Hurting

"Percy stop, you're scaring me."

Memories of Hell race through my head at a million miles a minute. I scared Annabeth. I had controlled the liquids inside Akhlys' body, conforming her to my will. I was terrified at the time, but what was worse was that I was also thrilled.

Tartarus brought out the worst in me, and if I hadn't had Annabeth...well, I don't want to think about what I'd become. But I can still feel it, the power. The hunger. The pleasure. I liked it, and I hate that I liked it.

It's awful, I'm awful, no better than the other monsters that lurked down there. Fighting those demons...I was really just fighting myself. I'm no hero, no better than them.

Now I'm home and the pain should be over, but I'm unsettled by the disgusting feeling in my gut. Tartarus, controlling her blood, that had changed me. Permanently. I could feel it, stronger now than just after the war. This tingling, sickening feeling that pulls at something inside me, like controlling water but on a darker level. It's both natural and unnatural. The feeling has been building inside me for weeks, a raw power that now released once cannot be recaptured.

Laying on my bed at night, I can sense my mother and Paul in the other bedroom. The sound of their blood rushing through their veins is deafening. For a scary second, I think about how easy it would be to stop it. Maybe make it flow another direction, or gather it until it bursts.

I shudder at the thought, what was I thinking?! My mother and wonderful stepdad were not puppets for me to command. It seems like these thoughts are occurring more and more often, but hopefully being at camp with my friends will help. And Annabeth. I need to be strong for her, I can't scare her again. I decide to attempt sleep and hope for the best at camp tomorrow. I'm not a monster and I will control this, I have to.

For Annabeth.