Problematic Solider - Chapter 1

Full Summary: It's of no surprise that Hiruzen Sarutobi is old enough he has his fair share of regrets in his life, but nothing quite sits as heavy as the pair of kyanite blue eyes glistening up at him. He had no choice, the baby's own father had unconsciously forced Hiruzen's hand. He runs his fingers feather light across the baby's cheek, bubbling a high pitched giggle as he chews open-mouthed on his blanket, drool dampening the soft fabric.

"I'm too old for this.." He whispers darkly under his breath as he signs the boy's future and any chance of normality he ever hoped for away.

Tags: This starts as angst but I swear there's happiness somewhere. Eventually. Kakashi is a ball of regret, Sarutobi is also a ball of regret, Iruka is the best dad. Sasuke is sick of shit happening without him knowing, Sakura just wants some sleep. Naruto is basically an emotionless brick, someone please help this boy. Also, he has cute ears- Yay.

Author Note: WAOH Ok. So I came up with this idea in like...yr7 and it was the physical form of literary trash- then I was like, woo! Reboot! In 2014, and that was also trash. But I still want to continue it. So um, third try lucky? Also, this was a big hit when I first wrote it for some reason, so if something sounds familiar, you've probably read the older shitty cousin of this story.

Currently: Un-betaed, so there will be a few errors.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Kakashi was the poster child for a shinobi hardened by the traumatic life ninjas were assigned to lead. He doesn't remember much of his mother; only the soft caress of her frail fingers against his face, only the light scent of birch wood, only the faint sound of his father choking down his cries, a pale hand lying limp on bedsheets.

Don't leave me

He remembers too much of his father. The swelling sense of awe as he was bathed in fame so great it was said to pale that of the sannin. The nation of praise, a father asking nothing more than the happiness of his son. The soft smiles, the skin near his eyes pinched as he grinned at Kakashi in nothing short of love and pride. Then the rumours reaching his ears, a village betrayal. It was just lies, it had to be lies, lies- it can't possibly be true.

Except it was

The gleam in his eyes fading, the blood pooling beneath his body. He was a broken man and he only smiled as he begged to be reunited with his wife. Kakashi stood not two feet away, numb as he failed to recognise the empty shell that used to his only left family.

He shut himself off from the world for a long time, built his walls so high nothing was able to get to him anymore. Throwing himself into training, he found success easily enough; the world around him saw his lack of self-preservation and they called it bravery. They looked at his broken soul and bathed him in praise he couldn't hear- He was a true ninja, they'd say. The village marvelled at his skills and turned a blind eye to his blatant recklessness; because a ninja that did not follow his heart, but rather his orders, was what would ultimately protect them without consequence.

When he was appointed a genin, he despised his team and he hated his sensei. It was not out of malice, but out of fear. He had spent so long refusing to see the daylight in his dark world, he had forgotten it ever existed. When he was suddenly surrounded by others that actually seemed to care for him, it left him stripped and unprepared for the emotional turmoil it would bring him. He tried impossibly hard to shut them out, but they saw through his mask, through his bravery, through his skills and through the wall he previously had thought indestructible.

He had worked carelessly for years to protect himself from behind the safety of his walls, why were they so adamant about tearing down the only thing keeping his injured mind in one piece?

He later found out it was through love. Not the type that is written in Jiraya's novels, not the kind that you thought about with a lover, but the same love that allowed him to remember the distinct warmth of his mother, His team would protect him and over time he found that he was reluctantly admitting that he wanted to protect them too.

After a long while, he began to let them in. He refused to take down his walls, but he at least allowed passage through for the few people that earned his trust. Minato especially, he was naturally a busy man of great importance within the village, but he still managed to make time for his genin out of training. He ingrained the how teamwork was paramount to a ninja's career, despite many working alone.

'Those who break the rules are scum, those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum'

After the passing of his only two teammates, Kakashi had taken to try and shut himself off again, overworking himself into a frenzy and unsure what to do with the raw burn of guilt and sadness that he swore to himself he'd never feel again- It was his fault, he killed her, he killed them both, he's the reason- He should've- It can't- Not again-

Minato would cast him soft and sad stares when he found his only student in the training grounds, knuckles raw from landing countless bruising blows to the practice log. He didn't praise him for working hard and he didn't scold him either- despite both knowing the action was not to be stronger, but to savour the brief satisfaction of feeling pain so real, the psychological massacre dulled momentarily. He understood Kakashi and offered his silent gesture of acceptance. Minato taught Kakashi many other life-saving qualities, to learn to accept the things he could not change, the courage to change the things he could, and the wisdom to know the difference. In a way, Minato was much like a father, even Kushina fussing about him when he took the offer to join them for dinner. It was so domestic to be in the presence of the two the young Hatake couldn't help but crave the safety enveloping him. It gave him hope to see the happiness that the world still held, the pair having their own monsters to battle, yet waking up to a new horizon each day.

Several years later, when Kushina announced to him she was pregnant, Kakashi was rendered speechless, soon overcome by the overwhelming bloom of pride, his sensei was going to be a father. Initially, jealousy seemed to be the most appropriate assumption as he watched the to-be happy family grow, a picture perfect he'd give anything to have once again. For a long while, he was unable to place how he felt with certainty, the only comparison he could come close to was the itching familiarity of protectiveness. It was too late to beg for what he'd already lost, but he was going to give his life to make sure they'd never suffer the same fate.

Not a soul foresaw the greatest threat the leaf village had ever faced, the ferocity and destruction the Nine-Tailed monstrosity wrecked was like no other. The Kyuubi uprooted and demolished lives like no war Konoha had seen, it seemed less an act of man and resembled more the wrath of gods.

He'd been assigned by Minato to protect Kushina.

He failed.

Barely a man and yet he was left with a wailing babe curled in blood-stained fabrics, screaming frantically for the arms of his mother. Kakashi couldn't help the sudden influx of unrighteousness, forcing him to the ground as he dry heaved, clutching the only being left of Minato and Kushina to his chest with an awkward battle between tender and desperate force.

"I've got you, it's ok- we're ok- you're ok, I've got you-"

He could no longer decipher if it was him or Naruto he was trying to reassure.

Afterward, Kakashi was deemed unsuitable to take care of the child by the now reappointed Sandaime Hokage. It made sense, he was far too young, too busy, his home and lifestyle was no place for a child- but he knew he had to at least try.

Several months later, Naruto seemed to disappear. Kakashi was ordered strictly that he was to make no further contact with the child. Hiruzen apologised with a haunting expression of guilt when Kakashi pleaded-

"What have you done!?"

"I'm sorry Hatake-san, please know the boy is safe."

Kakashi didn't believe him. The building sense of dread climbed up his walls and seeped through the cracks with each passing year.

Merely days before the annual genin exam, Kakashi was called into the council. It was never a good omen, but he reluctantly stood motionless as an elderly man stepped into the room, dull looking but surrounded by the dark sense of malevolence. Kakashi recognised him as Danzou, the man that had tried to take advantage of Kakashi after the passing of Minato, convincing his younger, emotional self to spy against the Hokage.

The suspense in the room could be cut with knives as a smaller figure walked into the room behind him, shadowing the man with the silent steps of a trained shinobi.

Every passing second felt like rocks in his pockets, making his limbs gradually heavier as he took note of the child; only looking to be around the height of 10 or 12, yet holding himself as if the world itself sat on top his narrow shoulders.

"Kitsune-kun, remove your mask." Sarutobi gruffly sliced through the eerie silence with his voice.

The boy fluidly hooked his fingers on either side of the smiling mask, removing it from it's covering. A haunting shade of blonde hair was revealed, followed by the same striking gem blue eyes from all those years ago, now steeled and empty of emotion.

Kakashi's mind felt like he was falling into ice-cold water- drowning.

Oooh heck, You should review so I have enough motivation to tell ya'll why and how.

I didn't plan for this whole chapter to be on Kakashi, but his past is a major key point for the continuation of the story, so whoops.

Next chapter will give you guys a lot more context on the storyline, don't worry. Anyways, thanks for reading!