Look at this my first HP fic what do you know.

For Rachel! (TheWritingManiac) Happy frickin Birthday! I don't even know where to start with you. This girl is seriously probably one of the best things ever to happen to me, you are just the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person ever. From our super long discussions about who even knows what to comparing stupid pins on Pinterest and gossiping over TV shows and dumb crushes, every moment I spend talking to you is incredible. I remember every Skyping session we've had and every time you made laugh because you did something dumb like the vaseline incident. In short, you're super awesome and I love you more than anything. Also, apologies because I had a whole lovely long onehsot planned for you and I ran out of time because I really wanted to post something ON your birthday – so you'll probably get a random oneshot dedicated in the middle of May or something whoops. Oh well. I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and happy birthday! Good luck being sixteen, and don't break too many things. Let's not cut any fingers off this year, kay?

Okay now that I've annoyed you all with this super long cheesy AN on with the STORY!

The silence was deafening.

Lily had always kind of hated the expression. A bloody stupid oxymoron, she called it, because that was what it was. Silence was not deafening because it was not there. It was the absence of sound, and how could the absence of sound possibly deafen you?

It had taken her until that moment to realize the true meaning of the phrase.

The silence really was deafening now, no gentle noise to cut through the tension that shimmered through the room and pounded in her head. The silence was like a ringing, getting louder and louder, bouncing off porcelain and yellowed walls. Lily shuddered, clenching her hands tightly in her lap and sitting down on the edge of the toilet seat, pale with anticipation. Her eyes didn't leave the small bar of white plastic that was balanced on the rim of her white porcelain sink. She gave a shaky sigh and dropped her head into her hands.

How could two minutes seem like such an eternity?

Lily Potter wasn't one to act on paranoia alone. Which meant that if she suspected this, it was probably true. It was likely true. She groaned and shook her head. Did she even want it to be true?

But the cold hard truth was that Lily Potter was late and that meant something.

Unable to stop herself from looking up again, Lily leapt up from the toilet seat and looked down at the plastic bar on the counter. A pregnancy test. A muggle one, no less. But the muggle ones were simple and easy to understand, and Lily was far too anxious to look up any sort of magical alternative. She studied her hands with trepidation. They were shaking, shivering like leaves in the breeze.

She dropped her hands to her side, starting to pace across the cold titles of the bathroom floor. It had taken her a few months to even notice that something was different. The war was raging, and she was on missions from the order and helping do anything she could to try and stop everything from collapsing. She was tired, and nauseous, but she had blamed it on everything that was going on; seeing her best friends hurt, seeing her best friends dead…

Lily froze, her lip quivering. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and dropped her head into her hands, shaking it slowly. This wasn't happening. Not to her. Not now.

Stress could mess everything up, right? It could probably make you miss two periods.

Two minutes was a long time.

She sat on the edge of the bathtub for what felt like hours, felt the cold of the porcelain seep through her pants. Eventually she stood up again, reaching for the little slab of plastic. It banged against the sink as she picked it up, her shaking hands moving it up and down. She sighed and closed her eyes, and then opened them again, staring down at the test.

Two lines.

Positive.

Pregnant.

"No," Lily gasped, stumbling backwards. The test tumbled from her grasp, bouncing across the floor, and Lily brought a hand to her mouth to try and stifle the incontrollable gasp that were pressing past her lips. No. No, no, no.

All of a sudden her legs gave out and she was sitting on the bathroom floor, head bowed.

It was impossible. It was utterly impossible. She and James hadn't even had sex since… she tried to recall. It had been months ago, at least. In the all the horrors of war, it seemed like a forgotten memory. No the last time she could even remember was…

Halloween.

The last good night she could actually remember. The one where she'd gone with James and his friends out into London. They crashed several muggle parties and drank too much firewhisky from a bottomless flask that Sirius had hidden in one of his many pockets. Peter had left early in the evening, and they lost Sirius and Remus at another party, so Lily and James stumbled back to their own flat, giggling and shushing each other. They were married, and it was grand, and he sloppily poured her a glass of wine and they collapsed onto their unmade bed.

Lily closed her eyes. She could still almost feel that night, the taste of liquor on her tongue, and James' fingers and his mouth on her. She sighed, trying to savour the memory before its flavour turned sour.

A baby. A baby.

They had used magical protection. They had done everything right. Of course they were the exception.

She was still rocking back and forth on the floor of the bathroom when she heard the pop outside the window, heard his footsteps crashing up the stairs outside their flat. There was the fumbling of keys in a lock, the door swinging open, James' heavy footfalls through the other rooms. Lily got to her feet, dusting off her pants and scooping the pregnancy test up, clutching onto it like it was a lifeline though it felt more like the opposite.

Her foot was asleep as she padded out into the kitchen, but she ignored it. James was humming already, crashing pots and pans around. He had his whole head in the fridge when she finally got the courage to walk into the kitchen, and he bumped it on the top of the fridge when she cleared her throat.

He was going to hate this. He was going to go absolutely ballistic, and she knew it. They weren't ready for this.

He grinned at her from the other side of the kitchen, and then clambered towards her, vaulting a chair, and scooping her up into a hug. His arms were warm as she swung her around, and Lily tried for a laugh, but it came out more like a sob. She could still feel the pregnancy test in her clutched fist.

James seemed to notice. He set her down and frowned at her, dusting his fingertips over her cheek.

"Hey. Hey, what's wrong. Talk to me, Lil'?"

She shook her head, and grabbed his hand. "Just—just come with me? I want you to be sitting down for…for this."

He let her drag him through the flat, stumbling slightly over the corner of a table. "For what? What's going on, Lily?"

She tightened her grip around the test and pulled him into the bedroom, sitting him down on their bed. It was still unmade from the morning, covers pulled back to the end of the bed and pyjamas strewn across the crumpled sheets. Lily swallowed. She wasn't old enough to make her bed, let alone have a child.

"Lily?"

She sighed and shook her head again, swinging her arms. She opened her mouth, then lost her nerve and threw the pregnancy test at James. She watched as his instincts as a Quidditch player kicked in and he snatched it out of the air to stare at it, his head tilted. He frowned at it.

"What—what is this? Oh, wait, it is one of those things for measuring—"

"I'm pregnant," Lily blurted.

"—temperature?" James trailed off, his eyes going round. He was frozen in place, staring up at her, his eyes huge and hazel under his glasses.

"I'm pregnant," she said again, and then tried to find something else to say, but there was nothing. "I—I'm pregnant."

James continued to stare at her, his mouth hanging open, and Lily could feel the fear creeping through her, twisting around her stomach and squeezing her lungs. Then James was on his feet, grabbing her waist and spinning her around and around. Kissing her eyelids, her freckles, her nose, her neck. Lily laughed, then it dissolved into another small sob. James set her down, finally, and his eyes sparkled with wonder.

"You—you're pregnant?" His voice was hushed. "You have a baby inside you? Lily that's—that's wonderful."

She blinked at him, biting her lip. This wasn't right, the whole was falling apart and James was just grinning at her like it was the best day of his life. Everything was upside down "Is it?"

"I—of course, Lily, we've made—there's going to be a whole—"

"Is it, James?" She exploded, and suddenly everything was shaking again. She watched James' face fall, confusion rippling over his features. "Is it really? Have you thought about it, even a little bit? Because I have. I've had all afternoon to think about it and we can't. We can't do it. I can't do it. I cannot imagine bringing a bloody person into this messed up world."

James took her hands, meeting her eyes. She could still see the little boy in his face, the one who threw Bertie Bott's at her across the common room, the one whose grin was never gone. It scared her more than anything.

"Lily," he said, like her voice was a spell. "Lily, I've known I want to have kids with you since I was fifteen years old. I don't care if it's now or ten years from now, but Lily. If—if you're pregnant… that—that's the best news I've heard in months."

"It's not, it's not!" She squirmed out of his grasp. "Grow up, James. Look around you. There is a goddamn war going on right now. This baby will grow up surrounded by destruction and—what if it doesn't? What if something happens, and we can't save this tiny thing from the war? What if we don't live through this war, and our child has to grow up alone?"

"Don't. Don't let the war decide our lives for us, Lil'. If we do that, he's already winning."

"James." Her voice broke, and the tears escaped, dripping down her cheeks. Lily Potter rarely cried, never if she could help it. It was showing weakness when weakness was unnecessary, but today everything was so much. "James, we're nineteen. I can barely drink legally. I don't understand how the oven works. I can't make the bed—I can't raise a child! I can't do it."

She was crying, messy and snotty, tears streaming down her cheeks, and James seemed to suddenly realize how terrified she was. He wrapped her in his arms, and she clutched onto his shirt, sobbing into his soft grey jumper. She could feel his head rested on hers, his dark curls falling into her face and eyes, and for a moment she felt safe, completely enveloped in James Potter.

He guided them so they were sitting down on the bed, surrounded by their crumpled sheets.

"There are options," said James softly, stroking her hair. "There are things that we can do if you really—if you can't. They're frowned upon, but we don't have to tell anyone. If right now, we're too young and it's too much, we can try again when the war is done. But Lily,"—he tipped up her chin, softly cupping his hand around her face—"if this is because of the war, because of Voldemort… don't let him do that. Don't let him take this baby away from us when he's already taken so much. It's not up to him to decide our happiness."

Lily sniffed, drawing the back of her hand across her nose. Her voice felt small. "What else can we do? This war—it's all there is. I can't do that to a child, I can't bring them into a world where everything is falling apart."

"Close your eyes," James said, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Close your eyes, and imagine that there is no war. That we're young and in love and everything is bright and you're pregnant. Do you want this baby, Lily?"

"That's not how it works, James. There is a war. Everything is falling apart."

"Would you keep this baby?"

"I don't know."

"You do know, and it's what terrifies you."

Lily leapt to her feet, clutching her head in her hands, digging her nails into her scalp. She hated this. Hated that she had to decide, hated that James was right.

In any other world, in any other circumstance, she wouldn't give it a second thought. She wanted the baby, the tiny thing that was growing inside her into a real little human. Every moment she thought about it, everything felt more difficult.

"If you didn't have this baby," came James' voice from behind her, and she froze, "and the war ended in a month, how much of this would you regret?"

Everything. She would regret it all.

Gingerly, she touched her stomach. She wanted kids someday, but now? She was barely married, not even twenty yet.

James wasn't either, but he seemed like he was prepared to take it on. Change everything, reshape everything they had planned. The baby was far too small and her stomach still flat, but Lily could almost imagine that she could feel it in there. A tiny person, who hadn't even had the time to fully form yet. She couldn't take that away from this child.

She turned back to James. "I'm scared. I'm so scared, James." Everything felt wobbly, her legs, her arms, her lips. "I can't do this."

James arms were around her again. "You can. You babysit me and the boys often enough, you're going to be a fantastic mother. You—you're going to be a mother. We're having a baby. I'm going to be a father."

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "We're having a fucking baby."

"Don't use that language around the baby, he may hear you!"

"The baby doesn't have ears yet, James."

"Well, you should practice for when he does."

"Or she."

"Or she." He rested his head against hers. "This is the best news I've heard. Ever."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we—can you not tell everyone right away, please? I know you tell Sirius every little detail of our personal life but… can you just keep this private? Just for now? I need—I need time. To get used to it. To the idea that—that we made a person. By accident. How the fuck do you make a person by accident?"

James stroked her hair fondly, kissed her on the nose. Touched his lips against her freckles. "Language. And yes, of course. How about—here I'll let you tell them. Whenever you're ready. You know that they love you just as much as they love me. And they will love any baby we have twice as much as either of us, because it will be both of us."

Lily rolled her eyes fondly at this logic. "I find it hard to believe Sirius could latch on to anyone as much as he has you. That boy would follow you into an open fire. He's like a loyal dog or something."

"Very funny."

James sat her down on the beg again, placing both hands on her stomach. "There's a person in here."

Lily nodded, laughing wetly. There was a baby, who was going to grow up in a war, in a disaster of a world, but at least this tiny baby would have more love than any other baby in the world.

"Hi baby," James said, still stroking her flat stomach. "Um, you can't hear me right now, because Lily says you have no ears, but I just want you to know that whatever happens, we love you so much. We're always going to love you, no matter what. You're going to have more love than any other baby that's ever lived. You're going to have a mommy and a daddy, and a Padfoot and a Moony, and even a Wormtail, even though I think he's scared of babies. Everyone is going to love you so much, and everyone will know that you belong to us. We made you."

Lily laughed. "We did. We didn't mean to, but we did."

James straightened, kissing the top of her head and disappearing from the room, probably back to the kitchen. Lily was struck suddenly with the realization of how much he had matured. The scrawny teenager who had no worries other than trying out constant bad pickup lines and bullying her closest friends was gone, and here stood a man who had been forced to grow up beyond his years by a war that neither Lily or James deserved to be in. Lily had seen this man risk his life more than once, for friends and for strangers, and if he couldn't save one small baby from the raging inferno that was war, she didn't know who could.

She loved him, she loved him more than anything, and now she was going to have another person she could love just as much. She wondered what name this little person would have, what sounds they would make when tired and sad. She imagined the tiny smile, imagined her hair and then James', his eyes and then hers on a tiny, chubby face. She imagined the warmth of a baby in her arms, and suddenly a war seemed like no match for the love her baby would have.

"Oh baby," she whispered, stroking her stomach. "You're going to have a wonderful life. I'm going to make sure of it."

And that's all thanks for reading folks. First off, huge thanks to the lovely Mia (herecomesthepun) for her help in editing this and picking out a title and a cover picture and just being generally lovely and oblivious. Love ya! Hope you enjoyed this lil story and maybe leave me a review? Love all you readers!

-GGW