A/N: I have to shamefully say that the new (and most probably) last chapter for YMCA anon will not be uploaded tomorrow because I'm Terrible and haven't started writing it yet.

BUT in other very important news, the first chapter of this story NOW HAS ILLUSTRATIONS DONE BY niniton on tumblr/attackoncomic on instagram! You can read the First Kidanpping complete with the beautiful, amazing, precious illustrations either on AO3 (story under the name The Kidnapping of Eren Jaeger: The Complete Saga) or on my tumblr if you search the tag "tkoej" - the address would be: chenziee . tumblr. com(/)tagged/tkoej (without the spaces and parentheses, obviously)

Commander Erwin walked into the mess hall one morning during breakfast, asking for attention. At his tired, defeated voice everyone fell deadly silent, dreading what was to come and preparing for the worst.

After a few seconds, when he was sure he had the attention of everyone present, Erwin took a deep breath, closed his eyes in mental agony and began his speech. "I really didn't want it to come down to this. I really, really don't want to ask this question." Every single person in the hall bated their breath in anticipation. "Does anyone have any clue where Eren is?"

There was a loud, collective groan. Several people started banging their heads against the nearest hard surface while a few not-again's came from others. Even Mikasa looked exasperated, quietly declaring she didn't even care anymore (the way she nervously grabbed her scarf gave her away, though) and Erwin gave them all a sad smile, feeling their pain. It wasn't even funny anymore.

In the midst of all of this, there was but one hand waving enthusiastically.

And to think Erwin almost gave up all hope... "Hanji, please tell me you know something," he all but begged the grinning Squad Leader.

"I wouldn't go that far." Her grin only widened as she loudly mock-whispered, as if she was sharing a big secret, "But Levi took the day off and he isn't here either."

Erwin blinked at her observation, looking around carefully. He didn't see his friend anywhere which didn't mean he didn't just sleep in for once.

As if. Not even Erwin himself believed that thought.

The crazy scientist just might have been onto something.

Hanji was proven to be exactly right hours later, when Levi and Eren disrupted the ongoing afternoon training with their arrival. Everybody couldn't help but stare at them in disbelief as they passed the sweaty, tired group of soldiers, both almost sparkling in their metaphorical happy little bubble of floating hearts. Some (Jean) gagged at the sight of Eren grinning, a lovestruck look on his face as he sat behind Levi on his horse, snuggled up to him way closer than was strictly necessary.

Nobody moved and nobody said anything as they watched them get off of Levi's horse and lead it inside the stables. They still didn't move when the two emerged back out with what looked like a picnic basket in tow, holding hands, and not paying any attention to anyone but each other as they slowly headed back to the castle. The soldiers they had left behind all did a double-take then, finally processing that that was a small, fond smile on Captain Levi's lips.

Captain Levi. Smiling openly.

It was the weirdest thing some of them saw in their whole life. Weirder than watching a titan materialize out of nowhere. Like finding a unicorn or a talking dog.

Only when the two lovebirds disappeared from sight completely, did someone speak up, "You're all dismissed until dinner."

All heads snapped to look at Commander Erwin at those words. His expression was unreadable but he didn't take back his words. And who were they to question their commander's orders? A loud cheer echoed around the training grounds, some thanking Erwin for his mercy, to which the Commander only gave a tight smile before he stalked off after Levi and Eren.

As the soldiers were gathering their things, there were several meaningful glances exchanged between a certain group – some of them were worried, some were curious, while others were excited. Hanji was the first one to act on the silent, collective decision, grinning in that signature way of hers before she turned around, jogging after Erwin.

Mikasa followed shortly after with a slightly worried frown on her face, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck as she set off in a quick pace. Armin was next, grabbing a weakly protesting Jean on the way. ("But I don't care about what happens to them!" "Stop lying to yourself, Jean.")

Krista looked questioningly at Ymir who only shrugged, throwing her arm around the smaller girl's shoulders possessively, and they slowly made their way after their friends. Sasha announced she was hungry and was going to run by the kitchen before joining the rest, and instructed Connie to give a detailed report if she missed anything. The boy smirked and gave her a proper salute before quickly limping away. (Training did that to people sometimes.)

Erwin knocked sharply on the door to Levi's room while being painfully aware of all the eyes and ears discretely watching and listening from around the corner. He was doing his best to ignore them but Hanji with her dramatic commentary was making that particularly difficult. ("Nobody's opening the door. Anything could be happening in there. They could be sleeping, eating, writing poetry, cleaning, cleaning each other, dirtying each other, doing satanic rituals. Will the big, bad guy try forcing his way through to solve the mystery and possibly get dismembered on the way, or will he be wise and wait for them to finish?")

Erwin took a deep sigh, closing his eyes briefly to gather the strength he needed to deal with all of these people, before he knocked again. It took him several tries but eventually the door opened, revealing a dripping wet Levi, obviously just out of the shower.

"Ooh, now I'm kind of jealous of Eren," a female voice that sounded like the speaker had her mouth full sighed. Probably Sasha, Erwin concluded.

Connie the Wounded Boyfriend followed the declaration with a scandalized, "Excuse me?"

"You have to admit Levi's hot, though."

'Not you, too, Hanji,' Erwin thought, pinching the bridge of his nose while Levi's eyes flickered in the direction of the spying group with a raised eyebrow. He shook his head and looked back at his superior a moment later. "What do you want Erwin?"

"What do you think Levi?" Erwin asked in return pleasantly, belying his annoyance.

Levi folded his arms on his chest, leaning on the door frame as he frowned up at Erwin, sighing, "If this is about me taking Eren out-"

"You mean you dragging Eren off without telling anyone, much less getting permission, right?" Erwin corrected, interrupting Levi, and although he still tried to sound casual, his irritation was now apparent in his voice.

"Whatever."

A chorus of gasps echoed in the distance, but both men ignored the audience.

"Levi, this is a serious matter. You can't just up and elope with him. What if something happened? What if someone attacked you two? What if the military police found out? This relationship in itself is breaking practically all military rules there are, plus some. I really should severely punish you both for all of this, but mostly you. Even without the stunt you pulled today."

Erwin didn't stop there. He went on and on for some, listing all of the reasons he was angry and every disciplinary action Levi and Eren should be facing. He looked more and more frustrated as he went on, while Levi only looked more and more uninterested. The audience was holding their breaths the whole time, waiting for one of them to snap.

When Erwin paused to take a deep breath so he could continue, Levi grabbed the opportunity to interrupt him, "So what are you going to do about it, dad? Ground me? You can't very well 'punish' me properly or the military police would definitely know. And we don't want that, do we?"

Erwin gave him a cold glare, replying in a calm yet deadly tone, "Indeed. I won't be taking any military disciplinary actions but I can and will make you regret this." Levi gave an unimpressed snort at that and Erwin narrowed his eyes at him. "I mean it, Levi."

"Right."

At that moment, the bathroom door inside the room opened and Eren came out, fully dressed, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. His brows furrowed in confusion at the scene before him, asking uncertainly, "Uhm, is something wrong?"

Erwin opened his mouth to chew Eren out as well but Levi was faster. "No, it's nothing. Erwin was just leaving."

The door was shut resolutely in Erwin's face then and dead silence fell over the corridor. Both the kids and Hanji shrunk away in fear, trying to blend in with their surroundings when a very, very dark aura started emitting from the Commander.

"Hanji," he said finally in a low, authoritative voice, sounding every bit the commander he was.

Hanji squeaked in surprise but jumped to attention immediately, "Yes sir!"

"You're in charge. All of you here will go through the castle, top to bottom. You will search every room, every closet, every corner in this building. You will confiscate every and all cleaning tools you find – soaps, rags, mops, everything – and put them inside the room next to my office. Now."

Erwin could say he was satisfied when Levi came to him grovelling before the night even ended, swearing up and down to never ever just up and kidnap Eren again, no matter how much Hanji keeps him away from him doing stupid experiments. If only he gets back his cleaning supplies.

Mike, who was standing guard at the door to Levi's treasure and witnessed the event, had to fight back his laughter the whole time, especially at the sight of the face Levi made when Erwin gave Levi a definite refusal, obviously enjoying the power he had over Humanity's Strongest in that moment.

Still, even as Levi stood in the kitchen that evening, staring with disgust at the dirty dishes they were unable to clean with no soap and no rags, he couldn't bring himself to regret spending the day with Eren. Even if it meant he had to suffer looking at those dished for two more days.