A/N: I started writing this for fun and decided to post at least the beginning because FFN needs more Trinine ;) The title is borrowed from Hannes Wader's song "Rosen im Dezember".

I don't own the storyworld or characters or, well, anything really. Except the computer I'm typing this on.

Chapter One

Beatrice Prior had known for a while that she didn't belong in Abnegation. In Abnegation, she was never enough, not selfless enough, not self-effacing enough. She wasn't good at forgetting herself and turning outwards only. She wanted to leave, but her dream, the freedom of Dauntless, was unattainable.

She wasn't strong, she wasn't fast, she couldn't fight. Hell, she couldn't even run anymore. She had tried to train in secret, in the fields separated from Abnegation by the tree-line, but the months of training hadn't made her stronger, and she hated herself for it.

She had no idea what had caused it, but she had become weaker and weaker physically, her hands often shaking and with sudden pains in her right leg which left her out of breath. The extreme selflessness demanded in Abnegation had stopped her from asking for help, and she had forced herself to ignore it, a feat which had proved more and more difficult.

Ans so she had decided to wait for the test and choose whichever faction it told her she belonged in, to avoid the responsibility of choosing. And now, the test had only ruled out two factions, Candor and Amity. Dauntless was out of the question, no matter how many times her heart lead her to reconsider it, she knew she wouldn't survive there. And now, minutes before the choosing ceremony, she still hadn't made up her mind. Erudite…the idea was attractive, she had always liked intellectual challenges and loved learning. She dreamed of the promise of intellectual freedom, of researching any topic that awakened her curiosity, without the fear of censorship. But leaving Abnegation meant leaving everything she knew, everyone she loved behind. Could she do that?

"Beatrice Prior"

She stood up shakily and walked to the center of the room. Like all the others before her, she made a small incision in the center of her palm with the knife, and moved her shaking hand above the bowl filled with gray stones representing Abnegation. Was she strong enough to leave? She didn't know the answer to that.

But more importantly, was she selfless enough to stay? Could she find happiness in her faction of origin? The answer was clear, and she moved her hand above the bowl filled with still, clear water, where she let a drop of blood fall.

"Erudite"

Jeanine was as surprised as everyone else at Beatrice Prior's quick last second movement, which caused her blood to fall into the Erudite bowl. She had memorized all test results and knew that Beatrice's had been Abnegation, and she had expected her to choose to stay in Abnegation, like her brother did. With one eyebrow raised, she watched the girl walk towards the Erudite section of the room – towards her. Their eyes met for a second, Beatrice's expression hesitant and terrified, Jeanine's head to the side with one eyebrow raised. Then Beatrice looked away and moved to sit with the other initiates in the front rows.

A/N: Let me know what you think! I hadn't planned to post this fic at all at first. I have 6 chapters written out at the moment. I have the general idea of the plot outlined and know where I'm planning to go, but I'm open for suggestions.