Author's Note: This is a modern Jily AU inspired by the Chainsmokers song "Closer."

A few disclaimers: I'm not British so the phrasing won't be entirely accurate. It's an AU because I'm terrible at remembering cannon timeline stuff so don't expect everything to be Pottermore/books accurate. There is no relation to the original story as far as timing/events go during the "present day" story- the events during the flash backs to their school years at Hogwarts are generally similar to cannon, though.

Ok, I think I covered everything! Thanks for reading

Prologue

"Come on, come on, old thing," Lily Evans urged the puttering, shuddering little car as it sped along M8, probably faster than it had done in its entire existence. "Just a few more kilos."

The yellow junker fortunately obliged and settled back down to continue the journey north. Lily soon discovered, however, that not worrying about her vehicle freed her mind to think about other things. About the acrid smell of smoke still attached to her clothes, which hadn't been changed in two days. About the tiny box of belongings that was all that was left of her parents. About her abandoned trunks at Hogwarts, and her unused wand in the boot. About whomever might be following her. About him.

I won't forget you, Lily promised silently. I'm always yours and always have been.

The countryside turned into the outskirts of Edinburgh. She'd been there once before as a girl to gawk at the castle and wander High Street, and for some reason in those moments of panicked grief and terror outside the remains of her childhood home, those ancient cobblestone streets had beckoned as a refuge. Here on the outskirts, however, it wasn't so quaint and welcoming. The shabby businesses and carparks that she passed didn't look bad, really, but in her current state of mind everything seemed ominous.

Lily checked the rearview mirror for the billionth time, rolling her eyes at herself. It's not like they would grab their broomsticks and fly along the road. Nevertheless, she clutched the steering wheel tightly and tried not to think about the looming white masks and the horrifically dead bodies that had been her precious parents.

A tear slipped down her cheek despite her best efforts, and she pressed her lips together determinedly. This is the right thing to do, she reminded herself again. The platitude didn't work, as always, and her breaths came faster and faster. She managed to pull over into a deserted carpark and dropped her head to the steering wheel, her breath coming in strangled chokes. I can't do this without you, James, she thought miserably. I'm so alone.

That was the second time it happened.

Breathe, Lils. Breathe.

She jerked upright with a strangled gasp and stared about her wildly. "James?" She finally ventured in a tentative voice. It was like he was right there. The jarring sound of a horn on the road was the only thing that answered her, and she could feel the sobs rising in her chest. I'm going to lose myself here, she panicked. I'm going to forget him and forget us and forget everything.

Finally, she let herself dissolve into harsh sobs that wracked her tightly-wound body. She cried for her lost parents, the overwhelming guilt, the broken relationship with her sister, the end of her existence in the magical world, the friends she would never see again, and most of all, him.

An interminable time later, Lily finally cried herself out. The noises of the city began encroaching on her tiny piece of safety and for the first time she really looked at her surroundings. A row of abandoned storefronts met her wary gaze, their black, broken windows yawning frighteningly at her. The single working streetlamp illuminated a few abandoned trolleys, and surely that wasn't…

She reached instinctively for her wand, cursing when she remembered she'd thrown it in the boot in a fit of anger. Fumbling for her keys, her breath once again came in short gasps. A dark shape was making its way toward her, clearly attempting to be stealthy. Lily jammed down on her lock and cursed the age of this car and its lack of automatic locks. She turned the key once, twice, three times; her heart in her throat as it failed to respond. Shit, shit, shit.

Grabbing her bag, she yanked her lock up and then leapt out of the car, running flat-out toward the blinking neon lights of a 24-hour tattoo shop across the road. Disregarding anything but getting the hell away from whoever that was, she was nearly run-over by a passing motorist before stumbling over the threshold.

Lily doubled over, trying to catch her breath. God, I need to work out, she thought irrationally. Finally, she straightened and was met with the curious gazes of three customers and two tattoo artists.

"Are you… ok?" One of artists, a tiny Middle-Eastern looking woman, finally ventured after an awkward silence.

Lily gave them a thumbs-up and sank into one of the shabby pleather chairs. The buzzing florescent lights matched the cracked tiles and greyish, formerly-white walls speckled with old movie posters. This wasn't a place she'd normally step foot in (except perhaps on a dare from one of the guys, but she couldn't think about that). Yet, the sample art above the middle station was actually quite good. The simple lines and elegant curves of the sketches drew her eye immediately. An outlandish idea occurred to her, one that she would regret many times in the years to come.

Her eyes went to the crooked letters on the price list and she winced. It was more than she could afford; especially without a clue where she was going. Impulsivity had never been a problem for Lily, though.

"I'd like a small one please," she said tentatively, not even sure how to phrase the request. She caught herself wishing for Sirius; he'd know for sure.

The second tattoo artist, a man with a pug-like face and beady eyes, snorted rudely. "Come back when you're 18, girlie."

Lily flushed but dug out her license and held it up defiantly. "Here you are."

He strode toward her and yanked it out of her hand, peering closely as if it was a document containing state secrets. "Looks like everything's in order," he finally grumbled.

"You can come this way." A new voice made Lily break her glare at the pug-man and she looked up to meet a pair of rather nice brown eyes. Not as nice as James', she compared instantly before she could stop herself. The guy was about her age, slouched against the doorway to a room labeled "private." He smiled invitingly and Lily glanced away.

"I'd rather have her do it, if you don't mind." She knew it really shouldn't matter anymore, but James would have a jealous fit if a handsome(ish) man gave her a tattoo. Especially this particular tattoo. Plus, Lily didn't really like any of the artwork except for the drawing above the woman's station.

The lady's eyes crinkled kindly from under dark, bushy eyebrows as she turned briefly from her customer. "Of course, I'm just finishing up. I'll be right with you."

Lily leaned her head against the wall, trying to relax. She closed her eyes to avoid the young guy's curious gaze and before she knew it, drifted to sleep. Some time later she was shaken gently awake by the woman and led over to the chair.

She introduced herself as Padmil Patima and after a quick but probing conversation to make sure that Lily really wanted this tattoo, Padmil asked where she wanted it.

"Right…" she cast about for a moment, her eyes falling on a movie poster featuring a couple in bed. "Here," she decided, fingering the jarring ridges of scarred skin on her left shoulder.

Padmil gave her a long look when Lily pulled her shirt down to reveal the old wound, but didn't press. "Do you know what you want?"

Lily knew. She had known ever since 5th year, if she was completely honest with herself.

Breathe, Lils. Breathe. Once again she heard his voice and briefly closed her eyes against the ache.

"I'd like a stag, please."