*sighs* I honestly hoped I would never have to write this type of fic because I held on to the hope that he would make it out alive in someway but here we are. Here I am writing a fic about aftermath of the death of everyone's favorite Space Cowboy.

I don't have to do this, but I feel like I, in some silly way, owe it to Kanan to write this. And to get my own sad feelings out of the way, because sometimes writing for me can be therapeutic.

What happened at the fuel pod on Lothal wasn't the first time Ezra watched Kanan die. Oh no, the first time he watched his Master die, had been at the Jedi Temple. Where Kanan had tested him to see if he really could become a Jedi after his first brush with the Dark Side of the Force. He watched as the Grand Inquisitor stabbed Kanan in the chest and kicked him over the edge of a cavern, where he disappeared. Granted, that whole experience had been an illusion caused by the Temple itself, to play on his fears, that didn't mean it hurt any less to witness, in fact, a few hours later Ezra found himself crawling into Kanan's bed plagued with nightmares from that illusion.

So when Ezra watched as the explosion sent out a shock wave into the area, when he watched as the ball of fire and chaos shot out into the sky, even afterwards when he found himself in Zeb's arms or when he walked away from Ryder, Ezra couldn't help but deny it, because no no, Kanan wouldn't leave him. Not after he promised him he wouldn't, not after all they had been through.

Not after Kanan knew that Ezra's greatest fear in the galaxy was losing his family, losing him.

"I wanted to thank you, for coming back."

It had to be a trick.

"I'll always come back."

Kanan must be testing him.

So then why did his heart feel like it was constricted? Why did he feel like he couldn't breathe when the image of Kanan's face flashed within his mind— when the glaze in his blind eyes evaporated Ezra saw Kanan look him in the eyes, truly seeing him and Hera ever since Malachor, why did his throat close up when every time Ezra searched for Kanan's presence, reached out and tried to grab a hold of their bond that he found it gone, like it had been abruptly severed, right down the middle?

Why, when the second it had been cut had Ezra felt the worst pain he ever experienced in his life, as if someone stabbed him through the chest with a blazing hot knife?

The only answer to all of this was that this wasn't an illusion, that Kanan wasn't merely testing him, but that his Master— his surrogate father was really and truly gone, that he left Ezra just as his parents had. And damn if that didn't caused his heart to shatter all over again. Stripping away the layers of the black TIE fighter suite he had worn as a disguise to rescue Hera, Ezra found him leaning against the door of his room for support as he realization came crashing into him all at once, that he was never going to see Kanan again, was never again going to be able to look to his Master for comfort and guidance.

Because Kanan was dead.

"No!" A gasp left his lips, finding it harder to breathe as he fell to his knees and sobbed. "No! Please—!" Ezra begged the Force, begged anyone in higher power who was possibly listening for it not to be so. This couldn't be it, Kanan couldn't just be gone. They needed Kanan, Hera needed Kanan, he needed Kanan.

"You're a good listener, Ezra. It will serve you here and it will serve you again... in the future."

Kanan...

Dad—

Please, no.

"May the Force be with you."

Those can't be the last words you say to me—

Please, I need them not to be...

"Sometimes I wonder if I have anything left to teach you."

You knew, you knew this was going to happen, didn't you, Kanan?

The image of Kanan's final moments, the image of him propelling the airship back with the Force, watching the flames consume his Master's body— burning his skin, incinerating him from the inside out—

What was Kanan's final thoughts in that moment, had he feared his fate? When the fire engulfed him, had it hurt? Had it been quick and painless or had it been slow and agonizing?

The smell of his burnt flesh filled his nostrils along with the smoke from the flames and fuel from th pods. Bile rose up within Ezra's stomach, it traveled up into his throat and out through his mouth. He gagged on the foul taste, doubling over, coughing, his hand clinching at his chest because everything hurt.

Physically, he wasn't injured, but his heart, his very soul— was broken.

Kanan, where are you? He pleaded silently, repeating the words he had used back on Reklam Station, reaching out to the Force to try yet again to grasp onto the bond he shared with Kanan. Thinking, foolishly. That Kanan would come to his aid just as he had done so many times before.

Among all the sadness and pain caused from his emotional breakdown, Ezra abruptly felt arms wrapped around him, and his heart ceased beating for a few seconds. Holding onto hope that his pleas for his father to come back had actually been answered. "K-Kanan?" He wheezed out, his voice raspy and barely audible. But his hopes were crushed all over again, just like with his parents when the voice that came along with the arms spoke.

"Aw, kid." Zeb's voice filled his ears, Ezra noticed that there was touch of understanding there and even a bit of his own sadness as well. "It's okay, I gotcha."

"It's okay, I got you!"

A choked wail erupted from Ezra as he fiercely clung to Zeb, seeking comfort he knew Kanan would never be able to provide him ever again. He succumbed to his grief, just as Hera had seconds after Sabine flew the airship away from the explosion.

Because they may have succeeded in their mission, they may even succeed in taking down the Empire one day, but with the loss of their leader, loved one, brother and father, and none of them will ever be okay ever again.

The death of Kanan is something I know none of us will ever get over because in some of our eyes Kanan was just the best character in Rebels, and his death hit us all hard with how emotional and beautiful it was.

I know that I will never be over his death, just like I am not over Sirius Black dying in Harry Potter. I know it's silly to be so upset over the death of fictional characters but to be honest every time this happens I personally feel like I lost a close friend. And the way Kanan died had me hoping that it was quick and painless.

Because I don't care how fast he selflessly accepted his fate to save his family, anyone in that situation, despite doing so out of the pure goodness of their entire heart, like Kanan just did, must feel some type of fear, even if it's just a small amount. And to sit here and think that as he regained his sight back and in his final moments with seeing Ezra and Hera, his family, to think that there was still a tiny amount of fear there, is hard to swallow.

Also Kanan getting his eyesight back destroyed me, you guys don't even know! Screw off Filoni, when I said I wanted Kanan to get his vision in the season 2 final this isn't what I meant! RIP, Kanan Jarrus. You will be missed, may you know peace and happiness with Master Billaba. And may you come back as a Force Ghost in later episodes, even if it's like for a second because I'm not ready to let you or Freddie go just yet.

Anyway, a penny for your thoughts? Please leave them in a review and I'll see you all soon.