Summary: You could have done so much more, if you only had time.

Magnus reflects.

"You can't hide away from the world forever!" Catarina yelled at Magnus through his door.

Magnus rolled his eyes, he was hardly planning on hiding away forever, just until his heart stopped hurting every time he looked at his home, the place where his Alexander had lived with him and loved him.

Catarina continued yelling at him and Magnus wrapped a silencing ward around his room, he did not want to hear her yell, he just wanted to be alone for a while, perhaps in a decade or two he would finally feel ready to socialize again but then again maybe not.

Magnus looked at the bed and felt another sob worm it's way up and out if his throat, he could almost hear Alexander in the bathroom getting ready to join him in their bed for the night and then the sounds faded and Magnus was reminded by the silence that remained that Alexander was gone. That the man he loved had gone, had gone where he could not follow and had left him alone in the ruins of the life they had built together.

Magnus closed his eyes against the overlapping image of Alexander smiling and beckoning him to join him in their bed.

He remembered seeing Ragnor after the Other Warlock's death and it was a fool's hope to wish that Alexander would linger to say goodbye, to make sure that Magnus was alright.

Magnus was not even permitted the details of Alexander's death, the Clave refusing to tell him and even Isabelle and Clary refused to tell him, Jace had been in a coma since before Magnus had been told and while Magnus had tried nothing his magic could do had brought Alexander's Parabatai out of it and so Isabelle and Clary spent much of their time at Jace's bedside and Magnus couldn't bare look at the man, as his condition was further proof that Alexander was gone.

Magnus sat on the bed and put his head in his hands, his palms beginning to get damp as his tears fell from his eyes.

'Why, why did the Angel take Alexander from him, there were so many other people, Shadowhunters, Magnus could do without but Alexander, Magnus had never wanted to do without the man he had come to love.

Oh, Magnus was no fool to think that Alexander and he would never have to say a permanent farewell, Alexander was mortal and Magnus... Magnus was not, a final goodbye had always been a given but for the love of all things good and sacred, Magnus had hoped, prayed, that they would have more time, that Magnus would get to see Alexander age and gain grey in his dark hair and laugh lines across his face.

Magnus had thought that, perhaps he would have the chance to ask Alexander to take his name as his own, to place the ring that he had been carrying in his pocket for the last month on his finger and get the opportunity to call him Husband. He had thought that in their future there would be children, an orphaned Shadowhunter and Warlock or maybe they would have convinced Clary or Isabelle to carry a child for them, but now, now that future was gone, faded into dust and ash... like Alexander.

Magnus laid himself in the bed they had shared and turned on his side to face the inner wall, a piece of him, the part that was having trouble remembering that Alexander was gone, expected to see the man, silent and sleeping easily.

Alexander had always taken the inner side of the bed, it had been one of their first big fights, Alexander had wanted to be nearest the door and so had Magnus. they had argued and argued until Magnus had finally shouted, 'Would it kill you to let me take care of you!'

Alexander had paused and stared at Magnus, 'What?' Alexander had said.

'You take care of everyone else, Alexander, I just want to keep you safe, if only for the few nights you spend next to me.' Magnus had answered, feeling defeated.

Alexander had smiled a little, 'Alright, you can have the door side.'

And then Alexander had kissed him, 'On the condition that you hold me every night.'

'I can do that, my love.' Magnus had agreed.

And now there was just a wall in his sight, a wall and no Alexander, and there never would be again, just that wall. Magnus felt anger fill his body and blasted a fireball at the wall, leaving a burnt and blackened wall, Magnus supposed that he was lucky the wall remained intact.

Magnus turned his back to the blackened wall and felt his tears begin anew as his gaze landed on a photograph of his Alexander who had caught Clary up in his arms and held her away from Jace, who was reaching for the laughing redhead as Isabelle held Jace away from her.

Clary and Jace had been kissing for nearly half an hour before that picture was taken and Alexander had pulled the girl away to attempt talking with his Parabatai and when Jace had threatened Alexander playfully Clary had fake swooned and then somehow it had come to Alexander holding Clary and Isabelle holding Jace back and they were all laughing and smiling and Magnus had summoned his camera and taken the Photo, they had all received a copy because it was one of the few candid ones that had been taken, and that had had Alexander smiling, a soft, happy smile that Magnus adored.

Magnus remembered what Alexander had called them together for, the Clave was ready to hear them out about better conditions for Downworlders, with the threat of Valentine and his Ideals dividing the Shadowhunters it stood to reason that they would be needing more allies and although he was dating a Shadowhunter, or perhaps because he was dating Alexander, Magnus had been voted as representative of the Downworld.

Many of the improvements had been suggested by Alexander, Alexander who had always hated how his people treated teh Downworlders but had no way to change it with his parents out of favor with the Clave, and Magnus had never been so proud than at the meeting where he spoke to the Downworlders and made his suggestions and the way they had all stared, stared at the brilliance and heart Alexander had offered them, the kindness he knew they deserved and was willing to help them fight for.

Magnus didn't know what would happen with that now that Alexander was gone. Magnus knew that he would likely be called on to take over but he was not looking forward to it.

"My dear, Alexander," Magnus lamented, "You could have done so much more, if you only had time.."

I will write the second chapter later...