K I N G S

A N D

Q U E E N S

Love, Kaya learned, has many meanings.

And, all of those, are meanings you can't truly explain. You can say that love means steadily hoping. That it's a feeling that makes you jump for a leap of faith — the feeling of going in blind but trusting whoever's holding your hand to guide you through. You can say, too, that love means sacrificing. That it's giving up everything you ever held dear for someone else entirely. That it's becoming hopeless yet full of love. That it's walking in the dark thinking at the end there's going to be a tunnel of light (even though there's often none; but you still trust in the feeling, anyway).

People could dance around it, play with the words, alter the phrasing, give it a completely new thought. But nobody could deny that love was.. indescribable. Something you can't fully wrap yourself around, but still, you find that when you're older, no matter how bitter you've become — that you'll always long for this enigmatic, puzzling emotion. You can live in denial, say that only hate will contain you, but deep inside, why do you think in the first place that hate is the only thing left for you? Isn't it because you thought that you don't deserve love? That you don't need it? But doesn't that mean that once upon a time, you wanted it too? But you couldn't have it, so you settled for its counterpart: hate.

But love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You can't hate and not love. You can't love and not hate. The two will always coexist; for one cannot be without the other. It's like an old, cheesy fairy tale, Kaya thinks, and yes, the more she thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Like a riddle. Like poetry. Neither bad nor good; just enough to make you feel, as people like to say.

Kaya's learned a lot — she's maintaining a rather decent job, and she still loves to ponder about random topics, like this one. Her mind is constantly active and she likes it that way, because really, why do people love, and why do they hate? Do they do that for their own satisfaction or is it something they can't control? Kaya's never felt both of the emotions; not widely, that is. Perhaps, shallow versions of those, she has already felt, and that in itself is already ambiguous, as she thinks of a certain blond. We never know if we're really in love or in hate. We label our emotions, and has it never occurred to people's minds that, somehow, they're labelling them so completely false? Of course it occurs to them. The problem is, they don't think it's true. They don't think it's worth thinking about.

And honestly, maybe it's not. But that doesn't mean it's not important. Maybe the whole topic will only confuse people. Maybe it will just make them full of doubt, so no one directly addresses it; because they fear what they can become if they do. They're afraid how they'll see the world now — how will it look like in red? In blue? In white? In black? In complete, utter darkness, as you question your own existence?

(And, you're alive, they say. Isn't that enough? they question.)

(I hope, you answer.)

—

Kaya stared at the opened television across the street.

There aren't much people crowding it, now, and there's something there that draws Kaya's attention. A promise of something. And as the crowd disperses, she realizes that there is something there. Something golden — and incredible.

The appliance continues on, talking of the hero who currently saved some civilians near town, and oh, there's somebody there too, somebody with crimson hair but no; Kaya doesn't see that person — she doesn't see anyone else, really. No one except for the person in the middle, getting interviewed, but the only thing he said was 'fuck off' and the reporter accepts that, supposedly used to it, and Kaya watches on and on, her eyes reaching his name on the headlines. And, ah, she didn't need to ask whose hero name that was. It was already given.

King.

And Kaya realized, that her Katsuki-chan's already up there — going so far, trying to reach his dreams, regal as he is, beautiful and full of life.

King, it fits him, Kaya thinks, and then finally gives in to the thought that why wasn't it God? Or was that too much, even for his resident vain attitude? Or would it be invalid, for someone like him, someone so obviously a royalty, be placed with the title of something divine? Why, isn't he someone who watched over the mortals? His fellow mortals, Kaya realizes, and maybe that was why he was a king. He rules, at some point dictates, but a god bares no crown, no strict measures, no direct rules; there's freedom in it, but with Katsuki, there will always be something ruthless — something not everyone considers ambrosial, not like a celestial being — but a royalty. Something to bow down to. Someone who's not always kind and forgiving. Someone with sovereignty in bloodshed.

Kaya smiles as the television goes off and the sound of static fills her ears.

There's silence; and the city revels in it for a while, until the cloak of quietude lifts, and the city's bustling again.

Kaya had missed this, she just knew it so, for once again a smile tugs at her lips as she gazes at a coffee shop with a seemingly never-changing color scheme.

She had told Katou she'd be coming home this day, and certainly, she couldn't count it as a coincidence that there's currently a spiky blond waiting inside The Quill, looking particularly agitated by everything. Katou, that asshole old man, probably told Katsuki all about her arrival — and it was supposed to be a planned-out, nice surprise. It's.. the first time in a long while that Kaya's seen him personally, and he— he hadn't changed much. Sure, he's taller, he's older, they both are. But Kaya sees the same Katsuki-chan who hoarded all of her spicy food's stock, never once bothering to apologize for some of the ramen she so knew he didn't fully pay.

Truth is, the sight of him alone makes her heart falter. She doesn't know if she could take a single step forward, what will she even say? Hello? Sorry, I haven't contacted you for years? Kaya's confidence all but stayed with her, now, because the only thing she could do was hide behind a lampost which wasn't doing her any good.

Kaya's afraid. She's afraid that Katsuki's answer was something that could potentially break her intention of ever coming back to this place and— and Kaya knows it'll hurt. Oh yeah, it'll hurt but she'll get over it, won't she? But when? What if he doesn't want to take a chance? What if he had stopped waiting— but then, why was he there? Why was here, so painfully, obviously waiting?

Kaya would have just about cackled right then and there, if it wouldn't make her look like a complete lunatic that's out of her mind.

What was she even worrying for? Whatever his answer is, she'll accept it. She told him she'll wait. She did. And she's here now, done with waiting. The only thing that she's looking forward to was.. him.

And so, with repeating a mantra of 'no regrets' deeply rooted inside her mind, she entered The Quill with a small, could be hesitant, smile, that quickly broke out into a grin once she met the eyes of Katsuki.

They're bright and beaming — the way she expected them to be. They speak of hundreds to thousands of emotions; and it made Kaya's breath hitch. Maybe she was wrong, after all. Maybe there was something that changed within Katsuki — it was how his eyes looked because somehow, somehow they're more alive. Maybe it was because he's the nearest to his dream as he could be, and Kaya knows he'll go further and further. He just will because— because he's him.

"Katsuki-chan."

And even though he admits he doesn't appreciate the added honorific one bit, Kaya knows a smile when she sees one.

"Kaya."

It makes her heart beat way too fast, and she entirely blames Katsuki for it. Choosing now of all times to call her by her name.

And Kaya sits down from across him, both of them settling into their comfortable silence, albeit taking a little awkward motions. It's reassuring, that that didn't change significantly over time.

Katou's watching them, from afar, snickering into his hand. He's a manager now for The Quill, and it made Kaya proud, maybe too proud, when she heard the news — that promotion doesn't excuse the way he obviously laughed at them, though. Kaya's pretty sure he just ruined the moment.

(But Kaya's happy for Katou. She really was. He seems a lot happier now, and his smile? That fake, staged smile? It actually seems genuine, at some moments. It actually seemed real.)

"So. Officially a hero now, eh, Katsuki-chan?" started Kaya, leaning back on her chair.

"It's a start," Katsuki said, "Just you watch. I'll be top hero soon enough."

"I have absolutely no doubts in that," Kaya nods, smiling, "I'm working on myself, too, and I think I'm also off to a start." and you're one of the reasons why.

"As you damn should."

Kaya laughs at that, "As I damn should." And Kaya's gaze turns outside, where there was the same redhead she saw on the telecast, though she didn't catch his name.

"Who's that guy outside, though? You know him, don't you, Katsuki-chan?"

And as if Katsuki knows exactly who Kaya was talking about, the blond sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something like, 'told that idiot to go ahead without me, fucking bastard..' and honestly, Kaya was amused.

After a few begrudging seconds, he answered, "That's Kirishima."

"Kirishima?"

"... a friend."

Kaya's eyebrows shot up at this, and her face brightens like the sun. There was something with the way Katsuki admitted that this Kirishima person was his friend. It was.. comforting — too comforting — that Katsuki's not only close to being top hero, but also close to trusting people now. He's.. accepting the idea, the whole notion of it, and Kaya finds that one of the best things to ever happen.

"Did I just hear you admit that someone's your friend, mm, Katsuki-chan?"

Kaya may have imagined it, but Katsuki rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, shut up."

"I suppose you'll be able to say so nicely now that we're friends? Like, super friends?"

"You're not a friend," Katsuki scoffed, "You're more than that. Thought you always fucking knew."

Kaya swore there was a retort ready to snap back at the back of her tongue that moment, but she couldn't help but to close and open her mouth like a fish.

If he just said what she thought he did, then maybe there was a chance, after all?

"Are you saying that you're taking that chance with me, Katsuki-chan?"

And as if Katsuki couldn't believe she was just asking him that, he looked at her for what it felt like a minute.

Then he pulled out something from under the table.

A four-leaf clover.

And Katsuki was giving this to her.

"Maybe this will answer your stupid question, woman."

Kaya's well-versed with the language of flowers.

And even though she knows what this means, she still found herself asking, "And this is for?"

Katsuki grinned at her, "You should know. It's not cool if I say it, hm?"

And yeah, she does now.

A four-leaf clover, saying, so blatantly:

Will you be mine?

Kaya almost cackled and cried, at the same time, because hells— he took the chance. With her. With someone who isn't even that fixed yet but— but he did. He took the chance and— and now he's asking her a question that shouldn't really be asked because couldn't he already tell? Couldn't he tell that she always, even back then, would answer the only thing left to be said?

"Yes."

—

The city was devoured by night, conquered by stars, and loomed over by the moon.

And yes, not much changed.

Kaya thinks the city will never, ever change. The streetlights will always flicker and fade, the vendors will always stay there with their grills — unminding of the people who are inhaling the astute amount of smoke they produce, the civilians will never be able to cease their chatter whilst out and about the vicinity — they will always, always be there as a reminder that this city was alive (and that it was never-changing, no matter who was there).

Perhaps it was wrong of Kaya to think that something will stir while she was gone, while she tried to save herself and part from the nicotine. And although there's a sting there, in her heart, to not see Yoake in that alleyway, she has long accepted the fact that it's gone now.

The night is calm, even though the winds howl and cry. And no; not everyone is alright, not Amira, not Pogako, but they're getting by. Katou's almost there. Almost back to who he was. Missa and Meiko? Frankly, Kaya couldn't find it in herself to care, but she hopes they're content.

Kaya? Katsuki?

Ah. They're getting there.

They know they will. Because this time, they will both carry themselves there. With no one more to rely on, just themselves, independently — they know they'll get through. They know they'll cross the waves, tame the sea, halt the rain and part the clouds. And beneath all of those there's the sun.

The sunshine in both their smiles.

(Yes. There's sunshine in your smile.)

And this time — as she looked out the window, her tears had dried, the smoke had cleared and for the first time in years she wasn't fighting a losing battle; she was ending one while the calmest of feelings dominated her heart.

—

e n d

—

[ an. ] yes, it's the end. i know i said there's like, supposed to be two more, but i squeezed them into one. here it is. here's where we stop.

thank you all so so much!

dw, an afterword's on the way.

i love you all. shen x

afterword.

[ started ]

: aug2017

c. serayume

dsc. horikoshi rightfully owns bnha, i only own my ocs

—

frankly speaking, i cannot believe it's done. though maybe i do — and i'm in denial. i'm relieved that at a standstill's done, but i know i'll miss updating this regularly. and like, all the feedback and support i received for this fanfic!

—

ah, if you're questioning why it ended like this, or whatever, why fast, and why isn't even there uh, an 'i like you' or 'i love you'?

— one. at a standstill is not an epic-length fic. it's not something you read for a long time. it's a sort of quick-fic. it's a story you read when you're bored. when you want a quick fix, quick read. hustling into 40-50k in total, aas is something you can go through for just a rough few hours. for a day, for just some moments in your life. it's meant to be like that, really.

— two. why isn't there any blatant i like/love yous. honestly, i thought about this for a bit. if i should put one, make them confess. but it's... not like them. it's not like them to be so open. i tried writing that scene, it turned out as the crappiest garbage.

02 ) addressing kaya's quirk.

— originally, kaya doesn't have one. like nope, nah, nada. but i've given hints that she has one, figure out where bec i don't remember where i put them, tbh. there's not much detail about her quirk (if there is even one, really) but all i can tell you from what i've built is it's heat-related. no, not fire. heat. it only has external effects.

03 ) what happened to katou, pogako, amira, and other side characters?

— in case anyone finds it as a minor loophole, im adding this section. katou is now a manager in the quill, if you didn't catch that. pogako's currently still recovering from drug addiction. he's in rehab, courtesy of yuuhei clinics, too. amira is still working in a brothel, that's not gonna change soon. missa, kaya's mother, is yeah, still there, still alive and good, but she knows that yoake's gone now.

04 ) finally, why is kaya like her character now? why is she like that? why is she an orphan? an addict?

— i know people who smoke. it's not that severe, and even though im not fully attached, there's something there. like concern. i don't know. but kaya's a person who has lost her parents, as cliché as that came off. i should also address why it's like that. i didn't like, kill her parents off for like, the teenage angst, even though missa is alive. it's mainly because of her inheriting yoake, since it requires that, though not directly. i also planned an out-of-school youth character, and im pretty sure her parents won't allow that, especially if they have financial backing. okay, going back to topic, kaya has an addiction mainly because people generally accept smoking compared to drinking and that's not really okay for me. because why? smoking's as much of a bad influence as drinking is. drinking, if not overdone, is relatively fine. smoking, even if you only do it once or twice, isn't. it never is. i don't know. just think about it.

—

that's about it, i suppose. for an ending message:

thank you. thank you all so so much. i know i have many people to thank for supporting this fanfic this far (bec hey! you're here! that's.. wow. you endured the ride).

i grew while writing this. there's something more to my writing now, and i had that because i continued to write this. i know it isn't much, but it's the first fic that i've successfully finished. sure, i've completed some, but those are oneshots, drabbles, short stories. i can't label this as the same. it's not long, not too short — and i feel incredible satisfaction upon finishing this.

i hope you all enjoyed at a standstill.

i hope this suffices.

(omygod i can cry now you're all so precious)

thank you all so much again, and i love all of you with my heart and soul. aha. no clowning.

if there's any more questions, just drop them. see you all soon! i'm planning tons of fics now.

bye lovelies, it's been wonderful!

—

x