Author's Note:

I hate talking about health issues because oversharing is a thing and it's a "gift" no one wants. To sum up: mysterious pain/discomfort and lots of tests. Some scary and some not. Everytime I am away and then I post, i have this moment of, "are they even going to remember this story?" If you're here, either you are lost and mean to click on something else entirely or you are along with me for the ride. Thank you all for sticking it out with me.

The health stuff put me woefully behind on answering feedback however I will also try and get caught up on that.

Let's talk about what's really important though - Swanqueen. In this update, 16 pages of a really important chapter. I rewrote this part six times in total which is about 3X more than I usually do. My wife look at each one and only rolled her eyes at me a little when I gave her rewrite #5,

In this leg of the flight, we descend over Swanqueenia so we can get a better look at things. Enjoy the views and the free beverages.

This is your captain speaking.

Garden of Heroes - Of Crowns and Hearts

…We cannot assume that even the most innocent- and generous-seeming gesture is anything but an act of evil. She speaks of wishing to start again, but we all know there is no mercy in her. Therefore, the only safe and sensible course would be to stay away from this so-called Queen's banquet. Each village, no matter how humble, would be foolish not to take this council to heart.

- Lord Banok

Notice sent to the villages in his lands

Emma blinked a few times, trying to shake off the cobwebs of sleep and make sense of the revelations of the last few moments. "Wait — just, wait a minute." She rose, trying to gather her thoughts, one hand extended to keep Regina back. "You heard me? And you were trying to seduce me?"

"Are you really that surprised?" Regina said, with a hint of dark amusement. "Magic and manipulation: the keys to my many accomplishments."

Emma couldn't tell if the traces of pride on Regina's face were more real than the faint shadow of regret, or if they were both true. "But you...didn't. We didn't. There's been nothing physical, I mean."

"No." The word didn't cover enough ground; it wasn't a lie, yet it was a fraction of the truth. Their eyes meet before Regina squared her shoulders, straight and regal. "This is not what I wanted to discuss. I need to ask you some questions about the day of the curse. People must have told you about that day."

Of course they had. They had recounted the story over and over since she was a girl, as a reminder of who she was and what was expected of her. The stories changed her, the word hero stepped into her world fully formed. She chased after it, the bright ghostly echo of her mother or sometimes her father. Honoring them wasn't the same as loving them, but in the absence of her heart it was the best she could do.

Until she retired.

Regina continued with a commanding air. "Your father was trying to escape with you. When my men found him, he was a statue. His pose was that of someone handing something to someone else. A small bundle, perhaps? Was it you? Was he carrying you when the curse struck him?"

Alarm bells in Emma's head warned her to be careful what she said. "Why do you suddenly want to talk about something that happened decades ago?"

"Because I want to suggest something. But before I do, I want to check that my hypothesis has merit."

Emma reached for Taz, just to have him close. She couldn't find any risk in telling the story, but then, Regina excelled at twisting things to her advantage. She felt out of her depth.

Sometimes, in this place, Regina's eyes glowed as she described her theories or pored over a new artifact. When they spoke of the past, her features could be soft and yearning. During freezing uncertain nights and while facing down monsters, she thrust up her chin, blazing with courage and stubbornness. Sometimes Emma stared, studying the differences between the queen who condemned them to these caverns and the woman who traveled with her.

She didn't do more than glance at Regina now. It seemed safer. "They didn't know exactly what the curse would be, so they planned for the worst. They guessed you wouldn't be able to resist going after my mom. People told me that my parents argued about what to do. I guess mom was more stubborn. She insisted my dad and a group of their most trusted friends take me and run. She would join them if she could. She wanted to"— a pulse throbbed inside her, like an errant, extra heartbeat —"to give me my best chance."

"Some of the people who were supposed to protect my dad and I went ahead to get the hiding place ready." Emma heard the story in her head, just the way that Grumpy had told it to her a hundred times or more. He'd been with her father on that day. "Some stayed with Dad to help protect me. They had horses, but the curse, it caught up to Dad's. He jumped free and he tried to run. He reached the edge of the spell's radius. He almost made it, but he wasn't quite fast enough. He started to change. He handed me to…"

She didn't want to say Grumpy's name. Charming had thrust her into his arms, the last act of a desperate father. Twenty of them had run from the castle; half had been turned into statues.

"My dad ordered them to run. It was the last thing he said."

Regina's forehead wrinkled, the corners of her eyes tightened, yet the rest of her face remained calm. "But he was holding you when the curse reached him?"

"Yes."

Regina tapped her fingers together, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "You asked me if the curse had any other effects. Do you remember our discussion about Rumplestiltskin? Did anyone ever mention your mother making a deal with him, to protect you from me?"

"Not when I was a kid, but when I met him before the banquet — the only time I've ever met him — he mentioned something. I didn't pay much attention. He was cryptic and vague and I was mostly focused on him offering me a way to save my parents." Their quiet voices disrupted the eerie silence of the ruins. This conversation held enough weight without it being the only sound in the world. "He said he saved me but not all of me, that his magic didn't do what he expected it to."

"I felt something that day, a power that originated from your mother when I —" Regina's words broke off, and she turned away. "This affliction you have, it's always been with you. Since you were a child." She glanced back, waiting for confirmation.

"Ever since I can remember. So, it is the curse? I wasn't sure. Not entirely."

"I have a theory about that."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"I just need to ask one more question."

Regina wore many masks — the evil queen, the wrathful monster, the seductress. The more time they spent together, the easier it was for Emma to recognize any attempt at camouflage. As Regina shifted in place, slumping, staring toward the bridge with troubled eyes, it surprised Emma that she could also tell when Regina's defenses fell away. Unless, that too, was an intended affectation. Emma kept second-guessing herself.

"You avoid touching my skin. But one night when I was asleep you took my hand. And at the banquet I grabbed your wrist. Your expression suddenly changed. I thought you might kill me. " Regina turned back to Emma. She lifted her hand just at the height of Emma's cheek, yet she did not close the distance and touch her. "When we touch something changes, you change in some way. I affect you somehow. That's true, isn't it?"

Emma frowned and drew back, gaining distance. She didn't know what to do. Her brain buzzed with several courses of actions at once. Deny. Admit. Stay silent. Threaten. Leave the queen here in this hidden world and make her escape. Emma shook her head, the endless cycle of debate continuing in her head.

"Emma," Regina said, voice soft, her hand dropping. "Tell me."

"Should I? Would you if you were me?" Taz hung loose in her hand and she flicked her wrist in Regina's direction, gesturing to her with the hilt. "You're the one that keeps reminding me what will happen when we leave here. I'm not good at this. I've never had intuition about why people do what they do or if they're telling the truth. It would be easy to trick me."

Regina nodded. "There is an art to attacking an enemy's weakness at just the right moment. The key is usually surprise. Them not knowing what you know until you attack." She moved her hand to her side, fingers working at the leather strap that kept her crown in held it up in her fist. "For so long being queen has consumed me. Perhaps that's just how it must be; what it demands." She hobbled to a bench and abandoned the dark crystal circlet there, then returned. "I don't want this to be about that." Regina pressed Emma again, emphasizing each word. "Emma, something happens when we touch, doesn't it?"

The deserted crown was out of place in the ruins, too pristine and cold next to the lovingly crafted colorful tiles and carved strands of holly that climbed the legs of the marble bench it sat on.

"I...feel things. I guess you already figured that out. It's stupid to try and hide it."

Regina shook her head. "Emma," she said softly. "This is not a one-sided demand for information. I want you to understand, to know what I know. I just needed to test some assumptions. The day of the curse, you must not have been entirely immune to the crown's power. All magic begins in the heart or the soul. It's likely that Rumplestiltskin's protection spell simply prevented it from taking full effect. It reached your heart but didn't go further. The magic, my magic, is still there. At least a sliver of it. I believe it recognizes and responds to me. I think that is also why the curse doesn't work on you; technically you are already cursed. It is admittedly uncharted territory. I've never heard of a case like this."

"Can you...undo it?"

"There's only one way I know of to undo the curse's magic. You already know that price."

"You have to break the crown. Which will kill you."

"Yes," she agreed, eyes lowering.

"Can you control it? Or, um, use it to control, well, me?"

"I don't know." She met Emma's eyes again. "If I had full access to my magic perhaps."

Emma could have done without that possibility. "Okay so, good talk, I guess."

"That still isn't entirely what I wished to discuss." She drew in a deep breath, neck muscles bunching, her voice strained. "You deserve to see this place, Emma. I thought perhaps I would offer that to you."

Emma started, flailing inwardly as if the ground had tilted up sharply. She had almost recovered, congratulating herself on her mental dexterity, when Regina extended a hand towards her. "If you'll allow me to. At least while we are here."

The silence became fragile, thin glass that could shatter under more than gentle pressure.

"Why? Why would you give that to me?"

"Perhaps because it seems like the right thing to do and, for the first time in a long time, that matters. Beyond that, I — I used to be someone else once. Someone who wasn't queen. You make me remember." Her fingers stretched out a little more, waiting. "You can refuse," Regina said, the fullness of her usual confidence ebbing when Emma didn't move. "I will not hold it against you. It will not change our truce."

"And you don't want anything in return? I don't have to do anything?"

"I believe you will find that is the definition of a gift."

The studied nonchalance with which she spoke didn't ring true. Regina's pride grew more and more bruised the longer Emma hesitated. Emma didn't want to injure her in that way, yet she couldn't conquer her confusion. Maybe if her heart wasn't 'wrong', if she wasn't, it would be easier to draw conclusions and judge motives.

"You said not to give something without getting something. Aren't you breaking your own rules?"

"I suppose I am."

Emma could find no trace of Regina's masks, no hard edges or anger. Darkness was part of the queen, a long heavy cloak she tied tightly around her. Regina seemed to be loosening the bindings that enfolded her so closely, trying to shed part of it.

Emma wished she had Taz's counsel. She needed to know that accepting this wouldn't risk her friends, her parents, herself. She wondered if he would tell her, as he so often had, that some adventures were worth taking risks, or if he would call her a fool

Or maybe he would just ask what she wanted.

She wanted to stop the parade of doubts marching through her head. She yearned for another chance to explore what happiness, wonder, and even sadness felt like.

She wanted to trust the vulnerability in Regina's eyes, the playful smiles they'd shared, the mischievous captain nickname. She hoped the person she saw right now — Regina without her defenses — truly existed.

Emma inched forward, voice dropping to a whisper. "I don't know if this is a good idea. For a lot of reasons."

"I don't either," Regina agreed, words just as soft, her maskless face tight. Her arm lowered slightly, a hint she was about to give up. She didn't though. Not yet.

The continued vulnerability tinged with anxious waiting convinced Emma. She stepped closer and curled her fingers around the offered hand.

Inside her chest, her heart clenched, a vise-like sensation all around it. After a moment it released, letting her take in a deep breath. Then her heart began to expand. Stretched in every direction farther and farther till it threatened to tear. Pain and helplessness made her body spasm. Emma's body jerked upward, curling her toes and arching her back. Her pulse, once steady, fluttered. She heard Taz drop from her hand, clattering to the tiled ground.

The other times weren't like this. The fleeting thought that maybe something had gone wrong, or maybe Regina was using this against her after all touched her dizzied mind while she fought to stay on her feet.

"Emma!"

The distending of her heart stopped. The weak pumping in her chest strengthened into a slow staggered heartbeat. Her heart shrank to its normal size and continued recovering from the abuse. Her lightheadedness ebbed.

"Emma," Regina called softly. Emma managed to lift her head and focus on her. Regina guided her to a bench, but didn't sit. "Are you all right? Your eyes — they were glowing purple."

Emma swallowed several times, throat tight, recovering her breath. "They were? I'm okay. This time it was a lot stronger than usual. I don't know what happened."

Her gaze fell on their still intertwined fingers. The contact with Regina's skin made her skin tingle, reminding her of the warmth of a low fire on a freezing day.

"Should I stop?" Regina asked.

Emma shook her head. She clenched her teeth together, brow bumpy with wrinkles. "It's settling. The other part is starting."

"What's the other part?"

The rapid bubbling of reactions Emma should have had to the most recent events assaulted her. "It's a lot. This time especially. Everything comes at once. It eventually calms down. Worrying about Taz, angry at you but grateful too, this place...gods...this place. Everything we've seen. I was — should have been, or am — so happy we found the stupid fish in that pond. I don't know which verb is right. I really wanted to give us a proper meal. I was relieved, am relieved. You and this gift. Doubt — no, maybe guilt — because I couldn't refuse this gift. And I don't know if I'm letting people down. Fuck, why isn't it slowing down like it usually does? "

Regina slid onto the bench next to her, close. She touched Emma's shoulder with her free hand, urging Emma to turn towards her. "Emma, look at me. Take a breath. Good. Again. When I was first learning magic, it felt like I couldn't control it. It seemed too strong. I had to stop thinking of it as separate entity — it was me; all of it. Sift through what you feel, but direct it instead of it directing you." Emma tried, letting each emotion have a second or two centerstage in her head. "Remember that your mind and your will are still in charge. It's a little like riding a horse. The power is there but you have the reins."

Regina's eyes staring into hers were a rope tossed to her in the middle of a storm. Her guidance quieted Emma, the tidal wave crashing over her gentling, settling into ripples.

#######################################

Regina saw the moment Emma's control returned, the relaxing of her body, the dazed expression fading from her face. She'd been terrified when Emma's body started to jerk, wondering if her attempt at a gift would lead only to tragedy. She wasn't surprised by the possibility. Her gifts were refused and misinterpreted. It would almost be kismet if the one person who accepted her offering had to pay a price for it, despite Regina's intentions.

Emma pressed her free hand over her heart and Regina searched her face, still unsure if Emma would be all right.

"It's slowed down."

Emma launched herself to her feet and Regina had to scramble back to avoid a collision. Emma stepped toward the center of the courtyard, pulling at Regina a little as she held on. A half-smile curled on Emma's mouth. "I'm...This is…Holy shit. Holy shit, Regina." Emma turned in a circle, eyes investigating everything around them. "How the fuck did they build all this?"

"Are you okay?"

"It's like Taz's magic," she said in wonder. "I feel that bond with him and there's this energy, then boom! I can use his power and go faster. There's this rush inside me. And holy shit!" Regina couldn't help but laugh at the exuberance of the explanation.

"Taz!" Emma bent to pick him up, brushing the dirt from him with reverence. "Sorry buddy." She stared into the reflection of the blade and frowned. "I wish you could see this."

That first moment when Emma was offered the world and didn't forget her friend told Regina all about Emma's heart. Regina would never be so generous. It only reaffirmed the rightness of this gift.

"He probably can," Regina said. "I can still feel my magic. It isn't gone. It's likely he's there and just unable to speak."

"You — you didn't have to do this." Emma said and lifted their linked hands.

Emma's eyes could be a barren place, with no indication of her thoughts. Now, Regina saw such life. The innocence of Emma's heart reflected first, then, the warm totality of gratitude spilled from her and cascaded over Regina.

Emma's fingers squeezed Regina's. "Thank you."

It was the reaction she'd always wanted from others; the connection, the reality of making a difference and yes, their acknowledgement of both. She expected the sensation of finally getting what she deserved. Instead, she couldn't raise any of her usual defenses. She wanted to give something else, some other gift that might always stay with Emma. It hurt that she couldn't. It terrified her that she wanted to.

Besides, she'd merely unlocked the cage she'd built through the curse. "It's not as if offering this to you this takes a lot of will or talent." She said, pulling back but not letting go, sounding haughty. She frowned at herself. "That sounded harsh. I have never been proficient at managing sentimental displays."

The joy grew in Emma's expression till she laughed. Regina thrilled at the sound of it. "But, that's kind of the point of what you did, isn't it?"

"I suppose so. However, you should know that there are rumours the Evil Queen once burned someone to cinders because they cried in her presence."

Emma's expression didn't change and the penetrating warmth in her eyes tore her away from all of her affectations. None of them mattered. She lived only in this moment, her skin anticipating some undefined more. Hungering for it.

"I'll risk it." Emma stepped back without letting go. "Thank you, Regina."

"You're very welcome."

A twinkle entered Emma's eyes and she gave a stiff but acceptable bow. Regina knew wasn't entirely jest, that there was an offering of respect. To which, a curtsey was the only proper response. Regina did the best she could on one leg and believed that despite her impairment she still managed to appear graceful.

Emma straightened and waited for Regina to do the same. "Okay, let's take a look around."

In the blink of an eye, Emma bent to scoop Regina up.

"Wait. You were exhausted and we'll have to find a way to keep touching, unless you want the curse's power to return."

"Right."

"Are you certain you don't wish to rest?"

Emma pouted just a little at the suggestion "Rest? Now?"

"Perhaps in a little while then."

"Deal."

They decided on Emma carrying Regina crossways over her back. Emma wrapped one arm around her thighs, the other hand holding Regina's upper arm.

"Your arm. Doesn't this hurt?"

"Yep." Emma said cheerfully.

She bounded up the dilapidated stairway to the second level as if prancing on air.

Regina remembered the daring rogue at the banquet and realized that when Emma pretended, her expressions were blunted. She didn't light up the same way. The cockiness emanated from her skills, not the inner belief that she could, if she wished to, do anything. This Emma, the one carrying her as if she weighed nothing, could surely conquer the world.

Her gift did this. She gave this to Emma.

Regina knew herself to be broken. In a hundred rooms inside her, her anger smashed things into tiny bits, leaving nothing. For the first time in years, she could imagine mending. She ached for it.

She shouldn't.

"You know what I feel?" Emma asked slightly out of breath as they reached the second level. She carefully set Regina down. "Ask me how I feel."

The question pulled Regina from her thoughts. "How do you feel?" she asked, bemused.

Emma lifted her up by the waist, swinging her around. Regina, startled, dropped the pickaxe and clutched her neck. "Curious. Just really, really curious. About everything."

With someone else, their position — Regina grabbing on for dear life — might have been close to a hug.

"Sorry," Emma said and returned Regina to her feet, holding her as she retrieved the pickaxe. "Come on, things to do. Stuff to see. I wonder if your lectures about the walls will seem half as boring now."

"I can let go at any point, Captain," Regina huffed, but took Emma's hand and awkwardly managed to hobble beside her.

####################################

Feelings were distracting things that made one clumsy, Emma discovered. She'd become a newborn colt trying to stay standing. She tripped over her own two feet more than once as she started toward one thing but became distracted by something else in another direction.

"Perhaps," Regina said. "We should take this slow."

She grinned and she thought that Taz would have called her all kinds of a fool if she'd refused Regina's offer. She kissed his crossguard.

She knew her exuberance was over the top. She just felt all this energy thrumming through her. She could runs miles in this condition, climb mountains, fight dragons.

Huh. She should check with Regina if they still existed somewhere or not. She'd very much like to see one if — her brain kept doing that too. Wandering off without her permission. She brought it back in line.

"Let's go," she said cheerfully to Regina and Taz.

"I am happy to, but perhaps before you move you should decide where exactly you wish to go. I think you'll find we need to choose one direction at a time."

"Well, I was thinking we could go somewhere we've already been so I could compare how it looks to me now versus when we first saw it. But, there's also a big, honking, mysterious tower."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Strong as a Brylu."

"Then may I make a suggestion? I thought I saw a room in the back of the large building in front of us. Perhaps we could look there and then, as you say, the big, honking, mysterious tower."

"You still worried about being disappointed?"

Regina stared at it and sighed. "I just want to manage my expectations."

Emma followed Regina's suggestion. She hummed as they climbed over rubble, manifesting the energy inside her. She remembered the chunks of rocks seemed like a true impediment before. They were nothing now. She charged up and over them with barely any effort.

"Will. You. Slow. Down." Regina gritted. "You're pulling my arm from its socket."

The show of temper set alight her guilt.

She felt guilty! Ha!

She learned something too. When Regina was in pain, it often showed in her temper. The connection of one emotion to another, the understanding of possible reasons was yet another new thing.

As they continued — at a much slower pace — her eyes lingered on things instead of taking them in at a glance and moving on. She occasionally chuckled at some random thought, connecting what she saw to memories or imagined sensations.

"Hey, did you see this mural with the woman with a baby strapped to her back while chopping down a tree."

"I did."

"That just seems really ambitious. I tried to hold a baby and give a speech once. One of my friends is a bard and he thought it would make me look more savior-like. Didn't get through more than a couple of sentences before she started crying. Ruined the whole thing. Oh, but that big painting we saw with everyone giving one another plates of food. Now, that is art. I want to take a look at the fish lake again. I can think of a few places that might benefit from something like that."

"Emma." Regina gave her a long-suffering look, complete with raised eyebrow.

"I'm talking too much right?"

"Your sudden ramblings are oddly endearing, however, I am considering a gag. I suppose as long as you keep it entertaining, it can be allowed."

"You're a giver."

"Looking at the lake is a good idea," Regina said, back to business. "If it's lasted this long, it's self-sustaining. We need to study how that was achieved."

"I think I just said that."

"And now I have confirmed that it's actually a good idea." Regina said airly and pulled her along. Emma pinched her side, receiving a light shove in retaliation.

The room they found hollowed out at the back of the building had rows and rows of shelves. On them, small bottles of different shapes and colors lined the back and side walls. Some were still clearly labeled but the names of some were worn away.

Regina gushed over every ingredient she recognized, speaking fast and breathless as she identified it to Emma.

Emma held a vial while Regina unstoppered it and breathed in. "Ginger. Did you know that can prevent infection? When the grass flu ravaged the kingdom, I tried to make a cure. This was one of the ingredients."

"Did it work?"

Regina set down the bottle and pressed the cork in hard. "No one would try it."

Emma didn't want the darkness in that memory to take root. "Well, while we're here, I can try any weird, probably horrible-tasting things you make."

"That is the kindness yet strangest thing you could have said." Regina lightened, mirth glinting in her eyes. "I will keep it in mind."

Regina, like almost everything else she saw, stole her attention at unexpected moments. The queen's beauty was no mystery, and she'd appreciated it conceptually since they'd met. Perhaps even before. Emma noticed smaller things now. Regina's face was pale, thinner than it once was, bruises and cuts still healing. A tiny beauty mark lay just within her smile line. A scar, almost invisible most of the time, grazed her upper lip. Shadows found her, gathering above her high cheekbones, near her eyes. She walked with her shoulders back and straight, holding that pose as best she could while relying on the pickaxe.

Proclaiming Regina beautiful no longer came from an assessment of facts; instead it became real, a fascination and a deeper truth.

By necessity, they stood close to stay connected. As Regina kept inventorying the vials, completely focused, Emma absorbed the nuances of her expression.

"Emma, do I have something on my face?"

"What?"

Regina squeezed her hand. From where they touched, pulses of heat and sparks travelled from her fingertips to her chest."You are staring," Regina pretended to whisper, then continued in a normal voice. "I was telling you my theory about the lab we found and the reason some of the wood we have discovered lasted so long."

"And I absolutely was paying attention to that."

Regina smirked but didn't push. "The Qualsara seem to have made remarkable progress in alchemy. Some of what we've found seems medicinal, others preservative, some weapons and others, I'm not sure."

Regina tugged her forward to study a brass dome-like container mounted on a pedestal. On one side of it, a lever could be pushed up and down. On the other side, a ring of wire held a large flask. Just above it, a line ran from the middle of the top to a nozzle.

"I can't imagine what this could be," Regina said, brow creased in concentration. "I can unscrew this tubing and remove the top. There's a large wick." A hint of frustration tightened the corners of her mouth.

It made Emma grin.

"There's a holder here that could fit a flask." Regina lifted it from the stone worktable, turning it and considered it from all angles. "Maybe it helped distill something that could then be mixed with something else? It seems inefficient." She stopped and gave Emma a sidelong glance, then nudged her. "You're staring again."

When Regina called it out that way, the center of her chest felt tighter, as if she were gathering air to shout.

"Nah, I'm not." She pivoted away. "I'm just taking in all your wisdom." She had been staring, but she couldn't help it so it didn't count. "Soooooooo, the tower now, right?"

"Yes, I believe so. We'll check the main level and then perhaps make camp."

Emma kept her thoughts on the possibilities inside the palace, or whatever it was, chattering as they made their way back out. "You think they had a throne, maybe even a court? I know this place is kinda small but, whatever they did in there, it's more ornate than anything else here. Must have been something important. You said the Qualsara hated magic, right? So, if they believed in what people could do, maybe they governed in some new way. So, in there we could find — I don't know — books or jewelry or weapons...I mean, anything really."

Regina's lips curved into a pleased smile and an expression that said finally! "Yes, Emma, we could."