fits is both. I'm curled against Finn and feel the heat he radiates. It should be enough to satisfy even my warped sense of warmth.

It isn't enough.

"I'll be the judge of what I deserve," Finn says, resolved. My heart clenches. It's true, no one has the right to make that choice for him. But Finn grew up in captivity. He grew up not knowing how people should be treated.

How can he recognise that he's being treated wrongly when he's never been treated as he deserves?

"I can feel you disagreeing, you know."

My lips curve up in the shadow of a smile. Yes, I'm clinging to him so hard that it's impossible for him not to pick up on my feelings. But just a few days ago, he wouldn't have been able to recognise that these feelings weren't his own.

"You're learning."

"Yes I am," Finn says, deservedly proud of himself.

He's determined as well.

"So don't tell me I'm wrong. I'm not. Not about this."

He leans his forehead against mine and the love he feels brings new tears to my eyes.

"You came back. As long as you keep doing that, I don't mind you leaving."

For a moment, I waver. Then I decide to do it. I might not be able to give Finn all he deserves, but I'll give him what I can.

I share my love. Can't say it out loud and might never be able to. But I can let him feel it. Not the echoes that come from clinging to him. I can let him feel it in full.

It's funny, we met mere days ago, yet already I love him as I do but few. And it isn't the love he deserves, isn't as strong a devotion as he feels for me. But it's still love.

Finn's eyes go wide with wonder, his lips parting in a silent oh. The gravity of his presence circles my love like he wants to devour it whole but doesn't dare to.

He holds it like it's the most precious thing there is.

"You love me," he whispers, unable to believe what he's feeling. I force myself to agree with a nod and say the closest thing to a verbal confession I'm capable of.

"A lot."

Finn gains a breathtaking smile. He curls around my love like a contented feline.

"I love you too, Rey."

And I'll never stop being grateful for that.

We keep lying on the ramp in silence. Even with the cushions, the floor of my ship is familiar. It's comforting. Not as comforting as usual, but right now I'll take anything I can get.

Finn's birds are covering us both. They find it too hot beneath the blankets, but the topside is just right. They're preparing to go to sleep, perfectly content. They don't worry whether they're good or bad. Don't worry whether they're worth Finn's love. They just enjoy what is. It's a mindset I could learn from.

It's a mindset I normally have no trouble obtaining myself. The past days have been rough. Hopefully, I'll finally have a chance to process all that happened without something new being piled on top. I saw the vision the Force wanted me to. With any luck, this means the forced meetings will stop.

It's only after I'm as calm as the situation allows that Luke Skywalker decides to come over. I felt him long before now of course. I knew what he was doing even as I went to the well of secrets. Knew he'd succeeded when I came out of my vision. I just had more pressing matters to deal with first.

So did he. But now, we're ready to face each other.

Carefully ensuring I don't wake any bird, I gently lift them in the air and nudge Finn to sit up with me. Bird Rey, one of the few still awake, grumbles a little, but she becomes happy when I place her on Finn's shoulder. She sleepily nuzzles his neck. Finn pets her while I place the rest of his birds back down, ensuring they're all comfortable.

We wait. Both of us are curious, both of us are excited. But the feelings are muted. This day was emotionally draining for us both.

Some of Finn's birds wake up. Pulled out of sleep by the approaching light. Bird Poe is first, waking with an appreciative croon. Other birds are lulled deeper into sleep instead. Funny how the same thing can inspire such different responses.

Despite the turmoil of the day, when Luke Skywalker crests the hill, wonder overtakes all. I felt him before, felt his light, but seeing him brings his presence into breathtaking focus.

Luke Skywalker is sunlight. Not the harsh rays of the desert, the scorching heat that batters all it touches. His light is nourishing. It makes everything flourish. The earth rings with every step he takes. The air glows in time with his breath.

And the currents reach for him, eager and yearning. They move without his will ever reaching for them, anticipate his every need and do all they can to grant it. I've seen some of this with Maz, have even experienced a little of it myself, but never like this.

The Force loves Luke Skywalker. It has missed him terribly.

It would do anything to keep him.

Finn is filled with awe as well. He can barely believe this is the same person from before. I share his struggle. For the first time, I feel like I'm seeing the true Luke Skywalker. Feel like I'm seeing my childhood hero.

Luke Skywalker has his lightsaber. It's such a small thing in comparison to how he feels, yet it fills me with such hope. Luke Skywalker has his lightsaber.

He's a Jedi again.

The sun that is Luke Skywalker halts in front of my ship and opens his eyes. R2-D2, a bundle of joy, halts with him.

He smiles and the gratitude he radiates steals my very breath.

"Thank you." For reminding him of who he used to be. For making him remember just how beautiful the Force is. How much joy it brings. How much faith it used to inspire.

Thank you for showing him not all of that faith was gone. The message isn't a concrete sending, but the feelings are so powerful it might as well have been.

"Any time."

A chuckle escapes me at Finn's dazed response. It makes Finn realise what he said. He shakes his head with a smile. Amused and a little embarrassed. He knows the gratitude was aimed at me. He was just overwhelmed by sunlight.

Luke Skywalker shines with humor and oh, the feeling is indescribable. It makes me feel so much lighter. Makes the last of the cold melt away like snow. I couldn't stop smiling even if I wanted to.

"It's nice to meet you, Luke Skywalker."

Luke Skywalker smiles with a light that warms my very soul.

"It's nice to meet you, Rey and Finn."

Finn gives me an excited grin, hope and satisfaction twining together. I feel the same way. The feeling only grows when Finn asks the sun in front of us if he's changed his mind about coming back with us, and Luke Skywalker shines with humor once more. Yes, he casts shadows as well. He has wounds that have barely begun to heal. He's filled with fear and grief and anger. But right now, that seems like a small issue indeed.

Because he's healing. Luke Skywalker is healing. That becomes even more clear when he responds.

"We'll see."

That's not a no. I share another grin with Finn.

Seems it won't be so impossible to convince Luke Skywalker to come back with us after all.

...

Their plan no longer seems impossible. The reason for this is simple.

Leia is awake. She's awake, she's back in command, and the hope that left with her came back as well. It came back stronger than ever.

They can do this. They've been dropping out of hyperspace in several systems, prepping the First Order to ignore this particular drop. They've been charting a clear course to the Pallini System, home to criminals and a particularly robust militia. A militia that isn't welcoming to either the Republic or the First Order, meaning that arriving there carries the risk of the local navy blasting them to oblivion. But they sacrificed the rest of the convoy to add all the fuel they could to the Raddus, and with their current reserves, it's the best source of fire power they can reach.

It's still an enormous risk. They're trying to trick the First Order into thinking that this is a desperate last stand. Which it is. It just isn't the one they're thinking of.

The Raddus will make five more jumps before running out of fuel. A last jump away from the Pallini System. They don't actually want to bring the First Order to people's homes after all.

Maybe the First Order will figure the ruse out when the Raddus runs out of fuel. Maybe they'll figure it out before then. Maybe they won't and destroying the Raddus will make them assume that the Resistance is gone for good. That's the best case scenario. No part of Poe believes that will happen, though.

It doesn't need to happen. If they can drop down on Crait undetected, if the First Order follows the Raddus when she makes her next jump, they can erase all traces of their presence before the First Order returns. And even if the First Order does figure out that Crait is where they are, they'll be bunkered down in a base that has a shield capable of standing up to orbital bombardment. They'll have had time to send out encrypted messages, calling on their allies for aid.

They'll have had time to call for Luke Skywalker. The General's brother. The Jedi who defeated the Emperor himself.

They're going to make it. The transports are prepped, the cloaking devices are ready. All that's left to do is board. And they're in the process of doing just that. He sees Rose board one. Sees Nodin and C'ai and CB-23. Sees all the people who are still here. They're still alive.

They can do this.

"Nervous?" Leia asks softly. He gives her a confident grin that's almost too wild, feeling like he's walking on clouds and holding a live wire all at once.

"Not even a little."

The most amazing person in the entire galaxy gives him a wry smile and it makes him feel even better. Stars, but he's missed her. Which is ridiculous, she was gone for mere hours.

It feels like she's been gone for years. And now she's back. The General is back, and they're going to make it. He pats BB-8's dome so he doesn't give in to the urge to pull Leia into another wookie style hug. It was fine to do that before, but now, they need to keep professional. For the most part.

"You're a terrible liar," the General says, fond and beautifully awake.

"I am an excellent liar," he returns happily. "You're just unusually perceptive."

The General's smile grows and it feels like a star is smiling at him. It's his imagination, the near tangible power the General normally radiates is nowhere to be found now. It disappeared the moment she was brought up to speed on what they're doing. Getting Snoke used to not sensing her. The whole plan would be useless otherwise.

General Organa doesn't need the Force to be exceptional. Hell, she's probably the reason the Force feels so exceptional in the first place.

Is he placing her on a dangerously high pedestal? Yes. And he'll work on getting back to reality after they're safe. For now, he's going to keep riding the high of hope that General Organa brought back with her.

"Is that something a commander should be proud of?" Holdo asks with a smile, and it says volumes about his mood that he interprets it as the friendly teasing she intends it to be.

"Leading is all about faking it till you make it," he returns with his most charming smile. Holdo chuckles. Her mood has done a total one eighty as well. Everyone's has.

Han, his arm around Leia like he never wants to let go of her, speaks in a voice lighter than it has been the entire time. Oh, General Solo projected an impressive air of confidence before, but ever since Leia woke up, a visible weight has been lifted from him.

"Kid's got a point."

"There's a reason I like him," Leia says and it makes Poe want to swoon.

"He remind you of me?" Han asks with a grin.

"He does," Leia says with a warm smile.

General Solo becomes flustered in a way Poe hadn't known he could be. The power of General Organa's regard is great indeed. Then Leia looks back at their people, still boarding the transports, and she becomes somber.

"I should stay on the Raddus," she says softly and Poe's high is chased away by immediate refusal. "The risk of discovery is too great otherwise."

"No."

He says it in time with Holdo and Han, and Chewbacca and BB-8 let out too loud objections as well. Poe quickly adjusts his body language to his previous high spirits. General Solo does the same, while Holdo puts on the haughty air he now understands is her own leadership mantle.

"Leia, we can't do this without you," Holdo says, expression calm but voice anything but.

"If you stay, I'm staying," General Solo says in a way that proves all of Leia's tales about him to be true.

Han gets through to the General more than Holdo did. It's one thing to sacrifice her own life, something else entirely to sacrifice her husband's. But she's still conflicted. That alone shows she isn't exaggerating the risk of discovery.

It's a risk they have to take. Poe adds his own voice to the argument.

"General, look at them," he says while gesturing at everyone present. The General obligingly looks at the people who were lost to despair just a short while ago. The people now walking with clear purpose. With clear hope. And she didn't see how they were acting before, didn't see how fragile they were, but she did see the relief her awakening inspired. She saw how everyone regained their fighting spirit. "We were on the verge of breaking apart. Yet you woke up and now all of us have hope again." All of them believe they can make it. They need that belief. "Rebellions are built on hope." She's the one who taught him that.

Leia looks pained. Not what he wanted to inspire, but he'll take it if it means making her see sense.

If he has to, he'll point out that leaders can't afford to sacrifice their lives whenever they want to. They need to keep living while everyone around them dies. Another thing she's taught him.

"You've taught him well," Han says and Poe takes comfort in how light Han looks again. He wouldn't be acting like that if he believed Leia was still considering to remain behind.

"Too well," Leia mutters, more to herself than anyone else. Even with Han's reaction already having confirmed it, Poe's relief is overwhelming.

They can't afford to lose the General. It's bad enough one of them has to remain behind to pilot the Raddus already. They could let the other ships run on auto-pilot, but they can't with the kind of flying the Raddus needs to do.

There had been no shortage of volunteers. It made him proud in the most awful of ways. Made him want to stay behind himself so no one else would need to. He hadn't been the only one feeling like that by far. But they had to be practical.

They chose Zix Byers. A once civilian pilot turned military technician. An old man nearing the end of his life. Who has no family left to return to. Who isn't particularly liked by any that remain. Who lost his daughter, Nyssa, during the attack on Starkiller Base. In his words, he has nothing left to live for anyway. But he wants to make his daughter proud. He can't think of an ending that would make her more proud. Part of Poe disagrees with that, he talked to Nyssa enough to know how proud she was that her dad had followed her into the Resistance. She'd want him to live and fight another day. But someone has to remain. Better for it to be someone who won't leave loved ones behind. Someone who's skills they can afford to miss.

Making calls like this is the worst part of being a leader. And normally he can handle it, normally he can weigh the benefits against the loss of life and see that this is the best course of action. But even with Leia awake, all of them are still fragile. All of them are still reeling from how many they've lost. Losing even one more is almost too much to bear.

They need to keep going. They need to survive. Need to ensure those they lost won't have died in vain.

They need to make sure the First Order can't keep doing this.

After all have boarded the transports, he follows the General to the final one. Everyone watches through the viewports as Leia passes by. Poe ensures he looks calm and confident, and he sees Han and Holdo do the same. Chewbacca seems to have a strut as well, but wookies are harder to read.

Leia, despite needing to use Han's arm as a crutch just to keep walking, outshines them all.

D'Acy welcomes them into the final transport. Before, Holdo pointed out that putting all their leadership in one transport is a risk, but Han countered that they're all dust anyway if the ruse doesn't work. Let people partner up who they want with. They have no arms or shields. If this goes wrong, they won't have any chance at defending themselves.

They have General Organa with them. That's all they need.

Leia activates the comms. Speaking to the rest of the transports. She already gave a speech before, but this situation requires another one.

The General aces it like always.

"This is it. We're about to leave. I suppose I could say some pretty words again, but I've spouted enough poetry for one day," she says in that dry way she has. Poe isn't the only one who smiles. Her previous speech was about hope, about standing together in the face of darkness. It was just what they needed to hear.

The General is right in saying that isn't what they need to hear again. They need her strength, her unflinching determination in the face of the impossible.

They get it.

"So instead I'll say this. This is not the end. It's a beginning. So let's make it a good one."

Poe can feel himself stand up straighter, can feel determination take over. The General is right, this is not the end. It's the start of their return. It's the beginning of the First Order's downfall.

They can do this.

"The Force is with us," the General says and for a single moment, her resolve becomes tangible. Showing that no matter how dark, a light can always be found. You only need to reach for it. The General's quick grimace reveals she didn't intend to project that, and when she closes her eyes, the sensation disappears.

The faith she inspired remains.

"We're going to get through this. And we'll do it together. See you on the other side."

The General turns off the comms and gives the signal to BB-8 to disable them. Ensuring the First Order's scanners won't have anything to ping on. Then the General and Han sit down, and both of them close their eyes. Putting all their focus into remaining undetected.

The cloaking device is activated and they lift off.

The moment of truth is here.

They leave the hangar. The nerves that had been fairly easy to contain now break free with a vengeance. He strains his eyes, watching the destroyers the best he can. Did they spot them? Are they preparing to fire?

Are they going to die after all?

The tension is thick enough to spark a fuse. And Leia isn't capable of calming them down. She's oblivious to her surroundings, a faint sheen of sweat on her forehead as she works to remain hidden. Or is she sweating because her injuries are flaring up? Is she hurt? Does she need help? They have a medic aboard but what if that isn't enough?

Is this the tension speaking or is it a valid concern? Probably the former, but that doesn't make the latter feel less real.

Poe does his best to project a confident air but he knows his tension is visible. He pats his buddy when BB-8 lets out a worried whir and manages to summon a comforting smile. BB-8 nudges his legs in turn. His buddy's way of offering comfort back. Poe is grateful.

He tries to smile at the others as well. Not all see it, but D'Acy and Connix manage to return the gesture. Their smiles are as forced as his own and ironically, that makes him feel better. They're all in this together.

They're going to make it.

The belief starts becoming more real as they keep flying and no destroyer blasts them into oblivion. They're doing it. The cloaking devices are holding, the destroyers can't see them. They just need to reach the edge of the atmosphere and wait for the destroyers to leave, and then they'll be safe.

The plan is working. They're really going to make it.

The others are realising the same. Tension makes way for hope. For joy. For relief.

And then the General's eyes fly open and terror floods the transport.

No.

The denial is still holding him when the first shot is fired.

The explosion is blinding.

And then he's yelling for full power because they need to reach the surface and they need to reach it now. They're too far away from the Raddus already, they can't make it back in time - another transport explodes. No, no, no!

Part of him is aware that the General is speaking, that she's telling Han that Ben found her but most of him is busy rushing to the cockpit and checking over the instruments, checking that they're going as fast as they can and he knows they are, almost lost his balance because of the sudden acceleration but they're not going fast enough!

Another transport explodes. Part of him takes note that it's the transports furthest away from them that are getting blasted.

Most of him is preoccupied with the Raddus, preparing to jump to hyperspace. What is Zix doing? Is he fleeing? Is he abandoning them?

And then his eyes are drawn to Leia by an invisible force, a strange pain strangling his heart.

"Ben."

Her son. That monster. She's feeling him. And he's feeling her. He's the reason they were discovered. He's the reason they're dying.

There are no more shots being fired. Yet Poe knows. This is the calm before the storm. This is the end.

The next shot will hit this transport.

The Raddus turns around.

Notes: To the guest who mentioned wanting a Ben Solo redemption... that's not going to happen here. Sorry I didn't make it clear before, but this fic is not a reylo (have added it to the summary now so this won't happen again). Aside from me working out my frustration with the plot holes in canon, this fic is an exploration of what would happen if you have two soulmates and one of them is an unrepentant monster. Emphasis on unrepentant. You can't have a redemption if you feel no regret over your actions. Kylo Ren is going to remain a villain here until the very end.

And now, onto the chapter itself! I know, I shoved logic into Holdo's plan, and then I made it fail anyway, but there's a reason for that. Namely, destiny is a bitch, but butterfly effects are real. And those butterfly effects are going to come to completion soon...

Also, I had a lot of fun with Rey's vision. I love space magic and multiple universe theories. The Force lets me combine those two things beautifully.