This chapter is very much long overdue. I have had this chapter on the backburner for several months now but never actually got around to writing it. I'm really sorry for the delay.

The idea was submitted by an anonymous guest. Thanks for your submission, guest!

I wrote this straight through. I didn't go back to fix grammar or anything (except for the notes, because Lisa was not quite so hurried). I wanted it written hurriedly, like Lisa would have written it.

Fun Fact: In my documents, this story is called "She's a Wolf in Lynn's Clothing".

Enjoy!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

I regret to inform you, dear lifestyle-documenting notebook, that I have made a grave miscalculation.

My intent was simply to, unbeknownst to Lynn, combine her DNA wit hthat of Charles to see if I could improve her eyesight. She (she is my elder sister, for those of you wh oar eunaware - LOLA) had complained that he reeysight was inadequate, so she claimed to need to eat more carrots to improve her eyesight. While there is a kernel of truth to that old wives' tale, the time required to drastically improve her eyesight would be far too great to assist her immediately. I recalled that cats do have superior eyesight compared to humans', so I went to fetch a DNA sample from our resident pet cat, Cliff. Alas, I selected off of our couch a strand of dog fur instead of cat fur. I did not realise my error until I examined the DNA, but I assumed that perhaps I could improve her sense of smell instead and make Lynn into a sort of "Daredevil"-type character (as Lincoln, my sole brother, would say).

I apologise for any spelling or grammatical errors, for I am writing this with great urgency while sheltered in Lily's crib.

I successfully injected Lynn wit hthe DNA sample at 16:22 this afternoon. (You do NOT want to know how I did suc ha thing, but I will inform you in the restricted time that I have that it was ad ministered rectally.) Two hours later, come dinnertime, I observed her behavior and made notes o n any noticed changes.

Here, I have attached a list of the changes that have occurred:

[begin pasted-in written-over page of a colouring book]

-Infinitesimal amounts of hair and nail extrusion

-Height appears to have increased by 5 millimeters; growth spurt may be upon subject

-Scratching herself with slightly above-average frequency (68% confidence interval)

-Eating primarily with mouth

-Possible confounding factor to the above: dinner tonight consists of food that is primarily consumed with the mouth

-Dinner tonight is of roughly average quality (68% confidence interval)

[ketchup stain]

-Avoiding vegetables with slightly higher frequency than normal (68% confidence interval)

-Panting occasionally, tongue out

-Confounding variable: air conditioner is on the fritz (I will inspect it later tonight0

-Confounding variable: ice cream is dessert; primarily consumed with tongue out

-Growling roughly 1x per 5 minutes; frequency has increased from 1x per 20 minutes 20 minutes ago

-Sniffing approximately 5x per 10 seconds in 2 minute intervals

-Confounding variable: it may be flu season; Lana is sick

-Confounding variable: Lana gets sick with great frequency

[end of page; another page is attached below]

-Pacing around on all fours

-Growling with mildly increased frequency (now up to 1x per 270 seconds)

-Canines appear to be elongated

-Was unable to attain proper measurements on last note

-Growling frequency is now up to 1x per 2 minutes

-Growling appears to be directed primarily towards myself

-Pupils appear larger

-Was unable to attain proper measurements on last bullet

-Growling frequency is now up to 1x per 30 seconds

-Lunging across table to attack Luna

-Savagely biting Luna on nose

-Reacted poorly to being whacked with a newspaper

[large bite mark; all writing is illegible]

-Has bitten paper; lost some notes

-I asked Lynn directly if she felt that her sense of smell had improved

-Response: barking

-Must invent dog bark translator

-Confounding variable: Gary Larson has already disproven theory of intelligent barking communication system

-Is now attacking male parental unit; loud girlish screams can be heard which appear to be emanating from male parental unit

-Subject may be considerably dangerous; more investigation is likely necessary

[paper ends]

After escaping from the dining room, I retreatd to the safety of my lab,e wher e I have begun to concoct a solution to Lynn's genetic issue. unfortunately, Lynn burst intot the room at a rather inopportune moment resutign in me retreating t othe crib wherein I reside while waiting patiently for Lynn to cease and desist her destruction of my machinery.

Lynn now appears to have stopped destroy in the genetic paraphernalia and is now reditrectin g her attentio ntowards myself. While I have great hopes in the cartoonish and self-resetting nature of our universe to protect me in the long term, (I ought to make an entry regarding my observations therein) I fear mostly for my immediate saf