"So explain it to me again," Sakura demanded, still in the dress she had worn to their wedding, not that Hinata was much better, at this rate the wedding dress she had worn was more of a halloween costume than anything practical. And considering how they were both still wearing their heels after a day of chasing Tayuya's red string all the way to the ocean he had to give them credit for being tough. "But with less stupid."

Only Sakura had managed to join them, others had tried but apparently Shikamaru stopped them, something about causing an incident or making sure the village would still be working. Still Sakura was probably the best person they could have got on this rescue mission, so it was hard to complain.

"Naruto had a dream where he fucked Tayuya," Hinata said without taking her eyes off of the red string, her feet falling against the sandy shores, her byakugan activated as she continued to chase after the string. They were running out of beach and the string was still going. "He kept having dreams about it, then one day she appeared when he wasn't dreaming and proceeded to try and suck him off while we were having dinner, she fell into me knocking me out of my body and then fucked Naruto in my body while I watched, then made my spirit join in. It was amazing. We kept having sex and I grew to love her and I want her back."

Naruto blinked, he loved his wife, especially when she swore like that. It was kind of hot. "That's pretty much it."

"I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. But are you sure we're on the right path? There's only ocean." Sakura gestured ahead of them, her once long dress was torn around her knees to give her all the movement she needed.

"There's an island pass the fog, I think that's where the string ends." Hinata muttered, without any hesitation she leapt onto a wave and continued to sprint along the water. Hopefully, if he ever got captured she'd do the same for him. He'd do the same for her, well he'd try to at least.

"But the only place out this way, is the Island of Whirlpool." Sakura gave a sigh, unrelenting as she followed them onto the water. "I just knew this had Uzumaki bullshit written all over it. If I get cursed I'm blaming you."

"Cursed?" Naruto asked. He heard that no one went to the island in one of Iruka's books, but that was about it.

Sakura sighed. "Honestly, you're an Uzumaki, shouldn't have you more of an interest in your heritage? Even Karin knows more than you."

In his defense Karin was a nerd. He meant that in the best way possible.

"Basically when they were about to be destroyed during the third ninja war a bunch of whirlpool ninja managed to destroy the army assaulting them, but all that remained was ruins, now whoever goes there eventually meets their end."

Well that sounded fun.

XXXX

"Please tell me we're not going towards that."

The island was engulfed by a storm that whirled around them in fits of green energy that seemed to crack the time, it lingered in the air before vanishing like it was never there before. Great gusts of fog whirled around a funnel like a whirlpool in the sky that led to some other world. Then there was the moaning, it was like something straight from a horror movie.

Mostly because of the spooky ghosts that were floating up from the sea and then up into the sky.

"Piss off you sick fucker! I'm not going to do that!" Tayuya's voice carried through the still air and flat waves like a shrill bitter wind that pierced their souls.

Of course she was there, why wouldn't she be?

"Was that her?" Sakura asked, her face pale against the green light that had replaced the sun. "I really don't think we should be here."

"Then go home." Hinata began walking towards the island once more, her face stern, eyes focused into the ruined city that was apparently his ancestral home. Great stone buildings with paint washed away by the water and salt soaked air, even from a distance he could see carvings that swirled up and down every facet of the destroyed city like stone vines.

He could feel something pulling him towards the city, towards the center, and right above that giant whirlpool in the sky. They entered the city and felt like they were in another world entirely. The air was thick, like they were breathing in a stew of water, and an odorless mist clung to every surface.

The water itself turned green and calm, covering what was once the streets and bridges of his mother's home.

"I'm not using my chakra," Hinata mumbled as they walked down one of the empty streets towards the center, directly below the swirling green maelstrom that was beating like some foul heart. They were close now.

"Piss off!" Tayuya's voice echoed from every direction and the dark sky lit up with a fierce red lightning that clashed against nothing. "I already told you that has nothing to do with me!"

The streets began to blur, distorting as they rushed forward, it was like everything was being stretched, the center of the maelstrom was growing close and they were running up towards it, going further and further away from their own land.

"But it does belong to your soul!" A deep voice boomed with a childish glee. Another strike of red clashed against the green. "Oh, fiesty, that's why I decided to make you my bride, think about it, the wife of death, you'd be my immortal play thing forever and ever."

The red lightning struck once more, this time it froze in place, hanging in the air as they reached the top of the growing mountain that was growing up from the whirlpool village. All around them the ruins of the village surrounded them rising up into the skyline as the maelstrom and the horizon became one. Best not to look into the green.

Tayuya appeared wearing a white and red wedding dress that showed a generous amount of her cleavage and was cut all the way to her belly button, it looked more like lingerie than anything formal, save for the large pillowy skirt that only went to her knees. Her long red hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

And her heeled foot was currently embedded into the crotch of man wearing a black and green suit. His eyes were nothing but a pure white light that shined even as he grunted in pain. For the most part he looked exactly like Naruto did, just more green, and less whiskers. "I might be dead but that still really hurts! How are we going to have children if you keep that up?"

"Screw you you ugly sack of shit! I'm not going to have your kids and I'm not going to have sex with you." Tayuya snapped and kicked the look-alike in the nuts once again. "Why isn't this working? Is it because your dicks so small I keep missing?"

"You know I'm a shapeshifter right? I can make it any length I want." The look-alike laughed, grabbing her by the arm.

Tayuya froze for a second. "Any size?" She shook her head. "Wait no! Don't distract me, you're not Naruto and you're not Hinta! Now let go of me!"

"No," The creep laughed, licking her cheek. "You escaped me once, but I'm never going to let you go again, I will collect what's mine."

Alright, enough of this. Naruto stepped forward, finding his voice even though his lungs didn't fill with air. "Hey! Let go of her!"

They both turned to him.

"Oh, it's you," The look-a-like slumped, still holding onto Tayuya.

"Oh, sup Lover boy, Sweetpea," Tayuya was all smiles as she continued to struggle against the man's grip, going so far as to shove her heel into his neck. "Give me just a second and we can go home alright? I just need to tell this creep to go fuck off to hell!"

"We'll help!" Hinata got into a battle stance, as did Sakura, "Let go of her or-"

"Or what? You'll kill me?" The man laughed, spinning Tayuya around like they were dancing. "Do you have any idea who I am? Or what I can do?" He continued to dance and twirl with her like she was a willing participant. "I'll give you a hint, I'm death 'Sweetpea' and you can't kill me."

"It's true!" Tayuya shouted ass he got spun around kicking Death in the crotch again and again. "You can't kill him! I tried!"

"Then what do you want with Tayuya?" Naruto asked, trying to find any natural chakra in this place to draw from, maybe they could seal-

"Oh please, don't tell me you want to seal me? How are you going to do that summon me like your father did to put the great big fox in you?" Death laughed as he continued his dance. "Spoiler alert, that's not happening, as for why I want this feisty little specter, the answer is simple; She's dead, and in the mortal world."

"As to why I want to marry her, well she's more lively than most live people are, she's got a real fire in her soul," He tried to kiss her but Tayuya blocked it, with her fist. "That and it's all part of our contract."

"What contract?" Sakura asked.

"I believe I know," They turned back to see Orochimaru walking down the side of a building. "Good evening Naruto, Hinata, congratulations on your wedding."

"Thank you?"

He smiled, and then nodded towards Tayuya, "It is nice to see you as well Tayuya,"

"Who the fuck are you and what did you do with Orochimaru?" Tayuya sneered, her heel stabbing Death in the throat.

"As to this whole debacle, I believe I have the solution right here." He pulled out a simple looking mask.

"Oh shit, there's still one of those around?" Death let go of Tayuya and causing her to fall to the ground. "Oh, wait, you're the bastard that cut my stomach open that one time."

"My Apologies, but it was necessary at the time," He gave a small bow, and pressed forward, Death backing away from the mask. "As for this I believe that you had a contract with the Uzumaki and you claimed Tayuya as your cost."

"Maybe," Death took a step back, still wearing Naruto's face. "But she has no one else for her so she was a lost soul, the contract,"

"She's not lost!" Hinata glared stomping forward, "She has a home with me and Naruto! She's part of our family!"

"Exactly," Orochimaru, agreed still smiling, "As you can see you have no right to claim Tayuya as your wife. But fear not, I believe I should have a solution that will benefit us all. Let us have a talk in private."

"Umm, okay?" Death asked allowing Orochimaru to drag him away.

"So," Sakura began. "What the fuck is all this about?"

"I have no fucking idea," Hinata said simply as she walked over to Tayuya, "Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine, damn bastard was a creep though." Tayuya hopped back up onto her feet and dusted off her skirt. "Fuck It's weird not floating everywhere," She then looked up towards Hinata. "Also fuck, I forgot I was so short!"

"I think you're adorable," Hinata pulled her into a tender hug. "I'm so happy you're okay."

"Hey now, don't get sappy with me, it was just literally dancing with death. And we still have to find out what Orochimaru's going to do." Tayuya returned the hug. "By the way Lover-boy is Pinkie over there single? We should have a four way later!"

"Pass," Sakura said.

"You don't know what you're missing out on," Tayuya shrugged.

After a few moments, Orochimaru returned, no longer holding the mask and smiling proudly. "Well then, that was interesting, Tayuya, you're free to go, and you're alive once again,"

"That easy? Where's the fight? The epic showdown? Are we really ending this series of screen in such a let down?" Naruto asked, scratching his head.

"Oh, don't worry about the ending, the author really wants to write Tayuya again, so I'm sure you three will have more action later." Orochimaru continued to walk forward, back towards Konoha. "Now, let us get out of here before he changes his mind."

"Can someone please explain to me what the fuck actually just happened?" Sakura asked stomping after them. "Wasn't there supposed to be more action and sex?"

AN: Lame, chapter I know. I just couldn't write it how I needed to write stuff. So you guys get this... floppy pancake chapter. (I TRIED FOR MONTHS OKAY!)

Also I'm looking for a new Naruto x Tayuya idea.