"Madoka Gear Rising"

The Holy Quintet + a certain unlucky young man go out for Karaoke at Madoka and Sayaka's requests. Nobody could know where it was headed.

The afternoon sky in Mitakihara had always been something of a relaxed by melancholy time for Homura. Certainly the weirdest, but also a welcome sight due to its beauty. Though it couldn't hold a candle to the nights that burnt into her memory or the days which she longed to cherish, it still held better than the sunrise that signaled impending doom from the time loops. Also, getting out of bed when the sun is glaring in your face is pretty unpleasant. Mitakihara is also much more beautiful at sunset.

"So why are we cooped up in this dark room? I can't even tell if it's dark out." Homura complains. She lied about the last part, but they won't know that. Yet.

"Aah, fart a fucking rainbow, you stick in the mud!" Sayaka complains back as she gives Homura a good smack in the back.

"...Really?" Homura can only manage to respond with a look of sheer confusion and disgust at the wording of her "joke".

Fortunately, Madoka alleviates this as she sits down beside Homura, "Come on, it'll be fun! We can sing together, you know? And next time, we can do whateeever you want!" She pats her on the shoulder.

That alone is enough. Homura jolts up at her touch and relaxes instantly with a grin on her face, as if she just shot up some heroin.

Meanwhile, Mami collapses ass-first into the couch and throws her arms around the back-rest. She groans loudly, "Aaah! Those chairs are so cramped!"

Unknowingly, she had thrown her arm right behind Sayaka, who responded by stiffening and somehow simultaneously blushing and going pale at the same time. "Ah, yeah! I bet!" she nervously says. Inside, she's clearly overthinking whatever predicament she believes herself to be in.

Right on queue, Kyouko barges into the room with Nakazawa in tow. She announces her presence, "Yo yo yo yo! Wassup, bitches? I got the little kid, like you asked!"

Nakazawa stays silent out of sheer terror. Sayaka takes the opportunity and stands up, welcoming them nervously, "A-Ah! Kyouko! Yeah, just let him... Here, he can have my spot!"

Kyouko shrugs and sends him over there. Unlike Sayaka, he seems to enjoy the thought of Mami's arm simply being behind his head. Or at least, he doesn't mind. The devil sitting next to him gives off a residual effect of fear, however.

Sayaka quickly walks up to Kyouko and whispers into her ear while they go back to the couch, "I think Mami's trying to make a pass at me! What do I do!?"

Kyouko tries to keep her annoyed voice down, "Eeeh? Wha'd'ya mean, 'What do I do?' I've been trying to tap that for years!"

"But..." Sayaka stutters.

"What!?" Kyouko becomes more annoyed.

"But how do I tell her I'm not gay?" Sayaka bluntly asks.

Right then and there, it seems as if something inside Kyouko had broken — completely and utterly. She simply stares. A thousand-mile stare, not at Sayaka or anything in particular. Her entire body stops moving, save for the slight trembling which is hardly visible. The pocky she had been chewing falls out of her mouth and onto the floor. The chocolate marshmallow kebab she was holding for afterwards also falls, sticking to the floor and becoming tainted with dirt.

Sayaka notices that her friend has suddenly gone cold. She waves her hand in front of her face and says, "Uh... Hey, you alright?"

"I'm..." Kyouko murmurs "I'm fine. All of my hopes and dreams are shattered, but I'm fine." Her voice is unusually hushed. Deep in her thoughts, she prays, "I beg you, God... My love life sucks. Let me have somebody, just this once!"

Sayaka suddenly looks surprised, "H-Hey! Are you...crying!?" Her sudden outburst attracts everyone's eyes.

Kyouko's voice cracks, "No." She is.

"Was it something I said?" Sayaka guesses frantically.

"Let's just sit down." Kyouko nearly whispers, eyes still flat and colorless. She sits on the other side of Mami. Sayaka sits in the last seat beside Kyouko.

Though busy giving Homura a generous shoulder rub, Madoka obliviously and excitedly asks everyone, "Are we ready? Let's do it!"

"Yeah!" Mami shouts "Who's first?"

Kyouko slowly stands up. "Me." she quietly says, taking out her MP3 player and setting on the stereo stand in the center of the room. She picks up the microphone and jadedly stands there while some sort piano music starts up.

"Hello Darkness, my old friend." she timidly sings.

Everyone collectively thinks at that very moment, "Oh no."

At least two hours pass, with each person taking turns and, at some point, competing for imaginary points. Sayaka is the one who recommended that.

Kyouko's first song was far too depressing to warrant anything but a pity hug. She cried a lot, afterwards.

Sayaka, not being one for songs with actual lyrics, chose a thrillingly loud opera piece that she somehow knew the latin lyrics to. For this, she scored three points from Madoka, Mami, and Homura.

Mami followed up by singing her own theme song. Nobody could really tell if the lyrics were right, and Madoka (being easily impressed) immediately applauded regardless. Mami got three points as well, with Kyouko commenting "That was...beautiful!" and sobbing in despair.

Nakazawa surprised everyone by putting on a Vocaloid song and literally getting every note so on-part that it actually sounded like one of the few male Vocaloids singing it. Even managed to get a slight robotic effect. Four points to Gryffindor. Sayaka murmured to herself at the end, "Tck, pop trash..."

Homura had carefully deduced the best time to act, which would allow her to one-up everyone with her performance while not overshadowing Madoka. Upon her inevitable turn, she decided to surprise everyone by putting on the fastest Japanese rap song she could find and showing off how unfathomably quickly she could sing it without flaw. Unbeknownst to them, she actually fucked up at least 12 times. Despite this, everyone except for Sayaka applauded. She stubbornly refused to give up her point to a devil, so Homura only got four points.

As the last person of the first round, Madoka stands up afterwards and nervously flips through the player to find something to sing. It takes her a minute, but she finally settles on Mata Ashita. By the end of the very soft performance, Homura is literally in tears. She stands up and gives a standing ovation while the others are merely slightly impressed. All in all, she gets all five points.

On the next round, Sayaka's competitive side rises from the mist and announces to everyone, "Alright, now it's time for DUET MODE! Everyone pair up, stat!"

Homura immediately stands up and raises Madoka's hand, "Madoka and I are a team." she says in deadpan.

"Shit!" Sayaka snaps her fingers, then looks over at Kyouko. She's still in a miserable state, although it seems she's exited denial and entered anger. She's merely staring up at Sayaka as if she had just insulted her father. Five sticks of pocky in-mouth, looking like she's about to snap them all in half and devour them like a starving velociraptor. Sayaka averts her gaze and looks to Mami for help.

Only, she finds that her spot was already taken. "I'm with this kid!" she announces, cheerily headlocking Nakazawa, who tries and fails to pry his head from her titanic grip. Sayaka goes pale. Again.

She looks back at Kyouko, who is now standing and still glaring at her a mighty glare. Eyebrows curled upwards, eyes dilated to the size of peas, teeth grit with pocky being the only thing keeping her from grinding them together. She doesn't blink. Doesn't even fucking blink. Her and Sayaka are forced to be partners. Sayaka instantly regrets every decision since the beginning of this episode.

Of course, now the word count is approaching 1500, so we should speed this along. That's right, you just read 1346 words, not counting the ones after that number, which you are reading right now. 1361.

For the duet phase, Sayaka and Kyouko start off. Kyouko forcibly picks out the song: Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant. Sayaka, not knowing the words to most american songs, endlessly blabbered along while being completely outdone by the continuously glaring Kyouko who made everyone uncomfortable. At the end of the song, she gets up in Sayaka's face and growls the last line. Sayaka gulps once and nearly faints on the spot. Madoka and Mami clap out of courtesy, and both of course give them a point; two each.

Next, Mami and Nakazawa spend a minute whispering to each other before getting on with their song. To rival Kyouko and Sayaka, they also pick a rock song, but this time a more eastern one: Ride on Shooting Star. Thankfully, they both know the lyrics quite well, though Mami was the more intelligible of the two. By far the most normal performance so far. Even Homura claps for them. Four points each, since Sayaka was too salty to give in.

Finally, after having given Madoka a quick listen to the song she had picked, Homura confidently takes the stage with her. Without hesitation (well, for her at least), they sing Yume Oto. Though she was nervous about this new song at first, Madoka eventually got into it. Really, really into it; continuously rubbing up against Homura in ways that made her devolve into a giddy schoolgirl. By the end of it, everyone is completely, disgustedly jealous of the two. Especially Kyouko, who at some point had snapped all of her pocky in half out of frustration. They technically clap, but only Nakazawa and Mami give points.

By the end of the second round, Kyouko is in last place, followed by Sayaka, followed by Homura, followed by Mami and Madoka tied, followed by Nakazawa surprisingly at the top.

Aware of her losing streak, Sayaka has enough of this tomfoolery and stands up with a fire in her eyes. She yells at everyone, "A-Alright! So the newbie's in the lead! No big deal, because next is... Next is..." She puts a finger to her chin and begins to think of ways to come out the winner of this predicament.

Suddenly, Kyouko taps her on the shoulder. Her angry glare has subsided, and now she actually talks, "Hey, blue bitch. I know I was mentally killing you a few minutes ago, but I think I know how we can win..."

Though hesitant, Sayaka bites, "Well...if you say so. What is it?"

Kyouko bends her over and whispers, "A karaoke battle. Not just a battle, but a showdown! A lightning round! Winner takes all! Every point is worth ten times! We just have to beat everyone!"

Unlikely to think it over any more than that, Sayaka nods in agreement, "Heeey, I like that! Let's show these assholes who's boss!" Kyouko nods, then they do their secret handshake.

"If you win us this, I'll forgive you." Kyouko adds.

"For what?" Sayaka obliviously asks.

"Shut up, Sayaka."

The two then face outwards, and Sayaka announces the plan, "Alright, this next one is the final round! Karaoke BATTLE! Each point is worth TEN POINTS!" She holds her fist up high as if she just trumped everyone.

Homura narrows her eyes suspiciously on the two and thinks to herself, "As expected, she's (still) an idiot!"

Even Madoka quickly figures out that their plan won't work. But, before anyone can call them out on their idiocy, they suddenly transform into their magical girl forms!

Homura jumps to attention while everyone is confused, yelling at them, "Hey, hey! What the hell!? You both regained your memories again!? How do you keep doing that!?"

"Ufufu..." Sayaka haughtily chuckles "...We've had them for a while! I was only playing along with your little game! But now, it ends here. Tonight — to the sound of Beethoven — I, Sayaka Miki, will put an end to your reign! I will win this karaoke battle!"

Homura yells again, "I'm not even in first place, you dumbass!"

"It doesn't matter, now! Feel the wrath of—!" She gets tapped on the shoulder.

As she turns around, Kyouko whispers to her, "Beethoven!? And you say you're not a faggot!"

"Hey!" Sayaka snaps back "Faggot is offensive to—!"

Kyouko cuts her off, "I don't care. We're gonna do this to some damn rock and roll!"

Sayaka scoffs, "Tch, and you're the daughter of a priest?"

In the time she used to say that sentence, Kyouko already picked out the track: Magia. Then, as soon as they turn to meet their proclaimed rival, her and Madoka are both gone.

"Oh shit." they both say in unison.

Mami then stands up and stretches, "Oh dear, this is going to be a scene, isn't it?" She twirls around for a bit and transforms, leaving Nakazawa a stunned and stiff statue of a human being as he witnesses literal fucking magic. He stammers to try to ask what the hell is happening, but nothing comes out. Mami picks him up by the shoulders and places him in the far corner of the room, "Now stay here, things might get dangerous."

"...What!?" he yells in confusion.

Suddenly, a giant mechanical fist rips the room in half. Outside, they witness the appearance of what looks to be a giant, gundam-style mecha with three giant speakers to replace its head and arms. They all three leap out of the building and confront the mecha on the streets. It bends down to get a better look at them, and then the owner speaks. None other than Homura!

"Sorry, but I can't allow any of you to win this competition! Nor can I allow you to continue operating with your memories intact! Prepare to be annihilated by the power of metal!"

Just then, Madoka pops up on the speaker, "Homura! What are you doing!? You're going to kill people! We talked about this!"

"I'm sorry, Madoka, but this is the only way!"

"No it isn't! Remember? The coping mechanisms!? It's not the only way; we can all try to knit together!"

"...Correction: This is the only way I enjoy!"

"No, Homuraaaa!"

Mami orders the other two, "Quickly, while she's distracted, sing your hearts out!"

They give her an odd stare. Sayaka points out, "Uh, singing won't help against a giant robot, Mami. This isn't an anime."

"You're right," Mami admits, but then corrects them "this is a fanfiction of an anime! Which means that this has to work for the plot to progress!"

Sayaka argues again, "What if the author is a sadist? Or likes bad endings?"

Mami falls silent for a moment. "...I did not think about that."

"We're fucked!" Sayaka screams at the revelation, while the giant speakers on the mecha charge their sonic cannons.

"Just fuck it up!" Kyouko tries to advise.

"Aaaah, why me!?" Sayaka complains.

Homura erupts on the radio again, "This is it, miscreants! Feel the raw metallic power of the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil! 9000! Version 2.0 Beta! OF DOOOOOM! "

But nothing happens. Everyone waits patiently. Sayaka speaks up, "Hey, is something supposed to be happening!?"

Homura speaks up again, "Uh, hold on. Something's wrong with... Ah, here we go! It was in the microphone jack! Madoka, I told you it was the green one! Come on, now."

Seconds later, the giant speakers suddenly start blasting the entire Dragonforce discography. The sonic cannons fire giant beams of solid sound, somehow. They crash into the party of three so hard that they each fly into separate buildings! Afterwards, the lyrics come in, except that the tracks are instrumental! It's Homura singing them!

"Shit, she's drowning out our rock with this shitty gaijin metal! Kyouko, I need an analysis, what's her power level at!?"

Kyouko rises from the dust and yells at her, "Are you kidding me!? It's in the fucking name!"

"Just do it!" Sayaka yells back.

Kyouko groans, "Ugh, fine. It's..." She pauses for dramatic effect "...It's exactly 9000!"

"Well what's ours!?" Sayaka asks.

"That's not..." Kyouko facepalms "...That's not how it goes, but..." and then again. "Anyways, we're at 4000! We don't stand a chance, her wailing screams are just too powerful!"

Suddenly, the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom's giant Fist of Doom smashes right into Kyouko! She holds it back with her spear and deflects it just in time to not get smashed into pieces.

"Shit!" she yells, getting drowned out by the sustained force of Homura's power metal scream.

But then, Mami comes in from behind and pelts the robot with 60 of her muskets! She twirls around while swinging from her ribbons, unleashing volley after volley, and screaming the lyrics to Magia as loud as she can despite the futility.

"M-Mami!" Kyouko looks shocked, yet also highly inspired by her futile but endearing attempts. She sheds a single, womanly tear and readies her spear again. "Yes, this is our time to finally shi—!" And then she gets slapped in the entire body by the other fist. She flies into a building, which explodes upon impact into a massive fireball. OF DOOOOM!

"HOMURAAAAA!" Madoka can be heard furiously yelling over the speakers, followed by Homura's own panicked screams. Both are so loud that they shatter every window in a five-block radius.

"Now's your chance!" Mami yells at Sayaka who has just recovered and appeared. With the music coming to an abrupt stop, they can finally hear Magia again! They both start singing in unison while they initiate their duo attack!

"Tiro!" Mami yells, creating a massive, multi-barreled shotgun rifle out of her ribbons!

"Fortissimo!" Sayaka yells, spawning hundreds of swords that spin around her body as she somersaults over the cannon. Each sword packs into the barrels as tightly as they can manage!

"WAIT!" Yells Kyouko as she comes back from being thoroughly beaten to a pulp. "Wait, let me, too!"

The other two sigh. Sayaka tells her to just hurry up as she lands on the cannon. "Got it!" Kyouko yells "Uh...L-Lat—!" She hesitates, then says something stupid, "FANTASMA!"

Mami facepalms, "You don't even have that attack anymore!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Kyouko yells, using Latticework Barrier to weave the swords and bullets together. "FIRE!"

Mami rolls her eyes and groans, then pulls the trigger. Each barrely of the cannon fires at once, unleashing a massive torrent of bullets, pincushioned with swords, all at the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom! Many of them shatter on impact and explode into dozens of swords, but many miss! This is where Kyouko comes into play, as she yanks on her barrier and pulls the bullets back, sending them curving right back around! The barrier wraps itself around the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom while each of the missed bullets explodes on it and sends more swords flying! The ones that go in opposite directions are also pulled in by the barrier, slicing the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom like a salad chef's knife to lettuce!

"Ugh!" Homura grunts from inside the cockpit. "You think this is enough!? A mere power level of 4000 cannot possibly stand up to my creation!" The Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom's mechanical nipple opens its hatch, revealing not a giant cannon...but a pink PTRS-41!

"FUCK, it's Boomy!" All three of them panic in sync. Before they can even react, Boomy fires exactly one bullet. Their entire cannon is blown up in an instant! With Kyouko sent flying into the concrete, the barrier lets up. The only one to land on her feet is Mami, who is subsequently punted through several buildings which also explode and conveniently crumble into dust!

Sayaka slowly but surely gets back up to her feet after the fall, seemingly unharmed. She complains to Homura, "Is this even about a stupid Karaoke competition anymore!? We've just killed like 500 people!"

Homura retorts, "Collateral damage, comateral schmamage!"

Sayaka just looks disappointed, "That sounded stupid."

"You are stupid."

"This line of insults doesn't even make sense!"

"YOU don't make sense!"

"That's my line!"

Homura then blasts Sayaka with another sonic cannon, fueled by more power metal screams! "Fuck." Sayaka grunts "I think you just ruptured my stomach! Oh, oh GODS it hurts! Fuck, is this what it feels like to drink bleach!? Why would anyone do this!?"

Kyouko rises up again, only to correct Sayaka, "Bleach is a base, not an acid."

Sayaka vomits blood, but shrugs it off a second later. "Still hurts. Hey, what's up with you?"

Indeed, something is wrong. Kyouko just faceplants depressedly, back in the dirt. "This is hopeless. We can't beat her with our measly power level of 4000. Just give up and let her win the damn competition."

"That doesn't sound like you." Sayaka says, vomiting more blood.

"Shut up, Sayaka."

"That's more like it." She vomits blood once more.

Mami comes back just a second later, cut up and bruised to the point where her breasts are nearly sticking out. She groans, "Ugh, that hurt... Who knew power metal could be so..."

"Powerfu—? BLAAAGH!" Sayaka tries to finish her sentence, but vomits more blood.

"Good lord, how much blood do you have!?" Mami gasps, obviously worried more about her kouhai than the task at hand.

Sayaka rubs the excess away, then jokes, "Ah, it just keeps coming back! I'm way too stubborn to die, you know?" She tries to laugh the situation away, only reminded of it by the intense blaring of power metal in the background.

She finds herself glancing back at the now-depressed Kyouko to see if she got it, but she isn't even moving. She looks back at Mami and is about to ask a question, but stops just short upon seeing her torn up clothes. It's then that she remembers...

"That's it!" Sayaka concludes. "Mami, pop those puppies out!"

"What!?" Mami tries to protest, but finds her clothes being ripped asunder before she can finish the thought.

"Kyouko, look! Didn't you say you wanted to protect these!?" She holds Mami's arms back and displays her chest.

Meanwhile, Homura catches a glimpse of this and comments, "H-Hey! What the hell are you three doing over there!? This isn't the time for flashing people!"

In the background, they can all hear Madoka ooing and aweing at how huge and glorious Mami's mammies are. Yet, Kyouko merely glances at them before giving up hope again. Mission failed.

"Kyouko?" Sayaka asks, walking over to her. She suddenly breaks into a brisk run, "KYOUKOOOOOO!" She tries shaking her up, but to no avail. "Kyouko, come on! You have to help us! Don't you want to—!?"

Kyouko cuts her off and manages to get up, "It's no use! Even if we have Mami's mammies by our side, their power level is only 1000! We don't stand a chance..."

Homura mocks them, "Ha! Serves you right! Those udders will never compare to the beauty of a flat chest! Victory is ours! Now, stand down and let me defeat you once and for all!" She does a stereotypical maniacal laugh, and is obviously trying way too hard.

Sayaka flinches, "Ugh... You aren't going to let her win, are you? There must be some way...something we never saw."

Kyouko tries to think, "No, Homura... She's just too metal for us—" She then pauses in her tracks and looks dead up into the sky. "That's it." she says, as if inspiration hit her with a lightning bolt. Of inspiration.

"Eh?" Sayaka asks.

"That's it! Sayaka, I'm borrowing this!" She yells before grabbing one of her swords and running for the building they were in, before.

"Nakazawa!" Kyouko calls out to him while he's still cowering in that corner Mami put him in. "Nakazawa, the secret weapon!"

"What? Secret...weapon?" he asks, confused.

"The one you told me about! Your special song! The one only you can truly sing!" Kyouko explains.

He gets it. "The secret weapon..." but he shakes it off "No, it's too risky! After what happened last time..."

"You must!" Kyouko demands "Nobody else can stop her! Your weapon is the weapon to surpass the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom! It's power level..."

"Is 9001..." Nakazawa finishes.

"Exactly." she says. "And if you won't do it for me, or anyone else..." She then pulls Mami out of the background and squishes her boobs together "...then do it for the mammies!"

Nakazawa rises to the challenge of his rivals, walking towards the two. "Kyouko, kyouko..." he chants as if she's naive. "I don't like Mami because of her chest. She's sexy in other ways, too. Any guy would feel that way around her..."

He takes the sword from Kyouko's hand, "Kyouko, the one thing you must learn about this world, and about breasts is..." The music seems to fall flat for just this moment. Then, as he strolls down the rubble, he speaks the truth of the world...

"Flat is justice."

From his MP3 player, the Gurren Lagann theme plays while he walks to his supposed inevitable demise. Kyouko gets it, now. It was never about being better than everyone. It was never about lesbians or huge tiddies. It was never even about karaoke. It was always about fighting giant mechas with swords while kickass music plays in the background!

"And I will prove this truth of the world..." Nakazawa points the sword towards the cockpit and makes his speech "...by using the power of the flattest chest of all! A MANLY CHEST!"

He then flexes so hard that his shirt explodes, revealing that underneath his frail exterior, he was actually totally fucking ripped!

"I don't mind this." Sayaka quips, earning her a slap from Kyouko who took her place beside her.

Meanwhile, Homura can't help but stare on in disgust. The Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom crouches down to give her a better look at him. "Eeeh? Your mantits are bigger than mine! I'm the one with the flattest chest, here! I have the most badass music, too! There's no way you can win!"

He corrects her, "Heh, you may be right about the chest. Mine did bulge out a lot since strength training, but I have to correct that last part..."

"Eeeh?" Homura continues to villainously gawk in wonder.

"I have the most badass music of us all! With this power of metal alone, I shall triumph over your flatter chest and prove once and for all the might of my metal!"

"Ha!" Homura mocks. "Let's see if you can even stand a single one of my attacks!" The Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom stands back up and takes a step back, charging up its sonic cannons and raining down booms of power metal upon Nakazawa! But just before they land, his own music starts. Not with a boom, but with a quiet-yet-intense buildup.

Instead of being decimated, he uses his (well, Sayaka's) sword to slice the sound into pieces! Which then explodes! He chuckles, "Weak... Too weak! You'll have to scream harder if you wish to beat me!"

He points his sword up and stares directly at her, fiercly, almost like a lion, or a psychotic mass-murderer! Homura scoffs again, then raises up the fist of her robot and slams it down on top of him, just as he prepares his first true lyrics...

"RULES OF NATURE!"

The fist slams down on top of the sword, only to be stopped right in its tracks! The power of Nakazawa's scream only empowers the blade and makes her steel weaker! He lifts up, deflecting the fist and throwing it aside! Finally, it was happening. Nakazawa's theme song, Rules of Nature, playing in the background for the rest of his battle!

"Tch!" Homura scoffs again, more nervously. She continues to sing at the top of her lungs, leading the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom to sprout a giant sword from its own arm and slam down again! Nakazawa deflects the blade with such force that it causes a category 2 tornado to materialize several miles away!

"Damn, he's good!" Homura grunts, but continues to attack with all of her force.

"You're no match, for my obligatory number is one unit higher than yours!" Nakazawa informs her as her blade crashes down again, this time aided by the sonic cannons! This time, instead of blocking, Nakazawa dodges the sword and jumps on top of it, running along the length while slicing the sound into pieces!

"How is that even possible!?" Homura angrily questions, commanding the nipple-hatches to open up once again for a counter-attack!

Nakazawa manages to reach the wrist of the mech before the hatches open, then proceeds to use the power of his badass-infused sword to slice through the steel of the arm, shredding it to pieces in mere seconds! Before Homura's eyes, the entire arm is cut into ribbons... But it wouldn't matter, for she launches an unsurvivable salvo of missiles at him!

He turns his head to the side and leaps from the remains of the arm, jumping from missile to missile and slicing each on in half so that they explode in midair! "Super-Light Speed Demon Ultimate Running Technique of the Seven Mountains!" he yells as he leaps from missile to missile, destroying each one in turn before landing on the opposite hand of the mech!

Homura tries to swivel the malfunctioning arm around to attack, but it merely falls into pieces! She growls at him and slams the Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 2.0 Beta of Doom's arm into a nearby building, only to find that although she knocked him off, he also cut that arm off as well!

Nakazawa lands next to the other three and turns back to Homura, "Give up, Akemi! The game is over, and you've lost!"

"Likely excuse for someone about to lose!" she retorts, slamming one giant mecha foot into the ground and opening all weapon hatches! All 69 of her miniguns spin up just as he's beginning to run towards her again, and they fire! Each second, the deafening sound of thousands of bullets firing each second fills the air. The ground around him is torn apart and turned into ashes, but he remains unharmed.

"What a weak technique!" he mocks "Everyone knows that you only need to move slightly in one direction to stream direct fire!"

Homura flinches, "Shit, he's played Touhou! Quick, alternate cannon directions!"

But it's too late. Before the direction of fire can change, he's already made it to her mecha's legs and started slicing them up as well! She tries to stomp on him repeatedly, but each time only gets her closer to the ground. Eventually, all that's left of the legs is a couple stumps.

"Give up!" he commands again.

She defies him. "No, I still have one more trick!"

Suddenly, her mecha sprouts giant spider-like legs! But only six of them, so it's more like insect legs. Despite this, its name appears in giant, bold, red letters in the foreground: Super-Ultra-Mega-Supersonic-Giant-Metal-Homubot-of-Evil 9000, Version 3.0 Beta of Doom, Now With Ultimate-Power Spider Legs!

The mecha's giant speakers then evolve, turning into Giant Hyper-Powered Unlimited Pulverizer Giga-Cannons! Homura laughs, "Aha! Now this is what I call deadly! Prepare to eat my ultimate attack!"

Nakazawa holds the sword out in front of himself to block, "Don't do it, Akemi. I'll spare your invention if you admit defeat now!"

"NEVER!" Homura yells. She presses the Big Red Button Which Should Never Be Pressed, activating the cannons' instant nova-firing sequence! Except it isn't really a sequence since they fire instantly. Oh well.

All three cannons fire massive purple beams of ambiguous energy directly at Nakazawa, who angles his sword in just the right way that all three beams then reflect off of the sword into three different directions and proceed to slice off every one of the mecha's legs!

"What!? How is that possible, they're not even made of light!" Homura complains to the powers that be.

Finally, he flicks the sword in a single swinging motion, sending the power of the cannons streaming back from whence they came! All three simultaneously explode in a blast so fiery and spectacular that it's a wonder the rest of the mech even survived. Yet, it still sits there, the cockpit entirely undestroyed.

Nakazawa sees that the fight is finished, what with his theme song fading into the background. He turns to Sayaka and hands her back the sword. They all stare into the smoke while the cockpit opens.

Homura steps out, not injured but certainly not happy. "Well well, you actually managed to beat it. I'm impressed!"

She comes closely to the party and claps menacingly. "It seems that the power of Flat wasn't enough to triumph over the power of metal, after all. You were simply too intense for me. Congratulations on your victory, Nakazawa."

He says nothing besides, "Have you given up?"

She retorts, "Are you done acting like a badass? Because I know you don't have your theme song anymore, and neither that sword. It's just you and me, and we all know I'm technically still stronger than you."

He flinches, then turns to the others, reverting back to his more cowardly personality, "Girls, she's right! I'm a complete pushover without my theme song!"

"So," Homura continues "I'll admit defeat, and let's just go on as if this neeeever happened. Sound like a good plan?"

They all seem reluctant, but are left without much of a choice. They know she could take them all and win right now. They're about to agree, when suddenly they hear a voice from the smoke.

"AKEMI HOMURAAAA!" Screams Madoka as loudly and angrily as she can possibly scream.

Almost instinctively, Homura completely freezes in abject terror. "Oh shit." she says aloud, slowly turning around to see her girlfriend coming towards her. "Uh, hey, Madoka! It's... It's okay now, no need to be mad! Just—!"

Before she can finish the sentence, Madoka runs up to her and slaps her so hard that a tooth flies out. The others all collectively "Ooh!" and flinch at the sight.

"That was more like a punch, honestly." Sayaka comments.

Homura is now rolling on the floor in pain, begging for forgiveness, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

But she doesn't let up. She slaps her another time just for good measure, and then proceeds to start dragging her through the rubble by the back of her shirt, "Homura, you're coming with me! We're going to have a very, very long talk, and you're going to take your punishment like a good girl! Got it!?"

Homura continues to beg, "Wait, please, I'm sorry! Don't do this! Madoka, please! Someone help! HEEEELP!"

The others just mischievously wave at her. She curses everyone, "You damn traitors! I gave you the lives you wanted! I gave you everything!"

Madoka yells at her again, "HOMURA!" Instantly, she's reverted back to a begging mess. "And no cuddling for a month! You are SO grounded!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Homura screams, voice dropping off as she's dragged into the distance.

Finally, they're gone. The three magical girls and Nakazawa all turn to each other and have a group high-five. He speaks up, "Well, this was fun. Hang out again, sometime?"

"Sure." says Kyouko.

"Why not?" says Sayaka.

"Of course!" says Mami.

And with that, he departs, walking shirtlessly into the sunset with nothing more than a "Seeya." The other three stare at him walking away for a while, but eventually get back at each other.

"So," Sayaka starts "that was a thing."

They all agree. Kyouko then suddenly blurts out, "I'm sorry."

Sayaka cocks her head to the side, "Eh?"

Kyouko puts her face in her hands in shame, "I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. If I just cooperated with you and never gave you that stupid plan, none of this would have happened."

"What?" Sayaka further questions. "I...don't get it. Homura's the one who went crazy and tried to kill everyone."

Kyouko's voice gets all high-pitched and whiny, "But it's my fault, too! Ever since you said you were straight, I got mad and did a bunch of stupid stuff!"

"What?" Sayaka continues to say "That just raises more questions!"

Kyouko explains, getting more frantic, "I keep making passes at you, but you keep ignoring them! Then Mami does it and you come to me, and then you say that you're straight, and then I got mad about it! I'm sorry, I'm just a stupid faggot who loves big tiddies too much and makes everyone mad! You deserve a better person, someone like that guy!" She collapses on the ground and starts sobbing.

Mami gets behind her and hugs her, "There, there..." she says lovingly.

"Thank you, Mami." Kyouko says quietly.

"Wait." Sayaka says. "Wait, WHAT!? That's what this was about!?" Sayaka yells incredulously. She scoffs and grunts at the same time, exasperatedly.

"Kyouko..." she begins to correct her "...I am straight...except for you."

Kyouko stops sobbing for a second. "You...what...?"

"You're the only exception to my rule! It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, you're still my Kyouko!"

Kyouko gayly squeals, a immense grin settling on her face as she jumps up and hugs Sayaka. They continue to hug for a solid minute before letting go and collapsing from exhaustion.

Staring off into the sunset, Sayaka asks the others, "So, what did we learn today?"

"Love conquers all?" Kyouko guesses.

"What? No. If anything, love destroyed all in this episode. Try again."

"Uh, collateral damage doesn't matter in the end?"

"That's horrible. No, try again."

"Metal is the superior genre of music?"

"Never say that again."

"Sorry. Uh, If you can't handle a job, give it to someone else?"

"No."

"Never underestimate a minor character?"

"Well, that's true, but no."

"Flat is justice?"

"...Try again." She had to pause for a second on that one.

"I'm running out of things, here. Hey, does any of this even matter? I mean, she's just going to reset the universe again."

"Not really." Sayaka admits "Just keep going."

"Oh, fine. Is it that music is more powerful than boobs?"

"...I'm not actually sure."

"That you shouldn't make assumptions and get mad about them?"

"Also true, but not really what I was—"

"Always bring food in case you get hangry?"

"..."

Over the next ten minutes, Kyouko tried about 40 more guesses before giving up.

"Okay, just tell me!" Kyouko insists.

"Fine, fine!" Sayaka relents. "What I was going to say is..."

Kyouko lends her ear...

"...Memes are the powerhouse of the soul."

"..."

"..."

Kyouko blatantly tells her, "One day you're going to make a worse joke than that, and I'm going to kill you."

"..."

They both suddenly burst out into hysterics for another few, long minutes. Finally, Mami asks, "Can I have a change of clothes, now?"

"No." they both answer in unison.

"Aw..."

And thus was the end of the day. A minute later, Homura reset the universe again. She made sure henceforth to never invite Kyouko or Sayaka to a karaoke competition ever again, and to dismantle that mecha.