Chapter 1. Dazed And Confused

She studied the face in front of her with a kind of detached curiosity, eyes tracing over familiar features that suddenly appeared completely foreign. It wasn't obvious at first what had changed, what aspect of the present physiognomy was different from before.

The nose and cheeks were thinner, perhaps, more angular, having traded the softness of adolescence for the more defined edges of maturity. When had this happened? The eyes—which had always appeared older, haunted—no longer seemed at odds with their corresponding features.

The child with the eyes of a soldier was now just that—a soldier. Resolute.

She tilted her chin forward and the face copied the motion, those haunted eyes regarding her mutely from under dark lashes. So familiar. The history of the past five years was beginning to reveal itself upon her flesh, the scar below her right eye only a small piece of its cruel scripture. She thought about all that had happened in her time since joining the Survey Corps, how it had changed her. Changed them.

Eren.

He had changed too. No longer a boy, but still not yet a man. She knew that if she looked into those green eyes that she would see reflected back at her the same pain that she now observed in her own. So familiar.

And yet, despite how much he'd changed, there was so much about Eren Jaeger that was, and always would remain, the same. His indomitable spirit, his headstrong resilience and stubbornness—traits which both saved and hindered him—these would never change. Nor would his strong will and desire to save mankind. Nor would his feelings for her.

Eren had held her heart in his hand, and for what seemed like an eternity she had waited for that moment she could have his in return—clutching the red scarf at her neck like it was a promise, a substitute—and waited, waited, waited. But the moment never came, and despite his tenderness and sympathy, some things just can't be returned without being broken. And no sooner had he given back her heart did it crumble into pieces in her hands.

And then there had been Rubie, a girl with flame-colored hair and a familiar shade of green eyes. So familiar. And, really, it was just so achingly perfect the way she burned her way into Eren's very soul and effectively branded him as hers. He'd leaped willingly into that flame, joyously.

And the pieces of Mikasa's heart reduced to ash.

Suddenly, everything she had fought for, everything that motivated her, that made her want to live another day in this bleak world that had taken nearly everything from her, seemed utterly pointless. Because everything, in actuality, had been him. Ever since he wrapped his scarf around her neck on that fateful day which seemed so long ago.

But she loved him, and she saw how happy he was for the first time in a long time. How happy she made him. And Mikasa new she would never be able to give him that. She could give him her heart, her love, her protection, her whole goddamned life, but she would never be Rubie.

So she let him go.

After finally accepting that Eren would never be hers in the way she wanted, that he'd never feel for her what he did for Rubie, she became a ghost. She fumbled through the everyday minutiae aimlessly and without thought. She became despondent and withdrawn, especially on missions, not caring if—no, just hoping a titan would reach out and grab her and put an end to all the hopeless misery. It wouldn't be the first time she'd gotten so careless.

Don't screw this up by making it personal, you understand?

His words had come to her unbidden one day. Why, she couldn't say; she hadn't seen the short-statured captain in almost a year. No one had.

We all get that you love him, but try not to act crazy.

Not that she would ever admit it, and it wouldn't be until much later that she'd even realize it, but it was his words that had served as the catalyst for her decision. The decision to shake the ashes off and rise from their depths. Or, as the captain himself might've said, pick your sorry ass up and quit acting like a little bitch.

She smiled grimly at the thought and scoffed, breath fogging up the mirror. She supposed she was lucky the shorty hadn't been around during her moments of weakness, for she could only imagine the ass-handing she'd have gotten for it.

The change wouldn't happen immediately, however. She'd spent nearly six months drifting in a wretched shell, and it took another two for her to come to terms with the fact that the captain's words held a lot more weight than she had previously given them. It was, after all, not just her life on the line; It was one thing to act reckless and get herself killed, but something entirely different to jeopardize the lives of everyone around her. The lives of her friends.

It was then Mikasa realized she had no idea who she was. Everyone needed a cause, something to fight for. For Eren, it had always been humanity's survival; Despite the horrors he had witnessed so early in his life, despite the atrocities he had seen humankind to be capable of, he was still good and just. Mikasa, for reasons she didn't fully understand, held a more jaded outlook on the hearts of men. Except for one, of course, and he had already broken hers.

But what does one do when the cause is lost yet the battle still needs to be fought? What happens when the cause you had clung so tightly to turns out to be as incorporeal as blood and dries and vanishes just as quickly? It took a while to figure it out. Too long, she thinks now.

Mikasa had had many a good look in the mirror with herself over the course of the last year—watching and assessing as the pieces of her old self crumbled and cracked to give way to something new. She'd dedicated herself to honing her body and her skills as a soldier over the past five years, doggedly and efficiently fulfilling her role as the weapon everyone expected her to be. How ironic then that the girl "worth 100 soldiers," arguably one of humanity's strongest warriors, should feel more machine than human.

Who are you? She would ask her reflection on multiple occasions. Who are you besides the lovesick girl from Shiganshina? Who are you besides the strongest soldier? Who do you think you are?

Yes, she'd had some time to think about these questions.

Now, staring into the eyes of her reflection, she understands that, aside from the physical changes that had occurred from five years in the Survey Corps, it is the unseen changes that make her appear different. So familiar, so foreign.

This wasn't the fifteen-year-old Mikasa who took up the wings of freedom alongside the boy she loved, who painted her life in every shade of Eren Jaeger and refused to explore any other hue. Those had been the actions of a girl. And somewhere along the past year that girl had died and was replaced by someone new.

"Mikasa Ackerman."

She shifted her eyes across the mirror to glance at the owner of the voice—a soldier she recognized but didn't know the name of. A lieutenant. She was tall and lanky, with a mop of white-blonde hair and an unfortunate case of acne.

"I'm Lieutenant Matheson. Forgive me, Hanji said I'd find you here. I've come to escort you to Commander Smith," the woman said carefully, perhaps curious as to why Mikasa practically had her nose pressed against one of the mirrors in the bathroom.

Remembering herself, Mikasa turned to face the soldier head on and saluted.

"Aye, Lieutenant. Thank you." The time had flown by quicker than she had expected, and she was glad she'd finished her workout and shower before her scheduled meeting with Erwin Smith. She'd been informed by Hanji yesterday that the Commander would be expecting her in his office by noon sharp. She had no idea for what but guessed it was most likely important.

Lieutenant Matheson nodded, a sign for Mikasa to drop her salute, before spinning on her heel and briskly exiting the shower room.

The march to the Commander's room was silent, but Mikasa didn't mind. She wasn't in the mood for conversation. Her hair was still slightly damp underneath from her shower, and she thought, not for the first time, how it was in need of a cut. At the very least it would dry faster. But with no Eren Jaeger to prod her, she'd let the black tresses grow until they grazed her shoulders.

"The Commander is waiting for you inside," Matheson spoke suddenly, jolting Mikasa from her thoughts. She hadn't realized they'd reached his door. "Knock first."

The lieutenant turned and left without another word, and Mikasa watched her retreating form briefly before facing the door to Erwin's office. She took a moment to ready herself before knocking three times. She heard his deep voice from within telling her to enter and she corrected her posture before slipping into the room.

"Ah, Miss Ackerman. Excellent. Thank you for coming." Erwin sat unsmiling behind his desk, but she could see an amiable gleam in his blue eyes as he watched her cross the room toward him.

"Commander Erwin, Sir. You requested my presence?" She saluted, forcing herself to hold his gaze steadily. Erwin Smith may have been sitting down, separated from her by a sturdy oak desk, but he was still an intimidating man to look at.

"At ease, soldier. Yes, and not just you," his eyes left hers to stare at the door she had just entered from, full brows creasing and a slight frown tugging at his thin lips. "At least one of you was on time."

She decided against asking who the second person was. Erwin inhaled deeply and returned his gaze to her, gesturing to one of the two chairs before his desk.

"Well, I suppose we can discuss one of the reasons I called you here today. Please, sit."

She nodded and took the chair on the right, pulling the leather-backed seat away from the desk and sinking into it gently. No sooner had her back met the leather of the seat than Erwin was speaking again.

"Cadet Ackerman, you are being promoted." While Mikasa had always appreciated Erwin's straight-to-the-point style of communication, she was not at all prepared for his statement. She was glad he had offered her a chair.

"Sir?" She sputtered, absolutely stunned, and then quickly added, "promoted?"

Erwin nodded slowly like he was explaining it to a young child, but his eyes weren't unkind.

"That's correct, Lieutenant Ackerman."

Mikasa managed to refrain from gaping at the man, bowing her head forward slightly and widening her eyes. She had definitely not been expecting this. She inhaled to speak, but Erwin pressed on.

"This has been a long time coming. You've always been one of the Corps' best soldiers, but you have shown particular growth and initiative within this past year that is nothing short of commendable."

Mikasa was brought back to her earlier musings in the women's showers. Apparently, others had noticed her changes as well.

"Sir, I don't know what to say. Thank you."

Erwin didn't smile, but that same look from before gleamed in his eyes. "Don't thank me, Lieutenant. You've done well in your service to humanity. This development is only to be expected."

This isn't flattery—she knows him well enough—he's simply stating a fact. She dips her head again in thanks but remains mute.

"Under normal circumstances, I would be assigning you your own squad to command," he said without looking at her, pausing to scribble something on a sheet of paper in front of him before adding, "you've shown much improvement in the leadership field."

The unspoken hung heavy above them, and she dipped her head again, this time in guilt. This wasn't the first time she'd been summoned to Erwin's office. Granted, it had been over half a year ago, but the circumstances had been much different then. She'd been much different.

Your recklessness is endangering not just yourself but the lives of everyone around you.

Again, her thoughts drifted to her earlier musings in front of the mirror.

"I'd like to think that I have, Sir." The remorse in her voice wasn't affected.

The Commander lifted the paper he had been writing on and passed it across the desk to her, pen proffered in his other hand in a wordless indication for her signature. One glance at the paper and she knew it was the official document stating her new position as a lieutenant. She scrawled her name as Erwin spoke.

"You remain headstrong as always, and perhaps a bit too quick to fire," he said, voice entirely business, "but given your current trajectory, I believe that you could one day make a strong captain."

Her head shot up to look at him, hand paused midway through Ackerman. His mask did crack then, the barest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

"What's more, you remind me of someone," he added, voice devoid of mirth despite the subtle expression he bore.

Before she had the opportunity to ask him who, the door whipped open with a bang. She barely controlled herself from starting in her chair, managing instead to turn calmly and see who was responsible for the loud intrusion. She heard Erwin mutter something like "about time" under his breath, but she was too preoccupied with trying not to gape at the person who had just entered the room.

Speak of the devil…

Captain Levi strode into Erwin's office like it was now his own, leather boots thunderous against the wood floor. It had been nearly a year since she'd seen the short man, yet his usual expression of boredom was just as she'd remembered it. She saluted wordlessly, muttering his honorific. He ignored her. So did Erwin.

"You're late," the latter said, voice flat.

"Tch. By five minutes. Some shitty brat cadet held me up." The captain stopped behind the other chair, placing his hands on its back and leaning his weight forward in a casual stance. Mikasa bristled but held her tongue. And her salute. The gall of this man.

"I had hoped to speak with you briefly before we commenced with this meeting," Erwin said slowly, the irritation barely audible in his tone. Only then did Levi address Mikasa.

"At ease, Cadet." He didn't look at her, just cast his glance in her general direction like she were nothing but a distraction. She dropped her salute, unable to hide the passive aggressive swing of her arms as she brought them dramatically to her sides. The things she'd forgotten about him…

"That would be Lieutenant Ackerman, Captain," Erwin said, and she thought she heard a note of amusement in his tone. Levi did look at her then, slate eyes blasé. His left eyebrow arched curiously.

"Lieutenant Ackerman," he amended, yet the word dripped heavy with sarcasm, sounding more like an insult than an honorific. If he seemed surprised by the development in her rank he didn't show it. She refused to cower under his piercing gaze.

"Let us sit and discuss the reason we're all here today," Erwin drawled, turning his attention back to the papers in front of him as if to prove the pissing match between the two soldiers didn't interest him in the slightest.

Mikasa held the Captain's gaze for a few beats longer before sitting stiffly. Levi remained standing but turned his eyes to the Commander.

"Levi, I received your letter three days before your arrival, just as was anticipated, and we shall be going over the details later," Erwin began, voice entirely business despite his addressing Levi by name. "However, I will tell you that this topic today is related to your current assignment."

Levi's face remained indifferent, his right index finger tap-tapping against the supple leather of the chair the only indicator of his growing impatience. Erwin was deviating from his usual cut-to-the-chase approach, and Mikasa supposed it was probably due to her presence. She was walking into this with no context, after all. The Commander's next words confirmed her suspicion.

"Lieutenant, for the past year and a half Captain Levi has been charged with a highly confidential mission to find and monitor a group of extremists calling themselves The Redeemers." He paused, regarding the young woman before him carefully before continuing on. "We've been monitoring their activities for nearly two years now, with the Military Police driving the brunt of the investigations. However, recent discoveries have led us to view them no longer as an inconvenient group of fanatics but a full-blown terrorist organization."

The weight of the matter suddenly settled in the pit of Mikasa's stomach. She wondered how she'd never heard of this group before, yet was also curious as to why she was being briefed on such pivotal information.

"This group...are they the ones responsible for the series of child kidnappings in Stohess?"

Erwin's eyebrows raised imperceptibly. "Yes, actually." He inhaled to say something else but paused, casting a brief glance to Levi before continuing. "Based on the intel we have obtained through Levi, it is believed they are harboring a Titan-shifter within their ranks and plan on using this individual as a weapon."

She didn't attempt to stop her jaw from slackening. A Titan-shifter?

"Do you know the identity of this shifter?" Mikasa asked—one of just a million questions on her tongue.

"Not yet, but I'm close." It was Levi who answered. She turned in her chair to regard the man, but his gaze remained on Erwin. She looked back to the Commander.

"With all due respect, Commander, why bring me into this?"

"My thoughts exactly," Levi cut in briskly, and it took every ounce of Mikasa's resolve not to leap from her chair and throttle the man. It's not that she'd forgotten how detestable he could be, but...

Erwin ignored him, blinking slowly at Mikasa before saying, "as I said before, Lieutenant, this is highly confidential, and I plan on keeping it that way. At least until we find this shifter. Under the guise of an alias, Levi has established contact with key members of The Redeemers, but I need another set of eyes."

The blond man leaned back in his chair, regarding Mikasa with a tired expression that made him look much older than his years. He flicked his eyes over Levi for the second time, appearing suddenly hesitant. A foreboding flutter set in Mikasa's stomach.

"Of course, no one can know your identity, Mikasa, so you will be given a false identity as well."

"I'm...sorry," Levi began, voice verging on a hiss. "You can't possibly be suggesting that she become involved with this."

"Levi." Erwin's voice was low. A warning.

"She's a goddamned hazard to herself and everyone aroun—"

At this Mikasa did rise to her feet, the chair skittering back at the movement. The dark-haired captain met her gaze blandly, but she could see the challenge burning deep within his grey orbs. I dare you to try something stupid, brat.

"Enough," Erwin barked, voice not quite a shout but forceful enough to command the room back into his hands. "Lieutenant Ackerman has shown the necessary growth and initiative this past year to warrant not only an increase in rank but also my trust. Therefore, there is no one better qualified to help you in this mission."

Mikasa tore her gaze away from the shorter man to look at the Commander, bewildered by his words. His trust? Levi scoffed.

"I'm spying on a bunch of Titan-idolizing terrorists, Erwin, not babysitting some capricious brat—"

"I don't actually need your permission, Levi," Erwin drawled, gathering papers on his desk and stacking them into a neat pile. "Finish signing, Miss Ackerman," he added.

She bent forward and quickly scribbled the last four letters of her surname before passing the document back to him. He took it and nodded, adding it to the newly assembled pile of pages before tapping the stack into order against the desk with a smack.

"I wish you could have had more time to enjoy your new rank, but as of tomorrow you will no longer be Lieutenant Mikasa Ackerman. You and the Captain will ride out at first light under an alias." Erwin regarded each of them in turn as he spoke, his eyes promising no compromise.

"And where exactly are we riding off to?" Levi sneered, his finger tapping slightly quicker against the chair.

Erwin gave the Captain a warning glance before saying, "Levi, your cover is still the same. Mikasa, you will henceforth be known as Mia. Shouldn't be too difficult to remember. For the sake of your cover, and given the fact that neither of you looks remotely related, I suggest the both of you pose as a—"

"No."

The Commander arched a brow at her audacity, but Mikasa refused to waver. She didn't need him to finish that sentence to know what he was suggesting, and there was absolutely no way—

"A man and a woman traveling alone together who aren't related or involved romantically looks suspicious. This mission is all about secrecy. We can't afford complications due to pride or past disputes." He looked meaningfully at the two soldiers before him, appraising each with a flick of his azure eyes. "The circumstance is less than ideal. Believe me, if I could have chosen a less volatile pairing I would have."

Levi made a strained noise beside her that sounded like he was hissing air through his teeth, but she refused to look at him. The Commander was right, no matter how much it spanked to hear it. At least he wasn't singling her out—he was basically admitting that the contemptuous history of their relationship was just as much Levi's fault as it was hers.

You remind me of someone.

More so, she didn't exactly want to undo all the progress she'd made over the past year and drive him to recant his words of praise he'd just offered her not ten minutes ago. Not even the satisfaction of seeing the smug expression vanish from the short captain's face as she hooked her fist into his jaw would be worth the fallout.

"Fine," the captain muttered, and Mikasa felt like he was speaking for both of them. "But that didn't answer my original question."

Erwin stared blankly at the short man for a few beats before shaking his head slowly. "You're not going to like it."

"Spit it the fuck out already, Erwin." Levi's finger ceased its rhythm.

"I'm sending you to the Underground."

A/N: The idea for this fic was born during a conversation I had a while back with a friend. The topic essentially revolved around the concept of Mikasa (one of our favorite badass characters in AoT) realizing her full potential as a strong, independent woman. For a RivaMika fic, it worked because she's stepping away from the role of Eren's protector and really coming into her own as the amazing character she is.

To that point, let's be clear right now that this is a RivaMika fic. You don't have to be a Levi x Mikasa shipper to read it, obviously everyone's welcome, but I don't appreciated RivaMika haters leaving RivaMika hate on my RivaMika story. There are plenty of ships out there that aren't for me, but I'm not about to go troll that party. That being said, reviews and comments about the story are highly encouraged no matter how negative/positive they are. Stay tuned... :)