Jaune vs Qrow

Edited and Sanity Checked by Cr00cy

Jaune stormed up to the caped man, murder (or being murdered) on his mind.

"Qrow, what the hell? Why would tell Tai about Yang and me before I could!?" He demanded.

The older Hunter shot him a look, whipped out a pen and paper, scribbled something down, and then pushed the note into the blond's chest.

The knight sighed as he unfolded the paper.

Cause it was funny.

"Yeah, hilarious." Jaune rolled his eyes. "I just don't underst-"

He paused as he saw the older man pointing to his ears and shaking his head. Jaune cocked his head to the side and watched the display. The realization of what Qrow was getting at slowly dawned on him.

"No. Nope. Uh-uh. Screw that, I already played this game with Yang."

Qrow just shrugged, turned on his heel, and started walking away.

"Ok! Ok!" He relented. "Just…let me borrow some of your paper."

The seasoned Hunter smirked and handed the boy a small stack of paper. Jaune muttered something sounding vaguely like 'Branwens all being ducked in the fed,' but he could have heard it wrong.

The kid sighed and began to write.

Hey Future Drunkle,

I guess we're doing this, huh?

I can't help but notice that you reached out to Tai on my behalf. Thanks for that by the way, we really hit it off.

I think he's down for a BBQ…as long as I'm the one on the fire.

So, I guess my question to you is…what the hell?! I thought we were cool.

Go Fuck Yourself,

The Other Blond Screwing You Over

Dear Angst-Knight,

Who do you think has been encouraging all this note writing bullshit? Listening to you kids talk would make nails on a chalkboard complain about the noise if it could talk.

At least it's gotten you all to shut the hell up for a little bit.

I'm a dedicated brother-in-law! How was I supposed to not let Tai know about the developments in his little angel's life?

You know, his first born?

The only child of his first marriage?

His little Sun Dragon?

The girl you're currently banging?

I am embarrassing amounts of excited to hear about how he responded to that shit.

I'll bring the beer to the BBQ.

We're the bestest of buddies, but did you really think I was going to miss out on the opportunity to mess with you and Tai AT THE SAME TIME?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

To be Continued in Real Life,

The Guy Who's "Train You" (Pronounced Whip Your Ass) Later

Jaune looked up just in time for Qrow to continue laughing in his face in real life.

He huffed and began hurriedly scribbling.

Dear Old Man,

Have you been delivering these messages?! Like a damn messenger pigeon? That 1000% your new nickname by the way.

"Hey MP, can you grab me that tent?" I'll say.

Or maybe, "hey MP, how are your old-ass bones treating you today?"

Yeah, I'm sure that you were just overcome with familial concern when you were sending him those pictures.

Speaking of which….

A) When did you take them?

B) How the hell are you printing them?

Why yes, I am intimately familiar with one Yang Xiao Long, thank you.

I can assure you that he's excited to meet me. We have so many exciting topics to cover, to include Ruby's one-time crush one me (I'm sure that'll be fun).

I hope you're enjoying semi-sobriety…asshole.

Well, as long as we're bros, I guess it's ok…nah, I WILL get you for this.

I Will Join Your Family Out of Spite,

Don Jaune

Dear Dead Man,

Yes, I have been delivering those damn letters, and I'll tell you what…worth it.

Do you like your new nickname?

I'll use it all the time. I'll be like…

"Hey DM-"

Oh wait, you'll be dead.

Don't worry about when I was taking them.

Again I say, whatever detour that I had to take to get to a print shop before making it to Tai's was 100% worth it.

On an unrelated note, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep at night, and you guys should probably take the map and compass from me.

The needle points South, right?

No one likes you Angst-Knight.

Oh shit! You told Tai about Ruby's crush?! I wanted him to scare you, not fucking murder you! What else did you tell him!?

The letters have helped with the sobriety, thank you very much.

Bring it.

Are You Really Ready for a Lifetime of Me and Tai?

The Man Slowly Becoming Concerned with Your Health and Safety.

Dear MP,

I'm glad you're getting some perverse joy out of this.

You know what? At this point, I'm not even sure if Dead Man is inaccurate.

Here's something to think about though.

What do you think Yang will do to you if you're responsible for my death?

How long did you have to fly around before you found a 24-hour photo shop?

Oh God, is that why it feels like it's taking us forever to get to Atlas?

Give me the goddamn compass.

Yang's a fan.

Yeah, I did. You know why? Cause I'm bad at talking when I'm nervous.

Like the worst.

I may have said that:

A) Yang has complimented me on the size of my Aura (I'll let you figure out how he interpreted that one)

B) That we're 'being careful.'

C) Eventually gotten pissed and called him FFIL or Phil if you will – Future Father in Law.

I'm glad you're on the wagon, because I think I may need to borrow your flask.

When you least expect it.

My Lifetime's Not Looking Too Long Right Now,

The Man Who's VERY Concerned About His Health and Safety.

Qrow grunted and tossed him the compass before his eyes widened and he started frantically writing.

Dear DM,

Uh, I WAS enjoying it till you took us to code red with your damn mouth.

Nope, Dead Man is sounding perfect right about now.

Ah, taking the mutually assured destruction route eh?

Well played.

It took FOREVER to find the photo shop the first time.

Yang has terrible taste.

Also, I'm pretty sure she's like a Praying Mantis. She's going to use you and eat you.

Oh God.

A) Why?

B) WHY!?

C) WWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!

WORST. SURVIVAL. INSTINCTS. EVER.

I think you might need more than what's in my flask.

Your Partner In Awaiting to be Murdered by a Xiao Long,

Disappointed Mentor(ish) Figure.

Jaune looked up from the note and raised an eyebrow.

"You know they get the female pregnant before they die, right?"

"...Fuck you kid."

Shout out to Demetrion for our Messenger Qrow talks.

Also, I've finally completed the outline for Fighting Smart (the Fighting Mean sequel), which means that I can start writing it in earnest. This may slow down Writing Mean updates while I focus on that (we'll see I guess).

Yes, I'm aware that I've got a rather inventive naming convention going on...you guys are just going to have to deal.