A/N: Hi! It's meowloudly15 again! How's it been?

The following story is one of a series of one-shots regarding events which occurred in the Loud House from Lisa's point of view. Requests can be made. (No more than K+, please.)

I would like to apologise preemptively for possibly ripping off Sesquipedalian Numeral's stories.

These stories are intended to fit with the general, canon continuity, not the continuity which my other stories have followed.

This chapter was based off a request made by Barbacar. Thanks to him for the idea!

DISCLAIMER: The Loud House and all related characters do not belong to me.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

My name is Lisa Marie Loud, and I am the owner of and sole contributor to the following document. My acquaintance, Darcy Homandollar, requested that I create a lifestyle documenting notebook (street name: diary) to catalogue daily occurrences in my existence. Feeling as though her concept was devoid of purpose albeit intriguing, I decided to do as she requested, explaining the existence of this text. Additionally, I have been grounded since last Tuesday evening, with the added detriment of the removal of my scientific equipment, explaining my lack of alternate entertainment avenues.

Today, I shall contribute an account of the events which transpired last Tuesday, which was the date of the American holiday known as Independence Day.

The most interesting occurrence last Tuesday was Luan's disastrous attempt at creating a splendorous pyrotechnics display for the enjoyment of our family unit. She purchased fireworks for cheap off of the Internet, but when she tested one, she discovered that it did not properly combust and propel itself skyward; in other words, it was a dud. She requested that I perform an analysis upon all of her purchased skyrockets, and I discovered that they would all malfunction. It was fortunate that we determined this fact before Luan set up her display; otherwise, the pyrotechnics show would have been unsuccessful.

Luan inquired as to whether I could produce any fireworks for her display. Unfortunately, I did not have the means or materials to create skyrockets, and I explained so to her. She requested that I ponder possible solutions to her conundrum (I approximate her actual demand as "Lisa, I NEED THIS TO WORK! YOU GOTTA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT! Pwetty pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"), which I did for roughly half an hour.

After performing some brief research and analysing my inventory of inventions, I retrieved my refurbished Civil War-era cannon and my flame-retardant suit from storage and contacted Luan to tell her of my plan. After she arrived, I informed her that I would need multiple sparklers (which she had already purchased), two lighters, and either Lynn or Lincoln to assist me in producing the display. She departed to acquire the assistance of Lincoln, who entered my room shortly thereafter appearing highly uneasy.

I requested that Lincoln don the flame-retardant suit to see if it was of a proper size. It covered him sufficiently (although he complained of mild pain in the coccyx), and I informed him and Luan that the suit had been lab-tested and could withstand temperatures of up to 1000 degrees Celsius, although it had not yet been field tested. I also informed them that the cannon had been modified so that it would only launch projectiles (namely, Lincoln) with a velocity of 10 meters per second, to minimize the chance of injury should the projectile miss the landing zone. Alas, I neglected to determine whether or not the velocity setting was securely locked into the cannon.

At approximately 8:14 pm ET that evening, Luan and I completed our preparations for the "fireworks display" (more accurately, the Lincoln-being-propelled-from-a-cannon-while-equipped-with-sparklers display). We relocated the trampoline to an open location and angled the cannon such that Lincoln's parabolic trajectory would terminate on the trampoline so as to reduce injury. I explained so to Lincoln in an attempt to relieve his frequently-expressed concerns about his well-being.

At 8:30 pm ET, Luan initialised her display. She proclaimed, "Good evening, folks! Hope you've been having a BLAST! I plan to make your day even more of one with this fireworks display!"

Lincoln entered the cannon, lighting the sparklers grasped by his extremities. Luan announced, "Many thanks to Lisa and Lincoln for making this all possible!"

Lynn Jr. randomly stood up and hollered, "Hey Luan! Think fast!" She then hurled an American football in the direction of Luan. Luan ducked, and the American football struck the lever controlling the power with which the cannon fired projectiles, boosting it up to maximum velocity. I did not perceive this occurrence.

Luan lit the fuse to the cannon with a lighter, then retreated to a safe distance. The cannon fired with an unusually high decibel level, such so that Luan was nearly deafened, and Lincoln was propelled into the air with exceptionally high velocity, hollering with a decibel level nearly as great as that of the cannon.

Luan yelled in befuddlement, "What went wrong?"

I raced over to inspect the cannon. I registered that the cannon's velocity manipulating lever had been forcibly relocated into its highest setting, and I explained so to my family unit. I also calculated that, based on his initial velocity, mass, and trajectory, he would land in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I dispatched one of my drones to retrieve him.

My drone has not yet retrieved Lincoln; I presume that he is either in orbit (I knew I should have installed a rebreather into the flame-retardant suit) or combusted upon reentry (I hope that the suit would have prevented such an occurrence). Although much less likely but based upon previous events moderately probable, Lincoln may also have an immunity to damage which stems from him being a cartoon character, so that factor may also protect him.

The below signature attests to the accuracy of the information included herein:

Lisa Marie Loud

MAN was it fun to write like that.

Don't worry; Lisa's third theory proves correct, and Lincoln returns home safely (although I can't say the same for the flame-retardant suit).

Send me your (K+ APPROPRIATE) ideas! Eventually I'll write another chapter! See you at some point!