A/N: Let me start by saying this is not, I repeat NOT for Olicity fans! If you are a fan, please go read one of the many thousand Olicity fics on this site, and don't waste time writing a review flaming me for bashing your precious Felicity as they will be ignored. Now that that's out of the way, on with the show!
The Waverider
"Hey, where are we?" Laurel Lance asked as she stood up.
"Laurel? You're alive?!" Oliver Queen said as he stood up and walked over to embrace his past love.
"Yeah, and it's actually you and not the evil version of you that-"
"Fefe, please shut up." A voice said, seeming to come from the walls of the ship.
"Who said that?" Oliver asked, and the voice laughed.
"You'll find out. But first let's meet the rest of our cast. Coming up on your left Laurel is your sister Sara, followed by her former lover slash Oliver's wife Nyssa, and Laurel's doppelganger from Earth-2 Black Siren." The voice said, as each of the women walked into the room.
"And please don't try to fight. It would be a wasted effort as I control everything here."
"Last time I checked I was captain of this ship." Sara spoke up, and the voice laughed.
"You are. I am simply borrowing it for a moment. You'll have it back when we're done here."
"Then get to the point, and let us be done with this." Nyssa spoke up.
"Fine. My name is Dragonballxavalon, and I am an author. You are all in my universe. I have brought you here to ask one very simple question. What the hell have you all been smoking?"
"Excuse me?" Felicity asked.
"No Fefe, I don't think I will excuse you. It is because of you that we are here at all. More specifically, the toxic and abusive relationship you have with Oliver."
"Her name is Felicity and-"
"Her name could be Queen Elizabeth for all I care. It still doesn't excuse the way she has been undermining and abusing you at every turn."
"She hasn't been-"
"Ken Williams. Remember him? The guy from your father's list during your first year back? The scum who stole people's livelihoods?"
"What does that have to do with-"
"That's the first time she undermined your authority. She locked the door to the lair, and told you that she didn't sign on to do things your way."
"I didn't want to make a ten year-old boy an orphan!" Felicity spoke up.
"Do you really think that's how Oliver did things ? As I remember it, you gave him a warning Oliver."
"I did. I did that with all of my targets, except for Deadshot." The archer acknowledged.
"And why didn't you do that for Floyd Lawton?"
"Because he was a gun for hire. He had no honor, no code. The use of poison on his bullets was just a sick way to prolong his victim's agony."
"Fefe, does this sound like the actions of a man who would orphan a child right off the bat?"
"No but-"
"Thank you Fefe. Now moving on. Sara, can you tell me what happened the night you and Oliver faced off against the Count? More specifically, what happened when the Count shot at you?"
"Felicity jumped in front of me. She got shot." Sara replied.
"Hm. She got shot. Sara, you are a former member of the League of Assassins correct?"
"Yes."
"Probably able to kill an armed opponent ten different ways without the use of a weapon?"
"Twenty. Depending on the skill of the opponent." She said in a proud voice.
"Okay. So, given your own skill and abilities, you could have handled the Count?"
"Absolutely." She replied, almost sounding insulted that I would suggest anything different.
"So, in your expert opinion was Felicity a help or a hindrance that night?"
"Felicity was a liability. Her actions put both Oliver and I in danger. Not only did she prevent me from taking Tockman down, she also got shot. I had to be focused on taking care of an untrained civilian rather than eliminating my target." She said, glaring at Felicity. In truth, that moment still pissed her off. The blonde IT girl had been out of her depth, and her recklessness had almost gotten Sara and Oliver killed.
"I saved your life!" Felicity yelled, and Sara scoffed.
"Bullshit. I'm a trained assassin. I can handle myself against some punk with a gun. You got in my way."
"Thank you Sara. Nyssa, Fefe went up to your father alone while Oliver was acting as Al Sah Him, and told Ra's qoute "What you are doing is perverse. What you are doing to Oliver, what you are making him do it is perverse. I am not going to let it happen. Such words, could they have proven dangerous even fatal for her?"
"Yes. Those kinds of words could have seen Felicity lose her head. My father did not take kindly to being insulted."
"And would Felicity have had a prayer against even the most inexperienced of League members?"
"No. She would be dead before she could make a move."
"And could her words have caused Ra's to use the Alpha-Omega before Oliver could stop him?"
"Yes, they could have. I have seen cities destroyed for less." She replied with a frown. Nyssa was still shocked that Felicity had walked away with her life. Sometimes she wondered if she was in the Twilight Zone. Either that, or she was on some television show whose writers catered to a particular branch of its fanbase while ignoring all the logical reasons that shouldn't happen.
"Moving on. Dinah Laurel Lance. I still can't believe you gave Oliver and Felicity your blessing on your death bed after how she treated him."
"How I treated him? He-"
"Be quiet." Nyssa said, and Felicity shut her mouth.
"Thank you Nyssa. Yes Fefe, how you treated him. Don't you remember what happened after he sent William away?"
"I broke off our engagement because he didn't consult me. He lied to me about William, and then he didn't consult me before sending him away. Relationships are about trust and-"
"Trust had nothing to do with it. He and Samantha made a decision that was their's to make. No one had else had a right to voice an opinion. Not me, and most certainly not you." Laurel said, unable to believe the hypocrisy that was coming out of the blonde's mouth
"He was with me!"
"And William is his son! The only way he could see him was if he didn't tell anyone!" Laurel yelled back, and Felicity scoffed.
"Barry and Thea knew." Felicity shot back.
"Barry ran a DNA test I asked him to without asking questions, and Thea figured it out on her own. Both of them were never told by me. And do you want to know why I didn't have you run the test Felicity? Because I think part of me knew you would react like that. Of everyone here, Laurel had a right to be angry about not knowing because I was cheating on her with Samantha. Thank you for understanding by the way." He said, and Laurel smiled.
"You're welcome. Besides, what kind of person would I be if I didn't understand?" She asked, making Felicity glare at the thinly-veiled insult.
"And last, but most certainly not least, we have Black Siren. Where do I start with you?" I asked, and she laughed.
"Cute. How about the fact that blondie suckered me?" She asked, making Felicity smirk.
"I don't see why you're smiling. Hell, I don't even see how you managed to land a punch. You seemed like you had barely thrown one before in your life."
"Hey! That is-"
"Surprisingly accurate. I had taught Felicity to throw a punch the night before. It was completely idiotic of me to put her in the field, never mind put her against someone who can actually fight. It wasn't even Felicity who really managed to beat you. If you weren't shocked by Curtis' sonic dampner, you would have killed her."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact, the acknowledgement of a commander who had made a serious tactical error.
"I still may kill her if she opens her mouth without permission." Siren said, and I laughed. I knew there was a reason I liked Laurel's Earth-2 counterpart more than the original.
"Now for the last example. The most insane, inappropriate, illogical bullshit of all. The time Oliver and Black Siren met at the statue. What happened?"
"Your team attacked me." Siren said, and Oliver glared.
"I know. They did it without my permission."
"They did it on my authority." Felicity spoke up, making the others save Oliver, look at her in shock or in Black Siren's case, amusement.
"And what gives you any authority?" She asked, making Felicity glare.
"You had-"
"Something in my hand? It was a cellphone." Black Siren said, only making Felicity glare at the woman harder.
"And how was I supposed to know that?!"
"You weren't. You were not to do anything except monitor the situation. In the field there is a clear chain of command, and you aren't on it! I am in command. Hell, even Nyssa and Sara understood that, and Nyssa was Second-in-command of the League of Assasins!"
"I am still furious you gave the ring to that bastard." Nyssa said.
"I corrected the mistake." He replied, and she scoffed.
"I suppose."
"Back to the point. Oliver, I brought you all here, not only to show why you and Felicity don't work, but so that you can see what it cost you. You could have had a relationship, and in some cases did have a relationship with Laurel, Nyssa, Sara, or Black Siren."
"But I didn't because I was so enamored with Felicity. God I am such an idiot."
"No shit Sherlock." Black Siren said, making everyone but Felicity laugh.
"Oliver-"
"Shut up. When we get back-"
"Assuming he can send us back." Sara said.
"Sara, I can send you back. All of you, Laurel included."
"Thank you." Oliver said.
"You want to thank me? Stop acting like Felicity's bitch. Remember who you were when you started your crusade. Because it is your crusade."
Oliver nodded, before turning to Felicity.
"When we get back, pack your shit. You're done."
"Oliver-"
"Pardon me for interrupting husband, but given what Fefe knows, she is too dangerous to be let go."
Oliver nodded. Nyssa had a point. Felicity could cause untold amounts of damage, and she had proven that she wasn't above holding petty grudges. Then there was Felicity's involvement with Helix to consider. She had engaged in acts of cyber-terrorism, and helped free Cayden James, who could potentially threaten Star City.
"We'll let ARGUS deal with her."
"Oliver-"
"One more word, and I kill you." Black Siren spoke up, making Felicity shut her trap.
"This may be my crusade, but I could still use some help. If you're all interested?"
"No more sonic dampners?" Siren asked.
"Not so long as you follow my rules."
"Deal."
"I will join you husband. But Mr. Diggle and your other allies may not approve."
"I'll deal with John and the others." Oliver replied. And he would. John and the recruits would get in line or get out. He wasn't about to have another Felicity situation.
"Laurel?" He asked, and she smiled.
"Black Canary."
"Sara? Will you come home?"
The blonde thought about it. She had loved her time with the Legends, but her home had always been Star City. Her sister, and the two people she loved would be there. That made her choice rather easy.
"Yes. I'll come home Ollie."
The next moment, everyone found themselves standing in the bunker. It was currently empty, but Oliver knew that would soon change.
"Siren, put Felicity in your old cell. Then we need to talk about Prometheous."
"And after that?" Laurel asked, her voice confirming for Oliver that this was not some elaborate dream. He turned to her, a determined look on his face.
"After that Laurel, we start taking back this city."
It was time to go to work.
A/N: So I know some people will hate me for this, but I don't care. I hate Felicity, and Olicity because it has completely ruined the show. The only reason I'm even watching the godawful season 6 right now is for Black Siren. Please read and review, but note that flames will be ignored.