You Can't Fight Pain with Pain
(even when you want to)

Note: This is from Sōta's POV, set during those interim eight years before Kagome meets Rikuo. It's in present tense, which I rarely write in. Don't ask me why—I just follow the whim of my muse. Also, a shout-out and thank you to KatiasXIII for the (albeit probably unintentional) inspiration for this :-)

The punch catches him in the cheekbone, the pain making his eyes water. That's going to leave one hell of a bruise, but Sōta doesn't back down.

Instead, he gives a jeering laugh. "You call that a punch? Please. Your mom hits harder than that…"

He's hoping to provoke the guy further, and his taunt works. The guy's fist slams into his jaw with greater force than the first punch, sending him staggering back and splitting his lip.

Sōta spits blood to the side and grins. He welcomes the pain, welcomes the way the adrenaline rush of a fight makes him feel. It's a high he craves, anything to avoid thinking about her. About that.

This is his way of coping, has been for the last three years. He's a bit of a delinquent, unafraid of fighting anyone, no matter how much bigger they are than him or how many outnumber him. These days, he doesn't lose much, partly because all too often they run away when they realize he has no fear. Zero fucks given, he thinks with a harsh laugh.

He keeps his grades up, of course—he might be a little crazy, but he's not stupid. Picking fights is one thing; ruining his future is quite another. It's an incongruity that baffles his teachers and fellow students alike.

Sōta wipes his mouth with the back of his forearm, straightens himself, and rolls his shoulders, savoring the surprise and apprehension on the faces of the dumbasses who walked right into his trap.

If there's one thing he can say for bullies, it's that they're delightfully easy to exploit.

His mom reacts predictably when she sees his bloodied and swollen face. "Sōta! Sweetheart, what happened? Did you get into a fight again? Are you okay?"

It's been going on for years, yet she still treats it like a novelty, something he will never understand.

"I'm fine…" he says sullenly, stomping upstairs to his room. Before he can slam his bedroom door, a hand grabs it, keeping it from closing.

It's Kagome.

Her blue-eyed gaze moves over his injuries, and she sighs, shaking her head. But she says nothing, and her eyes remain as empty as they have for years.

There was a time when she would have panicked and fussed like their mother. A time when she would have healed the injuries immediately. But not anymore. Not since that.

Now, she leaves his room silently, returning a few minutes later with a first aid kit and an ice pack.

"You know this upsets Mama," she says finally, dabbing at his split lip with disinfectant that burns oh so good.

"Uh-huh," he replies. Same song, different verse. Kagome's heart isn't in her chastisement. Her heart isn't in anything anymore. It's broken, shattered in a way seemingly beyond repair.

Sōta's heart is shattered too, in a different way, but broken nonetheless. He used to fear for his sister each time she went to the Sengoku era, felt helpless every time she came home hurt, physically or mentally or emotionally. He might have been young, but he wasn't blind. The danger she faced terrified him, and he worried about the changes he saw in her as time went by.

But change was—is—inevitable, and he accepted it. Until that day.

When the well closed four years ago, his sister came back irrevocably changed. And she refused to speak of it, of any of it. Of any of them.

The sharp, stinging cold of the ice on his face startles him out of his thoughts, and he's grateful for it. He doesn't want to think about it anymore either. Doesn't want to think about how much it hurts to have lost not only his honorary hanyō big brother, but also his sister. Because while Kagome is there in body…she isn't in spirit.

He swears under his breath, and his sister merely raises an eyebrow, likely assuming he's cursing the pain. And he is, in a way, cursing the fact that it isn't working today. It isn't driving these agonizing thoughts and memories away like it's supposed to.

He flings the ice pack at Kagome. "Get out," he snaps.

She just nods, collecting the first aid things, and leaves quietly. She is always quiet now. Too quiet. It makes him angry, but he doesn't lash out at her like he wants to. He won't. He can't. It would be like kicking a puppy, and deep down, Sōta is too kindhearted to hurt her just because he is hurting too.

He snatches a cigarette out of his hidden stash, the one he's fairly certain Kagome is aware of since at times cigarettes go missing. Then he climbs out his window and sits the roof, smoking and watching the sunset.

He clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth, as unwanted memories of him sitting up here with Inu-onii-chan surface. The fresh cuts on his cheeks and lips burn from the salt of his tears, but it's a pain he relishes, focusing on it as intently as possible, trying in vain to banish the specters of the past that haunt him. That haunt all of them.

Sōta hasn't told anyone, but he's already made up his mind. As is his grandfather's hope, he will take over the shrine. He doesn't want that burden to fall on Kagome, and he's thrilled she will be moving out in a few weeks when she starts college. She needs to get away from the constant reminders of all that she has lost.

He couldn't protect her back then, and he can't fix her now, but he will do what he can to protect her going forward. He knows, with his meager spiritual sensitivity, that she returned that day with far more power than before as well as...something else, but he holds on to the hope that despite that, she'll never again be mixed up in any sort of supernatural nonsense.

He doesn't know if there are yokai here in the present. There was a time he would have wanted to know, would have wanted there to be. But not now. Now, he hopes they've all gone extinct and that his sister can eventually find peace.

That they all can.

Author's Note:

Yes, it hurt me to write, and no, I don't get off on torturing the characters, I assure you. But I will fight you if you try to tell me Sōta wouldn't be affected by all that transpired (EF 'verse or canon, tbh).