ahh this is the end, I didn't know how to feel then and I still don't, it's just crazy to finish a fic! again, check out the ao3 version for snazzy art and the rest of the big bang fics! shout out again to dmsilvisart and zeejade88 for working with me! hope this is a satisfying end :)

(10) Acceptance Is Endgame

Magnus is fed up with lying.

He'd been lying to everyone lately, even more than the usual fibs about his age and where he'd gotten his outfits. He'd lied to Catarina when she'd asked him if he'd wanted something to help him sleep, he'd lied to Madzie about why there was no answer from Alec yet, he'd lied to his wine bottle when he'd said he'd only take one small sip and, worse, he'd lied to himself about why his heart was still aching.

But he couldn't lie any longer, not now that he'd found out about this emergency cabinet meeting.

Part of him doesn't want to go, of course. That part of him doesn't have the courage to face Alec and keep a poker face, that part of him isn't in the mood to discuss rogue demons when the ones inside him are rioting, and that part of him is going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

He sighs to himself as he takes another small sip of the wine he'd poured for himself.

The taste of grapes and rose petals is the only thing that keeps him going through the night. Well, that and an endless spiral of self-destructive thoughts, but the unique taste of this wine is definitely the better one to credit.

He's still holding his empty glass when sunlight spills over the horizon and beautiful colours fill the sky like an artistic alarm clock.

"Time to go," Magnus says to himself, setting the glass down and making himself look rested and composed within the blink of an eye.

For a split second, he debates on stopping by Raphael's place so the two of them can enter together and avoid any awkward encounters, but he squashes the thought before it can fester, putting his energy into creating a portal.

Of course, he portals to just outside the Institute, brushing dust that may or may not be there from his suit as he walks to the entrance. It's not a long walk but it's long enough for him to think about how Alec must be hating him, wanting him not to show up, and the thought is almost enough to make him turn around. Almost.

Izzy nods at him as he walks into the Institute, a soft, pitying but not judgemental look in her eyes, one that only she could be capable of giving. He nods his head at her in return, hesitating for only a fraction of a second before continuing, wishing that he could absorb some brightness from the glowing lights above them and turn it into confidence for himself.

And then he sees Alec.

He can't help being impressed at how professional and powerful Alec looks in his immaculate suit, with that polite and firm, but welcoming smile on his face. He takes a moment to remember the time when he'd have been able to give Alec a coy smile and compliment him, both of them knowing it had nothing to do with the suit, but what lies underneath.

"Mr Lightwood," Magnus greets as warmly as he can manage, offering his hand.

An unreadable expression flickers across Alec's face before he smiles, the action surprisingly echoed by the shine in his eyes. "Mr Bane. Thank you for coming," he says, his voice quiet, oddly sincere.

Magnus nods despite his slight confusion, the two of them letting go of each other's hands with none of their old lingering touches. He's already stepped back when he says: "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

It's easier to avoid thinking about Alec after that. He just throws himself into the demon situation and works with the other warlock there - who'd been invited for a first-hand explanation of the problem - to figure out a plan of action. Using the guise of taking notes, it's not hard to keep his gaze away from Alec altogether and genuinely focus on something that could be the distraction he needs from his love life, or potential lack thereof.

He can't say he doesn't miss the subtle flirting or the small glances they used to share but he can say he doesn't let it consume him. Sure, that's only because the problem is genuinely serious and he feels that protecting those who place trust in him is far more important than his own problems, but it's half a success and he's giving himself credit for it.

Once the meeting is over and everyone slowly trails out, Magnus included, he lets out a sigh of relief. Said sigh of relief is quickly cut short when his phone rings with Catarina's tune, which can't be anything good.

"Heads up for Madzie," Catarina says as soon as he answers.

"What?" He walks along the corridor a little, confused.

Catarina sighs, obviously rolling her eyes at him. "She figured out you'd be at the Institute and she's on her way to ask about cookies or something."

Magnus groans, pinching the bridge of his nose and leaning on the wall, knowing that he has no excuse to avoid facing her now.

"Thanks for the warning," he says, meaning it, and hears Catarina hum in response before she hangs up.

No less than ten seconds later, he hears the unmistakable footsteps of Madzie, followed by an innocently smug: "Uncle Magnus!"

Painting a smile on his face, Magnus whirls round and kneels down. "Madzie! Hello, little one, what are you doing here?"

Madzie's arms around his neck are warm and loving and Magnus has to hold himself back from crying at the feeling. He lets Madzie take her time pulling away before she takes his hand. "Follow me!"

"Where are we going?" Magnus asks.

"Aunt Isabelle showed me where she keeps the spare ingredients for potions yesterday so we're going there, come on!" She smiles impatiently so he does as she says, letting her lead him into what seems like a forgotten storage room.

He kneels down in front of her as she leans on a table, folding her arms. She frowns at him questioningly. "Did you give Uncle Alec my cookie?"

Oh. Straight to the point, then.

Magnus nods. "Yeah, of course I did." He winces to himself as he thinks of what Alec had said about him lying but ignores it. "He said it was the best cookie he'd ever tasted in his life."

"So he feels better now?"

Somehow, Madzie manages to sound adorably hopeful and slightly patronising at the same time. It sends Magnus' heart into a dizzy spiral of shame but he forces himself to nod, smiling up at Madzie. "Yeah, of course. Who wouldn't feel better after your baking?"

Madzie giggles a little before looking at him with a level of serious she should not be able to reach. "So he's coming to my party, right?"

At Magnus' silence, she narrows her eyes. "Uncle Magnus?"

Curling his fingers into fists, he sighs. "I'm not sure, sweet pea. He's said he'll try to make time but he's gotten really busy lately so he might not be able to come."

The light above them flickers dangerously before Madzie stamps her foot, frowning again. "You're lying! You promised you'd give him my cookie and then he'd feel better enough to come! You didn't do it! You lied!"

"Madzie..." Magnus swallows the lump in his throat. "He does feel better, really. It's just that there's been another demon problem and he might be busy with it."

"No!" Madzie glares at him. "You lied, you lied, you're just like him and you lied!" she declares before running past him, out of the room.

He doesn't move at first. By 'him', she, of course, means Valentine. Magnus might be a lot of things, but he'd never imagined being similar to Valentine would end up being one of them. And it stings, it stings to be associated with a man who'd done nothing but hurt and use Madzie, it stings more than he thought it could.

And because it stings too much, the only reason he doesn't get lost in his own mind is that he hears Madzie talking to someone from outside the storage room. Shaking his head, he pulls himself to his feet and goes to see who she's talking to, his lungs freezing as he sees Alec kneeled down in front of her, a thousand bad endings to this scene playing out in his head.

Madzie seems to nod solemnly before turning back and running to Magnus, hugging his legs so hard he has to place a hand on the wall to avoid toppling over.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Magnus," Madzie says, her voice a little muffled, "Uncle Alec explained that you were keeping it a surprise for me, I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Keeping a hand on her head to steady them both, Magnus looks over to Alec, who has a gentle, apologetic smile on his face. He's more than surprised that Alec hadn't told Madzie the truth but he doesn't let that stop him from gently prying Madzie away from his legs and kneeling down so he's at eye-level with her.

"It's okay, little one, maybe I just should have lied better, right?" He asks, knowing it'll make her smile.

She grins, looking between him and Alec before saying: "I'm going to go home now. Will you and Uncle Alec come to play before the party?"

Not wanting to make the same mistake twice, Magnus looks up at Alec for an answer, waiting until he sees Alec, thankfully, nod before smiling at Madzie. "Of course. You'd better practice your tea-making skills so we can impress Uncle Alec, okay?"

Madzie nods at him, still grinning, giving him another quick but no less lovely hug, then doing the same to Alec before running off, obviously having been told exactly what to do by Catarina.

The two of them stand up as soon as she turns the corner and Magnus nods at Alec, once again already starting to walk away as he says: "Thank you."

"Magnus, wait, please?" Alec's voice is so desperate, so similar to the voice inside Magnus' heart, that he stops walking, biting the inside of his lip as he waits.

Alec fiddles with his hands before taking a quick breath. "Magnus, I think- No, I need to apologise."

"I won't stop you," Magnus says, leaning on the wall again, watching as Alec blinks in surprise before nodding, mimicking Magnus' pose, apparently without realising.

"I'm sorry I said the things I did, we both know none of them are true. I wasn't thinking clearly and I'm sorry I hurt you-"

Magnus, despite himself, holds up a hand, unable to stop his scepticism. "Are you? Or are you just saying that because Isabelle convinced you to?"

Alec freezes for a moment but he shakes his head fast enough for his face to blur a little. "No, no, no, Magnus, I'm not just saying any of this for her. Look, I'm not the best at relationships but even I know what we had- have, what we have is... incredible. Lucky. A gift. I'm sorry for what I did, I shouldn't have pushed you away again."

Sighing, Magnus lets his eyes shut for a second. All he wants to do is accept this and pull Alec close but he can't, he can't blindly rush into things and make the same mistakes. "It's like you never even stopped pushing me away. What we had was incredible but it won't last long if this sort of thing keeps happening."

"I know," Alec replies instantly, clearly having thought about this. The thought warms Magnus' heart just a little as Alec carries on: "But it won't happen again, I'm sure of that. And, if it does, I swear to you, I won't push you away. I don't want to lose you, Magnus, I don't think I could bear it. I know I've messed up, I'm so sorry for everything, but please, please give me another chance."

"Alexander..."

Alec shakes his head, running a hand through his hair and exhaling shakily. "Magnus, I can't un-say the things I said but I want to take them back, I want to fix this and try again, do better. I'm sorry I was so... so cruel, I wasn't thinking straight and I don't know why I ever thought I could live without you. You don't have to forgive me right now but I'm ready to do whatever it takes for us to be together again."

Magnus opens his mouth to say something but finds he can't, he doesn't know what he should tell Alec anymore. He closes his mouth again, simply staring at the sincerity in his favourite hazel eyes and letting himself smile ever so slightly.

A ripple of relief washes over Alec but he makes no move to step forwards, repeatedly nodding. "I really am sorry. Being with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to throw it away."

"We were never throwing anything away," Magnus points out, shaking his head. "Alexander, I can understand how daunting it is to be in a relationship with an immortal who's had more experience, I really can, and I'm sorry for our circumstances but that's not an excuse to downplay everything I say just because you assume it's all a part of my routine."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't looking at it from your perspective, I was just worried that I didn't mean- that nothing I did would be enough to impress you and convince you we could stay together," Alec admits, clearing his throat.

At that, Magnus sighs sadly, shaking his head. "You never have to do anything to impress me, you're already the most impressive Shadowhunter I know, and I've met a lot of them. I know it's hard for you but you have to promise not to just push me aside at every doubt you have."

He wants to say more, he wants to tell Alec so much more, but he can't do it, his throat won't work, the English language has failed him entirely. Fortunately, Alec nods, seemingly understanding what he's saying.

"Yeah. Yeah, that seems like a good plan. I'm sorry I acted so immaturely. Can we... Can we restart? Not entirely, of course, but just this argument. Actually, no, forget that, can we use this to move on instead?"

Magnus raises an eyebrow, a small smirk on his face after what seems like an eternity of smile-free sorrow.

Alec's eyes widen. "No, I meant, move ahead, not like..."

When he sees Magnus is holding back a smile, Alec smiles and lets out a small chuckle, sighing with relief afterwards. He then seems to decide the gap between them is too much because he tentatively steps forwards, licking his lips in what Magnus knows to be nervousness.

Since he agrees with Alec, he meets him halfway, the two of them pausing before just lunging forwards, closing the distance between them and wrapping their arms around each other with a determination full of love and apology. Magnus shivers at Alec's touch but pulls him closer, his palms flat on Alec's back, holding him securely, letting his eyes fall shut. He feels Alec's hands fist in his shirt as Alec's head drops onto his shoulder and he takes a slow, deep breath, inhaling their embrace as if it's more important than oxygen.

He'd laugh but Magnus is doing the same, breathing in the scent of stiff chairs, lavender, and a terrible but familiar cologne. He's hauling in the warmth that radiates from Alec as if his life depends on it and he's not even slightly embarrassed, proud of being the one to receive such a beautiful hug.

"I missed you," Alec whispers next to his hear, sending shivers of happiness down his spine.

"Likewise," Magnus replies, a few tears falling from his eyes before he can stop them.

They stay like that, wrapped around each other in an embrace stronger than any other, until they hear the sound of someone turning into the corridor before apparently making an immediate U-turn, their footsteps disappearing faster than they'd arrived, both Alec and Magnus promptly realising where they are.

They pull back, leaving only the smallest gap between them, and Magnus sees that one of Alec's tears has escaped so he reaches up and gently wipes it away with his thumb, smiling. "Let's never cry over each other again."

Alec laughs and takes one of Magnus' hands in his, biting his lip for a second before he gathers the courage to ask: "Only for the good reasons, right?"

Magnus nods. "Right. We should probably move though..."

"We should definitely leave this corridor," Alec agrees, sounding a little tipsy, as if just touching Magnus had been a powerful method of intoxication.

Magnus takes a second to think about what he wants to suggest, coming to the conclusion that he might as well try after all they've just said before he squeezes Alec's hand. "How about we go home?"

There's a pause before Alec shakes his head and steps forwards, cupping Magnus' face with his free hand. "I'm already here."

And that's enough to make Magnus smile, fully, genuinely smile so hard that his face immediately hurts from the intensity. Alec returns his smile and rubs his thumb under Magnus' eye, catching an eager tear and brushing it away before leaning down so their foreheads are touching and they're close enough to feel one another's breathing.

"I love you," Alec murmurs, his voice so quiet Magnus barely hears him.

The emotions Magnus had been trying so hard to keep in check come undone and he's abruptly filled with happiness and relief and joy and contentment and a fierce, fierce love. As he gazes up at Alec, whose eyes are blazing with a similarly ferocious love, he feels as though everything can be right once again, as though their lives can comfortably entangle once more, and as though the two of them can grow from this and their relationship can blossom into something he couldn't even have dreamed of before they'd met.

"I love you too," Magnus breathes before leaning up, tilting his face to the side just a little.

It's softly explosive when their lips meet, when they both open their hearts and let the love they'd been so adamantly holding back and pushing down finally go free. They're both still smiling so it's hard to maintain the kiss but they stubbornly keep going, wanting more of each other, needing to wordlessly promise one another that they won't give up, that they'll give this relationship everything they have and more in order to keep it burning, in order to let their love flourish.

They can both feel the pull from their hearts and they're more than happy to follow it, more than happy to indulge it, because it's the best thing they've ever known, it's something they can share, something they can feel together, and it makes sense when they do.

They share a breathless laugh as they finally break apart so they can breathe, staring, no- almost comically gazing at one another with a dizzying sense of relief and comforting happiness. Magnus has honestly never felt so exhilarated and reassured in his entire life, he's sure that being with Alec is the best thing he's ever done.

Of course, nothing is fully fixed yet, they have more to talk about, they have things they need to work out, and there are definitely other obstacles they need to overcome, but all of that is easy when they choose each other, when they accept their flaws and turn them into stepping stones for a stronger future, and when they stop being so stubborn and just let themselves be in love.

so, yeah, that's the end. fin. yay? idk. thanks if you read this. have a good day and remember to always ship malec! bye :) leave a review with thoughts?