POTTERBITS

RAISED BY THE LOVEGOODS: BOOK ONE

"But they are the worst kind of muggles, Albus! You can't leave them here, they are…" Professor Minerva McGonagall tried to get it in Albus Dumbledore's thick skull.

"The only blood relatives he has. And the only ones whom can make the blood wards work. It's best for him, not growing up about magic, and that there is an entire world where he is famous for something he did before he could walk and talk. He would grow up big-headed…" Dumbledore said. "Here he has blissful ignorance and is protected."

"But whom will protect him from them? They hate anything magical, they would hurt him!" Minerva nearly shouted, only holding back to not wake baby Harry.

"Nonsense, Petunia and Lily may have a few squabbles in the past but she'll certainly remember the love she had for Lily and…" Dumbledore repeated.

"She has no love for Lily left! There were countless others whom Lily would have appointed in her will besides Sirius. Remus, the Tonks family, Amelia Bones, the Longbottoms, the Abbotts…" Minerva said.

"The former two are denied due to their status as werewolf and relation to Sirius respectively. The next two have recently lost family members as well and are struggling raising the remaining kids and the Abbotts…er, I don't remember, but there was something." Dumbledore said. Minerva gave him the evil eye. "I am Albus Dumbledore! I know best, and I assure you this is for the best, and no one will get in the way of my plans, I mean Harry's safety!"

As soon as that was said, Dumbledore was hit with a cream pie in the face out of nowhere. A beautiful young woman with dirty blond hair then snatched Harry from a befuddled Dumbledore's arms. "Lovegood Bitches!" she shouts before raising her wand. "Fumos!" and a cloud of smoke obscured the scene, and by the time the smoke faded, she was gone.

"Wasn't that Pandora Lovegood?" Hagrid asked.

"Yes, Yes it was." Minerva said with a smug smile on her face.

Dumbledore wiped the cream out of his face and had a very dejected look on his face. Dumbledore thought of himself as a smart man, he had totally overlooked the Lovegoods, despite being in the will of the Potters, ever since Lily worked with Pandora Lovegood as an Unspeakable at the Department of Mysteries. Of course, he had underestimated the slightly…eccentric family. And he was humiliated for it to boot. "I can still put it right!" he said as he Disapparated.

Hagrid and McGonagall stood there for a while. "So…Leaky Cauldron? Few Butterbeers?" Hagrid asked.

Dumbledore tried to get to the Ministry in time before any paperwork was filed in but. "What do you mean, I'm too late?" the old wizard said to the clerk.

"Yeah, the Lovegoods already have filled in the paperwork correctly and it is approved. No magic can break those. Even if they had filled it in with fruit-odor markers."

At her home, Pandora was holding one of the markers, a dark yellow one, to her nose, as she said with a dreamy look on her face: "Mh…pineapple."

"B-b-but…the Lovegoods have a reputation of being…out there, how would they be able to adopt a child?" Albus asked.

"They are eccentric sure, but no test of St. Mungo's or any mind healer has shown them to be mentally disabled or unfitting for being a parent. So lawfully, and now administratively, there is no way they should have been denied, more so since they are mentioned in the Potter will." The clerk added.

Albus looked pale. Well, there goes his sixteen year plan of getting rid of Voldemort by sacrificing Harry for the Greater Good. The thing he fears most is…what will Harry end up like in ten years?

TEN YEARS LATER, KING'S CROSS STATION, PLATFORM 9 ¾

"Let's go over it one more time. Anti-Nargle amulet?" Pandora Lovegood said as she made sure Harry was well-prepared for his stay at Hogwarts.

"Check!" A bright eleven-year old Harry beamed, holding a necklace with a butterbeer cork up.

"Spectrespecs?" his adopted father Xenophelius Lovegood asked.

"Check!" Harry said as he lifted up a weird pair of glasses, one with a pink lens and a blue lens.

"Gurdyroot tea? You know it's good against Wrackspurts!" his adopted little sister, Luna asked.

"Check!" Harry said as he held up a jar with Gurdyroot teabags.

"And don't you forget…" Pandora began again.

"Watch out for Nargles and Wrackspurts, don't be afraid to be myself, have fun and work hard and make friends whom want to be friends because of me, not because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived." Harry finished.

Xenophilius hugged Harry tightly, and then Pandora planted a kiss on Harry's forehead. "I'm sure you'll do great sweetheart. Don't forget to owl us when you're sorted. Hedwig will always find us."

"Don't worry, we'll send you the Quibbler each week, and next summer we are going to look for Snorcacks in Sweden." Xenophelius said.

Luna hugged her adoptive brother, with her arms around his waist. "I'll miss you big brother." She let go of him. "One final secret Lovegood sibling handshake?"

Harry smiled and did as she said. They did their own personal weird handshake, which involved strange gestures like spinning while trying to swat invisible bugs out of the air, a small tapdance and using their belly's as drums, as they chanted: "Humdinger, flitterbug, belching Plimpy, banana slug! Sunflower, party night, don't let the Wrackspurts bite!" After that chant was done they hugged and laughed.

The whistle of the Hogwarts Express sounded, and Harry boarded the train quickly, waving his adopted family goodbye. As soon as he entered the train he ran into a familiar face. "Hey Neville! Why the long face?" Though Augusta Longbottom only got custody of Neville, due the friendship between the Longbottoms and the Potters, Neville and Harry were allowed to see each other and grow up as friends prior to coming to Hogwarts.

"Trevor got away again, and I can't find him anywhere. I think I may need to put that toad on a leash." He said solemnly.

"He probably couldn't resist the Wrackspurts. I hear they are abundant at Hogwarts and on the train. A delicacy for toads!" Harry said brightly. He then noticed a bushy haired girl with bucked teeth behind Neville. "Oh, who are you?"

"I'm…Hermione Granger? I am Muggleborn. I was helping Neville find his toad…" she asked, a bit surprised by the appearance of the other boy, whom was clearly…eccentric. "Wait, are you Harry Potter?"

"Last time I checked. I even wrote it in my underwear to check. Nice meeting you Hermione!" he said as he grabbed her hand and shook it heartily. "I like you already, you are my new friend!" Harry then pulled her into a hug.

"Er…thank you?" Hermione said. She didn't have friends growing up, being made fun off by others for her looks and being smart. She thought making friends at Hogwarts would be difficult. Apparently not.

"Now, off for toad searching. We start the school year with a scavenger hunt." Harry said as he pulled out a detective hat and a pipe. But one that blew bubbles instead of smoke.

"Where did he get those…we only learn to conjure stuff in seventh year?" Hermione asked.

"It's Harry, don't question it. He is a bit barmy, but he's nice. And if he likes you, he is a friend for life." Neville noted.

"Onwards! To the toad, old chum!" Harry said as they went looking for the toad.

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Not all the people they met were friendly. A certain boy named Draco Malfoy for example. "You'll find out some wizarding families are better then others. If you hang with Squibs like Longbottom or Mudbloods like Granger, it'll end up badly for you. I can help you determine the right people to hang with." He said as he struck out a pale hand.

Neville and Hermione looked hurt by his comments. Harry's reaction though was…well, Harry. "Oh, you poor thing." He said to Draco.

Draco looked at him surprised. "What?"

"I have seen many people with disabilities, but it must be really bad to be born completely without manners and compassion. It is a sad state. No worries, with how the medical sector will progress I'm sure they'll be able to fix you one day. Until then, take this Gurdyroot tea. It's good for the mind." Harry said as he shoved the jar of tea in Draco's hands. As Draco stood by baffled, Neville and Hermione tried to hold their laughter. "Now, if you excuse me, we were looking for a toad. See ya!"

Only a few minutes after Harry and his friends have left, Draco was able to move again and think again. "What the bloody hell just happened?"

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The sorting went smoothly, up until the Sorting Hat went on top of Harry's head. "Get me off! Get me off! Put him in Gryffindor, but please get me off!" the hat begged. After the surprise of the Sorting Hat's reaction died down, the Gryffindors were glad to have Potter in their house. Even if they had to put up with his weird quirks.

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The first Potions class was…something. "Potter, why are you preparing chocolate pudding in your cauldron?" Severus Snape shouted.

"Because after brewing an anti-boil potion there wouldn't be enough time left for baking a cake. No worries, I cleaned the cauldron before getting started on the pudding." Harry said as he scooped up some of the brown, gooey dessert and poured some in a bowl. "Want some?"

Severus Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a whole routine prepared to bully Harry with, but none of it worked since Potter was clearly of his rocker. He doesn't even know how to reply or react to anything that happened in his class. He reluctantly took the bowl of chocolate pudding. In hindsight, the pudding was quite tasty. Though he couldn't be bothered to fully enjoy it.

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The teachers, among which McGonagall, alongside Hermione and Neville looked at something odd. Of course Harry was involved. The mountain troll that was rampaging earlier, was now rather docile, happily munching on some pastries Harry has given him. "He surrendered for fruit pies!" Harry said as if that would make the situation any more sensible.

McGonagall raised a finger, but stopped halfway and said. "Screw it, twenty points for Gryffindor, I'm going to my office, where there is a bottle of Scottish whiskey with my name on it."

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Harry stood in front of the Mirror of Erised. Dumbledore was there with him. "It shows us the deepest desire from our heart." He explained.

"It explains why it shows me with a ham and cheese sandwich." Harry said.

"A sandw-" Dumbledore said baffled. "Don't you see your birth parents?"

"They didn't love me long enough for me to remember them all that well. Besides, I have a loving family with the Lovegoods, no reason to dwell." Harry said, with surprising wisdom. "Dang, now I really want that sandwich." Harry said as he eyed his reflection, which winked at him and reached out with the sandwich to him. Harry reached into the mirror and took the sandwich from his reflection. "Thanks, me!" he said, as he happily munched on the sandwich, put his Invisibility Cloak back on and vanished.

A baffled Dumbledore was left behind again. "There isn't enough brandy in the world…" Dumbledore muttered.

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"Just give me the Stone!" Voldemort said, from the back of Quirrel's head.

"Er…nope!" Harry said as he tossed the Stone, as hard as he could, in the Mirror of Erised. Harry thought of just putting it back in. However, it didn't work out as the Mirror exploded. Quirrel-Voldemort was caught in the blast, his body destroyed by it, alongside the mirror and the stone.

Harry was just knocked on his back. At that point, Dumbledore and Hermione arrived. "Harry, are you ok?" she asked.

Harry jerked up suddenly. "That was awesome! Let's do that again!"

Hermione sighed. "Goddamnit, Harry!"

"That was…the only Stone in existence." Dumbledore muttered.

"Well, that must be real expensive fireworks I just made then." Harry said, like he was stating something obvious, like the weather.

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"But Severus, please…" Dumbledore asked.

"Nope! I am not teaching another year as long as Potter remains at Hogwarts! I am going to open my own apothecary and get rich with my Potions. Let someone else deal with him. Both you, and the Dark Lord can shove it for all I care!" Severus Snape said as he packed his suitcase and left.

There was a huge celebration in the castle, and that was even before it was revealed that Gryffindor won the House Cup. Harry had confuddled the teachers so much none of them had deducted any points form the House all year. So they won by a landslide.

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"Has anyone seen Fluffy?" Hagrid asked one day.

Fluffy had turned upon the Lovegood property, Harry on his back, scratching the middle head behind its ear, as the Cerberus' left hind leg's foot tapped the floor. "Can I keep him?"

"Is he housebroken?" Pandora asked.

"Yes." Harry said.

"Then he can stay." Pandora said.

"I hope next year, you bring a Snorcack, Harry." Luna said.

"So do I, little sis, so do I!" Harry beamed.