Sorry for the lack of updates. Again. I've been working crazy hours and therefore haven't had time to even contemplate writing.

Enjoy!

Chapter 10

"I'm in love with you." Olivia utters quietly having taken a steadying breath to calm herself amongst the argument that was guaranteed to unfold if she hadn't.

Both women stunned into an uneasy silence, Olivia gazing around the room. Anywhere but at her blonde detective in the hospital bed, eventually settling on an undetermined point on the hospital standard white wash walls. Amanda has her gaze trained intently on Olivia, her lips slightly parted in surprise at the words that have just been echoed by her lieutenant. Resonating around her mind on a seemingly unbelievable loop.

"Huh?" Amanda finally asks, after minutes of trying to grasp a hold of Olivia's words tumbling around inside of her brain.

"Don't make me repeat it again Rollins." Olivia grumbles in exasperation, her eyes still fixed at that point on the wall.

"You're really, did you, what?" Amanda stutters, unable to believe what has just been spilled from Olivia's lips. The blondes head tilted to the side slightly whilst she contemplates and tries to digest the admission.

Long minutes of quiet fall over Amanda's hospital room, both women lost in their own thoughts regarding their current situation until Olivia begins to shift uncomfortably. Overwhelmed with the desire to escape the room, to run away from the potentially unmatched feelings of her subordinate.

"I should just, uh." Olivia says, trailing off before pointing over her shoulder towards the door, before turning on her heel and moving towards the exit of the room.

"Liv, wait." Amanda says urgently pushing herself into a more seated position as Olivia stops in her haphazard tracks towards the door, her back now to the blonde's bed. Olivia's shoulders clearly tense, her posture obviously uncomfortable as she considers her next move. Run away or face the Pandora's box she has apparently just opened.

"Why Amanda? I need to know why." Olivia begs, still refusing to turn around and face the woman she has fallen in love with.

"Why what?" Amanda asks, confused by the question. Is Olivia asking her why she should wait? Why the drugs? Why the medical power of attorney and Jesse? Why she feels that way about Amanda? If Amanda thought she was confused, Olivia was clearly matching her level of confusion at present. Unsure of how they proceed from this point.

"I don't know. All of it?" Olivia sighs, clearly exasperated with the whole set of circumstances.

"Liv, turnaround. Look at me." Amanda asks quietly, suddenly unsure of herself when the request leaves her lips. The request doesn't fall on deaf ears though, and slowly Olivia turns to face the hospital bed once more. Keeping her eyes glued to the floor though since she is sure that everything she is feeling right now would be seen should she meet Amanda's penetrating blue orbs.

"I shouldn't have said anything." Olivia finally tells Amanda.

"Why? Because I'm venerable? Because I'm in the hospital? Because I don't feel the same way?" Amanda asks, the questions finally causing Olivia to look up and meet Amanda's eyes.

"Exactly." Olivia says simply, shrugging to emphasise her uncertainty.

"Yes, I am a mess. There's no point me even denying that at this point is there? But Liv, you're wrong. I do feel the same way. I have for, for a long time." Amanda says quietly, her gaze wandering to her hands resting on top of the hospital sheets, the slightest hint of a blush creeping up her neck.

"I need to know." Olivia says simple, earning a questioning look from Amanda. "The, uh, the drugs Amanda. How long, why, what were you thinking?" Amanda takes a deep breath, she knew she would have to explain, or try to, sooner or later.

"I wasn't. Thinking, I mean. Jesse, she was, is, such a handful. She wouldn't sleep, I was exhausted all the time. It started as a hit once in a while to get me through the day. You know? Then before I knew it, it was, I was, out of control. I couldn't stop. It was every day, more than once a day. I just, I had no help and I was, am, alone, raising an extremely energetic toddler that seems to thrive on zero sleep." Amanda tells her lieutenant.

"You have help, support. You only had to ask." Olivia tells Amanda, hurt that the blonde detective had never approached her or anyone else for help, hurt that Amanda had clearly been struggling and no one had noticed.

"I know. I may not have, but I see it now. I'm so sorry Liv, so so sorry." Amanda stutters, tears falling from her eyes as she speaks.

"Oh, 'Manda." Olivia says soothingly, moving towards the side of the blonde's bed and taking her hand.

"I'm so sorry Liv. I really screwed up this time." Amanda mumbles between tears and heart wrenching sobs, clinging to Olivia's hand as if her life depends on it.

"Shhh sweetie, we'll get you through this. I promise we will." Olivia tries to sooth the distraught woman in front of her.

"How? Fin knows, Cabot knows. It's in my medical records. I'm done Liv, I'll be out of the department. Hell, I might even end up upstate if they think I was high on duty. All the perps we have put away in the last two years will challenge their convictions. I've screwed this up massively." Amanda rambles, her tears still streaming as she struggles to find words.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Fin would rather get you help than snitch. No one is going to find out about this. We're going to get you help, get you sorted, and then we're going to move on. You're going to get through this Amanda. I promise." Olivia tells her, trying to reassure the rapidly escalating emotions of the injured woman in front of her.

"And Cabot?" Amanda asks cautiously.

"We will fix this Amanda. Just calm down ok? Jesse needs you. I need you. The squad needs you" Olivia says in a calming voice, trailing her free hand through Amanda's unruly blonde locks.

A long while passes with Olivia continuing her comforting actions to relax Amanda while maintaining a palpable silence. Amanda's body shifting slightly so she ends up leaning into the body of her lieutenant. Olivia speaking reassuring words to the clearly concerned and distraught blonde.

"So, you're in love with me huh?" Amanda finally asks, pulling her body away from Olivia's to give her a cheeky smirk.

"Zip it Rollins." Olivia teases back, tucking a stray piece of blonde hair behind Amanda's ear affectionately.

"What happens now?" Amanda asks, the stoic expression rapidly back on her face.

"Well, you have to get discharged first, but after that, I'm guessing rehab. We need to speak to the doctor and see what his recommendations are. Although he hasn't said so much, I'm assuming they put you in the medically induced coma to give your body time to get the Amphetamine out of your system and allow your heart and injuries time to heal without the effects of withdrawal as well." Olivia surmises.

"Makes sense I guess." Amanda answers.

"Would you, you know, be willing to go to rehab?" Olivia asks carefully, trying to gauge the blonde woman's feelings regarding the matter.

"What about Jesse? She's going to think I left her." Amanda says thoughtfully.

"You almost did Amanda. More than once." Olivia tells her solemnly without skipping a beat. "You need to get better. Jesse is good with me for a while, if that's what it takes."

"Let's see what the doctor suggests." Amanda responds rationally after taking a heavy breath.

"I will say this though, whatever the doctor suggests, once you're out of here, you're staying with me, or Fin. If he doesn't tell you to go to rehab that is. Those are your options" Olivia tells Amanda sternly.

"Ok." Amanda agrees without so much as the slightest hint of a fight. "I want help Liv, I do. I want to get better. Jesse doesn't deserve a junkie mother as well as an absent father."

"Good, because that daughter of yours, she's a precious little girl. Smart and beautiful, just like her mother. She deserves the world Amanda. Both of you do." Olivia tells the blonde, earning a bashful smile from Amanda as she speaks.

"Amanda." Comes a voice from the door causing both women to focus their attention away from the other. Olivia quickly stepping back from the edge of the bed when she notices the looming figure of none other the Lieutenant Declan Murphy entering the room.

I know it's a little short, but it's been a while and I needed something to get myself back into the groove if you like. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. Hit review please, and apologies, kind of… another cliffhanger of sorts ;) x