Prologue

It was a beautiful sunny day. Meredith didn't have a clue why Derek had asked her to visit him on his land, but she had enjoyed the ferryboat ride anyway. When she arrived she saw Derek and Dog waiting for her. "I wanted to apologize" Derek told her.
"For?"
"Yeah, everything" he mumbed.
"For not telling me about your wife and for choosing her over me when she showed up? Or for me not dying in a bomb explosion?" Meredith wondered.
Derek nodded and they started walking through the forest. He didn't know the answer. The dog seemed happier than in the town house and Meredith chose to say as little as possible. It was a nice change of pace, which was she figured the reason Derek liked it out here so much. "I'm glad you are alive" Derek smiled and looked at treetops. "Why are you so afraid of commitment, why are you so careless with your life?" Derek looked at Meredith "All of those people and... "
"I had a feeling that day... I felt like I was going to die that day- and I almost did. Nobody would have missed me..." she sighed.
"That's not true" Derek grabbed her hand "I... I would have missed you, your friends would have missed you"
"I want to feel good again. I wanted you to be the one" Meredith admitted and looked into Derek's eyes. It sounded like an accusation rather than a statement.
"I wish I was the one for you" he sighed and realised he was still holding on to her hand.
"But it's not as easy as that. Just because you want someone to be the one, doesn't mean that he is." She smiled softly and he let go off her hand.
"So you actually try to... you shouldn't talk to me about this... sorry." He stopped walking and looked at her.
"It's complicated and I don't know if I should even tell you." Meredith sighed. Nobody knew. It had never come up. Things like this hardly ever came up unless they showed up at the hospital one day -dressed up like Isabella Rosselini.
"We are friends." Derek told "and that's not going to change. I promise -no matter what you tell me"
"I tell people that I'm afraid of commitment because I've never had anything solid, but it's not true. I had one solid relationship in college" Meredith stopped and looked up the pine tree "I had that once- or I thought I did. We were just right for each other. We met at a medical conference. He told me I was way too pretty to be there."
"Sounds like an old friend of mine." Derek laughed. For a second it felt like she had quoted Mark. It's a pickup line he used to love to use on the interns, residents and nurses.
"Want to talk about him?" Meredith giggled.
"No he slept with Addison, so that's how that ended." Derek stopped. It was crazy that he was talking to his ex girlfriend about Mark. "and I didn't want to interrupt you. Keep going"
"Anyway, we clicked instantly, went to a bar, went to his hotel room. He was sleeping with inappropiate women and I slept with inappropiate men and we were a perfect match. My mom hated him -which made him even more perfect. For a while we told ourselves that it was just sex, because he's way older... about your age... but at one point we realised that there was more. He made me laugh and he made me feel like I could be anything I wanted to be, I was happy. I was really happy. My mom hated him and...he did his residency at the hospital she was working at at the time and he and I lived together for a few month. To spite her we got married in when I was in college and...he told me that if he told his friends he'd get married, they wouldn't believe it. I never met any of his friends. It was a crazy love story. I thought he was the love of my life, I... I never thought I would feel like this again and I remember how much it hurt when it didn't work out...and then I met you" Meredith swallowed. It had been this kind of pain she had always tried to cover with tequila.
"What happened?" Derek wondered.
"I drove down to New York from Dartmouth for the weekend, he promised to show me his practice at the weekend and introduce me to his friends. I came down a day earlier... and I walked in on him and... it was just so pedestrian, common and cold, and cruel. I walked into his office and he was naked on his couch with another woman. I know why his secretary tried to stop me from going in. I walked out, drove back to Dartmouth, started to use my maiden name again and I've never seen him again after that day. About a day after this, I get a call from my mother that she has Alzheimer's disease and... it's... this feeling of betrayal, I never wanted to feel like this again." She sighed.
"You are divorced?" Derek wondered. "How did it feel to end it? I mean you pushed me to sign this papers, what did it feel like for you?"
"I'm not. I never signed the papers." Meredith admitted "I never tried to get divorced to be honest. I never wanted to see him or talk to him."
"I can't believe the hypocracy." Derek laughed and all of a sudden this turned into a fight.
"It's hardly the same thing." Meredith defended herself. She had never been really married to the guy.
"It's exactly the same thing, Meredith. You were married. I was married." Derek insisted "Married is married."
"Well, my husband is not going to show up at the hospital and tell you that you must be the guy who is screwing his wife." Meredith insisted "I haven't seen him in years. I..."
"ran" Derek reminded her. "because apparently running is what you know how to do best"
"How's this any different to you?" Meredith yelled at him.
"Exactly my point" Derek nodded and they both stopped. Their eyes met and both were able to see the passion their argument had sparked. They were fighting in the middle of the forest. Friends didn't do such a thing. Lovers did – or ex lovers.
Meredith looked down to the ground to escape Derek's glaze "I thought we were friends. I told you as a friend. You are glueing things back together with Addison." Meredith said with a calming voice "I...we shouldn't yell at each other. My husband is none of your business."
"and you shouldn't hide. Just call a lawyer and get that divorce" Derek told her "It's better to have a fresh start than always moving in circles."
"Like you and Addison?" Meredith looked suspiscious.
"Like me and Addison" Derek lied. They had never had a fresh start.