"Good morning, class," Mr. Ratburn said. "Now today we'll be discussing life skills. Now, I'm going to read the following scenarios and you will tell me what the proper reaction would be. Understood?"

"Yes," the students responded glumly.

"Okay. Now, let's say I had a long day and I want to do something with my friends but have no money. What could we do?"

"Play a game?" Muffy suggested.

Mr. Ratburn rolled his eyes. "No. The obvious answer would be to take a public bath with them and have a rich discussion about genitals during it."

The class looked shocked. "Are you serious, Mr. Ratburn?" Francine asked.

"Very much so, Francine," Mr. Ratburn responded. "Now, let's talk about having respect for those different than us. Binky, for example, is a homosexual and therefore has been disowned by everyone in his life. This is unfortunate thing that people do sometimes."

"I'm not gay, Mr. Ratburn," Binky responded.

"Yes you are, Mr. Barnes, deal with it," Mr. Ratburn said camly before clapping his hands, "Now, is anyone here a nullo?"

The class blinked in confusion.

Mr. Ratburn sighed. "This is going to be harder than I thought. Let's move on. Who here is circumcised?

Bud Compson his hand. "I AM MR. RATBURN WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY GENITALS!"

"Who the hell are you again? I was hoping for someone relatively important like Brain, Buster, or even Binky," Mr. Ratburn frowned, "Whatever, I'll roll with it. Mr. what's-your-name, would you like to describe to the class your circumcision."

"Oh, goodie," Bud squealed before he droned into nauseating graphic detail about the procedure.

"Mr. Ratburn, please make it stop," Muffy said before humming while covering her ears in a futile attempt to drown Bud out.

"I can't take this either," Buster yelled.

"Fine. Mr. what's-your-name, you may stop. Come to think of it, you aren't even in this class so get out now."

Bud ran away and Mr. Ratburn cleared his throat. "Now, has anyone here been to a bathhouse before?"

Nobody raised their hand

"Gee, you kids haven't done anything," Mr. Ratburn said, "I know your tail-end Boomer and Gen X parents helicoptered over you but this is ridiculous."

"Mr. Ratburn, why are you asking us these strange questions?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Well, it's because we're having a special visitor coming," Mr. Ratburn explained, "He's an author in his mid-thirties who is an expert on these subjects. I think he's a member of a particular religious denomination but I can't which exactly. And he wants to write a book about our class."