A/N: Thank you to everyone. I love you(nicorns). Please enjoy this exceedingly cheesy epilogue.
Miles tried to remember how he had ended up here, explaining his romantic life to a group of Wright's associates (and daughter). It really wasn't any of their business, but they had all been asking so many questions over the past week or so that it was really easier for both Wright and himself if they explained everything at once.
"So, are you going to tell us what happened to make you guys realize you were soulmates?" Maya Fey asked eagerly, looking as energized as she did whenever she talked about those Khura'inese soap operas she so enjoyed. She was on the sofa with Pearl Fey and Athena Cykes. Kay was sitting on the arm of the couch near Pearl, one leg crossed over the other.
"No," Miles said flatly, folding his arms. He had agreed to answer a few questions, not to tell an entirely too-long, complicated story (which spanned decades, if he were being honest with himself).
Trucy, sitting between himself and Phoenix, looked up at him and huffed. "Oh come on, we've been waiting ages to hear about that!" she complained. She crossed her arms, too. "You totally owe it to me to explain, after last Friday when I walked in on—"
"Whoaaa, okay, let's not get into that!" Phoenix stopped her, flailing his hands and flushing. Miles felt his face heat up as well. The post-New Year's debacle aside, evidently he and Phoenix just had terrible luck and even worse timing when it came to... alone time (Miles' apartment was usually the location of choice from that disaster onward). "The story involves years of embarrassing letters, lots of courtroom drama, some Captain Morgan, and a mug of coffee," Phoenix went on. Well, at least he hadn't revealed too much. The defense attorney sat up straighter, his expression lighting up. "Oh! And a unicorn," he added with a grin. Ah. Miles had spoken too soon. He reached over and stepped on Wright's toes. "Ow," said Phoenix.
"A unicorn?" Kay repeated, tilting her head and looking confused. Of course she would focus on the single most embarrassing part of that whole thing, Miles thought bitterly.
"There were absolutely no unicorns involved," Miles asserted in a growl, shooting Wright a glare.
"Yes sir," he said quickly. He was smiling at him, though. He then winked, because Phoenix Wright made it his goal in life to be simultaneously the most infuriating and amazing person in Miles' life.
"Wait... you said 'Captain Morgan,'" Pearl pointed out. Her eyebrows drew together in thought. "Wasn't that the name on the bottle of funny tea at Thanksgiving?"
"Why, yes, Pearl; yes it was," Phoenix said, pointing to her like she'd answered a question correctly in class. Pearl sat up straighter and wore a proud smile, her eyes sparkling exactly like an over-eager student being praised by their (infuriating) teacher.
"Pearly!" Maya gasped, her head whipping to face her cousin sitting next to her, her hair decorations swinging about. "You served Mr. Edgeworth Captain Morgan?!"
"Well, yes," Pearl said, shrinking a little under Maya's intense gaze. "W-Was that not okay? Mr. Edgeworth asked for tea...I didn't see any green tea, so I just picked the only thing that said 'tea' on it."
"Pearly," Maya said, covering her face with her hands. "Captain Morgan is alcohol."
Pearls made a noise like a mouse being stepped on. "Oh no!" she said, her face looking horrified. "I-I'm so sorry!"
Phoenix put his arm around both his daughter and Miles. "I'm not," he said, sounding rather pleased with himself. "It was thanks to that little slip-up that—"
"That's quite enough, Wright!" Miles interrupted frantically. "W-We really don't need to tell them everything, do we?" He gave him a look that he hoped was suitably intimidating, or at least beseeching.
Phoenix slumped, retracting his arm. "Aw, but I like that part," he pouted. Well, of course he did. He wasn't the one who ended up looking like a drunken moron by the end of it.
"I'm just glad I don't have to keep your feelings for Mr. Edgeworth secret anymore," Athena sighed in a relieved sort of voice. Widget resembled a green robotic rabbit today.
Miles glanced over in surprise at the other man on the couch. "Ms. Cykes knew?"
"That's news to me, too!" Trucy said, looking a bit accusatory at the young attorney. Athena slouched a little guiltily.
"Well," Phoenix laughed awkwardly, "She, uh, may have Mood Matrixed me at some point in November and, uh..." He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks going pink. "...figured out more than I wanted her to." Miles raised his eyebrows. He hadn't known that, either...
"As long as Wright is being honest, I suppose I should attempt to be as well," he sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose. He locked eyes with the Great Thief sitting on the arm of the couch. "Kay also knew about my feelings towards Wright."
"Psh, I'm pretty sure everybody did, but yeah," Kay admitted with a shrug.
"None of us could ever get her to talk about why she was so sure you guys belonged together," Trucy said, looking disappointed as she lowered her top-hatted head.
At this, both Miles and Phoenix looked down at the young magician. "What?" they both blurted.
"What do you mean, 'none of us'?!" demanded Phoenix.
"I never discovered how she came to know all of your associates in the first place, Wright," Miles pointed out. All the girls seemed to stiffen up at his words.
"Oh yeah, good question," said the defense attorney, nodding. He reached into his pocket, and looked around at the room. "Yup, you're all still swimming in Psyche-Locks," he muttered. "All right, everyone: We're coming clean, so it's time for you to 'fess up, too."
Trucy looked sheepish. "Oops," she said, grimacing around at the other girls. "Sorry, everyone..."
"Meh, it's all right," Maya said, waving her hand dismissively. "We've accomplished our mission, so we may as well tell them."
"You think so?" Athena said, surprised.
Pearls nodded decisively. "Yes, I think we should tell the truth, too."
"All righty then," Kay said. She sounded a bit apprehensive, and she was biting her lip, but she motioned towards her small friend anyway. "T-Take it away then, Pearl..."
The small spirit medium took a deep breath. "We all—that is, myself, Mystic Maya, Trucy, Kay, Miss Athena, Mr. Apollo, and Miss Ema..." She looked down at her lap for a moment, but when she lifted her face again, she looked absolutely determined. "We all formed a sort of club to get the two of you together!"
Miles and Phoenix stared.
"A... a club?" Miles said blankly.
"Apollo too?" said Phoenix weakly.
"Yeah... he was probably our most reluctant member," Trucy giggled. "But yep, that's our big secret: The existence of Project: Matchmakers!"
Phoenix reached into his pocket again, and his eyes widened. "Wow, I've never seen so many locks shatter at the same time."
"Project... Matchmakers..." Miles parroted. "What... what in the world...?"
"Basically, we'd all get together and discuss ways we could hook you two up," Maya said with a shrug, slouching against the back of the couch. "The mistletoe was my idea."
"The Secret Santa drawing was mine," Athena chimed in, raising her hand.
"Rigging it by only putting in your two names was Polly's idea!" Trucy chirped. Ah. So the Secret Santa drawing had been staged after all.
"And I, um...gathered information," Pearls said, ducking her head, her cheeks going pink.
"The stalking!" Phoenix realized. He put a hand to his chin, considering. "That would explain that weird evidence scrapbook, too..."
"Stalking?" Miles thought a moment. "Wait," he said. "In November... when you said you'd been feeling like someone was watching you... Surely you can't mean...!"
Phoenix sighed and shook his head. "Actually, no." He looked over at Kay, resting his hands on his thighs. "Pearls did indeed start following me around then, but she was terrible at concealing herself. The feeling that I was being watched... That would be the work of one Miss Kay Faraday, I'm afraid."
"Hehe...oopsie," Kay giggled weakly, offering Miles a smile so cheesy it would have gone well with wine.
"Kay... you...!" Miles sputtered. "You were following Wright around?!"
"I already apologized to Mr. Wright!" she said, hiding her face. Pearl patted her back. "Please don't be too upset with me, Mr. Edgeworth...!"
Miles massaged the spot between his eyebrows and heaved a great sigh. "If Wright has forgiven you, I suppose I should as well," he said resentfully.
"I've forgiven worse," Phoenix said nonchalantly. He probably didn't mean it as a jab towards Miles—he definitely didn't—but Miles still felt a terrible shock of guilt anyway. He clenched his fists. He might be happy with Phoenix now, but it would take time to work through those issues, Miles thought.
"So wait," Maya said suddenly, "It sounds like all of this started in November, including the Captain Morgan at Thanksgiving." She rested her chin in her hand, her eyes drifting up to the side as she thought. "What happened with that to advance your relationship?"
"Ahaha, I think Edgeworth might hurt me if I answer that," Phoenix said, glancing over at Miles with a guilty smile.
"Aww, you're no fun, Mr. Edgeworth," Maya pouted, puffing up her cheeks.
Miles knew he would regret this, but he spoke. "I left Wright a voicemail on Thanksgiving," he said. He felt his face burn. "In it, I... was rather more forthcoming than usual."
"Ooh, Mr. Edgeworth!" Kay said, practically bouncing right off the arm of the couch as she leaned forward intently. "Did you confess your love?!"
"No," Miles said, at the same time that Phoenix said "Yes." They looked at each other. "Yes," said Miles, while Phoenix said "No."
Everyone stared.
"So, um...which is it?" Pearl asked timidly, moving her gaze from Miles to Phoenix.
It was Phoenix who spoke up next. "I guess you could say the answer is... kind of?" He smiled, uncomfortably.
"No way," the older Fey choked, her eyes going wide. "So... did you guys get together back then?"
Phoenix met Miles' eyes, asking wordlessly if he could answer. Miles nodded, and Phoenix turned his head to face Maya again. "I guess it was right after Thanksgiving, then, yeah."
"NO WAY!" Maya shouted again, standing up from the couch. "So this means... all the time we were planning all these ways to get you together... you'd already gotten together?!"
"Um... I guess so?" Phoenix said, looking taken aback by her sudden intensity.
"So all of our efforts were for nothing? You didn't even need our help?" Maya lamented, hanging her head. Then, suddenly, her head snapped back up. She looked stricken. "Wait a minute... that means..." Her eyebrows angled down, and she clenched her fists. "I WON THE BET!" the Kurain Channeling Master bellowed. "I WON, AND I STILL PAID APOLLO TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!" She stomped her foot.
"B-Bet?" Miles repeated.
"I have to make a phone call," Maya muttered darkly, whipping out her cell phone and marching out of the room, a woman on a mission.
"Uh, anyone care to explain?" Phoenix asked, looking around at everyone. He looked as baffled as Miles felt.
"Maya and Apollo made a bet about when you'd get together," Trucy explained. "Maya bet that you'd be together before Christmas. Apollo bet that you wouldn't. They wagered two hundred dollars."
"T-Two hundred?!" Phoenix stammered, his eyes going wide. "I didn't even know Maya had money to throw around like that!"
"Well, she does perform channelings on request now," Pearls reminded them.
"Hm, that's true," the defense attorney conceded, rubbing his chin. "Wait, that's not what I should be focusing on!" he said next, shaking his head. "What were you guys doing making bets about Edgeworth and me?! That's pretty rude!" He had a point, Miles thought, although knowing these girls, he couldn't say he was surprised.
"Hey, it wasn't our idea," Athena said, grimacing. "That was all Maya and Apollo."
"So, does that mean..." Trucy looked up at Miles, her deep blue eyes disappointed. "When I caught you holding Daddy's hand, and you told me nothing had happened between you two... Did you lie to me?..."
Miles gulped. "I-I," he started. He should have known this would come back to haunt him. He couldn't bear that look on Trucy's face, her lower lip sticking out and her eyebrows drawn up sadly. "It-It had just happened," he finally blurted. "I didn't know whether Wright wanted you to know, so I...!" Trucy just looked more devastated. "I didn't mean to lie," he said desperately. "P-Please, Trucy, don't make that face..."
She sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she still looked a little regretful, but at least she was smiling. "I understand why you didn't want to tell anyone right away. It's okay." Miles let out a relieved breath. "But," she said, a slow smile spreading across her face, "to make it up to me, I have a request."
"O-Of course," Miles prompted her, turning a little to face her better on the sofa. "I shall do my best to accommodate." She was probably going to make Miles assist her in her magic show... surely that couldn't be too difficult, could it?
"You have to let me start calling you Papa," said Trucy, and her sweet smile had never looked so dangerous before.
"What?!" both he and Phoenix exclaimed.
"I'm tired of calling you 'Mr. Edgeworth' and 'Uncle Edgeworth' all the time," Trucy went on. "And since you're only going to get even more involved in Daddy's and my life..." She shrugged. "I'd say it's only fair, right?"
"T-Trucy, don't you think you're rushing things a little?" Phoenix said, his tone placating (or perhaps pleading). He had flushed rather deeply.
Trucy considered for a moment, squinting and tapping her chin. "Hmmm..." She smiled at her father. "Nope," she decided. "I've been waiting for a very long time, after all."
Phoenix flapped his jaw a few times. It reminded Miles of how he'd reacted after that mistletoe kiss. He repressed a smile at the memory.
"Very well," he said, and every person in the room turned to look at him. "If it would please you to call me that, you may." He glanced at Phoenix. "...Assuming your father is all right with it, that is."
"A-All right with it?!" Phoenix breathed, sounding almost offended that Miles had to ask. His brow was knitted in an emotional expression. His eyes looked moist. "I-I mean, yeah, that's okay with me," he muttered, and then turned his face away abruptly.
"There there, Daddy; don't cry," Trucy said soothingly, patting her father's shoulder.
"Trucy's not just a magician, she's a miracle-worker," Kay murmured in awe, her jaw dropped open wide.
Athena nodded fervently. "Brava, Trucy!" she cheered, clapping a few times.
Trucy stood and gave her best performer's bow. "Thank you, thank you."
"Hey, Mr. Edgeworth, can I call you that, too?" the Great Thief joked with a grin.
"No."
Kay laughed and turned to Trucy. "Maybe for your next trick you can get them to move in together," she quipped.
"Oh yeah, uh, about that..." Phoenix cleared his throat and turned to his daughter, who was sitting back down between them. "Um, Trucy, I know this is sudden, but..." He tapped his thumbs together nervously. "W-would you mind if we moved somewhere else? With...with Miles?..."
Trucy's jaw dropped like Phoenix's had done a minute ago. Her eyes bugged out, and she braced her weight on her hands, as if preventing herself from toppling off the couch. "F-For real?!" She darted her eyes back and forth from her father to Miles. Miles tried to suppress the flush that was emerging through sheer force of will, but sadly, as usual, he could not. "We're... we're really going to move somewhere with Mr... with Papa?" The name made something warm flicker in Miles' chest, even if it was strange to his ears.
"If you're okay with it," Phoenix said bashfully, staring down at his feet.
Trucy grabbed one of each of Phoenix's and Miles' arms. "Of course I'm okay with it, you sillies!" she laughed. "I've only been wanting to for years now!"
"Wow," Kay said, blinking her wide eyes. "You've really come a long way from the emotionally-constipated guy I used to know, Mr. Edgeworth."
"I-I beg your pardon?!" Miles responded sharply with a steely glare, though his intimidation factor was probably diminished by the adorable teenage girl currently hugging his arm.
"Oh... this is just... so overwhelming," Pearl murmured, clutching her pink cheeks. She'd been quiet for a while now, Miles realized. Her large eyes swam with unshed tears. "It's all so romantic... I'm so happy for you both...!" She wiped her eyes, for a tear or two had finally escaped.
"He already spent it! Can you believe that guy?! I want my money back!" Maya shouted, stomping back into the room. She took a look around at everybody, her eyes then locking onto her cousin. "Who made Pearly cry?" she said dangerously, her narrowed gaze shooting towards Phoenix.
Phoenix winced. "N-No one!" he yelped, putting up his hands like Maya was pointing a weapon.
"Wright and I were just discussing... future plans," Miles explained awkwardly. It had been hard enough getting through this once; did he really have to do it again?
"They're moving in together and Trucy's calling Mr. Edgeworth Papa now!" Athena exploded, and then put her hands over her mouth, embarrassed at her loud outburst. Well, at least she had taken the pressure off Wright and himself, Miles thought.
"What?!" Maya jammed her hands onto her hips. Miles had thought she would be thrilled, but instead she frowned at them. "You guys, I am so happy for you, but don't you think you're being a bad example for Pearly?!" She gestured to the younger spirit medium, who flinched. Her tone was stern. "Don't you know that you're supposed to get married before you move in together?!"
"M-Maya," Phoenix choked, covering his crimson face. "Please... my heart can only take so much in one day..."
"Trucy has to finish the school year, and Wright had been wanting a place closer to the Agency as well," Miles said, attempting a nonchalant shrug that probably wound up looking more like a nervous twitch. "It's merely more convenient for both of us if I can take Trucy straight to school and Wright can walk to work."
"Mr. Edgeworth, you don't have to come up with logical reasons for things like this," Athena grimaced. She looked almost embarrassed on his behalf. Miles guessed that his voice hadn't been nearly as matter-of-fact as he'd intended it to be.
"Yeah, and the way you're blushing doesn't make those excuses very convincing," Kay pointed out.
"I still say they should get married first," Maya insisted, flinging herself back on the couch. "I mean, I've never even heard Edgeworth call Nick by his first name, and now they're going to live together? You guys have to be role models, you know!" She hugged a surprised Pearl to her chest protectively. "Think of the children!"
"I'm eighteen, Mystic Maya," Pearls reminded her, her voice muffled by Maya's clothing.
"Aunt Maya, don't pressure them so much," Trucy scolded the older woman, which Miles thought was quite rich coming from the interfering magician. "No matter what we did to force them together, Ema was right: they were already moving on their own!" Miles didn't quite know what to make of that reference, but decided it was probably not of import.
"Oh, fine," Maya huffed, releasing Pearls. She pointed at Phoenix with all the force of a lawyer in the courtroom. "But when you two do tie the knot... you better make me your Best Man, Nick!"
"B-But Maya, you're a girl," Phoenix sputtered weakly (That was the problem he had with this?).
"Who else are you going to pick?" the spirit medium exclaimed, throwing up her hands. "Larry?!"
Both Miles and Phoenix flinched. Indeed, that would be a disastrous situation. Miles wondered briefly who he would make his own best man, in such a situation. Inexplicably, Franziska's face flashed through his mind. He pushed the thought away; now wasn't the time to think about this. "M-Miss Fey, please, calm yourself," Miles pleaded. Perhaps he could deal with having to pop the moving-in question to Trucy in front of other people, but popping any other questions... he would prefer very much to do that in private. He wasn't an expert in grand romantic gestures, but he had started to entertain a few possibilities in his mind over the past few weeks. They all seemed so... gaudy, however. Wright knew how he felt. He'd less-than-subtly even promised him to remain by his side forever. Surely, then, he could just... ask, sometime?... No, that was ridiculous. Phoenix deserved better than that...
"G-Guys, I don't think Miles is even a fan of marriage," Phoenix said, face still aflame in a blush. "I mean, he told me himself last year that he 'wishes to remain unwed.'" He must have been referring to the Sprocket case, Miles realized.
"Th-That's right," Miles picked up the lifeline Phoenix had thrown. Of course, back then, he hadn't dared to imagine that he'd ever get to be with Phoenix Wright. Phoenix Wright had been an unreachable, hopeless wish that he could scarcely even admit to himself. His affections for him were akin to someone wishing that they could suddenly sprout wings or gills: a fantastical idea that could never come to pass, something to be enjoyed only in dreams. The idea that he would ever reach a point in his life where he could hold Phoenix Wright in his arms at night would have made him burst into hysterical laughter even a year ago. Quite a bit had changed, and thanks to this emotional, honest, and optimistic man next to him, Miles had been forced to rethink his stance on this particular matter. But the others didn't need to know this. "I have no plans to get married," he asserted.
"Um," Athena piped up, her face suspicious, "Mr. Edgeworth... I'm hearing a lot of discord in your voice..."
"My bracelet's tightening, too," Trucy added, holding the thick gold band. "You're lying, Papa."
"Nggoooh!" Miles winced, bracing his hands on his knees.
"Everybody, please stop... I'm dying," whimpered Phoenix, sinking his red face into his hands again.
"Okay, okay, we're a reasonable bunch," Maya said, though Miles thought her expression looked a little too satisfied for someone who was letting a topic go. Evidently, she had gotten the answer she had been looking for. Had Miles really become so transparent?... "We'll leave you guys alone." She winked. "For now."
"Thanks a lot, Your Mercifulness," Phoenix mumbled into his palms.
"Well, everybody," Kay interjected, hopping off the sofa arm. "I think this news calls for a celebration. I'm thinking... noodles?" She grinned at Pearl.
"I think that sounds lovely," Pearl responded, smiling brightly and standing. She patted the sides of her yukata searchingly. "Oh, but I didn't bring my purse, so..." She smiled up at Miles and Phoenix. "Thanks in advance!"
"Huh?" Phoenix blurted, sitting up again and dropping his hands.
"I'm always down for a bowl of ramen...or eight," Maya threw in, clapping her hands together. She rose from her seat, and rested her hands on her hips, grinning at the two men on the sofa. "Courtesy of the happy couple, of course."
"H-Huh? Huh?" Miles stammered.
"Ooh, I haven't had noodles in weeks!" Athena said excitedly, leaping to her feet. "I'm gonna gorge myself! Thanks, Mr. Wright, Mr. Edgeworth!"
"Huh? Huh? Huh?" Phoenix muttered helplessly, his eyes darting around at all the girls.
"I've been craving some noodles myself," said Trucy, and she too hopped off the couch. "I'll call up Ema to come with us, too!" She looked over at her father and Miles. "You kept a really big secret from us, so I think you should treat us all to dessert, too, Daddy and Papa. There's a fancy cupcake place nearby."
Phoenix looked over at him. "There's really only one thing we can say to all this," he said seriously, getting to his feet.
"I concur," Miles nodded gravely, standing up as well.
"Oh boy... Here it comes!" Maya said, excited. "Get ready, everyone!"
Miles smiled at the man he loved. "Together, then?" he said.
Phoenix smiled back, reached over, and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Always," he said, his voice soft and his eyes warm. Then he nodded, and took a deep breath. Miles did as well.
"OBJECTION!" they both shouted.
A/N: Next time: Miles enlists the help of a spy.
THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S A NEXT TIME!
Please look for "Project: Matrimony" next week on Sunday. It'll be 6-7 chapters long, 5 of which are already written, and it'll be from Miles' and Phoenix's points of view only. Thanks for sticking with me, folks! :)