Note: So... this story is not so happy. I decided to write this after getting a suggestion to do another chapter and after having a really rough week where I've been depressed the whole time. So that's been fun.

Anyway, I know that this story is done a lot, but I really wanted to focus on the idea that L is depressed and not so much on the interactions between the two of them. Once again there is no dialogue and I cut out the message scene because I couldn't find a good way to write it without dialogue. Anyway, review or favorite if you liked this or have anything to say at all!

L's PoV~

I sat in our room. My room.

I stared out the window as the drops of water began to drip from the sky. The dark sky crackled with low rumbling thunder.

A flash of lightning flashed across the sky, tearing a rift in the darkness of the clouds.

I closed my eyes, the dark thoughts cascading over everything. I dared to think of that night. I dared to think about if I had merely held onto the Death note a little tighter, how I might have saved him.

How I might have kept him.

I bowed my head and stood slowly. I walked out of the room, passing the slices of uneaten cake Watari had left for me. I felt the oppressive weight of the silence that followed me wherever I went. I couldn't help but miss the quiet rattle of the chain and the soft padding footsteps of Light-kun behind me.

Every night, I lay awake staring into the darkness, wondering how the lack of Light-kun's quiet breaths as he slept, could leave me feeling so empty.

I wandered up the stairs, moving as though I was wading through a never-ending pool. I opened the door to hear the dull crash of rain hitting the roof.

Slowly, I walked out into the rain. I flinched as the cool drops hit my face, but I liked the soft thumps of the water. I raised my head to look at the dark sky spreading outwards for the foreseeable eternity.

My hair fell heavily onto my face. The cool water slipped down my neck. I was comforted by the chill as my cloths began to hang thickly to my body.

I let the crash of the rain overtake my thoughts. I stared at the sky, trying to find a way to feel alive.

I wondered what I could have done differently. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

I looked over towards the door to see Light-kun.

I hated myself for still wanting to hold him. I wanted to run to him. To drag him out into the rain with me. I wanted to have him tell me everything would be okay. I wanted him to smile at me like he used to.

But none of that was possible. My Light-kun had died in that helicopter that night. My Light-kun had been killed by the Death Note.

I focused on the pattering of rain, hoping that the dull tolling of the bells would go away.

Light-kun joined me, the water quickly soaking his hair and cloths. When I looked into his eyes, dark and slanted, I knew that I was already dead. I stared out at the city before me, the water covering everything in the deep splashes of darkness.

I tried to think of all I had done. I tried to imagine my place in the world. With all the death I had seen, how long would it have been until I snapped?

I knew I wouldn't still be standing there if it weren't for Watari. Without him, I would have never met Light-Kun. I would have never met Kira. I would have never solved the hundreds of mysteries I had. I would have never even left Wammy's house.

Light-kun had moved closer to me. I wanted to brush those wet bangs out of his eyes so badly it almost hurt. I didn't know how I managed to resist. I wanted to collapse to the ground, the weight of my despair finally overcoming me.

The edge of the building looked so welcoming. But I knew that my end was coming. Every time I looked into Kira's eyes, I knew he was planning to kill me. Every time I saw Kira in place of my Light-kun, I felt my heart shattering.

I looked down at the still red circle on my wrist from where we had been chained together. I missed those times where we had held each other, alone, comforted.

I should have known it was too good to last. I should have been prepared to lose him. I had known what was coming hadn't I?

Yet, no matter how much it pained me to see Kira masquerading as Light-kun, I didn't think I could send him to his death. I couldn't bare the pain of knowing that I had killed Light-kun.

I closed my eyes, trying desperately to block out the tolling bells. I tried desperately to get the image of Kira's eyes out of my head.

A single tear slipped out of my eye, hidden in the downpour. I watched it fall down and collect in a puddle at my feet; another empty drop lost in a sea of rain.

I didn't feel anything.

I knew I was gone.

Watari had died.

Light-kun had died long ago.

Now, my heart was stopping.

My words were lost in silence.

The tolling bells had ceased.

I stared upwards as Kira caught me.

I wondered if Light-kun would have done this. I wondered if this was the true Light-kun or if this was Kira.

I supposed that the two were one and the same.

I let the silence encompass me. I almost felt lighter. I felt as though the painful weight of Light-kun and Kira had been lifted off of me.

I watched Kira smile above me, but it only filled me with sadness. I had nothing left.

Watari.

Light-kun.

Kira had killed them both.

Kira had won.

As I stared at Kira's sneer, I couldn't help but wish that I could kiss Light-kun one last time.

I felt my body slowing to a stop. My mind clouded over.

I closed my eyes slowly. Watching the room above me go dark. I watched Kira's malicious smile fade beneath my eyelids.

I hoped that one day, I might get to see my Light-kun again. My Light-kun without Kira.

I hoped to see the Light-kun that had grown so dear to me only to be violently ripped away.

I let the silence, think and heavy, cover me, quieting my mind and allowing me to relax into the emptiness.

Kira had won.