「Harder Adrien! Thrust harder!」 Kagami shouted, face flushed and grinning with delight.

Shining with sweat, Adrien's own visage glowed as he panted and penetrated with exertion.

With speed and precision, both fencers danced in exhilaration, their foils a blur between them. The sound of graceful footwork and the clash of sword and skill echoed in the otherwise empty gymnasium of Collège Françoise Dupont. Eventually, Adrien just managed to slip through his opponents defenses, ending the match.

「That was incredible as ever, Adrien! Now that I've faced defeat, let's fuck,」 the swordswoman sordidly suggested, perfectly reasonable in the context of a smutfic where logic and decorum hold no sway.

"Yes Kagami, I am very heterosexual with an appealing facial structure and so are you," Adrien responded while pulling a €200 note and throwing it at Kagami. The boy was very eager to engage in a pelvic duel because his father Gabrihawk Mothgreste had Nathalie talk to his son about the birds and the bees because he was busy.

"Let's go somewhere more private," the male deuteragonist of the French-Korean show, Miraculous Ladybug, sensibly stated. He took his fuckable fencer friend to the subway he always goes to in order to transform back into a normal boy because nobody ever goes there apparently.

Except unbeknownst to the couple, Marinette was there. She was hiding in the ceiling but her face was clipping through the concrete so she could see everything.

Ready to perform the first time fucking, Adrien used his hands to perform a special technique on himself. It was very similar in concept to detransforming, but instead of changing from Chat Noir to normal, he changes from normal to naked by manually removing his clothes, before applying the same principle to Kagami. It was very, very hot, mostly because Kagami put all their clothes in a pile and set it on fire in order to burn the evidence. She reassured Adrien that they would be able to buy new clothes from the subway vending machines that she mistakenly believed were there, just like in Japan.

Fortunately for filthy gaijin Adrien, Nathalie had taught him that you should tease your partner to make them feel good before you moved on to penetration mode to feel even gooder. Unfortunately, this big idiot completely misunderstood the word "foreplay" and fractured Kagami's kneecap with a single swing of a golf club.

「NANIIIIIII!?」, she screamed in pain spaghetti with extra agony sauce.

Misinterpreting his ass friend's shrieking as delight, Adrien would not give it Agreste and broke her other knee.

"Oh là là," he remarked over the loud suffering, and reached deep into the young woman's mouth to rub her uvula, because it kind of look like a big mouth clitoris. Kagami retched and vomited all over the clothes pile, extinguishing the flames.

While she had been watching the now most artistic sex act in the world done by her crush, Marinette had gotten incredibly wet. She was so incredibly moist and lubricated that she phased through the molecules of the ceiling and made a wet slapping sound when she hit the ground.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the motherfucking bread maker whom'st'd've'ed rises to do so*," Adrien memed like a socially inept asshole who thinks they're fucking funny and uses memes as a crutch to cover a lack of any real humor or substance in their daily conversation, only to look like some weirdo in front of anybody relevant, irreparably disappoint and bring shame to their parents, and further cripple their reputation and social skills in a vicious cycle that deteriorates their life prospects and self esteem, and it only gets worse if they're not the most sugoi boi steaming hot piece of dick like Adrien is. I blame it on his dad, Hawkriel Agroth, who is very bad at parenting and is probably also a furry. And while we're talking about this, I also want to point out that Marinette is a fucking idiot train wreck who apparently comes from infomercial world and fucks up the simplest of tasks and does stupid shit like hold up a tray of macarons for Adrien only to violently spasm and launch them everywhere.

The big man knew that his classmate was in the ceiling the entire time because Marinette is a fucking peasant and he was very adept at smelling commoners. He made sure to put on a very titillating and buttery show for his voyeur in order to make her undergarments go all Genesis 7:17-20, causing her to fall, just according to keikaku*.

"Suck it," Adrien commanded, pointing at his scrotum but referring to the testicles inside. When Marinette pulled a vacuum cleaner out of her inventory, Adrien knew she and he were meant for each other. He ejaculated immediately, splattering his the bees sauce and the birds sauce onto his fencing rival.

Kagami, who had assumed she was still relevant to my fanfiction, used the abundant baby batter to glue the fragments of her knees back together. While Marinette was pleasuring Adrien by standing nearby with the vacuum cleaner and doing absolutely nothing (she'll probably still fuck this up somehow), Kagami realized that a rival suitor had appeared, and that she must now fight for the affection of the French fencer of foul fornication.

「Silver Chariot!」, She shouted, temporarily changing her art style and posing impossibly. A rapier wielding and armored spirit manifested behind her, as if to 「Stand」 by her side, before it rushed toward Marinette's stupid face, ready to attack.

Because it was so low, Marinette tripped on her own self-esteem. She accidentally performed a perfect counter with the vacuum cleaner, super slamming Kagami's ribs and also former president of the United States, Barack Obama, whose journey for the Chaos Emeralds had taken him to Paris.

Everyone heard a click, followed by the most obnoxious laughter in the world and possibly all of Paris. It was Chloé Bourgeois with a cutting edge camera powered by the souls of three orphan children.

"Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! To think that I, Chloé, would have to traipse into the commoner's subway to blackmail my rivals for Adriken's love with this picture of the baker girl desperately pummeling this sushi tramp, like an exam student scrambling to finish the problems on an exam until the last moments before the chime! No matter how you struggle, there are limits to what a commoner can afford! The meager bond you have with Adrikens is useless! 「Muda! Muda! Muda! Muda! Muda! MUDA!」 Can a monkey stand against a human!? Compared to me, Chloé, you are but a monkey, Marinette! And do the scion of a family of Olypmic fencers and former president of the United States, Barack Obama, think to stand against I, Chloé? As if, your statuses are as compelling as rat shit in the bathroom and it will be your demise!" Chloé briefly and concisely stated.

"Bastard...How many people have you gotten akumatized!?" Marinette asked.

"How many breads have you eaten in your life?" Chloé replied.

「Kuso!」 Kagami exclaimed, 「We can't stop her if she's going to ruin our reputations!」

Obama, thinking about enforcing stricter gun control, smugly proclaimed, "Yes we can," drew his katana and slashed Chloé's hands off.

「S-sugoi former president of the United States, Barack Obama-san!」 Kagami ejaculated.

「NANI!?」 Chloé shouted in fear as crimson caviar coursed down her wrist stumps, "Do you know who my daddy is? I'll have you arrested!"

As she tried to back away, Obama affixed her with a disappointed and tired look as strong winds in the subway blew his luxurious hair to the side. Multiple predator drones materialized there, and around Paris, before demolishing Chloé, Le Grand Paris, and Hôtel de Ville with their AGM-114 Hellfire missiles.

At this sight, Adrien's flaccid "oui oui" erected into a mighty "Eiffel Tower". Obama reacted by expanding his "Washington Monument". They did some fencing of their own with their landmarks.

「Well, you know what this means,」 Kagami huskily said to Marinette.

yes i do naughty girl, it is time for the arbitrary yaoi and yuri sex every fanfiction needs "!,marinette responded with lust, but also so much incompetence as usual that she and managed to fuck up the grammatical format of this dialogue.".

Kagami pulled out her glorious nippon steel folded over 1,000 times katana and did some backflips and frontflips and sideflips and also some diagonalflips but also a Konami Codeflip and doing the anime sword thing where she slashes something real fast, and seconds later, Things Fall Apart (by Nigerian author, Chinua Achebe). She was doing this to Marinette's clothes and it was very hot and super daijobu.

Marinette gasped out in a voice that sounded like Cristina Vee's, "That was very hot and super daijobu, Onee-chan."

When her imouto said that, Kagami could no longer contain the boner in her heart, which went doki doki for her precious Marinette and now her cardiovascular phallus just sprayed Marinette with her baby batter and now Marinette is pregnant with the next Olympic fencing champion and heir of the Tsurugi family.

Adrien looked over and quipped, "We should have expected this from the daughter of bakers. She has a bun in the oven."

This killed the mood between the two Asian girls and it also killed Obama.

At this point, thanks to Adrien being a shithead, everyone just wanted to go home except Obama because he was dead.

「What the hell!?」, Kagami shouted in front of the subway vending machine, 「Where are the clothes!?」

This was the part of the episode that only happens once each time where Marinette does something smart and maybe uses her fashion design skills. She bought all of the bags of potato chips from the machine and sowed all of it together into three suits for the trio. All three of them proceeded to walk out into public looking like total morons, except Adrien totally pulled it off because he can do that, and everybody in Paris started walking around wearing potato chip bags. At least it was better than the time that may or may not have been canonical in issue 3 of the Miraculous Adventures comic in which Ladybug is teleported to New York and transforms back into her civilian form, Marinette, completely naked in a dumpster. She encounters some fellows of African descent but thinks that they're in the middle of looting a building and are about to mug and murder her just because they're Black. It's pretty fucked up.

"Kagami, why is all your dialogue surrounded by 「」 instead of ""?" Marinette asked before the story ended.

「It's because those are Japanese quotation marks.」

"But how come we aren't speaking with the French quotation marks, «»?"

Adrien answered, "Because this Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir fanfiction was written in the English dub."

The End

*Translator's note: "Dupain" is the French word for "bread" and "Cheng" is the Chinese word for "make". In addition, Marinette's first name roughly means "to rise". Marinette's full name more or less means "the one who rises to make the fuckin bread" and that's really dumb.

Also "keikaku" means "plan".