A/N: Thank you, thesingingowl, for the review! Drum roll please! We have arrived to the full moon! Are you excited? I'm excited. Sorry Remus.

Chapter 9: Condemned

It would be bad. It would be so, so bad. When Remus awoke, he could feel waves of dizziness crashing over him while still laying down. He grasped the bedpost and pulled himself up, a migraine settling in. He could hear blood rushing in his ears. He could also hear the thundering voice of Peter Pettigrew though could not make sense of the words. Peter was most likely not speaking very loud. But everything sounded impossibly loud so close to the moon. Especially such a bad one. And the smells! Something bitter and dank but also fresh like spring. And grass, still wet from morning's dew, with a faint tang of ocean spray. And something sickeningly sweet like honey. The overwhelming senses made his head hurt. It was always like this, even back at home. But never had home been so loud. And the smells were mostly familiar, his parents' scents comforting. Here, in this castle, even just the dormitory, everything was boisterous to his sensitive ears and nose. He wished more than anything that he could be an ordinary wizard.

Remus pulled his bed hangings back slowly. Peter was flitting back and forth between James and Sirius, talking excitedly about the previous night. "Oh, and James when we heard Filch coming, you were so quick to unlock that classroom, we could've been caught right then and there!"

"Yes," James agreed, clearly basking in all of the attention. "My Dad taught me Alohomora before I even came to school. He said I was bound to be a trouble maker like him so he best make me a good one."

"What does it matter when Peeves got us in the end?" Sirius said miserably. "And I'd wish you'd hush, Pettigrew, Remus is still sleeping."

"No, he's not." Peter said, pointing to where Remus was sitting on the edge of his mattress, head in his hands.

"Blimey, mate, you look awful." James said, surveying Remus worriedly.

"Are you feeling alright?" Sirius asked.

Remus was not feeling alright. His stomach churned and his forehead was hot with fever. His spine ached and his legs cramped. But none of this he could reveal. He looked up and smiled, hoping it didn't look more like a grimace. "I'm fine." Remus said.

"You don't look fine." Sirius argued. "Maybe we should take you to the hospital wing."

He considered allowing them to bring him there but thought better of it. He would look ill every month and it would be far too easy to work out if he was escorted each time.

"No, I feel fine, really." he said.

"He's probably just hungry." Peter said. "Let's go to breakfast, I'm starving!"

Peter hurried to the door but stopped, seeing if any of the other boys would follow. James obliged and, after giving a final scrutinizing glance at Remus, Sirius followed. Remus trotted behind a bit more slowly, each muscle twisting with the discomfort of taking step after step. By the time they made it to the Great Hall, Remus nearly threw up at the smell of the food. He sat with his roommates despite this and fought the urge to lay his head on the table.

This perhaps would be one of the worst moons he's faced. And he would be away from home, away from his mum's kind words and his father's gentle hand. A twinge of fear coursed through him as he not for the first time wondered what the Hogwarts matron would be like.

"Remus? Remus!" James yelled. Remus woke from his thoughts and turned to the messy haired boy.

"Hmm?" He asked.

"I asked if you'd be alright by yourself today?" James said , exasperated.

"By myself?"

"Blimey, Lupin, keep up!" James said. "We told you on the way down here that we have detention with Filch today."

"Are you sure you're not sick or something?" Sirius asked, grey eyes seeming worried.

"No, I'm not." Remus said, a bit irritated with the constant asking but more irritated with his constant lying. Then, to change the subject, he said, "So, detention in your first week?"

"Yeah, I think we set a record!" James said excitedly. "I bet my Dad will be proud!"

"I bet my Father won't be." Sirius said. "For our next adventure, let's not get caught or we should be expecting another Howler." Though Sirius's voice was playful, his eyes suggested something more dark in his mind. But all the same the conversation between the two boys was friendly and joyful. Remus enjoyed listening to the antics and focused on the voices of his roommates, laughing, joking, and relaying to him the events of last night. It was too much for his muddled brain to make sense of the words but watching the boys' banter made him almost able to pretend he was normal, like them. And to Remus's delight, even Peter was able to occasionally add in a quick word or two. He was glad the blonde haired boy was finally able to find a place among his idols.

Soon, breakfast ended and the four departed from the Great Hall where they, after some slight grumblings from Sirius, split ways at Filch's office.

Remus stood alone in the corridor for a moment before a portrait of an old, stiff man with a powdered wig scolded him. "Loitering, boy? Shoo, shoo or I'll call for the caretaker!"

And so Remus hobbled away, in search of the hospital wing, and wondering what kind of Healer he had waiting for him.

/

Remus stood shakily in front of the door to the hospital wing and took a deep breath. The air rattled out unevenly, and a nervous knot built up in his chest. He steeled himself, preparing for what kind of a matron waited beyond the door. Perhaps a cold and distant Healer who could care less about his life. Or maybe a prejudiced medi-witch with hateful ideas towards lycanthropy. He opened the door slowly, terrified. The hospital wing was a large, stark white room with crisp and clean beds all in rows along the walls. A young looking woman wearing red robes and a white smock emerged from a side door. Her auburn hair was pulled back with a cream colored headband. The woman and the room smelled unnaturally clean but not to the point of burning his nostrils and throat like St Mungo's.

The woman who must be the matron took one look at him and said, "You must be Remus Lupin."

He nodded, cautious.

"Merlin, you must sit down!" She said. "Come, come now, you look as though you'll topple over!" She led him through her office to a room off of it. This room had a bed like the others though it had two tables on either side of it, a chair in the corner, and a cart full of many different vials of potion. The contents of the cart seemed to be worth more than Remus's whole house and it made him feel incredibly guilty. He hoped that he wasn't the cause for such a drastic expense. "This will be your private room for the years you're at school, Remus." She said kindly. "We didn't think it'd be right to put you in the main ward, it would look far too strange to explain, I'm afraid."

"I understand, thank you, Madam..."

"Madam Pomfrey. Now, sit, dear child, you're running a fever!"

Remus obliged, sitting into the bed while Madam Pomfrey took his temperature and then pulled his shoes off his feet. "I want you to rest today, you understand?" She said, pushing him back onto the pillow. "No doubt all of your running about to classes the last couple days has left you in this state! Now, I want you to take it easy the week of the full moon from now on, alright?"

"I wasn't doing anything taxing," Remus grumbled, thinking back to when he had opted not to go with his roommates last night.

"Oh come now!" Madam Pomfrey scoffed. "Attending school for the first time, two days of classes! Trust me, I've studied medicine a long time but I've been 'round children much longer. Eleven year old boys know nothing of their limits and if they do, they'd never say! You'll find, Remus, that I may come off as the bad guy but I always have your best interest in mind."

"You don't seem like the bad guy to me." Remus said, relieved that Madam Pomfrey was nothing like what he'd been dreading. "You're much nicer than I thought you'd be."

"Expecting a St Mungo's Healer?" Madam Pomfrey smirked. But her expression turned grave. "Very prejudiced there. I can't imagine how awful the hospital must have been for you." She brushed the hair out of his eyes and smiled, an almost maternal expression. "I'm very sorry for your past, but I promise that I give all my patients the greatest care that I am capable of. I swear to you, Remus Lupin, you are safe in my hands."

"Thank you, Madam." Remus whispered.

"Now sleep, dear. I'll rise you for lunch." Madam Pomfrey left the room then, closing the door behind her.

Remus went to sleep and almost forgot about missing his parents. Almost.

/

Madam Pomfrey woke him at lunch as promised but he only nibbled at a bit of bread and then slept again until awoken once more, this time a much more solemn Madam Pomfrey greeting him. "It's time." She said softly. Remus nodded, and the matron helped him up. The two shuffled out of the hospital wing and then departed the castle.

They crossed the grounds, Remus tripping over his own feet and Madam Pomfrey supporting his nearly limp body. "Remus, I know you're tired, but you must hurry." She said. "We haven't much time!" She kept glancing anxiously at the sky and Remus forced himself to take quicker steps.

At last, they made it to the Whomping Willow. The tree was definitely dangerous. It swatted its branches to and fro to keep the pair at bay. Madam Pomfrey Levitated a stick lying a few feet away and used it to poke a knot at the base of the tree. At once, it stopped moving. Madam Pomfrey and Remus trekked down the tunnel under the Willow and walked for a very long time before making it to a trap door in the ceiling. Madam Pomfrey reached up and unlatched it, helping Remus up into the house.

And what a house it was. It was old and desolate, dust settling in on every surface, uneven floorboards creaking and sinking with each shift of weight. The whole house seemed altogether be falling down. It was practically condemned. Remus shuddered to think of how it would hold up under the attack from the wolf. "There's a bedroom upstairs." Madam Pomfrey said. "And you can store your clothes in the wardrobe over in the corner. I must leave you now, Remus." She surveyed him with a look that suggested motherly concern. "Good luck." And with that, she disappeared down the trap door.

And then the pain started and Remus lost all other thoughts.

/

Lyall watched the moon with hatred as it ever so slowly climbed to its peak in the sky. This awful, vile, disgusting rock that took his son away every month. He cringed as moonlight filtered in through the window, pooling onto the bedroom floor. At this time, Remus would be screaming in pain. The clock ticked by into the otherwise silence. A minute or two passed. At this time, Remus's cries would give way to the dreaded wolf's howls. The clock continued to tick, oblivious to all of the horrific events unfolding. At this time, Remus would be Remus no more, his intelligent mind and caring heart succumbing to the wolf.

Lyall bowed his head in defeat, resting his head in his hands. Why? Why, of all people, did Remus have to suffer? Remus, who was the most compassionate person he's ever known, did not deserve such a fate. And never once did he complain or even ask these questions of why that Lyall found himself asking now.

If only he had never been so arrogant at that trial. If only he had never been so close-minded towards werewolves. After all, Remus was still Remus. Except for tonight.

It was strange to not hear the animal downstairs, ripping apart the cellar and tearing into itself. Wounds Remus would wake with, wounds that would scar, marring his young flesh. It was strange not to be holding Hope in his arms as they sat at the door to the cellar, her sobbing into his shoulder, neither daring to sleep through the night. Through everything, it was always him and Hope. When Remus was no longer himself, he and Hope were together. When money stretched to barely cover basic needs, he and Hope were together. When he was demoted due to many absences and lack of quality in work, he and Hope were together. They fought, night after night. But when it came to Remus, they were together. They told themselves it was for him. But now Lyall knew that it was for them. Because if Remus was gone, who would they have? Lyall knew that if Remus was one day gone, he would be alone. No matter how many people surrounded him.

The door opened suddenly and Loreli entered. "My, it's dark in here!" She exclaimed. She flicked her wand and the candles along the walls flickered to life, revealing the room to be bright pink with rose wallpaper and the occasional butterfly to fly into view. "That's better!" She said, satisfied. She walked over to Lyall. "This came for you. It's addressed to a "Father", anyway. I suppose that's what you let it call you?" She passed over a letter that, sure enough, had Father written across the envelope in Remus's neat scrawl. He must have sent it yesterday, to the house, and Hope would've sent it here for him. Lyall traced the letters with his fingers. He shut his eyes tight, trying to imagine his son in the Gryffindor common room, writing these words. But he could only hear those torturous wails from the beast.

"Yes, Loreli," he said, angry at her prejudiced remarks or perhaps more so at the echoes from the past. "I let my son call me Father because I love him. And I wish you'd understand that."

"Oh Lyall," she tsked her tongue but there was sympathy in her eyes. She sat beside him on the edge of the salmon colored bedspread. "I know it must have been difficult, when poor Remus was attacked. And I loved him too, Lyall, we all did. He was such a sweet boy, so much like his father." She smiled at Lyall then but Lyall did not return it. He was wary of the past tense that she used. "But, Lyall, Remus was bitten. And I know that it's hard to realize but he's gone. He 's been gone a while, Lyall and you need to accept that before the thing that you're keeping in your home harms your wife." Loreli took a glance out the window, eyes catching the full moon. "It turns tonight, doesn't it?" She said. "That Muggle school certainly can't hold it. And Hope isn't safe alone with it."

Lyall jumped up suddenly, away from his sister's grip. "You know nothing!" He shouted. "You let those prejudiced thoughts our parents brainwashed into us cloud the truth! You don't know Remus, you never even gave him a chance!"

"Lyall, where are you going?" She said. But Lyall had already flew down the stairs and, before he could think of any better plan, found himself stumbling out of the fireplace at his home. Coughing and brushing soot off of his robes, he stopped when he heard a timid voice call,

"Lyall?"

/

Hope had sat by Remus's bedside all day. It took some getting used to not having Remus actually in the bed. Somewhere, far away at school in Scotland, her baby was sick. As the moon slowly rose, she retreated down the stairs to the cellar door. She sat at its foot. Moonlight fell into the room, flooding it with light. She listened but could not hear her darling boy's screams. But that did not mean he wasn't screaming.

She closed her eyes as tears streamed down her face. Somehow it was harder to not hear him. She wished she could hear him down there. She pressed her ear to the cellar door, listening for her baby. But she knew he wouldn't be there. And she also knew that despite this, he was still in pain somewhere.

She used to sit here with Lyall. He used to wrap his arms around her and let her spoil his robes with her sobs. A long time ago, at the beginning, he would murmur words of comfort into her hair. How the cure was out there somewhere and their son wouldn't suffer for long. But he stopped that after a while, once the possibilities of a cure were too distant if at all. And he would just hold her, which was all she needed anyway. Now even Lyall's strong arms were gone. Now even her baby could not be heard.

She needed someone tonight. She stayed at the door like it was a gateway to her family. Like how it was before. And then she heard a whoosh from the fireplace, like when someone used Floo Powder. She heard someone coughing. And upon turning her head she saw him standing there, face smudged with soot. "Lyall?" She asked cautiously.

"Hope." He said. He gestured to the window. "I couldn't...I mean...I keep thinking-"

"I know." She said. "Me too." She patted the floor beside her and he sat, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest. His lips pressed to the top of her head. They just sat there, listening to the ghost of their son in the cellar as the moonlight tenderly lapped at their feet.

The following morning Lyall and Hope had coffee together, a wordless affair. And afterwards, Lyall went back to his sister's and Hope let him. Nothing had changed between them. This wasn't a fairy tale where everything suddenly got better. They just had one old ritual. And what was the harm in that?

/

Remus woke and regretted it. Somewhere, he was bleeding and everywhere ached and he was fairly sure his arm was broken. He struggled to open his eyes and saw through dim vision Madam Pomfrey, already setting to work on healing him. After stopping whatever was bleeding and fixing his arm, she covered him and Levitated him up and to the trapdoor. Remus watched the floor move beneath him. He saw bloodstains and claw marks. He felt despair in this room and horrors he didn't want to think about. This house was truly condemned. But not until he had entered it.

/

He was in the hospital wing for the rest of that day and the next. But though he still looked slightly ill and his appetite wasn't entirely back to normal, Madam Pomfrey allowed him to join the rest of the school at lunch on Tuesday.

When he arrived in the Great Hall, he found his roommates and sat down. They all stared at him, mouths dropped open. "What?" He asked.

"Remus!"

"Remmy!"

"You're back!"

"You're alive!"

The three boys bombarded him with questions of where he had gone and comments about how much they missed him. James ruffled Remus's hair and Peter hugged him so hard he could practically feel his ribs cracking. Sirius dramatically fell at his feet and begged him to never leave them again. Professor McGonagall had to come over and silence the boys as they had definitely been drawing eyes. And Remus realized that he had missed these boys too. He had missed his friends.

A/N: This one kind of ran away from me, but I hope it you enjoyed it! This is my quickest update yet! I'm so proud of myself. Please review! :)