Thought / Dream / Memories

"Dialogue"

Emphasis

Ciel Phantomhive

From the first time he could understand words, he always heard how he was Ciel's spare.

Of course, the adults who said it - anyone who weren't his parents or the staffs of the Phantomhive household - were careful not to say it in front of him or Ciel. Every single time he heard about it - that he was Ciel's spare - was always when he accidentally overheard the people talking about it.

He or Ciel might never meant to know that he was only Ciel's spare, but he still did, and he had always made sure that Ciel would never hear it. Because, as much as he was hurt that those people called him Ciel's spare, he still loved his twin dearly - he loved Ciel more than he did his own life, and Ciel would surely be pained by the truth that he was nothing more than Ciel's spare. He had accepted the fact that his role was only as a spare, but he didn't want Ciel to even hear about it, and it would be for the best that Ciel never heard it.

After all, being Ciel's spare didn't mean anything, as long as Ciel was alive and had his own child in the future. In that case, he just needed to make his own name known in the future, and he could do it by opening a business of his own.

Everyone loved him too, anyway. Sure, the staffs adored Ciel more than him - it was understandable, for Ciel was more cheerful and energetic than him - but his parents had never treat him and Ciel differently, they loved us equally. And Ciel clearly loved him more than anyone else, just as he loved Ciel more than anyone else. So, even though his status in the world was only as Ciel's spare, he didn't mind it one bit, and he was really happy with his life.

"Penny for your thought?" Ciel's voice pulled him out of his musing, and he looked up from his book to see his twin smiling warmly at him.

"Ciel?" He questioned in surprise, while blinking his eyes to get rid of the dryness, "Have you finished with your lessons?".

"Yes, for awhile now." Ciel answered with a chuckle, "You didn't hear me come, since you were busy staring blankly at the same page".

He blushed and closed his book, putting it aside as Ciel sat down on the bed beside him. "I'm sorry." He apologized sheepishly.

"Nothing to apologize for, dear Brother." Ciel waved his apology away with a grin, "So, what were you thinking about? It's rare for you to daydream while reading like that".

"Nothing much." He tried to avoid anwering, but Ciel pouted at him and looked at him pleadingly - that look was his weakness, that was for sure. "Alright, I will tell you." He relented with a soft sigh, causing Ciel to beam happily at him, and he couldn't help but smile as well. "It's ... about yesterday." He admitted as he looked down on his lap.

"What about yesterday?" Ciel asked curiously.

"Well, you refused to get out of bed, and said that you don't want to study anymore." He began to explain slowly, "I ... I heard from Mother later on that it's because I said I want to go to London and run a toy store, and you were in tears as you told them that you don't want to become an Earl so you can run the toy store with me".

Ciel was the one who blushed this time. "Ah, you heard, eh ..." An awkward chuckle erupted from his twin then, and he didn't think such a sound suit Ciel at all - his strong and reliable Brother should have been laughing cheerfully, or victoriously.

"I'm sorry for making you cry like that, Ciel." He apologized again.

"No, it's not your fault, Brother." Ciel shook his head, before pulling him into a hug, "I was crying because I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving me alone, that we wouldn't be together anymore. I know that you said I won't be alone because I would marry Lizzie, but honestly, I would rather have you beside me than anyone else. I love you more than anyone else in this world, you know?".

"I know, Ciel." He reassured his beloved Brother, "I love you more than anyone else too. But it's still my fault for not explaining better, especially after you were clearly upset that I said I'm going to leave." He then looked at Ciel in the eyes, his own eyes filled with determination, "I said I want to be a Brother whom you can be proud of, that's why I want to run a toy store and make a name of my own, but that's still far in the future, Ciel. Besides, even if the toy store is located in London, that doesn't mean that I have to be in there all the time. Sure, I may have to stay there for awhile, but it would only until I can get someone trustworthy to standby over there, then I can run it from around this area - so that we can still see each other as often as we want".

"Oh!" Ciel exclaimed in realization, "I haven't thought of it that way".

"That's because you have been slacking in your studies lately, Ciel." He told his beloved twin bluntly - a rare dark expression appeared on his face as he said that, causing Ciel's eyes to widen in surprise - but it was for Ciel's own good, "Ever since I got sick the first time - and it was when we were 5, you never concentrate during your studies if I let out even the smallest of cough. How will you become a great Earl like Father if you don't focus on your studying, Ciel?".

"I can't help it." Ciel protested with a pout, and he could feel how the arms around him tightened, "Even Mother can get really sick when the illness attack her, so when I think of how sick you can be when the illness attack you - considering that you're younger and therefore weaker than Mother, I will always get worried and fears for the worst. When you get sick, I don't want to leave your side, so I can help you in anyway I can if needed".

His eyes widened, and warmth filled his whole being. He could tell that Ciel really cared for him by hearing that, and he couldn't help the grateful smile that pulled his lips. "Thank you, Ciel." He pulled Ciel tightly as he said that, "How about ... from now on, if I get sick, I will ask Father to let you study in the same room with me. That way, you can be by my side, but you won't get behind on your study at the same time." He pulled back to smile widely at his twin, "Would you like that, Ciel?".

"Yes!" Ciel exclaimed happily while tackling him until they were both lying down on the bed, "I would like that very much, Brother!".

His parents never treated him differently from Ciel, the staffs in the house cared for him, and Ciel clearly loved him. I'm really living in happiness. He decided that very instant. After all, he was sure that not many Younger Brother being loved by their Older Brother as much as Ciel loved him. Normally, the Older Brothers only cared for their Younger Sisters, and while there were also those who loved their Younger Brother, they were rare. So, he was really lucky to have a Brother who loved him like Ciel.

Ever since that day, every time his sickness attacked him and rendered him bedridden, Ciel would stay by his side while reading books for his lessons, but he could see that Ciel still had a hard time concentrating. So, he began to read medical books in how to treat his sickness, and what kind of physical exercise he could do to increase his health. Of course, he had to do the exercise in secret, or Ciel and their parents would scold him for sure - worried that he would ended up getting sicker than better.

It paid off in the end though, and he could now join in when Ciel had his Fencing lesson. He could see that the whole Phantomhive household were happy at the improvement in his health, and he was happy that he could make them happy.

Unfortunately, their happiness didn't last long.

At his and Ciel's 10th birthday, what started off as a cheer filled day took turn for the worst. Their parents, the house staffs, and Sebastian - their dog - were dead, killed by the people who ambushed them. They didn't know what became of Tanaka - whether he was alive or not - for the last thing they saw, before their attackers knocked them unconscious, was their Butler got stabbed on his back. By the time they regained their consciousness, they were in a cage, being sold like animals.

Things were gradually went downhill from then on. Not only that they were turned into slaves, but they were also beaten, raped, starved, until the only thing that prevented them from losing their will to live were each other. The strong bond that he and Ciel shared grew stronger, unbreakable even - but that bond also became their greatest weakness, for they knew that they couldn't live without the other anymore.

During their time in slavery, they slowly but surely losing their faith in God, but when Ciel was taken to be sacrificed, it was the last straw for him.

As he could do nothing but hopelessly watching as the dagger was raised above Ciel, two things became clear to him. The first was there was no God in this world, and the other was that he was willing to do anything to save Ciel. Which was why, when that accursed dagger was stabbed into Ciel's restrained body - killing his beloved Ciel, his world was filled with red. Although he was consumed by despair - for he had lost his will to live the second Ciel's life was lost, the screamed that he let out was not that of anguish.

Pure, unadulterated raged filled his whole being, and there was only one thing left in his mind - he wanted all of those bastards to die!

It was then, that something happened, something that would bring both salvation and damnation to him. Summoned by his feelings, a Demon appeared before him and offered a Contract.

"The sacrifice had been made, and shall never return." The Demon told him with one hand held out in an offering, "To accept or to not accept, the choice is yours to make. Do you wish to make a Contract?".

"Contract?" He questioned.

"I will fulfill your wish and greatest desire, and upon the completion of the Contract, your Soul is mine to devour." The Demon explained with a wicked smirk clear in his voice, even though the human boy couldn't see his form clearly, "What is it that you wish for?".

"I ... I wish for power." The boy answered as his mind raced, all the while ignoring the people of the cult who were trying to get him to stop talking.

If he accepted the Contract, his Soul might be the payment, but he would gain the power he needed to get out of this hellish place and he could get his revenge. On one hand, he would forever be damned, but on the other hand, he had nothing else to lose while a lot more to gain - however temporarily they were for himself.

In the end, it was an easy choice.

"I accept your Contract, Demon." He spoke to the Demon clearly, not even the slightest hesitation in his voice and eyes - there was only determination, "Grant me my wish and help me obtain my revenge, in exchange for my Soul".

"For you to accept the Contract, you need to be marked." The Demon said in satisfaction, "Where would you want it be? Bear in mind that the more visible it is, the more power it hold".

"I don't care anywhere, just place it where it would be the strongest." The boy said firmly.

"My, what a greedy boy you are." The Demon purred as he reached out his left hand towards the boy's right eye.

The next thing the boy knew, his right eye exploded with pain, and he couldn't hold back his pained scream. Fortunately for him, the process was done not long after.

"Now ..." The Demon's voice brought the boy back to the situation at hand, barely noticing that the lock of his cage had been destroyed - probably while he was screaming in pain earlier, "Your order, My little Master?".

Glaring at the people who took his beloved twin from him, he filled his voice with the rage that he had felt earlier as he ordered, "KILL THEM ALL!".

"Yes, My Master." The Demon purred in response.

The next thing that happened could only be described as a massacre, and a bloody one at that.

Not that the boy cared, paying no mind to all that happened around him as he made his way to the altar. His Ciel was dead, he could see it clearly now that he was close to his twin, but he saw something that captured his whole attention. Ciel's body was outlined by white, glowing aura.

Ciel's Soul.

He didn't know how he knew, and he also didn't know how come he could see it. Maybe it was because he was Ciel's twin - because they were two halves of the same soul, or maybe it was because of the so-called mark that the Demon placed in his right eye, or both. He didn't care either way - for right in that instant, a new, insane thought filled him, and so he let his instinct led him.

Reaching his hand to Ciel's chest, right above his heart, he grabbed onto the white aura, and pulled. The white aura disappeared, and a glowing white orb appeared in his hold. Without thinking, he immediately pressed the orb into his own chest, and warmth filled his whole being a second later.

It felt as though he was enveloped in a hug by his twin, and he was content, for now.

"Master?" The Demon's voice sounded from behind him, and he looked back from above his shoulder to see the black figure - that he still couldn't see clearly - stood in attention, "I have killed everyone in this building, My Master".

"Good." The boy responded simply, looking back at Ciel's dead body.

"What is your name?" The Demon asked him after a moment of silence.

The boy remained silent as he pulled out the dagger that was still planted in Ciel's chest, before he used it to cut open Ciel's stomach slightly - after silently apologizing to his twin. Throwing the dagger away after that, he then reached his hand into the new wound until his finger grasped the item that he was looking for. He pulled his fisted hand out, before opening it to reveal the sapphire ring that had been passed down from one generation to the next, from one Earl of Phantomhive to the next.

Gazing at the ring, before moving his eyes to Ciel's dead body, he made up his mind - and only then that he answered the Demon. "My name ... is Ciel." He spoke without looking at the Demon, "Ciel Phantomhive, the one who will inherit the title of the Earl of Phantomhive"

From that point on, he took Ciel's name into his own, and he became Ciel Phantomhive. For he was the one who should have been dead, instead of Ciel. He was only the 'spare' after all, and it was Ciel who everyone would want to return. Even he himself wanted Ciel to return to the world of the living, and he was willing to do anything to make it happen, including getting his Soul eaten by the Demon as soon as possible.

The idea was there, he had known the second the white orb that was Ciel's Soul entered his body that it was possible, so the only thing that was left for him to do was to complete the preparation.

Ciel Phantomhive, the name that was given to his beloved twin, but now became his own. He thought that it was fitting - they were two halved of the same Soul, and they now shared the same name.

"Ah, an Earl." The Demon spoke again, and he finally turned around to face the Demon, "Then, I will take the form of one befitting to serve the Earl." The Demon stepped closer, and soon the boy saw a figure of a tall, reddish brown eyed man who was wearing a Butler uniform. The Demon then knelt before him, "Now then, My Lord." He locked eyes with the Demon then, "Shall we go?".

The boy - Ciel now - looked at the body of his twin again. "He was my twin." He told the Demon, "Clean his body and fix it up, I want to give him the proper burial." He then returned his gaze to the Demon, "Once you're done with that, burn this place to ash".

"As you wish, My Lord." The Demon answered, before he did just that.

After he and the Demon - with his twin's body in the Demon's arms - was out of the now burning building, he remembered making three requests to the Demon - that the Demon would protect Ciel without betraying him, until he obtained his revenge; that the Demon obeyed Ciel's orders unconditionally; and that the Demon never lie.

"Someone out there tried to obliterate the Phantomhive household." Ciel told the Demon, "My predecessor lost the game. However, I won't lose." He gripped the sapphire ring in his right hand tightly, "As the Head of the Phantomhive household - Ciel Phantomhive, I swear I won't".

The Demon let out a chuckle then, causing him to look at the Demon.

"What's so funny?" Ciel demanded.

"Well." The Demon began to answer, "You told me not to lie, yet you seem to be quite a liar".

Ciel only let out a 'tsk' in answer, turning so his back was towards the Demon. So the Demon knew that he wasn't the real 'Ciel', but so what? Nothing mattered to him, so long as that little fact remained in between the two of them only.

"What's your name, Demon?" Ciel asked instead.

"Whatever my Master wishes." The Demon answered right away.

"Then ..." Ciel replied as he turned around to face the Demon once again, "Sebastian." He decided, "From today on, your name will be Sebastian".

"Certainly." The Demon responded with his right hand in front of where his heart would be, while being careful of the body in his arms, "Well then, from now on please call me Sebastian." He then returned to hold the body with two arms, "Is that the name of your former Butler?".

"No ..." Ciel shook his head in answer, "It was my dog's name".

He knew that the Demon - Sebastian - was annoyed that he was named after a dog, but Ciel thought that it was fitting. The Demon would be just like a loyal dog to him from then on, after all - until the time came for the Demon to eat his Soul. Besides, he also considered it a payback for calling him a liar earlier. Sure, it was the truth - he would be living a lie from now on - but there was no need to bring it up.

After that, everything was a blur to Ciel.

Since Ciel didn't know where the Phantomhive Manor was located, they went to London Royal Hospital where his Aunt - Angelina Durless, whom he called Aunt Ann - worked at. It was there that he found out that Tanaka had survived, though still needed to be hospitalized until the old man recovered fully, and he reunited with his Aunt and was given a ring with his family crest on it - he wore it on his right index finger, while the sapphire ring was on his right thumb.

Aunt Ann prepared a carriage for them to travel to the Phantomhive Manor, where he found out its burned out state. Without a word, he then walked over to the family's graveyard, with Sebastian following behind him.

There were 8 graves, with the four at the front row containing the graves for his parents, his twin, and his own. Although, it irked him slightly that his graves wasn't placed right next to his twin's, he had to have it fixed soon. For now though, he turned his attention to the two graves in the middle.

"Mother. Father." Ciel called out, he couldn't help the sadness that filled his voice as he fell down to his knees.

As the new Head of the Phantomhive House, he knew that he shouldn't show weakness, but he allowed himself to mourn the loss of his family just this once. After all, he wouldn't have been able to be with them anymore, even after his death - for his death would mean the end of his existence, his Soul would be gone forever. So, he allowed himself the chance to apologize to them now, not because he couldn't save them - he was only a child after all, there was nothing he could have done then - but because he would never be able to be with them anymore.

Even so, he didn't regret his decision to sell his Soul to the Demon, for now he had the means to let his twin to get his life back.

After a long time, he felt Sebastian's presence behind him - seemed like the Demon had returned from whatever he was gone to do. "Sebastian." He called out as a form of acknowledgement, as well as to gain the Demon's attention, "Use your power, magic, or whatever it is you calls it, but I want you to pull out my twin's empty coffin out. It's time to bury him".

"Yes, My Lord." Sebastian replied dutifully.

"While you're at it ..." Cie added then, "Rearrange the graves. I want my grave to be right next to my twin's".

"Even though you're still alive, My Lord?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"Yes." Ciel confirmed with a nod, "After all, I'm currently living with a borrowed time. Soon enough, I will be gone myself".

Normally, those words would mean that he would die soon and his body would be buried, and he was sure that it was what Sebastian understood as well. That wasn't the case, for his coffin would remain empty even after his death - it would only be filled after the real Ciel's death in the future, but he decided to let Sebastian believed it anyway.

"Understood, My Lord." Sebastian replied.

While Sebastian did as he was told, Ciel walked over to the garden - that was spared from the fire - and proceeded to pick up the White Roses. It was his and his twin's favorite flowers, so he wanted to use them to fill his twin's coffin. By the time he was back, Sebastian had the empty coffin out of the ground, with his twin's body not too far from it - and his twin's body was dressed formally too. He didn't know where Sebastian got those clothes, and frankly, he didn't care at the moment, just glad that his twin wouldn't be buried in filthy clothes.

After that, Ciel filled the coffin with the White Roses before gesturing for Sebastian to place his twin's body inside. And then, after he kissed his twin's forehead in a goodbye, they closed the coffin and Sebastian reburied it.

Night had come by the time they were done, and Sebastian led him back to the Manor. He was surprised that the Manor was in a good condition now, just like how it was before the fire in fact. He decided to chalk it up as the Demon's magic for now, but he would make sure to scold him later.

Scolded the Demon he did, but only after he was roughly bathed, and presented with many spicy food that he couldn't eat - especially after a month of being starved. He firmly ordered the Demon to cook food manually like normal humans from then on, since it would make people suspicious otherwise.

Later that night, after Sebastian left his - new - bedroom and he finally fell asleep, he found himself in a strange place.

"Is this a dream?" He wondered out loud as he looked around.

"Brother?" A voice that he thought he would never hear ever again rang out from behind him, and he turned around in surprise.

A gasp left him. There, standing in front of him was a boy who looked exactly like him. "Ciel?" He asked hopefully. Although if it really was Ciel, he wondered how his Brother was wearing the same clothes as him.

"What is this place, Brother?" Ciel asked as his twin looked around as well, "I thought I was dead when I got stabbed earlier, but not long after that, I found myself here. I don't think this is Heaven though".

"You're dead." He told his twin bluntly, "At least, you body is. I pulled your Soul out of your dead body and into my own." He explained upon seeing Ciel's confused expression, "I don't know what this place is, but I'm glad that I can get to see you again".

Ciel ran over and pulled him into a tight hug. "Me too, Brother. Me too." His twin said in softly, "I'm sorry, Brother. Even though I promised to protect you, but I couldn't do anything to get you out of that place".

"It's not your fault, Ciel. We're just kids, powerless against someone bigger than us. I also couldn't protect you." He replied softly, just enjoying the feeling of hugging his twin, since they couldn't do that in the waking world anymore.

"What about you, Brother?" Ciel asked while pulling back slightly, looking at him in concern, "What happens after I'm dead? Are you ... dead too?".

"No, I'm alive." He was quick to reassure his twin.

"That's good." Ciel let out a relieved sigh, before looking at him hopefully, "Does this means, you're out of that hellish place? Did someone come to save you?".

Someone came, alright, but I don't think that Ciel would be happy hearing about it. He thought to himself in answer. Just as he opened his mouth to reply though, Ciel cupped his cheeks and looked at his eyes seriously.

"What was that?" Ciel demanded sharply.

"What was what?" He asked in confusion.

"I heard your thought, Brother. 'Someone came, alright, but I don't think that Ciel would be happy hearing about it.'" Ciel stated with sharp eyes, "What do you mean by that? What happened?".

Such a simple question, but it brought his recent memories to the front of his mind. It wouldn't matter if Ciel couldn't see and hear everything through his memories, but the problem was, Ciel probably did - if his suddenly unfocused eyes was any indication. He could only wait in silence while waiting for Ciel to digest everything, from how he unknowingly summoned a Demon and then accepted the Contract, until the moment his new desire of bringing Ciel back to life filled his mind and became his main objective - with revenge as his second.

"Br- Brother?" Ciel whispered in disbelief, staring at him in horror, "Why?".

"If you saw my memories, then you already knew why." He answered softly, but firmly. "I'm damned anyway, Brother, so might as well get something good out of my demise".

"Do you think I will be happy?" Ciel demanded angrily, "Returning to the world of the living, but at the cost of me losing you and you losing your Soul?".

"You should." He replied with a pout, "I told you, I'm damned either way. Even if you won't take over my body after Sebastian eat my Soul, it wouldn't change the fact that my Soul would still be gone. Since your Soul is inside my body now, once my Soul is gone, you can come back to live by using my body. Isn't it good?" He then looked pleadingly while wrapping his arms around his twin. "Please, Ciel." He begged softly, "If not for me, then do it for our family line. At least, if you do take over my body after I'm gone, then the Phantomhive line wouldn't come to an end in our generation. You can marry Lizzie and have children, and as the time pass, I'm sure you can be happy".

"I will never be happy if you're not there by my side." Ciel muttered darkly, clearly upset, "I would rather you die without losing your Soul, because then, we can reunite with Mother and Father together." His twin sighed as he touched their foreheads together, "You know that I can't live without you".

"You will have to learn how, since I'm learning how to live without you as well." He suggested gently, "I'm lucky that I can still meet up with you in my dream though".

"I won't be so lucky, thanks to your foolish decision." Ciel retorted flatly.

"I know." He sighed in defeat, "I'm sorry".

"Don't be, it's your decision how to live your life." Ciel relented while closing his eyes.

"Don't worry, Ciel." He said as he closed his own eyes, "Just know that as long as you're happy, I'm happy as well. I love you, Ciel".

"I love you too, Brother." Ciel replied warmly, "And I'm happy as long as you're happy too".

Line~Line~Line

So, this is my first Kuroshitsuji fanfiction. I wonder if I made Our!Ciel too OOC.

What do you think, everyone? Do you like it?

Fragments of Imagination