AN: First attempt in the Marvel film universe. Not beta read. This is a stand alone version of a longer fic I'm working on that picks up where this one left off, and the whole thing will also be going up on AO3 once I've got more of it written. I'm a little iffy on it and still feel like I need to get better with these characters, but I'm loving it too much to not write more of it. It's post-Civil War, fem!Tony, and if you really wanna squint into it I guess it could come off as Stony though at the moment it's meant more to be just a very strong (though sadly broken) friendship.

By the time the call came through it was already too late.

Of course Steve kept it on his person at all times, tucked safely away and always charged, even though he never expected it to ring. He never expected to be startled by the sudden vibrating, the shrill tone of the small, plastic burner phone screaming out into the silence of the kitchen. In fact, he'd been so certain he was imagining it at first that he didn't even more. He couldn't. He'd always expected that he would be the one to break, that he'd call first. If for nothing else but to hear her voice again. Not that he had to still use it now, since they were back home again. But he kept it anyway. It was a reminder of what had happened, of what was still happening. It reminded him of what he needed to fix.

Toni Stark was just as headstrong as he was, probably even more, so he'd always figured everything would fall on him in the end. On his willingness to play along, to be a good soldier and do what the politicians wanted. Nothing more than a good monkey for PR. That was what they'd fought over to begin with, wasn't it? The Accords. A lot of fancy words just to say that they were leashing them, putting choke collars on them all so that they would never be able to act as an independent entity again. He'd opposed it so violently back then, but with eighteen months between then and now? He wasn't as sure. He'd had more time to think, to process it all. He'd had time to honestly read it. He'd hated it at first, but slowly news trickled in from the rest of the world through T'Challa during their stay in Wakanda.

Toni was back in the states. She was working harder than ever. SI was experiencing a never before seen surge of productivity and profit, which was subsequently followed with so many acts of charity and goodwill that it left him dizzy. They gave money just as easily as they made it. But of course they did. It was Toni, after all. For all the bad press she was constantly surrounded in, despite the mask she wore so excellently, the nonchalance that laced every single action she ever made, she was a good person. A compassionate person. But that didn't make headlines nearly as often as it should've. Hell, it didn't even matter to Shield or the rest of their team. He still remembered the disdain he'd held for her after seeing her dossier. How it had surged back full force after Ultron. It had only just started getting better again when the Accords happened, when Bucky came back into his life in such an unexpected way. Then everything was messed up again, so thoroughly now that he had never assumed it would be the same again.

He was wrong, of course. He was so miserably wrong. Toni didn't only work on improving her company or the charity work. She became a vicious politician. She maneuvered herself through hoops and leaped forward to take a staggeringly big role in rewriting the Accords. She dedicated herself to fixing hero relations with the various governments of the world. She worked diligently, and eventually ratifications were made that even he could find himself agreeing to. It let them keep both hands on the wheel; it ensured they would never be slaves to a single government, while keeping boundaries and limits in place that even the strictest world leaders could see as good. But she didn't stop there. Toni would never stop there, she would never have been satisfied with that, because despite the ratifications it didn't clear their names in the states. So she worked even harder in the judicial system, making a solid case in their favor and defending them in court. She became a lawyer on top of every other mantle she'd accrued. She'd even gone so far as to clear Bucky's name, the man who killed her parents, because it was the only way the whole team would come home. She'd taken the time to craft his best friend a new arm, to find a way to work around the delicate coding Hydra had put in his head. She'd saved his life despite it all, and then she'd left them in the dark again.

He couldn't blame her in the least. Their homecoming had been well received by the public, but behind closed doors? It was tense. Vicious, even. Clint, Scott, and Wanda seemed to despise Toni regardless of what she'd done for them. They spoke vehemently toward her, openly insulting and hurting her, and Toni had taken it all with a tight lipped smile on her face. She didn't stay longer than necessary, and the first opportunity she had to leave the compound she took. She still funded them, fixed their things, fielded the public and governments on their behalf, but for all intents and purposes she separated herself from them. She got them home in fourteen months, spent three more fixing Bucky, and then was gone. He'd not seen her in just over a month, and he had a feeling if she had it her way he'd never see her again.

But then that old, stupid phone rang. Only one person in the entire world had its number. And stupidly, he let it ring the entire way before he realized what was even happening. It wasn't until it was ringing again and Bucky was patting down his pockets in search of it to answer for him that he scrambled for it, pulling it open with almost too much force, the plastic creaking from the stress.

"Hello?" he had asked tentatively, heart thrumming rapidly in his chest as his adrenaline surged. He could hear her panting on the other end, but other than that it was total silence. Vaguely, he was aware of Bucky squeezing impossibly closer to him, his ear pressed against the other side of the phone. The other occupants of the kitchen stared on curiously, but as the moments ticked by in silence he felt the worry mounting in the pit of his stomach. "Toni? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, Capsicle. I can hear ya."

Those six words did nothing to ease the dread crawling up his spine. She sounded weak, hurt. Her voice trembled in a way that he'd never heard before. It was so foreign to hear. She'd been nothing but cool, collected, and strong since they'd come back, but this? This sounded like Toni. The woman he'd gotten to know over the years. Open. Vulnerable. Scared.

"I, uh," the hesitation was punctuated with a long, awful cough that only seemed to distort her voice more. The kind of cough that was so sick, a wet hacking noise that sounded much worse than anything he'd ever had as a scrawny kid in Brooklyn. "I'm not feelin' so good, Cap."

The admission probably hurt him more than the cough. He'd never heard Toni admit she was sick. It was a weakness, and she never allowed herself to be weak. "I'm coming. Tell me where you are," he basically ordered, the sharpness in his tone driven by worry more than command.

But she laughed. She laughed at his words, choking up on another awful cough in the middle of it. "No can do, Cap," she all but whispered, her voice raw and scratchy. "What is it they always say? Too little, too late? Yeah, I think that's the one. It's too late, Rogers. Way too late."

"Toni." His voice was at war with his emotions, trying to portray force a well as worry. Being forceful was the only way Toni ever listened to him. Putting on that Captain America voice never failed to get Iron Man in line.

"Don't you Toni me, old man," she bit back, sounding just for a moment like herself. "It won't work like that. I'm not that person anymore. Look. Just. Let me talk, okay? Just let me have this. I know we're not on good terms anymore. I know I don't deserve it from you or the team or anyone at all, but… Just, please? Please let me have this."

The fire in her voice was gone by the time she finished speaking, giving way to a weaker, subdued tone that broke him. He didn't know what to say. He had no idea what to even do, but she apparently took it as him acquiescing and continued on.

"Okay. Thanks. Um." He could hear her take a deep breath, and could've sworn he could hear her lungs rattling with whatever sickness was in them. "Okay. So, I know I fucked up. A lot. Hell, I'm fucked up in general. It's just how I am. A character flaw, I guess. And I'm so sorry for all of it. Every single thing I ever did. I'm sorry. And, uh, I just read the last report on Barnes, it sounds like he's doing really good with BARF. I actually just finished writing some coding that should help expedite the process even more. It should only take a couple more months now instead of the projected nine. But, anyway. I'm dyin', Cap. I dunno how to word that better. Which is stupid, I'm supposed to be good at this, talking is my thing, right? I can talk and talk and talk and it annoys everyone, but it's just what I'm good at. Like how you're good at punching things and walking around in spangly spandex with the moral high ground and looking all American or whatever.

"Sorry, I'm rambling, I know, but I've not been able to talk this long for a couple of weeks and I don't want to stop while I'm on a roll like this because if I stop the coughing will start again and I won't be able to breathe and breathing is so good, Cap, it's so nice. You have no idea how lucky you are to breathe so heavy like you are right now, cuz you're breathing awful heavy Cap. And pretty fast. You need to calm down."

He took a single, shuddering breath at her words to even himself out, which seemed to satisfy her enough as the silence she created lasted mere seconds before she picked up again.

"There you go, Cap. I've got a lot of experience with panic attacks, just like… just breathe, right? Breathe in and out, in and out, think of calming things. It sounds stupid but it works. Usually. But yeah, I'm sorta dying, Cap. And I don't know why I called. Maybe cuz I'm a masochist, but whatever. It's already happening, can't take it back now. Knew I'd die sooner rather than later anyway, what with the state of my insides from the arc reactor, or my little space misadventure with the nuke, or the innumerous beatings I've taken. The shitty thing is it isn't just my heart that's taking me down. I expected it to be my heart, of course, cuz the reactor. The shrapnel. The stress of it all made it real weak, despite what Helen did for me. So it really wasn't a surprise to me to find out I had heart disease. It progressed really fast, sure, but I knew it would come one day.

"It's this god awful cancer that surprised me. It's everywhere, Cap. I'm not even sure it is a cancer. It's in my lungs, my stomach, my brain. I'm starting to forget things, Cap. I forgot how to solder a wire to one of the gauntlets the other day. It took me twenty minutes of just staring at it before I even remembered why I was doing it to begin with! It's terrifying. I'm losing the one part of me that anyone ever wanted, and I can do nothing to stop it. This is it for me. End of the line. My ledger gets to stop drowning in red now because I'm going to finally die and those souls on my shoulders can finally have their revenge and rest peacefully.

"But god, I'm scared. I'm scared, Steve. I'm so scared. I've only got a few hours left at this point. I'm only talking to you cuz I stabbed myself with adrenaline just to keep my heart pumping a little longer. Hey, if you see Bruce again, can you please tell him it's okay? That it's not his fault. Cuz he'll blame himself. You know he will. He'll think that if he was here he could've helped me, but that's not fair. No one could help me. No one should help me. I've been a lost cause for a long, long time. I've just been too stubborn to accept it.

"And Steve? I just. I wanna thank you. Cuz you gave me some good times, y'know? Before it got real bad. Before Leipzig. Before Siberia. Before any of that stupid Accords business, or Ultron. I found something that felt more like home than any house Howard Stark ever bought, and it was good. So thank you for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm sorry I messed us up. I'm sorry I broke the team apart. I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to make up for it properly, but…"

Several dings rang out simultaneously throughout the room he had all but forgotten he stood in. Multiple cell phones going off all at once, their owners curiously glancing at them and away from the spectacle he was making.

"But I think that should be okay. What I've just sent should be good, I think. It should help them all. It'll help so much, Steve. And you guys will be getting a lot of shipments in starting tomorrow. New gear. New weapons. Even a new pool table, cuz I know Clint and Bucky accidentally broke the one you have now and it's a fun game, isn't it? Pool is fun. I liked it. I've gotta go now, Steve, but don't worry. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. You're probably already fine, cuz I know I'm not your favorite person by any means, but I just wanted to talk to you, too, before I die. You're the last person on the list, y'know? Cuz I didn't wanna hear anyone else's voice last. Cuz I'm stupid like that. I'm too sentimental. I forgive too easy. But yeah, that's it. That's all I wanted to say. Take care of yourself out there, Cap. I mean it. There's something huge coming, and they're gonna need you, okay? Okay. Bye, Steve. And goodbye Barnes, cuz you're probably listening in on this. You're even nosier than I am, and that's saying something."

And just like that the line dropped. Nothing but silence, prolonged and harsh, filled the line now and he realized the phone itself slipped from his numb fingers just as he felt Bucky's hands grasping his shoulders. He was vaguely aware of what sounded like screaming. Raw, guttural, pained screaming, and in a moment of panic he wondered if it was Toni, if the pain was too much and she was in so much pain and all alone. Because she would be alone, wouldn't she? She'd not want anyone around her right now, because it would hurt them. Like he hurt. The pain in his chest felt like claws tearing him apart, and he realized then it was him screaming. That Bucky was explaining what had happened to the others from where they were on the floor. He looked up long enough, his vision clearing just enough to see the similar expressions of the others. They were all stricken, grief permeating through the kitchen in an almost tangible way as the weight of consequence fell on their shoulders. The realization of a thousand wrongs, of time lost to never be gained again. Of their cruelty to someone once called friend, and how now they'd never get a chance to make amends.

The next few days were a blur of silent activity interspersed with equally quiet updates. They'd yet to find a body, but Toni Stark was officially missing. Even Friday was gone, the young, chipper AI disappearing without a single notice. In a sick sort of way, Steve understood why they hadn't found a body yet. Despite the fact that they had literally hundreds of homes, safe houses, penthouses, islands, and other various abodes to search through. Toni would have never wanted anyone to find her dead body, frail and sick and motionless. She'd want the charade she'd built around her life to stand strong. She'd want everyone's last memories of her to be as a vibrant businesswoman, fighter, and politician.

But even after two months had come and gone, as the world mourned the loss of a woman they had all but ostracized and belittled when alive, he still found himself searching for a body. The papers all called her loss devastating. The loss of a great futurist, a great leader, a beautifully strong woman who held the world on her shoulders with a gracefully put together smile. The world acted, for those two short months, like they'd never done any wrongs to the very woman they now worshipped in death. As if they hadn't actively attacked her over any single fault she ever showed. Like they never forced her hand into creating such a perfect charade that even he'd been sold on it time and time again.

He knew he was becoming obsessed, and the others were worried. But it hurt. He'd sworn he would never let someone he cared about die alone, and yet that's exactly what had happened. Toni had died completely alone, her body now rotting away somewhere that he couldn't find. It burned him inside to know that he couldn't properly care for the body of a woman he'd consider one of his best friends. That he'd pushed her so hard, fought her so long, that in the end isolation had been her only reprieve. But slowly he'd been forced to give up the obsession. As two months became four, when four became eight, he had to give it up. The world was done mourning Iron Man. They were welcoming in a new age of heroes, ushering in an period of technology that stemmed from the blueprints and plans Toni left for the world to have. Because Toni couldn't just take a break even when she was sick, and she'd used that time to create so much. SI was only releasing it a little at a time, because Pepper Potts was still their CEO and knew what Toni would've wanted, but Steve had been privy to the staggering amount of work Toni had sent to Pepper on the occasion of her death.

And slowly, surely, he found himself grieving less and less. He still missed her, often enough that he'd taken to imagining her sarcastic quips, the sassy remarks she'd fling when he ordered them on the field before she ultimately followed his direction. Sometimes he'd even hear her saying "Your call, Cap" so clearly he would swear she was standing on his six, watching his back like she always did. But she was never actually there, and so he moved on. He helped his new team become cohesive, helped forge new relationships with various entities, and settled into leadership as if it were a second skin. But it would always sit unwell in his stomach, because he was never meant to lead them alone. The Avengers worked well with two leaders, but now there was only one, so he did all he could to try to make up for the painful loss.

Across the world, hidden away in between mountains in the Alps, under a small cabin with a pull away floor to a lab outfitted with only the most modern technology, she screamed back to life.