Scarlet-Roads: I hope you enjoy the first chapter and stay for more!

Disclaimer: I do not own DGM!

Hate.

Such a strong word. Associated with anything unpleasant to the person. Fueled by sometimes petty reasons, other times by righteous reasons. Spoiled brats that screamed about how they hated their parents because they didn´t get their way. Revenge was a result of hate. It was a word that Red was familiar with, much to his distaste. Being abandoned at a young age, all alone in this cursed world, finding a roof over the head after being sold to a rundown circus.

Speaking of that hellhole, there was a thing that Red hated with passion. Or rather someone.

Cosimo.

That Bastard of a Clown. A poor one too. The man was Red´s personal torturer and nightmare combined in one ugly face, smeared up by makeup. Partly the reason, why he hated Clowns in the first place.

Whoever said that Clowns brought smiles on your face and made you happy was a dirty liar that deserved a kick between the legs, in Red´s opinion. The only thing that miserable Clown managed to bring to him was pain and loathing. Red´s dream was to see him set himself on fire during one of his tricks or drown himself in alcohol, everything was fine if he died. Though if it was in the painfullest way possible, Red wouldn´t complain, it would only be a bonus. Afterwards, he would dance on the Bastard´s grave with a smile on his face, the first he ever pulled and then spit on it, then walk away.

Well, that wouldn´t actually happen but at least he could dream.

Some part of Red knew that hate was just waisted energy, but he couldn´t bring himself to lose the grudge he had. For him, that hate brought up feelings. Made him keep going, warmed him for a short moment, no matter how unpleasant it was.

Emotions…Red had many of those, no matter how some people called him a monster incapable of feeling anything. It was revoltingly, feeling the same things, these people felt, but he learned to live with it. There was a slight difference between himself and the others though. Monstrous paralyzed arm aside, the way he felt things...was off.

The things he felt were dread, frustration, boredom, anger, sadness, though he won´t admit it, hate and satisfaction after getting a job done, malicious joy and sometimes even pride. These things were the main emotions he displayed. Not once had he felt real happiness or anything remotely close.

Slight jealously when he saw parents with their kids or kids playing together with smiles on their faces. Tch, he didn´t need friends and parents that threw him away were better off dead! They would just hold him back or betray him. Being on his own was fine. It was what Red wanted and it didn´t bother him, he wasn´t lonely. Bitterness was an ugly emotion but that dimmed out in the years.

Doing odd jobs around the circus proved to be enough to keep him alive and he survived long enough without love, anyway. Concentrating on the important things right now, was his main priority.

So, why again was he standing here then?

It was pathetic how he couldn´t even muster up enough the strength to glare at the grave. That was just too much effort right now and the strange feeling inside his chest wouldn´t go away. The tips of his fingers held a prickling sensation which spread through him like an electric shock.

Was this shock or numbness? Or was this connected to these strange sensations? Not that it mattered since he was unwillingly standing there for some unfathomable reason.

Red eyed the ball laying on top of the patch of dirt with dead eyes. Strange, how he felt just so weightless suddenly. He better not be getting sick. It wouldn´t do him any good. Cosimo would just take that as an invite for another beating, saying he was "slacking" off again.

That Bastard, Red never slacked off.

"He´s dead…" Another voice murmured and startled, Red jumped. Quickly turning to look at the person who dared to sneak up on him, his retort died in his throat.

White make-up, a painted smile in red, silly lines on a blank face and the oddest feature. Golden eyes with some hidden emotion.

Thankfully, Red was known to recover fast, so he briskly shot the man, a Clown his brain noted with distaste, his standard "No-shit-Sherlock" deadpan look. The Clown glanced at him with dry eyes before returning to his staring contest with the grave. If Red didn´t know any better he would have thought the man was trying to revive his dead dog with the intensity of it.

"Cosimo probably did that." Ah to hell with it. That dog licked his cursed arm. Getting someone to have revenge for it was the least he could do. If it meant the Bastard of a Clown would suffer he would gladly describe how he thought it happened.

The Clown hummed and finally turned to look at him. Feeling the chill of the downright searching stare, Red held eye contact. No way would he be the one to back down. He wasn´t weak.

He ignored the sharp noises that rung faint in his ears, much like a violin getting abused or the prickling sensation in his gut.

Minutes passed, and the man smiled, suddenly appearing to be amused as he leaned back.

"So? He was an old dog anyway." The man replied and Red felt a hint of annoyance from it. Sitting down next to the man for unknown reasons, he put his guard up.

"Aren´ ya sad that he died? Don´ ya want ta get revenge?" Red inquired with disinterest as he regarded the man silently. There was something wrong with him. Always being good at reading people, he trusted his instincts more than anything else. Also, the prickling in his stomach was getting annoying and the skin of his left arm began to sting all over.

The man hummed quietly and put a hand to his chin as if he was in thought.

"It seems my tears all dried up…I just can´t cry anymore. Besides, if I get revenge I will get thrown out and won´t earn enough money for food. I will soon move on, so it would be pointless." The man answered somber which turned into cheerful nodding.

Red felt a chill go down his spine when the man turned to look at him again. The sudden mood swings more than creepy. The man was clearly of his rocker! Bad-shit insane! Better keep him from making his first move in telling him something that would cheer him up, maybe then Red could leave without him noticing.

"That´s just runnin' away from yer problem´s if ya ask me. That´s ta same as sayin' livin' is pointless cause' ya goin' to die anyway'." Red persisted in an unimpressed tone. The man blinked in shock before nodding.

"I suppose you could interpret it in that way. But if I get revenge, what would be the point? Allen isn´t going to come back if I hurt someone." Now it was Red´s turn to mule over the answer. Before huffing and turning away.

"Ya would mak' sure that Bastard can't hurt anybody anymor'. Not that I care." Red added with a scowl as he stared at the Ball again. Really, why did he even bother to talk to that nutcase? The following silence made him uneasy.

Something wet smeared across his cheek and he flung himself away from it with wide eyes. Using his right sleeve, he quickly wiped the remaining whatever it was away with a disgusted expression on his face.

"EW! Gross! What ta hell was that for ya stupid Clown?!" Red demanded harshly glaring at the man who´s hand was still raised in the air. Golden eyes were shining in amusement and he was one word away from committing murder tonight. The beating in the morning had been enough for him.

"You poor thing! You are covered in bruises! Let me take care of them!" The man said with concern as he tried to fuss over the child, who slapped his hands away. Red scrambled away with a deep glare, rejecting the attempts.

"Stay away ya creep!" Red hissed out, heart ponding inside his chest at the sudden unexpected contact. This felt like deja-vu to him and he didn´t like it. These strange hallucinations he had hit a bit too closely here.

The man faltered, disheartened at the cold refusal. His lips pulled into a pout and if Red wasn´t mistaken even watered. This was such a waste of time, he had other jobs to do, if Cosimo noticed him here, talking of all things he wouldn´t hear the end of it, but somehow, he couldn´t find it in himself to care. To walk away.

"Didn´t ya say ya weren't cable of cryin' anymor'? Why are ya gettin' teary eyed for?! Ya should only cry if it was important! Like…if ya lost someone or feel really sad." Red accused angered by the lie the man told. Why don´t people just close their trap if they were just going to sprout out lies?!

The man looked taken aback by these words, brows furrowing before his eyes widen.

"Right. Then again my tears are all dried up for the person I have lost…" Golden eyes glassed over and the anguish was painful to watch. Nobody should look so…so broken. It made his chest feel tighter, feeling like Cosimo kicked him in the ribs again.

Red scoffed loudly before giving the man a frown. "What´s ta problem? Ya goin' to die someday, when that happens, ya will meet again. Plus, ya hav' memories together, don' ya? Even if the person is dead, they aren` completely gone."

It was fascinating in some shitty poetic way to see how Golden eyes cleared in realization. The Clown looked like Red had personally giving him the gift of god or something. All bright smile and suddenly visible cheerful. Thankfully, the knot inside Red´s chest loosened, though the uncomfortable feeling remained

Stupid arm.

"My, my! You are sure bright for someone of your age! Who are you again?"

Red didn´t even have the time to be offended at the jab concerning his age, as he turned to stare incredulously at the mad man. This had to be a tasteless act of the Clown, right? Nobody just shared such personal problems with a stranger…

A look at curious Golden eyes made him rethink.

"I don't hav' a name, but ya can call me Red." How did this turn out to be such a headache? Getting stuck in a conversation with an insane man who had the mood swings of a child. This just wasn´t his day.

"It´s nice to meet you, Red. Why don´t you come and travel with me? It´s going to be a lot of fun!" The man insisted with a small smile as he clapped his hands in excitement. Completely bewildered at the unexpected request.

What?

The man couldn't be serious. The guy didn´t even know his name until a few seconds ago! A look at the anticipating, beaming expression on the man´s face confirmed his fear.

"No." He rejected flatly before standing up, brushing of the dirt as best as he could. The man´s smile turned into a pout again as he crossed his arms like a sulking child.

"Why not?" He asked and Red sighed before putting a hand on his hip, his other arm hanging limply by his side, throbbing.

"Cause' I don´t know ya!" Red almost shouted in frustration. What was wrong with that man?! Mental nutcase or not, you don´t just invite children to travel with you.

"I am Mana Walker, see, now we aren´t strangers anymore! We could get to know each other more!" The Clown honestly didn´t know when to give up. It was almost inspiring if Red wasn´t so irritated right now. Didn´t the man know the definition of No?

Another cruel, more snappish refusal laid on his tongue. He could practically feel the spiciness of it. Just waiting to crush the other, desire to hurt him. It would only be fair. Everyone hurt him, beat him, spit upon him, just once did he want to hurt someone with words. To give them a taste

hopeful, pleading gold staring into icy Silver

the thin line between sanity and madness so breakable

One word. That would be all it took. To destroy that carefully maintained thread that was just a breath away from ripping apart.

Red´s pulse speed up, breath hitching.

Why did he care? The man wasn´t important to him, still a stranger. Who cared if he went spiraling into madness from a few spiteful words, his fault for being so persistent. The ridiculousness of the situation was laughable, if it wasn´t so weird.

Staring into the orbs of liquid Gold the man called his eyes, it was hard to deny. Red wasn´t a liar after all.

I…care.

It was incomprehensible what emotions could do to a person. What they could do to angry and guarded Red that didn´t need anyone, only himself. The unwavering stare of the Clown was beginning to get to him.

Was this…his chance at love? Could he really find someone who didn´t care about his arm?

Unconsciously, he put his left arm into his pocket effectively hiding his hand from prying eyes. A sneer almost forming on his lips at the farfetched thought. The man was probably only lonely from losing his dog. Would he really want to be a replacement for some silly pet?

The answer that flashed across his eyes was a clear NO!. This wasn´t him. He was strong in his own way, not relenting, he wasn´t so desperate to agree to such a mess. Such pity was beneath him. He survived until now, there was nothing the man could offer.

Red´s gaze hardened, firming his resolve. He ignored the part of him that whispered with no sound to agree. There could be love, if they spend long enough time together. The dog had showed him something positive, made him feel warm, so his owner could too, right?

"No." Red thought fiercely. Convinced his own mind was playing tricks on him. The love would be misplaced due to grief, the man wasn´t sane and humans were different from animals. If love could be forced with time then the circus should have loved him dearly, the thought made him snort in disgust.

"BRAT! Where are you?! You should have returned ten minutes ago! If I get my hands on you, you will be joining that mutt you were so fond off!" A dark shout was heard and Red tensed up, the hair on his neck standing up as he swallowed.

His ribs still throbbed, skin colored black and blue. If the man would get him, the punches and kicks would be violenter, since the man hated to wait for something and was impatient. Unwillingly he felt himself flinch as a shudder raked through him.

Not wanting another beating was only human. Red told himself. He wasn´t weak, just tired. Maybe he could hide until the man passed by.

With that in mind, he turned around, ready to rush off to find a place to hide, that´s something he had always been good at, next to enduring beatings and retorting with scattering comments.

Big hands clamped down on his shoulders, holding him in place. He could feel the warmth of them through the thin fabric of his shirt, but paid no mind to it. Looking up he saw the smiling white face of the man he had get to know today.

"Let go!" Red demanded furiously, trying to pry of the fingers that dug into his bony shoulders. The man had an iron grip! No matter how hard he struggled the hold didn´t even loosen! Were all insane people this strong?!

"Now, now. It´s rude to just run off without giving an answer to a question, Red." Mana chided gently and Red felt himself pale as he looked around and saw a storming figure heading their way. Widely trying to pry the grip off, with only one hand it was difficult, clearly, he was at disadvantage here and trying not to get a panic attack.

"Fine! Ta answer is-!" Red growled out only for his words to be drowned out by a loud yell. He moved his head to the right to see the white face of the Bastard he wanted to avoid. Dread laid heavy in his stomach. In that moment he wished that all Clowns would just die of a heart attack and save him the trouble.

Sadly, it didn´t happen.

"Hey, push-over. Leave the brat to me." Cosimo sneered and moved with a dark glare towards Red, reaching for him with one arm, knowing it would be enough with the child and his disability and condition.

Red squirmed in the hold, trying to back away from the outstretched hand that moved to grab him, probably by his hair, flinching slightly when it came near. Bravely, he stood his ground, no longer fighting against the grip of the other clown that loosened. The Bastard wouldn´t get the satisfaction of seeing him scrabble to get away or a bit of fear.

"He´s just like the others." Red thought bitterly when he felt the hands on his shoulder completely disappear. For a short moment he had hoped the man would let him get away or tell him to run and stall the useless Clown for a minute, which would be enough time to hide.

Dumbly, he allowed himself to hope for something futile. That´s what happens when you put trust in someone first

Warm hand gently pushed him a few steps back, before his sight was rendered to spot only white and red fabric. Stunned as he was he remained silent in mute shock.

"I am deeply sorry to say, that I can´t do that Mister Cosimo! After all, little Red here is my new assistance, so his business is mine!" Mana apologized with a cheery smile, standing in front of Red. He was tall, now that he stood, almost intimidatingly so.

These words made Red relax while he tried to understand what was going on right now. The warmth inside his chest making his skin tingle pleasantly.

Cosmio obviously couldn´t believe it either, his face showing surprise before it turned into a snarl as he pushed his competitor. The rage on his face was visible through his heavy make-up, flushing the pale painted skin red. It made his appearance even more ugly in Red´s opinion.

"Listen here you show off! You will give me the brat, he needs another lesson, so back the fuck off!" Mana´s eyes narrowed dangerously and Red flinched at the reminder. The sudden warmth from earlier vanishing leaving cold terror clinging to his heart. The skin feeling cold.

"Red…please wait for me a few streets down, okay? I will come to get you later." Red blinked at the firm but gently request and with a last look at his nightmare, he nodded hastily and scurried off, not looking back, though his steps felt a lot

It had taken 20 minutes before he grew restless.

The cold made his cheeks flush slightly and while he was grateful the other, Mana, had let him escape, his stomach felt heavy. Like he ate something too rotten. He wanted the feeling to go away. Why did that old man even attempt to step in?! And saying that Red was his new assistant, he hated clowns! Like hell that would happen!

Grumbling to himself about the unfairness of it all, he wasn´t whining! He felt his head snap up when he heard chuckling from above him. The Shadow that had fallen over his figure making him tense.

He let out a breath he hadn´t even released he had been holding when he saw the familiar smiling nutcase above him. Frustrated anger replaced his relief that he had managed to work up in his slight worry for the man.

"Why did ya do that?!" Red shouted patience gone as he glared at Mana who looked down at him with tender eyes that left him speechless.

"Because you were Allen´s friend too." That sentences felt wrong. Like when you introduce yourself to someone and the other doesn´t reply like the people before them. The line was out of context for him, it didn´t match up.

…drip…drip…

"Y-You stupid old fool!" Red sniffed, feeling embarrassed at the tears that started to fall. His lip trembled violently in his attempts to stifle his sobs. Why was he even crying right now?! He never cried! Not when he was beaten or insulted, disregarded or ignored.

This warm feeling…

I could get used to it.

"Let´s get going, Red." Mana said kindly while holding out a hand. Red eyed it with caution before taking it into his own as they walked along, down the snow-covered path. Crunching sounds underneath their boots.

Throbbing, his left arm burned.