Okay guys. Erin is the mastermind of this fic, all her plot bunnies. She's the best co-author.

This was SUPPOSED to be a flashback part of our other fic, "Born to die" but it got out of control so it is a standalone flashback of TyJo and baby Jaime & Cersei as 3 year olds. If they talk too smart just pretend they're baby geniuses if they talk like 3 year olds... yay nailed it.

Before anyone complains, this is soft!Tywin he just loves Joanna so much that he would literally do anything for her, she's basically his god. The Tywin we know is post-Joanna so just roll with it okay?

It has a lot of stuff in it jealousy/drunk!Tywin and lots of fighting, Maggy being Bernadette.

Tywin hasn't seen the twins and makes it home for their 3rd nameday.

Lord Tywin Lannister urged his horse forward, Malice had been his loyal steed for three years but when even she protested, the weary Lord patted his loyal horse's sweaty neck and dismounted. He could see his home, where his love and their two babes awaited his return.

The uprising was unpredictable, bloody and came to an abrupt end. He had lost close to three years, fighting for his King. Tywin did not even send a raven, he had taken his leave and rode home like the 7 devils were after him.

He walked, each step heavier than the last, sounds of gushing wounds and screams in his head. How many men had cried over their sons and brothers in front of him?

He was accosted by a few men on the way but as they recognised him they bowed and scampered off. The rumours spread, if a dirty looking beggar comes your way do not cross him, as a reckless young minor lord found himself with a stab wound for disrespecting his liege lord, he had bent his knee bleeding like a stuck pig.

There was no resistance by the time he reached the Castle, in fact he brushed aside his Castellan he strode in search of his wife. She was the only thing that kept his will to live as others lost theirs.

"Your Lord father shall be home in a moon then you can ask him then," Joanna was saying in her merry voice

"You said that 3 moons back," a child whined

"Four moons before that," another chimed in

"You clever little babes you know your numbers so well, I shall bring you some rice pudding don't break anything whilst I am away," she said sternly and walked right into Tywin, her hair was pinned to one side of her head, she had been looking back at her naughty children.

Joanna felt a man's arm around her waist, who dared touch Tywin Lannister's wife in this manner? In his own home. She felt a keen pain in her ribcage, was she a wife or a widow?

"Unhand me!" Joanna cried angrily elbowing her attacker.

"Joanna," he rasped holding her from behind, he said her name like a complete story.

She closed her eyes after almost four long years the gods that finally listened.

When she turned around she half expected him to fade, as he did every time she dreamed of him. She oft attended to her children with wet cheeks, crying at the cruelty of her imagination for making him feel so real, so near. She would sometimes try desperately go back to sleep to feel him with her but she couldn't get back her dreams once she woke, and she had two children to look after.

"You are here," she said in wonder, through her blurry vision, for the first time she didn't complain about his smell as she kissed her husband. She oft lamented that he smelled like livestock after a day out at Lannisport and visiting the hmesteads of the Bannermen and demanded that he bathe before he came to share her bed. After three long years nothing of his smelled like him anymore she had begun to even miss his livestock smell. Tywin pulled her in, he wanted the kiss to convey how much he missed her how much he needed her and how much he loved her. It was bad timing that he had to leave her alone soon after the twins were born. She had looked at him with green eyes of betrayal but she did not make a fuss, she did not have the energy

Joanna and Tywin stayed together in an embrace not speaking, foreheads touching, Joanna thanking the gods, Tywin just relishing the feel of Joanna finally in his arms.

"Please don't take him away from me," Joanna sniffled, her wet lashes brushing against his face. His hair was long his facial hair unkempt, he was scruffy, a far cry from what he looked like in the portrait of their wedding day which they were embracing in front of.

Tywin never resented his position as Lord hand as he did this moment, he cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch. She reached for him again intending to push him against the wall and kiss him. Their first kiss was delicate this inferno in her belly, in her breast, demanded something else, something with teeth and nails drawing blood.

"Yuck, did mother really put her mouth on that beggar's face?" a little girl asked

"Yes? Sister, I think she did," a uncertain boy's voice responded

"Unhand my mother!" Cersei said "or my father shall hear of this."

Joanna pulled away from Tywin laughing softly, the desire abating, love replacing it, "Cersei sweetling, Jaime darling come and meet your Lord father."

"Father?" Jaime said eyes wide in surprise

"I have no beggar for a father!" Cersei said kicking Tywin's shin and ran back into the nursery pulling Jaime after her.

Tywin had reluctantly parted with Joanna but she had so much to do. He took his bath, no matter how long he soaked in the scented water he knew he could never wash the grime and scent of war off his skin. He looked at the hands that had taken lives, what right did he have to touch Joanna, she was life itself. She had the green of the grass in her eyes, she had dawn in her hair, she had the gift of love in her heart. He was a wretch, he should not have come home.

Home he scoffed everything felt strange even Aery's tent where he had spent countless nights poring over maps as the King slumbered felt more his home than this Castle.

The door opened he craned his neck

Joanna? he asked hopefully

Maggy

He didn't bother to respond, why his wife consorted with the witch, he knew not.

When the proud young Lord walked into the Feast Hall, there was a modest feast, people complained good naturely that he did not give them time to prepare anything lavish for him

He thanked them. He heard wailing, "who's insufferable child is that?" he muttered under his breath

It was one of his children wailing as the other was pulling their hair. Joanna had picked up the child who was doing the hair pulling on her hip, normally this was the image that Tywin had longed to see, but the other child was begging for the other to let go, he did not like having a begging coward for a child.

"Never!" the other child declared

This one Tywin surmised was the boy Jaime, his heir the one who was doing the hair pulling the one crying out for help must be the girl.

"Cersei please let go of your brother's hair," Joanna sighed

"What is going on here?" Tywin asked

Cersei let go off Jaime and stared in awe as did everyone when Tywin spoke

Joanna let Cersei down as Cersei struggled in her grip

Cersei ran towards Tywin "Father! Father! Father!"

Jaime stayed by his mother looking for instruction

Tywin tore his eyes off Joanna to look at the child at his feet, Cersei held out her arms

Tywin picked her up awkwardly, it had been an age since he had held a child in his arms.

"Father what you brung me?" Cersei asked

"Brought you?" Tywin asked walking towards Joanna who was speaking to Jaime

"Gifts!"

Jaime bowed clumsily "Lord Father I am Jaime truebron son of Typhon."

"I'm cersei trueblond daughter of Lord Twine Lannister," Cersei interrupted Jaime.

"He must have fathered atleast 5 babes" someone whispered

"11 he is a lannister after all fertile house and all that" someone else responded

Joanna looked at her husband and folded her hands in her lap. Maggy had told her Tywin would be faithful. He would love no other. She looked at her husband with curiosity, yes he would love no other women but that did not mean that he would not fuck them for comfort or entertainment. Had he fathered some bastards? She felt dread pool in her belly.

"Joanna are you well?"

She nodded, she would need to fall pregnant as soon as possible. To quieten the smallfolk. They liked her well, but she had given birth to twins, they spoke of Tywin's excessive love for her resulting in the twins which were an anomaly in Westeros.

Between the feast, the bannermen bringing gifts for Tywin and the twins running wild Joanna had no time to breathe. She was nervous as she pushed open the Lord's chambers, she had been sleeping alone, until the twins were old enough to sleep in a real bed.

She saw him at the window, in his normal stance, hands behind his back.

The way he looked at her, chased her nervousness away and her breath. She leaned on the bed post and busied her lower lip with her teeth. Teeth she would be marking his skin with soon.

"There hasn't been a day that I have not looked forward to your return my Lord Husband," she told him, idly pulling at the side bindings that held the Westerlands dresses together.

"I have thought of nothing but coming home to you through this uprising," Tywin said taking her into his arms, she looped her arms around his neck.

"Congratulations on your victory," she told him sincerely and warmly kissing his chin

Tywin felt like someone had punched him in the gut, congratulations? This was no victory, he struggled to find the words to explain to Joanna what had happened.

There was frantic knocking on the door

"Mlady the little lady 'as an upset bhelly she et too much mailk cake."

"Oh no," Joanna said and pulled away from Tywin, he watched her hand leave his.

Tywin had tried to write his journal, he had tried to read, he couldn't even clean his blades. The only thing he wanted to do was to sink into Joanna's embrace. He wanted to hear her say his name, he wanted to hear her laugh he just wanted her in his bed, close to him.

As the agonising seconds, turned into minutes then stretched into minutes he found some wine. He did not bother with a cup, he pulled the cork off with his teeth and spat it out he settled in his bed. He drank, he tried to remember all the men who he had commanded, he started with those he knew for the shortest time. He had dozed off exhausted with the travel he woke up Malice, he had to find out if his horse was stabled.

"Oh no, now that I have you back where do you think you are going?" Joanna asked pushing him back down on the mattress

"My horse.." he slurred, mouth dry as cotton wool.

"Well if it is some riding you are intending to..." Joanna sniffed, "are you... you're drunk!" she extracted herself from his limbs "I do not care to lay with you in this state you shall not dishonour our marriage bed."

She turned away haughtily, Tywin just stared after her in confusion. Dishonour? That was a serious charge

Confused Tywin followed Joanna "what have I done?"

"You are drunk I am not going to be bedded by a drunk good night," she said and closed her door after her

Tywin saw a servant girl smile at him invitingly

"You there."

"Yes mlord," she blushed

"Tell my brother Ser Kevan to attend to me."

"Oh," the girl said and scurried off

Tywin spent the night talking with kevan, the wine and words flew. He was only this free, this honest with Joanna. When he was with Joanna he was naked, not just physically but he could be his true self with only her, she could read him, as if they were two bodies sharing one soul.

Kevan and Tywin were sound asleep when they felt the painful rays of the sun assault them

Joanna fixed her angry green eyes on Tywin for a moment before heading off.

Tywin was advised by Kevan not to drink anymore. That the women folk were strange, they hated their men to drink. Tywin bathed, took some exercise and kept himself busy. Joanna was on his mind every time he blinked but he knew she was cross so he kept away. She would come to him when she was ready to talk.

She did come to him with the children she sat them at the Table in in Tywin's solar. Tywin stared at Joanna as she cut the twin's food into smaller pieces. The twins kept staring at Tywin and then at each other.

She had been busy the whole day with taking inventory of the grain house as Tywin went around the castle meeting new faces and learning their names and roles.

Dinner was fraught with awkward pauses. How did he forget how to speak with Joanna? How did his chatty wife turn into a statue?

Whenever there was uncomfortable silence he drank wine, he had to ask for an additional bottle. He did not miss the look of disapproval in Joanna's eyes

He was relieved when Maggy came to take the children

"No you smell like rotten apples," Cersei protested "I want to stay with father!"

"That makes one of us," Joanna murmured

Maggy dragged a protesting cersei out as compliant Jaime followed

"Joanna, it has been many many moons since we..." he caressed her cheek, and wanted to bury his face in her hair.

"No, you are a setting a bad example for our children, you shall not share my bed until you stop drinking like a common drunk."

Tywin stared at her in shock she pushed his hand back

"Children, we have two children or had you not noticed? They want their father's attention! You have responsibilities. I have been looking after your family the whole of the westerlands while you played lapdog to Aerys. I raised those two beautiful babes on my own. All I wanted was my husband back and now you're here you would rather… drink."

"It is not like that far from it Joanna I merely wish to..."

"I care not, if you choose the drink, then by all means, go the full course go and fuck some women too. Father some bastards. If you haven't already."

"Joanna I need you..."

"Your bloody children need you!"

"I know that I… Joanna I crave… I know…"

"i married an intelligent man but in this moment my three year old babes will provide me with better conversation than a common drunk."

Joanna swept out of the room leaving a speechless Tywin.

The next day Tywin decided to be better. He woke up early. He announced himself and entered Joanna's cambers she was in her sleep clothes braiding one of the twins hair as the other slept

"There's no wine in here," Joanna told him curtly

Tywin smiled to himself, her wits were charming.

The child was struggling, "no too tight mama."

"May I?" Tywin asked

Joanna shrugged, Tywin held the squirming child in his lap and braided her hair

Joanna watched his hands deftly tame Cersei's curly locks

"Genna would oft need her hair tied, she did not want servants touching her hair." he explained, Joanna rolled her eyes, she knew that, she knew everything about him, she had spent hours listening to Genna, Gerion, Kevan and Tygett talk about Tywin.

Tywin reached for Joanna, surely she would have forgiven him after that, instead Joanna pushed a sleeping Jaime into Tywin's arms

TYwin helped Joanna bathe the children feed them, she said he wasn't needed when it came time to teach them their letters, he was not a good teacher.

Tywin waited for Joanna for dinner in their solar. She arrived late and left when he kissed her, citing some issue with the chef.

He stared at Joanna's vacated chair. Where was his Joanna who loved him? The one who did rituals for his long health. Not only was he a terrible military strategist, how many men had he lost? How many were now cripples? Now he was a terrible father and husband. Tywin took the wine to bed, dinner forgotten.

When Tywin woke up he was not alone, when his vision cleared. Joanna as looking down at him

"Something has changed between us," she stated

"Yes," he agreed simply.

"What has happened to you?"

"The Uprising it was..." He began, pursing his lips

"Yes yes the great and mighty lion she rolled her eyes you saved the kingdom."

"No!" he wanted to say "people lost their families because of my mistakes!" but she wasn't done

"I told you once and I tell you again if you are not concerned with our children you should go back to your master, you have been his for three years why not go back?"

"Joanna, will you please for a moment just listen to what I have to say?"

Joanna felt a twinge of guilt, underneath it all this was the man she loved, if he was drinking, there was a reason, this was a man of reason, a man of control, he was a perfectionist if he was acting strangely there had to be a good reason.

"I am listening," she told him she placed her hand on his cheek and stroked his face with her thumb, he must be in pain, her wounded lion. She moved into his embrace, he had been back for days and she had been denying herself the one thing she wished for every night in her cold and lonely bed. Was there a woman more stupid than the one who dreamed to be in her husband's arms and then rejected it as soon as he came back to her?

"Joanna the uprising it tore families apart, it was hellish the depravity, we lost so many men, my hands bled writing ravens to the families telling them their men…"

Joanna had heard nothing of the sort only that the gods had granted King Aerys victory

There was a knock at the door

"Not now!" Tywin thundered

Joanna rubbed Tywin's back, she frowned in confusion, she slid her hand under his tunic, yes there was a scar that wasn't there when he had left her three years ago.

"Mlady," Maggy spoke "th' lull Lady Cersei 'as 'ad a fawll."

Cersei flew out of the bed her hair flying in her sleeping clothes she ran to the hall, cersei had fallen off the table trying to do a headstand.

Tywin read a raven, a mother of a soldier had written to him thanking him for returning his body to her for burial.

Tywin crumpled the paper and grabbed for the wine

"She's fine," Joanna said breathless, "I ran back," she laughed, leaning against the closed door, "tell me about the uprising."

She saw the wine in his hands, there were tears in her eyes.

He had made his wife cry. He dropped the wine bottle on the bed and pulled her into an embrace, she had come willingly holding him tight, digging her fingers into his skin and then she pushed away and left his chambers.

Tywin could find no solution in sight. He missed Joanna, it was absurd missing someone who was an arm's length away.

The distance between them was as far Sunspear was to Winterfell. He wanted to bare his soul to her, but at this moment he wondered if she would even care. He was exhausted, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. Before when their eyes met, their lips soon followed, now she stared at him with hatred or suspicion.

Joanna was afraid of nothing. Except Aerys Targareyn. Some people believed that he was obsessed with her and would go to any lengths to have her. That was not the reason she feared him, she was worried that she would lose Tywin to him. As she watched her stranger of a husband she wondered if the King had done what he had once said, that he would take from her what she cherished most. He had been jesting but Joanna had been scared. Joanna was a pious woman, she had no sin in her heart, no hatred however she had pride. She was a Lannister after all. They said the gods punished pride more than any other sin. She was proud of how much Tywin loved her and she was proud of her children. She wondered if the Gods were punishing her by taking Tywin's love away from her and replacing her in his heart with alcohol.

Twin's Nameday

Joanna was a practical woman. She was known to be emotional and spoke her mind, she had not been brought up not to be the wife of a Lord of a great House. She thus never expected that her husband considered a substitute father figure for orphans, and even his extended family thought of him as a beloved uncle would be anything less than a good father. So how she wondered angrily was he so aloof with his own children?

Joanna had since the age of 10, donned the confidence of one who would have the perfect life. Maggy had told her that she would wed Tywin, that he would be faithful to her, and they would have a happy marriage. That was why nothing phased her, not Aerys, not any woman in existence they were all her sisters and not her rivals because Tywin was hers alone, jealousy was an alien concept to her.

Now jealousy burned in her breast as she dressed. Tywin and Cersei were in red, Joanna and Jaime were in gold and white. It was the twins nameday.

Tywin had come back to her but he wasn't there with them. Joanna was frustrated she thanked the gods for everything but what a cruel joke was this? Sending back a man with her husband's face but not his spirit. Where was her lion?

The nameday feast was lively and the Bannermen and minor lords milled around.

Joanna was tired she kept Jaime close as Cersei babbled to Tywin ceaselessly.

Tywin turned his gaze to Joanna, normally she could because of their shared practical nature read his eyes they looked haunted. What was it, a woman? What had dulled his shine?

"You never let him speak how will you find out?" she chastised herself

She reached out and took his hand

"Joanna may we speak?" he asked

"Yes," she agreed quickly

"After this," he said derisively his men had died without a thank you and here they were in their silks and velvet, these useless lords who'd never been to war

Then the murmurs began as Joanna pulled her hand back so fast eyes flashing, that Jaime toppled off her lap she caught him and started apologising

A laugh was heard, Joanna looked up and saw the source, a most striking woman, lips dress hair - all red. Tywin followed Joanna's gaze as Cersei yawned.

Joanna looked from the woman to her husband.

"Go, speak with her, dance with her fuck her too," she said covering Jaime's ears

"What's fuck mean mama?" cersei asked

"Ask your father," Joanna said turning away

Joanna sat in stony silence as Tywin called over his nervous cupbearer. As Tywin drank, Joanna felt like she was drifting further from her husband and their vows.

"My lady," Tywin greeted the lovely woman, "my lady wife is indisposed I am..."

"I know who you are she smiled I am Lady Melisandre from Volantis."

"Welcome to the westerlands my wife and I hope your stay will be pleasurable." It was the standard greeting.

Melisandre looked at the fury on Joanna's face, "Oh it shall be," she said kissing Tywin's hand.

He looked at her in surprise his drink addled brain futilely signalling him of danger, a woman kissing a man she was not related to was not acceptable.

"Do you have business in the west?" He asked not liking how her touch felt.

"I am here to see your children."

"Atleast someone is interested in my children," Joanna said from behind Tywin

"Hello little ones," the red woman said warmly

Jaime stared at the woman as Cersei frowned at her, mama didn't like her, neither would Cersei. Cersei hated anyone who her mama didn't like, apart from father he was the only exception.

Lady Joanna's rudeness had become the topic of the auspicious nameday. Melisandre had asked Tywin to dance he had obliged.

Joanna wanted to tear out Melisandres hair, she would ask Maggy what this was. Why did her dream turn into a nightmare.

She ushered jaime and Cersei back to their seats

"How is he supposed to control the seven kingdoms when he can't even control a Lannisport wench?"

Joanna knew they would talk but he was the culprit he was getting drunk and dancing with other women!

"Mama what's a wench?"

"Ask your father, Cersei," she replied mechanically

"I hear she has been denying the Lord his rights," a voice whispered loudly enough so could Joanna hear

"I wonder who she's been warming her bed with these past years"

"Are those babes even his he barely looks at them"

Joanna felt the rage rise inside her slowly suffocate her.

"I heard she performed her wifely duties under King aerys"

Joanna was at her limit there was just so much she could take, she felt moisture under her thick lashes, and a dull ache in her chest

She looked up as a figure blocked her vision "Joanna would you care to dance?"

She heard someone say if she was my wife i wouldn't even ask I would just take her

She took Tywin's hand, nodding, not trusting her voice to speak without breaking.

Tywin was so relieved he was worried that she'd reject him. As formidable as he was, even he had his limits.

When they danced she heard no could talk, they didn't matter, she was a lion they were sheep their gossip need not concern her. This concerned her, the man holding her, the children he fathered those were her only concerns. She had looked after these ungrateful wretches for years in Tywin's absence, and in return they said that there's a price for birthing twins and now they questioned her honour. For a moment the pious Joanna Lannister wished everyone who was not them would burn, they were all enemies. The moment passed.

"Will you speak with me still?" he asked

"About?"

"Joanna do you still care for me as the day we wed?"

One of the many reasons be loved her was her honesty, he felt as deeply and as passionately as she did but she unlike him, was strong enough to express her emotions. As a young lad the fear of being laughed at had chased away any and all inclination to express himself it was only in his wife's company in the safety of their marriage bed that he could bare his soul without censorship.

Joanna had loved him even before she knew what love meant, she didn't answer she couldn't answer. She could never love a man who didn't love her children

"Joanna please answer me I need to hear that you still feel something anything for me... is there someone else who has claimed your heart in my absence?" The idea was a blade repeatedly stabbing his heart but he needed to understand what was happening and why.

"Yes," she said

Tywin felt agony like he'd never felt, the blow he felt on his back protecting the king paled in comparison.

"Name... him," tywin said icily, he knew his heart would never beat again after she named whomever she had fallen in love with, atleast it wouldn't be Aerys she named.

"Lannister, Jaime and Cersei," Joanna said pushing away from Tywin

"Mama look at us!" Cersei was jumping up and down

Cersei and jaime were attempting to dance

For a moment as Tywin pulled her into a hug and her eyes were on her children, Joanna was happy. Then the red woman swam into view looking like an all consuming fire.

"No," she said pushing past tywin. As Cersei and Jaime chased each other around the other dancers, Maggy watching the golden twins.

Let the lords talk, she needed air, she walked past the sheep. She felt naked, their judgement and cruel words felt like shit and garbage being flung at her she had just stepped into the sept when she felt a hand on her arm, she was spun around

"I can't even remember our last kiss. I was at war and all i could think about is I may die today and I cannot remember the day i last felt you... I knew I could not die until I felt you in my arms again..."

She flinched was he implying that she wasn't doing her wifely duties by him? The nerve of him! Who knew the amount of wenches he'd had during the uprising. Maybe he even submitted to Aerys gods knew Aerys wanted Tywin's utter and complete obedience.

"All I remember my Lord Husband is how hard it is to be the helpless wife left at home. All i remember is how hard it is give a promise to our babes that their father is coming back lest giving them false hope. that was me for three long years, tywin. You left me alone for three years!"

Tywin could barely keep up with the barrage of words she threw at him, he wanted to agree with her but his lips refused to separate.

"You speak of pity for the soldiers you've lost in the battle and the families they have left behind. Do you not see, tywin, i was also a wife waiting for her husband to come home. Your children, your wife, we were one of those families praying that you will come home safe and we will be together again."

"Joanna i am here I am your husband I am their father I want you this all of this. I am trying..."

"Try harder Tywin! You're a father they've never met. I told them stories about how brave how handsome how brilliant you are but... You're just a drunk! They say this was a small uprising how small was it when I have lost everything save my babes."

"Joanna you've lost nothing I am here I am home now"

"Apparently I lost you."

"Joanna, What has gotten into you? he asked looking down at her, I have never for one moment stopped loving you, it comes as naturally to me breathing, however in this moment you are vexing me."

"Me? I am vexing YOU? I ruined my body birthing YOUR babes and you're out there she pointed toward the hall putting your hands on her! What has she got that I don't? Youth? High birth what? Tell me!" she asked pummeling his chest. How had her future come to this? This hazy unclear painful mess.

"Joanna stop that you're the Lady of Casterly Rock"

"To think I could've married the king"

"Why didn't you?" Tywin asked petulantly, he wasn't deaf he'd heard the rumours, but if the king himself told him that he'd fucked his wife and Joanna said otherwise he'd believe Joanna.

Because i love you she thought but blurted out, "I ask myself that every night!" in true Lannister fashion making a bad situation worse

She wanted him to hurt like she hurt. She wanted him to feel what she did when people laughed about Aerys touching her she wanted him to feel how it felt to live in a castle with 300 people and miss someone so badly that she'd cry out his name in the middle of the night.

"You're this small tywin," she pinched her fingers to indicate, "you are no match to the king but i chose you and this is how you repay me you put your hands on her in my presence?"

"She's a guest what should i have done turned her away?" Being compared to Aerys generally made him feel good since everyone agreed that Tywin was superior but this claim from his wife confused Tywin, on how to react the alcohol had dulled his wits but he knew the truth Joanna hated Aerys. It was one undeniable fact.

"I'll turn her insides out," Joanna vowed "I'll claw out her..."

"So much passion for her yet none for me," Tywin said bitterly closing his eyes he couldn't look at Joanna she was driving him to the point of madness. Having Aerys thrown in his face was bad enough having her so close but not his to touch was cruel and unusual punishment.

This was not what he had expected what he'd dreamed of their reunion these last three long tortuous years.

He wanted passion she'd show him passion she thought

Tywin blinked when Joanna slapped him. He knew then and there that Loving Joanna would never be enough he could never give her up no distance no time apart could lessen his need of her.

He stopped her hand before she struck him again, she tried her other hand he held her other hand as then they stumbled clumsily against the wall

"Fuck," she breathed, as Tywin freed her hands which she put to removing his clothes. It was a race, one she always won, as he'd get distracted and started kissing her before fully undressing her.

"I'm trying," he said as he fumbled with her dress

Somethings never changed she grinned wolfishly, her Lord Husband was always defeated by the knots of her dresses.

"Oh gods," Joanna gasped as she heard fabric rip

"Fuck the gods," Tywin responded

In the sept? Joanna's mind raced, it was bad enough they said that twins were a symbol of defiance against the gods. They believed that when a man loved his wife to excess even more than he worshipped the gods they would be cursed with twins.

"Yes," she thought "fuck oh good yes this was fine the gods didn't mind they were married it was good it was always good."

"Mlady mlord?" Maggy askedtentatively

"Maggy. fuck. off." Joanna whined as Tywin withdrew from her arms.

"I was this close," she hissed at Maggy," to..."

"Disrespecting the gods?" Maggy asked she didn't believe in the seven but her employer did

Tywin quickly excused himself as red as his clothes.

Joanna and Maggy joined the party to see cersei and jaime dancing clumsily as everyone falsely complimented the twins good naturedly.

"Yoh may want to see this Jowanna," Maggy said cryptically

Jaime kissed Cersei's cheek.

"Hey," cersei wiped her cheek "what that for?"

"Papa kisses mama because she's pretty."

"Oh you think I pretty?" Cersei asked

Jaime nodded shyly

Tywin stopped beside Maggy who was holding Joanna's arm

"Oh you pretty too," cersei exclaimed, then she kissed jaime on his cheek

"what that for?" He asked grinning

"Mama kiss papa because she love him," Cersei told him matter of factly

Joanna looked at Tywin if the truth was so simple that her babes could see it why was it so hard to be one with her husband? Would laying with her husband have solved their problems? Did she truly want their first time after 3 years to be desecrating the sept? Would it have caused the gods to destroy their family? She swallowed down the lump in her throat, the gods needn't bother both she and tywin were passionately destroying their marriage by their own hands.

As Joanna turned from Tywin he turned to the cup bearer, Lord Tytos come again someone whispered which made Tywin's blood turn to ice. His two greatest fears turning into a fool like his father and losing Joanna's love were quickly being realised. Well he thought things could not possibly get worse and unlike Joanna the wine actually was there for him when he needed it

Kevan and Tygett unceremoniously dumped Tywin onto his bed they picked up the twins putting them on the bed before bidding Joanna a good night.

Tywin made a fool of her, apparently Joanna had driven him to drink.

"Kiss your Lord father goodnight," she told the children

They kissed his cheeks

"Now mama you kiss papa," Cersei demanded

Joanna kissed Tywin's forehead

It was joanna's name on his lips not the red woman's not any other woman's

Even with the alcohol coursing through his veins he was thinking of her maybe there was hope yet to salvage their marriage she thought ushering her sleepy children out.

The dinner the following night was the worst, Malice had been ill, there were maggots in the grain and there was an outbreak of fish poisoning. Tywin and Joanna had barely seen each other the whole day.

The more he looked her way the less she acknowledged his presence.

"Joanna are you happy in this marriage? he asked, Tywin wanted to make his wife happy, that was what he had promised her but he was failing miserably, Tywin Lannister never failed.

She looked at him mortified

"Maggy!" she yelled whispering urgently. Maggy took the twins.

"I promised you Joanna that I would be the only one you would ever need if you married me, I told you that I would not hold you in an unhappy marriage, that as long as you wanted, I would love you more than any," If he could only tell that he loved her and only her in a language that she understood.

She just looked at him in disbelief

Tywin knew without a doubt he in true Lannister fashion, had just made things monumentally worse. She had, even after he danced with the Red Lady been willing to fuck him. She had the classic beautiful Lannister rage that enveloping her right now. She was furious and he hadn't even drank a single drop of wine today, well if his wife wouldn't fuck him, at least his life was willing and able.

"I don't believe you. You have the gall to say that to me?" she pointed to herself she threw the napkin on the table. "I tell you to bond with your children I tell you to… and you threaten to dissolve our marriage if I don't share your bed?"

"Joanna I did not mean I was..." Tywin's eyes widened in horror, never in a thousand years would he willingly separate from her. It was inconceivable.

"Save your breath, go and lie to her face not mine and lie on top of that red whore!"

"Joanna please," he reached for her

"Touch me again and I will gut you I swear it." She was a Lannisport girl she could gut a fish within an eyeblink.

His arms retreated to his sides

She fixed a disapproving glare on him before striding out.

He looked at the wine on the table, he knew he should not. He sighed and walked over to the table.

"Jaime don't kick me."

"I'm not kicking you. aw stop that cersei that hurts."

"Stop crying Jaime!"

"I am not crying Mama is crying."

Joanna stared at the wall separating her from Tywin. He would dissolve their marriage. This was meant to the love of their lifetimes. Even if he did leave her, she would never get used to sleeping alone. Even after 4 years she always imagined him next to her. What of the children would he allow her to see them or would they forget that they had a mother by the name of Joanna?

Curse maggy and her lies Joanna thought, who was happy? This was the definition of happy marriage? She felt bad for those with unhappy marriages. Did they not all say how lucky she was to marry a man who loved her more than life itself? Maybe his life meant nothing to him. What happened to him in the uprising? Was it a woman?

No she did not defy all of Westeros to Marry Tywin and to let him go without a fight. There was something else at play. No she would not give up without a fight he was her husband, he was hers. She got up and walked to his chambers, this their coupling had always been easy, they were each other's mirrors, they were golden perfection. He needed to remember that he was hers.

She let out a strangled cry finding his chambers empty. She slid to the floor crying even harder. Never in a thousand years did she expect him to leave her.

Tywin returned to his chambers in good spirits. He had handed the unopened bottle to a Payne boy, a good squire, nursed Malice right back to health. Kevan had gave him some good counsel when he had rode to Dorna and Kevan's Estate on Malice

"She says not to touch her because I drink, she is the reason I drink."

"What is the issue here brother, your wife, the fairest woman in all of the 7 kingdoms, has been looking after the whole Westerlands for the last four years. She's raising your children alone. You need to appreciate her more. She deserves any and everything she asks for."

He would stop drinking.

He opened her door after a small knock.

His children were sleeping

She would come back no doubt. He undressed, washed his face and slipped into bed

Joanna was at 2 am giving Maggy her marching ordered in-between suppressing her tears

"On what grounds? Jowanna?" Maggy asked with a yawn

"Lying, How can I trust you?"

"What have I lied to yoh about? Jowanna?"

"That's Lady Joanna do not be so insolent! You said I would have a happy marriage and you said that he would be faithful!"

"Yoh still the only woman he loves."

"Others take his love! Has he fucked other women?"

"No he's only lain with yoh."

"Oh," Joanna was slightly mollified, "still it is not a happy marriage."

"Goh to sleep Jowanna yoh are exhausting me." Stupid Westerosi Maggy thought.

Joanna returned to her chambers to find Tywin was sleeping with the twins clinging to him.

All the distance and the doubts melted away.

Joanna woke to Tywin watching her sleepily

"Good morning lord husband," Joanna said radiating with the happiness blossoming inside her

"Good morning my..."

"Mama. I am hungry," Cersei told her mother blocking her father from her mother's view

Joanna looked for the earliest moment to speak to Tywin. It came after lunch when Cersei thankfully had fallen asleep and Jaime sat with her pretending to read as he played with his sister's hair

"May we speak?" Joanna asked Tywin taking his arm entwining their fingers

"Yes of course I wish to clear up some misunder…"

She pulled him into his chambers and started pulling off his tunic

"Joanna?" Not that he minded his wife's touches no matter how aggressive she was, was she not yesterday ready to leave their marriage?

She turned him around, "what happened?" she asked tracing her finger tips on the scar

"I saved the king's life."

She kissed his scar

Joanna and Tywin lay in bed together, as he disclosed the details of the uprising. He kissed and hugged her at the extra sad parts.

Joanna stared at the ceiling thinking how quickly things had changed, then again were Lannisters not passionate creatures? She looked at her husband, he pulled her into his arms she kissed him eagerly

"If you wish to keep sharing my bed," she said against his lips "you must promise if you take wine, nothing beyond a cup."

"I swear, nothing beyond a cup."

"Why are you so agreeable all of a sudden she asked inspecting the new bite on his neck

He reached over burying his face in her neck, trailing kisses down her body, I wonder why

She giggled resting her hands on his head as he settled between her legs, his side whiskers tickling her inner thighs.

"Would you have really dissolved our marriage…?"

Whatever answer he gave was swallowed by her cries of pleasure.

The end