Rifiuto: Non Miriena

A/N: Written: 2009. Found: 2018.- Licia

Silence rang out across the ice.

Mulhama tucked her legs beneath her, the tears she'd cried earlier drying stiffly on her cheeks. She glanced at Elphaba, who sat fiddling with the zipper of her top; the way she'd fiddled with the necklace that had once been around her neck- the necklace she'd given back to Fiyero. She sighed. She saw so much of herself in Elphaba, so much of Liir in Fiyero.

Of course you see Liir in Fiyero; that's his son.

But it was more than just DNA that Mulhama saw when she looked at the young man- it was the way he smiled- dimples and all- when he was truly happy, the way his eyes lit up whenever he saw Elphaba, or even heard her voice; it was the gentleness of his voice when he was talking her through a difficult time, how he kept a close watch on her, always kept a gentle hand on her and never let her get too out of control. It was in the way he'd play with her to get her to loosen up, how he'd give her the best advice he could on a situation, and regardless of what she chose to do, he was there to support her. It was the pain in his eyes when she gave the necklace back and fled; the heartbreak and sudden realization that he'd just lost the most important person in his world-

Similar to when you lost his father.

She swallowed thickly against the tears clogging her throat. Nearly eighteen years had passed since Liir's sudden, surprising death; she'd gotten over it, she'd grieved and moved on, or, at least, that was what she told herself. But even her second marriage- her husband was wonderful, he truly was- couldn't compare to the years she'd had with Liir; the love and life they'd built together- had built from that first moment on the ice as children, even though they hadn't realized it- and would now never have again.

"I know it hurts," She swallowed; Elphaba didn't speak. "it feels like a part of your soul has been ripped away and you don't think you'll ever recover. It's the worst feeling in the world, losing your other half." A ragged sigh escaped her throat. "And you don't know where you go from here, or how you're going to survive."

She stopped, blinking rapidly as she looked up, in an attempt to keep the tears away. Eighteen years later- almost- and just the thought of what she could have built with Liir made her cry. Maybe she wasn't over the death of her true love, no matter how much she told herself she was. Elphaba turned to her coach, for the first time, seeing exactly how young Mulhama was. Despite her thirty-eight years, and despite the fact that Liir's death had obviously aged her, Mulhama looked no older than twenty, at most. She was young, and she hid the strain and heartbreak of her first husband's death well. A moment passed, before,

"How did you get over it?"

Mulhama scoffed gently before sniffling, tears sliding down her cheeks. "Who says I'm over it? I love my husband, but... you don't get over the loss of your first love." She sighed. "I turned eighteen three days before Yero was born. He was the best birthday present, the best gift in general, I could have ever received. We kept him for a year before giving him to Rima; Liir and I... kissing our baby and walking away was the hardest thing either of us had ever done. It felt like my heart was being ripped out, but Rima... she can't have children, so I figured." She shrugged.

"Rima could have a taste of motherhood, and Liir and I could get back to training, we could get back to competing, and get our sponsors back, and put enough money away to be able to give Yero a comfortable life- a good life- with us. It was supposed to be temporary. I never wanted Rima to raise my son permanently. I thought it'd be a year- two, tops- and then we'd have enough money put back to give him a stable home, a good education... and then... that morning... Liir never... he never woke up. He kissed me goodnight, told me to be up early for training, went to bed and never... never woke up..." She choked on a sob, covering her mouth. "My whole life, my whole world, fell apart that morning..."

She broke down then, covering her mouth with her hands, shoulders shaking. Elphaba listened, silent. The heartbreak she felt... the pain Mulhama carried with her day in and day out, hidden behind tight smiles and a stern exterior... it was grief, plain and simple. Deep, soul-wrenching, heartbreaking grief. She considered reaching out to comfort her, but the coach turned away; clearly she didn't want to be touched. When the older woman finally managed to compose herself, she reached up and wiped at the tears on her cheeks, trying to be calm for the younger woman. "I could never skate again. I was a pairs skater, not a singles skater. I tried, after his death, to get back on the ice, but I..." She lowered her head.

"I just couldn't. I couldn't skate, for three years, I avoided the ice. It brought back too many painful memories. And then," She swallowed. "And then Zoria Diggs came to me and asked me to coach her. I told her no, I wasn't a skater anymore, let alone a coach, and to find someone else. But she persisted, saying she wanted to be trained by only the best, and I was the best. She said that it was my last Ozlympics- before I got pregnant with Yero- that inspired her to seek me out." Tears filled her gaze, and she swallowed thickly against the tears in her throat.

Elphaba lowered her gaze, fiddling with her fingers. She remembered seeing highlights of the figure skating from previous years- the skate Mulhama and Liir had done that had won them gold for the last time- the first as a married couple- and now it was difficult to connect the beaming teenager- for she was only Elphaba's age at the time of those Games- with the woman who sat before her now, let alone accept the fact that within a year of their historic win, Mulhama would fall pregnant and give birth to the young man Elphaba herself had fallen in love with. It was all very surreal.

She knew the stories that flew among the sports world about Mulhama Tiggelar and Liir Kolenhof- it was said, even now, that their hearts beat as one; they were the perfect pair, the darlings of the skating world- the sports world even- with three gold medals and ten overall, married when she was seventeen, and parents at eighteen. But then their perfect, fairytale life came crashing down with Liir's unexpected death from a heart attack at twenty-four. But to see the woman of those stories now sitting beside her, still, so broken over her late husband's death, near eighteen years later-

She took a deep breath. She couldn't go back to Roaring; she was a doubles Roarer; it wouldn't feel right to play without Yero. But she could skate-

Singles or doubles... doubles would be harder; you'd have to spend the majority of the season getting used to a new partner, but singles, you can train and get through the competitions easily. No, singles would be better.

"Mu... Mulhama?"

The older woman turned to her, meeting her gaze, the normally strong, levelheaded woman Elphaba knew as her coach, back in control. "Y.. yes?" She choked on the word, reminding Elphaba that she was human. She stopped. "What is it, Fabala?"

"I... I know it's... it's probably way too late in the game, but... but I want-"

"Want... what?" Mulhama waited. Elphaba took a deep breath, meeting her gaze.

"If... If Fiyero's going to quit Roaring... I can't Roar without him, he's my partner. And... I don't want to just Roar on a team. I'm a Mixed Doubles Roarer... but if my partner..." She swallowed. "if he doesn't want to Roar anymore, then... I don't want to."

Mulhama's gaze widened, and she shook her head. "No, Fabala, don't quit just because he did-"

Elphaba held up a hand. "I can't Roar without my partner. But I can skate. I know it's... six months before competition for the Games, but... I... I promise I'll work hard. Harder than ever, Mulhama, please. Just give me a chance-"

"Elphaba, stop. What... what are you talking about?"

The teenager shifted closer to her. "I want you to train me." She watched the confusion fill Mulhama's eyes before reaching out to take her hands. "I know you told me when I was ten that once I chose, I couldn't change. But... please, Mulhama, make an exception, just this once. I won't Roar without my partner, without Yero. I can't. I want to switch to singles figure skating, Mulhama, please. If I can't Roar, then I want to skate. Please."