Disclaimer: Code Geass © Sunrise. This work exists for non-profit entertainment purposes only.

Author's Note: I've always been fascinated by the concept of self-inserts and the serious questions it could inspire within a narrative, particularly when incorporated with a sense of realism...depending on the source material. Given that CG is one of my favorite anime of all time and filled with so many ideas and missed opportunities that either weren't explored or outright ignored, I wanted to try my hand at something like this. And let's be honest self-inserts get a horrible rep, so let's see if I can do a halfway decent job.

The dictionary defines the term ripple effect as the continuing and spreading results of an event or action.

Yeah, that sounded apt.

Consider the range of a 'What If' scenario and how far it extends before you either come to accept the abnormal reality you've found yourself adjusting to, or you reject it entirely on the premise alone and demand answers you might not ever receive. Which alternative do you choose? Is there a middle ground to balance everything out? For me, what made it easier to deal with was that the reality chosen had been something I was familiar with; a previously established continuity so I wasn't as befuddled as I could've been. It wasn't anticipated but small comforts were better than none. Frankly, I'm amazed that my mind hadn't snapped from the revelation.

What I'm saying may be concise according to myself but should come across as entirely impossible and completely ludicrous to anyone who hasn't experienced it firsthand. Few individuals could properly articulate the metaphysical. Of course, it doesn't make any sense. Things in life rarely do – be they large matters or small, but I can understand the general fortified logic that comes with functioning in a world bound by the laws of physics and millions if not billions of years building up to the acceptable status quo. Trust me, I do.

However, for the sake of coherency, I should probably start from the beginning.

Nothing is certain in a dreamscape; usually everything is all a blur once you wake up. Certain reflections of reality can be distorted, confusing and fooling you into wondering whether something is truly a memory or a fabrication. However, the sensory input to this experience felt less like a dream and more like a drug-induced haze.

"W-what is this?" my voice slurred and distorted to my own ears "where am I?"

I felt weightless, limbs floating in a void while the prickling sensation that accompanied numbness settled in. I saw colors; hues of pale green stretching and twisting like the veins of a circulatory system in all directions of an endless sea of blue. One color just as vivacious as the last until I was surrounded by nothing but white. It was blinding to my tired eyes; I could feel the lids drooping and the hand that came to obscure my sight felt heavy and sluggish. I was at a loss for how to function.

This felt familiar, eerily so.

I hadn't realized that I was standing until my body registered the distinct flat press of the ground beneath my feet. My legs did not feel like my own; joints aching from an exhaustion I hadn't remembered enduring. It was terrifying. A voice amplified by echoes of itself spoke as images continued to flash in sequence around me.

'Experiences and the actions of such define who you are.'

Planets aligning, squeezing the unspeakable brightness of the sun in between them. I squinted, utterly bewildered by this strange stream of consciousness. I couldn't come to any concrete answer that would explain what was happening to me. Had I fallen asleep and all of this was a dream or was I amid an unfortunate fever? Either way, I couldn't enjoy myself. In fact, I was starting to panic. There was nothing amusing or captivating about this.

'But actions have consequences.'

An abundance of feathers scattered across space and time. And now the universe sought to school me on basic morality. It didn't escape my notice, thinking of the worst possible outcomes. Perhaps I had died, and this was the limbo or afterlife that people experienced once the body finally shut down and could no longer function in the world it was born into. Speaking of which; I didn't feel secure in my own flesh, I couldn't even tell if it was real. What was the point? Why was I here? What was going on?

'Do you shoulder the weight of those very consequences?'

A symbol carved in stone, ancient people of civilizations long before my time bearing the same symbol, the surface of Jupiter…or was it Mars? Had I seen that before? With all the stuff that I bore witness to, it was difficult to tell if there weren't any repeats, as if it were an endless cycle.

'Or do you deny them?'

A girl. More accurately, a woman with impossibly long hair stood before me in the blinding vastness of wherever we were. Save for a few strategically placed locks, she was nude. Both of us were nude. Her shadow, a dark contrast to the whiteout of everything else, it stretched along the ground beneath us. For her part, the woman didn't seem particularly bothered by what was happening. If anything, her expression showcased nothing but cold apathy as she stared right at me. It didn't take long for me to realize that she was the one speaking. The voice that resounded so clearly in my head and around the space we currently occupied, it was hers. Even so, it didn't forestall any apprehension regarding my unique circumstances. My heart continued to pulse, the beating present in my eardrums as well.

'Can you hold yourself accountable?'

An inversion of color as we stood apart from each other. What she was asking, I made some attempt to piece together the meaning behind her words. Up until she had appeared before me so unceremoniously, I hadn't given much thought to what was being said. Even as the words themselves were being spoken, her mouth didn't move, her lips didn't even twitch. Her voice carried from everywhere else. No ceiling or sky to determine our location, just a ground that supported our weight to stand. It all felt so abstract. Could I hold myself accountable for what, for my actions? People usually did. Well, they should on most occasions, I was no exception to the rule. Puzzled, yet morbidly curious to see what would happen next, I nodded.

"I have to."

'Will you?'

Focused and without missing a beat as if she could detect a wavering in my decision to answer. Huh, the universe suffered no fools. Only fitting as I was being judged. This I should've expected. Not a game, but a trial I was unwillingly taking part of wherein I wasn't certain of the rules, the overall point and informed of my purpose. Granted what little consciousness there could be, I knew what I wanted. Survival. I wanted to wake up from whatever this surrealist nightmare was. None that I had ever experienced were this lucid before. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that in the interest of my own personal safety, I answered the way I did.

"Yes, I will."

The cranking of machinery, gears clicking together with finality. That seemed to be the clincher, the conclusion. I may as well have been numb to the world, for I hadn't realized where my journey was headed or what was happening to me. It didn't even occur that everything had steadily vanished, fading to black as my eyelids fell closed.

It came to an end and I sunk into the void of slumber.

With awareness returning, so did the feeling in my fingers.

However, it did not dissolve the ache that ran its course throughout my body. Better than what I supposed would've been if the pain were fresh. It felt like awakening from a nap after an overwhelming day of work. The lingering twitch of my fingers soon became a curling- flexing even. I gave my toes a wiggle as well and enjoyed the feeling of cool air on my skin, which I assume must've been a window I left open before falling asleep. It was odd, whatever dreams I'd had, I could never remember the details of after I woke up, but that one was so vivid that I could almost make out the images of such. If only it weren't so blurry in my mind. It had me wanting to write it down somewhere. There were times when dreams were mixed with memories, making them indiscernible from each other, but I knew for sure that something so abstruse couldn't have been real. Maybe it was the reason why I could feel just the faintest tinge of pain, like a headache dissipating at last. The grogginess was always a little too unpleasant for me, so I did my best to pull myself out of the sluggish state with my body feeling so heavy.

I didn't remember exerting so much beforehand, so why did I feel sore? Unless I had worked- no wait, what had I been doing before going to bed? Was that even the last thing I did before closing my eyes or was I in the middle of something? There were moments, I could recall entire conversations with people, strong emotions in moments that prompted such but they all seemed so far away. Nothing felt recent. Every time I tried to revisit a memory before the present, it was obscured, completely blank.

Vision didn't come easy, once my eyes had opened I was greeted by a startling brightness that had them closing tight after mere seconds and me rubbing my hands over my face. Fluorescents, always a pain to endure. That and strobe lights. It was fortunate that I never had epilepsy. In any case, determined as I was to wake up feeling refreshed- the bathroom being my first and foremost destination of importance, something felt off.

Despite the decries of skeptics; human beings displayed an intuition at either the most convenient or inconvenient of times in history. An abstract sort of sensation- perhaps a sixth sense, had me at a pause once my eyesight became clear. I hated being right. The bed was not mine, the walls were different, the ceiling was unfamiliar. There was nothing like an empty coffee mug, discarded socks or any signifiers that comprised of who I was and what my tastes were. Every bit of detail that constructed the room I was apparently asleep in did not belong to me. It was not a place I had ever been before. From above to below, I was lost.

It brought forth a sense of unease, being unable to determine where I was plucked at the strings of fight or flight. The way everything looked, it wasn't even a bedroom. The curtain drawn overhead just at the end of what was apparently a simple cot. So, either a hospital, clinic or nurse's office? The sun peeking through the blinds of a window to my left suggested midday or afternoon. In my life I remained relatively safe; outside of a few bumps and bruises that came from a boisterous but appropriately vigorous childhood, I had never been placed in a dangerous or hostile situation. No abductions to speak of, nor did I know anyone who suffered the same fate. I was fortunate enough to live a life that did not include the jeopardization of my own safety, family tragedies weren't incredibly high if I were to apply a statistic. I wasn't raised to be sheltered, my own curiosity getting the better of me on occasion; falling asleep at a party or a friend's house maybe, but nothing as bizarre as this. The whole thing felt abnormal. Legs shifting beneath a thin blanket had me glancing down at myself only to be faced with a strange assessment of…well, I wasn't certain.

I guess it was nice to be gifted with any sort of blanket and in a place that looked so docile, maybe I wasn't stuck in some sort of hostage situation or whatever. Still, the dread was beginning to set in as I tried to swallow, no luck with my throat dry. I needed water, preferably to halt the nausea I was beginning to feel and if I was put in a nurse's office or anything like it, then there would be a bathroom around at least. Settling on that, I moved to climb out of the bed when the sound of muffled footsteps made me pause. They were accompanied by an indistinct conversation growing closer, I couldn't say for certain what was being said until there came an odd hiss and I could make out silhouettes expanding behind my curtain. The conversation while clear, still didn't make sense to my ears.

"I'll never understand your affinity for these elaborate events."

"Oh relax, your face will get stuck like that if you don't smile every now and then."

"I do smile, just not when you're around."

"How mean. After all I've done for you."

Before I could formulate any sort of decision, the curtain was jerked back. An unlikely sight to be greeted with, especially when I was lost in context. A boy and a girl. Students, if their uniforms were anything to go by, confirming my previous theory. However, the uniforms looked awfully familiar. Of the girl; a blonde with bright blue eyes that made me nervous to meet her gaze for some reason, though her smile was a little disarming. The blazer she wore was a solid cream color with golden trim, accompanied by a charcoal grey skirt followed by brown loafers. Of the boy; dark-haired and thin- wiry even, wearing an expression far serious than anyone should be around his age or so. He wore a blazer and slacks the same charcoal color as his friend's skirt but also tailored with gold trim. It was secured with a matching belt around his middle, but his loafers were black. I would've thought nothing of the two under normal circumstances, but the boy's eyes were the most alarming aspect of him.

Lavender

"Oh good, you're awake!"

Personal space didn't seem to be an issue for the girl who strode right up next to where I sat, relief in her expression as she looked me over. I suppose I could've ruled out an abduction at that point, but still I was mentally searching for any sort of rationalization. Remembering my manners, even amid the most bewildering of situations, I could only give a slight nod. Not for lack of trying, a lump had been building in my throat, but I tried my best.

"Y-yeah."

"You were out for two days, I was beginning to worry that we'd have to send you to a hospital."

"Which we should've done in the first place," the boy added.

"I wasn't about to abandon him like that!" she chided "we found him on school grounds, that means he's our responsibility."

School grounds. A promising clue, even so-

"Um, where am I?" I ventured.

Their attention back on me; the blonde sat herself down on my cot, a gesture that had me sitting up properly. Their voices, the way they spoke to one another, so informal and like something I'd witnessed before. It made sense for close friends to speak to each other in such a way. However, their overall appearance struck me as significant. It really should've hit me all at once. Perhaps the surreal dream-like grogginess hadn't left my consciousness just yet, which in retrospect- I was somewhat grateful for. Still, the realization had to land eventually.

"You're in Ashford Academy."

...and with that, suddenly the nausea became stronger, replacing the headache I had before. It might've sent me into a dry-heaving fit what with the amount of information I was trying my best to comprehend. Maintaining hope for an elaborate joke might've been a shot in the dark, completely in vain. My friends weren't the sort of people to do that just for the reaction of another person. I was running out of logical conclusions in rapid success instead of facing the one that was presented.

"It's a boarding school, given how big it is. You wandered in just two days ago, although I'm surprised you managed to get in past security."

The next thing that left my mouth was a weak "what?"

The girl tilted her head "You don't remember?"

I shook my own, a decidedly unwise option for how light and airy I suddenly felt. I steadied a palm against my forehead for good measure.

"Hey, are you okay?"

No. No, I was not. Collecting myself seemed like the best option in this situation, but when faced with impossible odds, all I really wanted to do was find someone or something that could affirm my own sanity or realign the universe to what I knew it to be. Freaking out in front of the two and demanding answers wouldn't benefit me. Was going back to sleep an option? I had to keep my behavior in check, lest I place myself in an even worse situation. As it were, the only thing I could hope to achieve was the look of a deer in the headlights.

"We found you near the swimming pool, looked like you passed out."

"What were you doing there?" the boy spoke up "sneaking in like that is suspicious on its own, and then to be unconscious-

"Don't be rude," she waved him off "oh, I almost forgot introductions. I'm Milly, Milly Ashford. The brooding one over there is Lelouch."

No introductions necessary, I knew who they were thanks to the help of late night programming blocks that showcased anime. In fact, knowing as much as I did about the people in front of me felt creepy. It was a major invasion of privacy that I shouldn't have been entitled to. She offered her hand, to which I returned to shake as courteous as I could with my trembling hands. I didn't have a firm grip, something about touch made my skin crawl, though it was no fault of her own. Were I in a healthier state of mind, I probably would've been more adept at expected social behavior, but as it was, I could barely hold on to the present.

"So then, you're- this is your school, right?"

Her smile widened "Correct! It's in my family's name. My grandfather is the headmaster here. Good thing we were the ones that found you. It's almost like fate itself brought us together."

I grimaced, fate had a funny way of being inclusive. Might need to have a chat with the Moirai about that later.

"May we know your name?"

Blinking, I considered the question posed. Presented with a choice, I had to operate on quick thinking alone. Even in this outlandish situation, be it dream or reality, I couldn't just give away my identity. These two may have been familiar just by prior knowledge on my part, but they sure as hell didn't know me. Running a hand through my hair, I chose the first name that came to mind.

"Rai."

Milly nodded "so then, where did you come from, Rai? You don't look like a student. Is there someone we can call?"

Sure, maybe my family, the police, a psychiatric ward. All reasonable questions. Questions I didn't have the answers to. I was just as much in the dark regarding that information as they were. Of course, I would like to know how I got here and why. Who dropped me off and were they coming to pick me up anytime soon? Otherwise, I was stuck in the middle of a cosmic joke.

"I-I'm sorry," I tried "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lelouch interjected.

"I don't remember."

"That's convenient."

Brows pulled together as I frowned. I knew that tone. Me turning up at a school already warrants suspicion, but when considering the perspective of someone like Lelouch, he would be keen to deduce that something was amiss with me. The last thing I wanted was him hunting me down and demanding answers in a not so friendly fashion. With that in mind, I put on my best befuddled performance.

"I guess? It's just, I'm trying to think of anything that makes sense and all I can come up with is my name. Everything else just feels like…like it's blurry."

Not too far from the truth, which may have disarmed him to a degree. A small sigh of acceptance was all that was given until Milly garnered the attention of us both.

"You poor lost thing! Now it would be even more cruel to just throw you back out on the street, which is why you'll be staying here at Ashford."

"What?!"

A well-timed exclamation from Lelouch and I, which may have been comedic were it not I in this situation.

"Madam President, you can't be serious. He needs a doctor at the very least if he can't remember anything."

"I agree," I added "I wouldn't want to impose on you guys, anyway. I should just, you know, get checked out by a professional instead."

The very last thing I needed was to become a charity case or someone else's burden, let alone another hapless bystander in a series that was rife with collateral damage. Such thinking brought back a wave of nausea.

"Besides, wouldn't it be cause for concern? Housing a stranger to-

"Absolutely not! The cries of a person in need won't be ignored on my watch!" she proclaimed.

I winced at that. She really was one for the dramatic. Lelouch however, only shrugged as if this were expected.

"It's best not to argue with her and I speak from experience. Once she gets like this, it can't be helped."

Glancing back towards Milly, I half-expected her to give me a cunning look – a Cheshire grin like the ones she would regularly give to her classmates and fellow student council members when she was up to something or knew information others didn't, if most of what I remembered (a mildly difficult feat in my current state) was correct in any case. However, the expression that she wore suggested benevolence. An expression that held understanding with just a twinge of pity. For a moment, I was willing to believe that I'd be secure. Though it wasn't a hospital, educational facilities offered outlets of care to its students by licensed adults granted the position to tend to them. As stressed as I was, the sympathy from the blonde was recognized and appreciated. And yet, operating on a sliver of logic, I held the firm belief that something like this should've been left to professionals. It was the kind of societal conditioning I was used to.

As cautious as I was to go anywhere near the Britannian authorities (given the collective sentiment), I figured that maybe there were some reasonable adults who could set me up with a social worker or permit a phone call to an agency. I wanted to argue this point; if only to remove myself from the scrutiny of Lelouch and Milly's occasional forays into mischief around the school. Despite the almost ridiculously poetic lines she spouted previously however, I had the feeling that Miss Ashford in question was genuine about keeping me in a safe environment. Could I really rebuke the hospitality of someone who had found me unconscious and sheltered me during the days I was asleep?

Damn it.

"…alright, I guess."

"Good," Milly chirped "I'll go tell my grandfather that you're finally awake, he'll be relieved to hear it. We'll want to get you enrolled soon, so I'll see about rooming and eventually a class schedule. Oh, and there's the matter of a uniform we need to figure out, not to mention the student council…"

High school, the bane of my existence. Right smack dab in the middle of a time when teenagers were either blissfully ignorant or forming their own identities while battling the conflicting nature of puberty. At a boarding school no less! I was beginning to regret my decision immediately. I thought those days were behind me and all I had to do was worry about rent. Apparently not. Milly didn't seem to notice my discomfort in the moment, she'd stood up from the bed, already intent to use whatever power she had for what I assumed was the benefit of helping a "lost soul" and while I looked to Lelouch for help, the most he could give me was a half-hearted shrug before being pulled away by his bubbly student council president. It had only been mildly amusing to hear her babble on to him as they left, but the moment the door was closed with a hiss, I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered reality.

I had my doubts of it being a dream. A dream within a dream. Although my mind was a bit scrambled, I could just tell throughout all the conflicting emotions that everything clicked into place. The reason it felt real was because that's how it came to be. The setting was as solid as were the people. Nothing was an abstract concept that couldn't be visualized or touched. Physical forms held true. Somehow, I transitioned through the boundaries that separated fiction and reality, leaving me nothing but dumbstruck. What had happened, actually happened. The awe might've come later if I was more open to accepting the truth.

Dragging my hands down my face, I couldn't help but groan.

Someone or something was messing around with my life and I didn't appreciate it. Not one bit. It felt appropriate to scream myself hoarse. A pillow wouldn't do it and I doubted the campus hosted a soundproof room. Were I to unleash a continuous scream, that would only worsen my situation. With my legs growing restless after what I assumed was hours of unconsciousness, I finally got to stand up from the cot. Socks met the smooth floor, boots I didn't remember wearing apparently sitting comfortably at the end of the cot while what looked to be the dress coat to a navy uniform was draped over the frame. Whatever, I wasn't too concerned to care. My destination was the bathroom. Rolling up the sleeves of my shirt and opting for a minor stretch of the arms, I ventured around the spacious nurse's office.

Nose wrinkling at the hint of antiseptic disguised under freshener. Medical facilities always contained a tinge of the sharp-scented stuff, no matter what reality, apparently. To the Ashford's credit – the room itself looked far better than the average school clinic. Obviously, they had money to spare expense in presenting themselves as more professional. I didn't see anyone at the desk. I was left alone. Frowning, I meandered for a few seconds before slipping in through the labeled door of the bathroom and locked it behind me.

Straight for the sink, I relished in the cool water. A simple turn of the knob and I was drinking from the tap. Public sink, not a fountain. School water. Highly uncivilized. Not that I gave a shit at that point, I was only satisfied to have the cold crisp fluid trickle down my throat and the splash of it on my face. It certainly did the trick of waking me up. Honestly, I should've been grateful that I woke up in the first place. Considering going back to sleep earlier, I now felt as though that wasn't exactly the correct line of thinking.

What if I hadn't regained consciousness? Then what would happen? Would I have been stuck in an endless void for the rest of my life or cease to exist altogether without thought or feeling? I shuddered. Perhaps I could find something else to distract myself while staying at Ashford, just to shake off the dread and keep me from having an existential crisis. Forsaking one of the nicer-looking towels, I found a dispenser of paper instead. Wiping my face off and throwing away the used material into the nearest bin, I looked up.

Goddamn it.

It then struck me why Milly found it appropriate to enroll me as a student of Ashford. One look in the mirror and everything that I had been holding back since waking up had been emptied along with the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

TBC