FAGE 10: Reborn

Title: Home At Last

Written for: M Crystal Cruiz/Cruiz107

Written By: Deonne

Rating: M, just to be careful. Heavy on the angst…

Summary/Prompt used: Bella is already a vampire, but is still treated like a little girl. Sometimes appearances matter, but should they matter when it comes to the heart?

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community/FAGE-Reborn/113100/

I have a privilege that I don't think anyone else has been given. I have been given another chance to gift something to a previous recipient. Last year I wrote a very grown up sexy story, this year I got to try something I very rarely do… emotional and heart-breaking angst. If you have ever read anything of mine, I stay away from angst as much as possible.

Thank you to the amazingly wonderful, stupendously super talented Mama4dukes for taking my crazy writing into something that I have very little doubt would have worked out as it has. You my dear I bow down and profusely thank you.

To Mariecarro Vanadesse; your artistic work is amazing, and I thank you so much for making the banner for this story. I have no clue how all the amazing artists that you do and I am beyond thankful for illustrating such a great banner for this story.

Chapter 3.

I followed her scent though the trees until I came across her sitting at the edge of the cliff. My family's and my reaction to her reappearance was not the most loving for sure. When she left the hotel, just as the sun set over the Puget Sound, I was sure she would have returned within an hour. To know that she had preferred to stay out in the rain, rather than be in the room with our family stung.

I would be the first to admit that I had pushed that role she so despised onto her, indivertibly changing who we were to one another. It became easier to push those feelings of longing for a child aside, and to see the love of a father and his child when I looked at her. When those urges and emotions started to show themselves, it was essential that I kept the role in society that I had painted myself into.

Dating those women allowed me a way to release the pent up frustration without breaking what society had deemed inappropriate. Did I want to pull her closer when she stood beside me? Of course I did. But with every new move the child-like role became ingrained in how I saw her.

When she first stepped off the escalator, I knew something had changed within her. Not just in the way she carried herself, but with how she seemed to be comfortable with who she was. For so long, I had seen her lose little by little the woman she was when she first came into my life. The vibrant woman had become lost in the role of a child.

I didn't expect the scent of her would have me wanting to purr like a cat being stroked for hours on end. I didn't expect to feel that same rush as I did the first time we had met, wanting to scoop her up and run with her… to hide away with her for days on end, ravishing her as the woman I knew she was. And truthfully I should have, but I allowed once more for the idea to brew that what we were to one another was wrong; falling back instead into the role of caretaker not partner.

"You sure took your time." She chuckled sadly.

With those three words, I knew I'd done more damage than I ever thought. The sadness in her tone only solidified the true pain she was in. I was sure, if I could see her face, she would look devastated. We had all had a hand in this broken woman before me, but mine was the hardest. I had done the most damage.

"I'm sorry." The words felt empty even as I said them.

"I'm sure you are. One thing that has always rung true for you, Carlisle, is that you never say anything that you don't mean. Compassion is a beautiful, terrifying thing." She continued to look out into the water that stretched out as far as our eyes could see.

Taking a seat beside her, I wanted to touch her, pull her close and hold her closer. It was times like this that I would have done anything for Edwards gift, except she knew how to block her mind from him. She knew how to block all the gifts in our family, and it made us all envious of her ability to do so.

"You know what hurts the most? While I was away, I did a little research. There is a medical condition that causes people to look like a child no matter what their age is. Who knew there was such a thing? Except I'm positive you did." She snorted and I felt like I had been slapped in the face.

I did know there was genetic condition where patients had what seemed like a Peter Pan like appearance. No matter how old they grew, they were perpetually childlike in appearance. There was no doubt, when she was a child, that Bella would have been seen as a deformity, shunned from all society… and we had done the same in a sense. By forcing her to be someone she wasn't, simply because she appeared that way, we had been no better than what she had grown up with.

"My friends in Brazil taught me many things while I was with them. They taught me to accept what I can't change, and change what I can. They taught me that no matter what others think, I'm worth the effort, the care of others. I'm even worthy of love."

I nodded, knowing that so much had happened to her in her long life.

"You must know we love you Bella." I caved to the need to touch her, taking her hand and lightly squeezing it.

"That's not what I meant Carlisle and you know it." She took her hand back and I felt lost with not having her hand in mine. "The thing is, I don't want to go back to how everything used to be. I refuse to. Having to sit there and watch as you go out with those women; no. I'm not doing that ever again."

Slowly I watched as she stood, taking her in once more. I couldn't help but think that maybe it was too late. The way she held herself, the confidence and the assurance she had for who she was; I couldn't stop but admire this seemingly new version of her.

"What did you do while I was gone, Carlisle? Did you continue with the charade of dating women to make the family look good in order to uphold the image of a good father and doctor?" she asked.

"I don't want to lie to you. Yes, I continued to date just as the others continued going to school, and Esme continued to care for the house. Did I enjoy knowing that you had left? No, I hated it. I didn't like not knowing why you needed to be gone, or where you had gone. I wanted to find you so many times, and follow what I felt until I did find you. You asked me to stay away, you said it was only for a little while." I couldn't help but feel anger towards her so suddenly.

"And just think, what you've felt for the last few months; I've had to deal with that same frustration, anger, resentment and loneliness for all these years. It's not so much fun when it's you having to feel that." And just like that all the energy I had running through me was gone again.

"Will you answer my questions? I need to know what to do to fix this. If we can fix this." I sighed, hating not knowing what to do to make this right. I'd always felt wrong for how we lived, but I had no clue how we could have done this otherwise. I allowed other people to influence me, people who I both knew and didn't know.

"When you were gone, where were you? Were you safe?" I couldn't help it as the words blurted out, and I probably would have continued with thousands more if she hadn't stopped me before I really began to ask my questions and voice my fears. I didn't realise she had even crouched down beside me again.

"There is a coven who live deep within the forests of Brazil. I've known them since before I met you; it was they, who taught me how to work my gift. I stayed with them. And yes I was safe, Zafrina is the queen of her domain, and no man would survive her rule." She smiled somewhat while she stood back up.

Taking back her hand, I felt the energy jolt between us once more. A feeling that I had constantly pushed aside all this time. Having not felt it for such a long time had taught me far more than the words I'd spoken to Eleazar.

"is this okay?" I asked as she stared down at our hands. With a small nod, I felt a little relieved that she wasn't pulling away.

"What made you decide to leave? You never spoke about wanting to leave before." Looking down at her I saw her shoulders drop and the look of pure pain settled on her face, and I was sure I wouldn't want to hear her answer.

"I watched as every one of us were able to feel love, to love who they wanted and know it wasn't for nothing. Even you, as you dated those women, were able to choose who you could be with. Do you know how many murders I would have committed if I didn't hold you in such high regard? Why I never let Alice, Edward, or Jasper's gifts work on me? I have plotted so many deaths, have felt so much pain, and screamed so much that my vocal cords would have been damaged even as a vampire if I had let it out loud." Pulling her closer, with every word she whispered, I knew there was more.

"I didn't do it just because I could do it, or for privacy. I did it to save them the same thoughts, visions or feelings. Why should they go through my pain when they needed? At the time I'd had enough of the pain, knowing that nothing I could do would take it away. I needed to find myself once more before I could move on with the future." Holding her close, I felt her body shudder with suppressed pain.

"And now?" I asked after a while.

Slowly she turned in my arms. As she looked up at me I saw so much that I wanted to lose myself in the future I saw there.

"Now it depends on you. If you want to continue as we have before, then I'm leaving. I'll phone you so we could organise to meet up before the pain becomes too painful, but I will never go back to being a little girl. I want the one thing I have wanted for all this time. I want my mate. I want happiness. I want true love and to love in return. It's what I've always wanted. It's what we had started before others had shunned the idea simply because of how I look." If she could cry I'm sure she would be as she spoke of so much.

"It would mean leaving the family for a while, for us to get to know one another anew. I won't have our life dictated by what if's or the thoughts of others," I whispered as I cupped her face, this moment feeling more intimate than any other time, with any other woman in my very long life.

"I know just where we can go." She smiled as I bent down, my lips softly brushing hers.

For the first time, I felt like I was home.