1.

The first thing I register is the beeps.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Then I start to wonder where I am. Am I lying down? It seems that way. I try to open my eyes, only to find out that I can't.

I do feel very sleepy. Maybe I should just go back to sleep. I'll feel better after I've had some rest.

I think I must be dreaming. I can hear people talking - whispering - around me, but I can't see them. I think they can't see me either because they're talking about me as if I'm not even there. I'm not really sure what they're saying about me, but they don't seem happy. I think I heard something about a swelling. I want to speak up but I can't.

This is a weird dream.

...

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

I'm still here, wherever 'here' is.

I'm sure I've been asleep for quite a while but I still can't open my eyes. I've heard voices more often and I'm starting to think they're real. I hope there's someone here this time too. I try to open my mouth to say something, but I can't speak. Is there something in my throat? I try to move my hands to feel my throat, but I can't move them. In fact, I am unable to move at all!

Am I paralyzed?

What is that beeping anyway? My heartbeat? Am I in a hospital? If so, how did I get here?

I'm trying not to panic. I have to remember what happened. What's the last thing I remember before waking up here, with the beeps? Maybe if I unravel that part, I will be able to move again.

I can hear someone come in and I strain my ears to hear them. Why can't I open my eyes? Who's there?

I hear humming. It's a man's voice and he's standing close to me. I can sense his proximity without seeing him. He's fidgeting with something. I feel helpless because I can't speak and I have a dull headache that seems to be getting worse. I want to know what this man is doing. I want to know what's wrong with me. The man leaves and I' m feeling increasingly frustrated. After a few minutes, I go back to trying to figure out how I got here, wherever 'here' is.

We were working on a case. Of course we were. I'm starting to remember. We were in that house … I remember going down the stairs … I'm remembering.

Our perp was very violent and possibly armed, so we had some extra uniforms with us. TARU told us his phone was in this house so we went in. Nick first. I followed him, one of the uniforms would go around the back and the other one went in after me. We all split up. I think it's the first time I let Nick take the lead like that since he became my partner two months ago. I remember Nick running up the stairs and I went down into the basement. What happened next, seems to play out in slow motion inside my head. I walk down the stairs slowly, my gun drawn. I see movement to my left, next to the stairs. The instant I point my gun in that direction, something solid hits my arm and my gun flies out of my hand. I watch the gun hit the opposite wall but I shouldn't have followed the gun with my eyes. The man - I think it was the man we were looking for - swings again and I hear a cracking sound even before I feel the impact against the back of my head. I start falling forward down the stairs but everything fades to black even before I hit the ground.

So I was knocked out. That explains the headache, although it seems to be subsiding a little again. Maybe that's what that man was doing here, I think. Giving me more pain medication. I'm starting to feel drowsy now. I guess it's a strong medicine. I'd better get some more sleep. It's not like I have a lot of choice in the matter.

...

"Hey Liv. It's me, Fin."

Finally. A familiar voice. I strain to open my eyes but it's as if my brain is completely disconnected from my body. I can't move a single muscle in my face. All I can do is listen to my friend.

"They told me you might be able to hear me so I want you to know I'm here. I don't know how this stuff works but I've heard about people in a coma that could hear everything so … I'm here Liv. We're not gonna give up on you. So you gotta hang in there too, okay?"

Fin sighs and I can feel his sadness. I'm in a coma?

"There's still some swelling in your brain but they tell me it's going down already so that's good. And you're breathing on your own. I guess I'm telling myself you're gonna be okay. You gotta wake up and be okay, alright?"

Fin sighs again. I know he isn't one for a public display of emotions and I wish I could reach out to him. Tell him I'm still here and that I want to wake up too. I'm not really asleep but that must be what it looks like. I can't move a single finger or even an eyelid.

I want to ask Fin why it feels like there's something in my throat but I can't speak. Someone else comes in and I hear Fin ask the person,

"Are you sure she isn't in any pain?"

"Well, we check her brain activity from time to time, sir. We haven't picked up any signs of distress so far. The sedative and painkillers are pretty strong so you shouldn't expect her to wake up just yet."

I want to scoff. I'm wide awake, lady. Whatever you're putting in me, it's not knocking me out completely.

"Alright. I just don't want her to be in any pain."

"I'm just changing her IV bag now sir. We're making sure her pain medication is never below a certain level and this also helps her sleep."

"That's good. Thank you."

"You're welcome sir. Your friend is in good hands with us."

Fin sits with me for a while longer but I'm starting to fade in and out of consciousness again. Must be that IV bag, I think and then sleep claims me once again.

...

The next voice I hear is that of my Captain. He's my boss but I know he regards me as the daughter he never had sometimes. I think that's the only reason I haven't been booted off the force yet. Me and my former partner both.

"Hello Olivia," Cragen says quietly.

I can imagine exactly how he's looking at me right now, with those dark eyes that hold a life story of loss and despair and overcoming depression. After everything he's been through, he's still standing and I have to admit, he's the closest thing to a father I've ever had. I feel closer to my Captain than I do to my own half-brother. It isn't blood that defines family. This unit is my family.

"I don't want to burden you with my worries but it's not easy to see you like this."

It's not easy to be like this either, Cap.

…

Nick drops by as well. My new partner. I haven't really accepted him yet and he knows it, but we're making progress. Well, I think I'm making progress but I'm not sure he's noticed yet. He's trying to understand that it isn't easy for me and that I don't want to talk about it. It's too fresh. I just want to do my job.

…

It must be evening now. It's very quiet. I'm starting to identify the sounds in my room and the sounds outside my room in the hallway. They're definitely the sounds of a hospital. I hear pagers going off, footsteps speeding up, the sound of a bed or wheelchair being rolled somewhere. I'm becoming good at hearing the difference, too. Bed. Manual wheelchair. Electrical wheelchair. Walker.

And the footsteps of the nurses. I have no idea how many days it's been since I first heard the beeping but I'm starting to hear a pattern. These footsteps I can hear coming from a distance because it's so quiet. It's the night nurse.

Tonight, she's talking quietly with someone else and when they enter my room, I recognize the way he clears his throat.

John Munch.

"Hey Liv, it's me again."

Again? He must have been here before while I was sleeping. They can't tell the difference.

"I know it's getting late but I just wanted to check in with you. How are you holding up? You must be bored out of your mind."

He doesn't know how right he is, I think. I wonder what time it is. Probably past visiting hours because I don't hear anyone else in the hallway except for that nurse that comes over from upstairs to chat with her coworker at the nurses' station.

I know I'm in this room alone. Lucky me. Well, it's not as if I'd be good company if I did have a roommate. Sometimes I think I might as well be dead. How long is this going to take?

"I've been working with Nick and I thought you'd like to know that he's finding his groove in the unit. And the fact that he speaks Spanish has been a great help already."

Munch chats some more about work and I absorb everything he tells me. I know I must have missed that court date by now that had been so important, and I hope they've told Linda why I couldn't make it. I really wanted to be there for her when she would face her rapist.

"You know who showed up at the precinct the other day?" Munch continues. "Brian Cassidy."

I want to roll my eyes. I hope they haven't told Brian where I am.

"We told him what had happened so if he shows up here, you'll know who to blame," Munch chuckles and I wish I could glare at my old friend.

When he leaves after a while, I feel very much alone. I have another night ahead of me and I actually hope now that it's almost time to change my IV bag. I just want to sleep for a while so I won't have to think about how trapped I feel. I have a feeling they've decreased my medication. I feel less drowsy after they change the bags and I wonder if there will come a time where I will be so rested that I won't be able to sleep at all anymore. If I could just go out for a walk or something to clear my head. It's cluttered and I'm tired of thinking. My thoughts go in directions I don't want them to go. Remind me of the pain and loss in my life and the lives of people I care about. I try to think of nice things, hoping to have nice dreams when I eventually do fall asleep. I think of cases that we managed to solve, finding children unharmed. Those were always the best cases. I love children and thinking of their innocent faces and their smiles when they are reunited with their parents, helps me not to think of my own condition. I finally drift off to the quiet beeping of the machine at my bedside.

…

It feels like only a few minutes later when I hear footsteps again but it's probably a lot later. Somehow I know it must be close to midnight. The sounds of the hospital tell the time for me. I listen to the footsteps approaching my room and I realize I know exactly who is coming down the hallway. I would recognize those footsteps out of millions. These determined footsteps were next to mine for over twelve years. They'd fall into step with mine. We walked hundreds of miles together during those years. If I could, I'd hold my breath. I listen intently and I hear him slow down when he reaches my room. The door is open, slightly ajar as always and I can feel his hesitation. Is he looking at me? Or hasn't he pushed the door open yet? What made him come here tonight? Or has he been here before? And how is he doing? I've never wanted someone to sit down and talk to me more. He's still standing at the door and I imagine his blue eyes staring at me. Maybe there are even tears in his eyes. I wish I could see him. See his eyes. I want to tell him to come in but I can't. After at least a minute, he finally comes in and I hear him sit down on the wooden chair next to my bed. He moves slowly as if he's afraid to wake me. He sits in silence for a while and then I feel his big, warm hands close around my left hand. Suddenly, I don't need him to say a thing. He's here, and it's enough.

...

A/N 1: Well, I hope you like! Please leave a review or shoot me a PM or tweet to let me know!

A/N 2: I have never been in a coma but I used to know someone who has been. She understood everything the people around her were saying, and heard them say she'd be a vegetable forever. She was able to tell us this because she woke up eventually!

I apologize in advance for any errors of a medical nature in this story. It's based on this notion alone, of a coma patient being fully aware of her surroundings. If you're up for some drama, keep reading!