AN: This is only to be a long AN but there wont be any others this long. I'm saying this now this story is Jellal x Lucy so don't flame me later. If you want to read a nalu story I already have one posted. The reason this is JeLu is because firstly I think their magic is extremely compatible, secondly its kinda a rare pairing, I've only seen oneshots with them as a couple and a couple other ones that were incomplete.

As much as I love canon, I enjoy reading non-canon pairings just to see the character development and how writers try to explain how the couple got together. I personally think that non canon couples allow for more character development because you have to account for relationship development. You are able to explore your characters emotions more deeply because you have to build the relationship up from nothing while canon the base line is already there.

Lastly, this won't be the regular Lucy was ignored because of Lisanna so she ran away to get stronger. I'm sorry to the people who write those stories but I just cannot see Fairy Tail doing something like that so that's way too ooc for me.

The story starts two weeks after they return from Tenrou Island and will probably end after the Eclipse gate thing. Its semi AU because I'll start Lucy off on her own adventure and eventually join up with Fairy Tail for the GMG.

I own nothing

Chapter one

Seven years had passed since they all took their little nap on Tenrou Island and Lucy was hiding in her room. They were back for less than two weeks and in that time Lucy had mourned for her father and her mother all over again. Natsu, Ezra, Gray, Juvia and Wendy stopped by all the time, trying to get her to come to the guild with them or to go on a mission or to just leave her apartment but Lucy just couldn't find the energy after the first few days Ezra realized that only time would help Lucy and she needed some space so she had forced everyone to leave her alone for a little while just until she was ready to face the world again.

Lucy on the other had spent much time thinking, her fathers letter told her that she was her parents pride and joy and Lucy had craved to hear those words from him for years and now that he's gone she finally heard it and all it left was an empty, hollow feeling in her chest. Lucy had written to her mother ever since she died and she had taken to adding her fathers name as well, she wanted to tell them of her accomplishments and that was where the whole problem really started.

Lucy couldn't find any reason to be proud of herself, she thought back to her first ever meeting with Natsu and from there all she could think about was the numerous times that Natsu had been forced to save her because she could not save herself. It was starting to drive her mad. The creation of the strongest team, she did nothing when they took out the lullaby monster, she was tortured at the hands of Gajeel during the phantom lord attack, she only won against Bickslow because she had Loke's help, she was tortured by Kain, she was kidnapped, beaten, she was always the first one to fall and Natsu had to save her or Gray or Ezra and hell even Wendy saved her a few times even the bloody cat felt it was his duty to protect her. She eventually lost count of the amount of times she had to count on them to save her and her frustration and anger only grew, as did her sorrow and feeling of helplessness.

Loke could feel his Mistress, and he could feel her distress unable to stand her emotions of self loathing any longer he finally forced open his gate unable to just sit by while she destroyed herself, "Lucy what the hell are doing?"

Loke was going to say something charming hoping to either get her to blush or scowl at him for flirting but instead her found her on the floor of her bedroom with papers all around her and she was cursing and crying actually he was pretty sure she was in the middle of a mental breakdown of some sort.

Lucy stared at Loke with empty eyes because honestly she didn't how to answer to answer him when she didn't know what the hell she was doing either. She was feeling hateful towards herself and she loathed herself for feeling so much pity at her own weakness, the truth was she had no idea what she was supposed to be feeling anymore, all she could think was that currently she was a hot mess.

"Loke am I weak?" asked Lucy.

Loke looked at his mistress and then picked up one of the many letters that littered the floor and skimmed through it, understanding flashed through his eyes. Loke was not going to spew some sugar coated bullshit to her not now, not when she was digging this deep for answers, not when she was walking this fine line so instead he took a seat next to her on the floor and leaned against her bed so he could talk to her.

"Yes and no Princess."

Yes and no? What kind of answer was that? Lucy knew that there were times when Loke showed himself to her as the leader of the 12 zodiacs, when he would be absolutely honest with her without the flirting and the jokes, when he would be serious and she knew that this was one of those times. Loke was not going to say a few nice things to make her feel better instead he was going to calmly and logically think about the problem and give her facts and she was grateful. She didn't want her team mates to just laugh off her problems and say it was nothing because they didn't care that she wasn't super strong. She cared and she didn't want to put a plaster on this wound and make it better, she wanted the cold hard truth. What she was going to do with that truth she was unsure but right now she didn't want someone to say nice things and make it okay that she wasn't strong she wanted an honest opinion.

Loke carried on speaking, "I say no Princess because for you were never magically or physically trained. Your mother was a good woman and she was an excellent mage however she did not prepare you for the life of a mage the way Grays master Ul had day by day given him instruction as a child then left him to find his own path. Many of the mages in Fairy Tail had some sort of mentor who gave them some sort of training, the dragon slayers had their dragons, Mira had the Master and then she trained her siblings, Ezra had many different mages in the guild show her how to control her magic and how to fight, everyone had some sort of mentor, you however never had any however as a celestial mage you have come quite far on your own, you are able to maintain our gates for a long time and you know Urano Metria and have been successful in casting it. You own 10 of the Zodiac keys, all in all that makes you strong however like I said before you are untrained. If you are comparing yourself to your guild mates then yes Lucy you are much weaker."

Lucy wrapped her arms around her legs almost like a child, she wanted to disappear when he said it and everything he said was the absolute truth. She never had any sort of mentor, she just ran away to become a mage she was desperately trying to escape that suffocating mansion.

However before Lucy could continue her self loathing at her own weakness Loke asked her a surprising question, "Princess do you know why some mages see spirits as tools and treat them so horribly?"

Lucy rested her chin on her knees, "I never thought about it. It always just seemed so wrong that I never thought that there could be a reason for treating spirits like that. There is no excuse or reason for hurting spirits."

Loke chuckled, he knew that she would say something like that but there really was a reason for asking the question, "I know princess but I do have a reason for asking. Spirits are much like leeches when it comes to our Holders power. To open a zodiac gate takes the equivalent of one of Natsu's Dragon roars, but when that gate opens your magic continually drains. The longer we are here in this world the more power you use, whenever we use our magic its strength is based on how much power you hold, now if you were a castor mage, your magic power could have put you on the level of Laxus depending on what you learnt. A celestial mages power reseveres are much larger because you are continually expanding your magic."

Lucy was actually quite shocked, she never truly realized how much magic it took to maintain her gates. As a child when she was lonely she would summon Aquarius and for a while she could only hold her gate open for a few minutes but as time went on she would summon Aquarius nearly every day and soon she got used to being able to hold the gate open for so long so when it came time to use her spirits to fight she never actually felt the drain the way Loke explained and it was probably because she could hold Aquarius in this world for hours at a time as a child and Aquarius was not just a zodiac she was one of the most powerful zodiacs there was. She had unconsciously trained herself to hold much more power than she thought she did and Lucy felt pride in being able to do what many other celestial mages found difficult but in the face of her team mates much larger accomplishments it still felt like a very small victory.

Loke was proud when she realized that she had unconsciously trained herself but he also knew that Lucy would soon be going on a journey. Every mage faced this problem, there was a time when they believed that they were weak or stuck at some level and this was the time when they chose to throw in the towel or go off and find themselves and he knew that his Princess would not throw in the towel, she would journey on her own and to try and find herself and he knew that she would soar far above any other celestial mage that ever lived. He had faith in her and he would be beside her every step of the way, she was after all his mistress but more than that she was Lucy and he would follow her no matter where she went even if it meant death.

"You have only scratched the surface of your power Princess. There is so much more that our magic can do all you have to do is find it."

Loke disappeared back into the celestial world leaving Lucy with a whole new set of thoughts and many plans to make.

Two days later, Lucy finally went to the guild. She was still not used to tiny place but she felt at home when she saw Mira working the bar.

"Lucy would you like your regular?" asked Mira as soon as she saw Lucy.

Mira watched the younger girl carefully, she could see the dark spots under her eyes but it seemed like they were going away now. She looked like she was recovering from the flu but Mira saw that Lucy was recovering from whatever it was that sent her hurling over the edge.

Lucy smiled and shook her head, "Is my team here?" she asked.

Mira frowned, "Team Natsu went on a mission with Lisanna. They have been playing catch up ever since we got back and once Ezra told the boys to give you some space they decided to do a series of missions with her while they waited for you to come back. Didn't they tell you anything?"

Lucy shrugged, "Its possible they told me but I was so out of it that I never really paid much attention. I know that they wanted to talk with Lisanna but when she returned she spent so much time with you and Elfman and then we went for the S-class trials so quickly they never got the chance. I don't mind, I just wanted to tell them something but I can always tell them later."

Mira watched Lucy carefully, she didn't want Lucy thinking that Natsu and the others were trying to replace her or anything like that but Mira also knew that Lisanna was still crushing heavily on Natsu and would likely take this opportunity to get closer to him once again and while Mira hoped that things would work out for her little sister she couldn't help but think that maybe things wouldn't work out for Lucy and she thought of her as a little sister too. She didn't want either of them to get hurt so before Lucy could leave Mira grabbed her arm and pulled her into the storage room behind the bar so they could talk privately.

"Lucy I know that I've joked and laughed about this for a long time but I need to know something and this time its serious. Do you love Natsu?"

Lucy was about to laugh and then tell Mira that she loved him the way she loved all her nakama but Lucy could see that this was no longer about being a matchmaker, Mira really needed to know how she felt and Lucy could not just joke this off the way she usually did, Mira wanted a heart to heart and Lucy could not deny her not when she had the feeling that after Mira understood she would tell her something important as well.

"There was a time when I first came to Fairy Tail that I thought I would love him the way you mean. He was like this white knight wearing a scarf that brought me to this amazing family and saved me from my loneliness and then he stated sneaking into my bed and using me as a teddy bear and I crushed on him until I realized that it wasn't the love that I thought. Taking care of Natsu and Happy was like having a family but it wasn't the type of family where I was the mother and he was the father and Happy was the child. It was like I was the elder sister who provided warmth, food and comfort and he the little over protective brother who got into trouble a lot. I knew it wasn't the love you mean because I didn't desire Natsu. There was no lust or passion between us and it was then that I realized that while I loved Natsu, I wasn't in love with him and I know he doesn't love me like that. Actually I don't know if he even knows what that love even is."

Lucy giggled at the end and so did Mira but Lucy noticed that Mira was relived that she didn't love Natsu in that way.

"Lisanna is still in love with him." Mira said.

Lucy just smiled, "I could have told you that. I saw it in the way she looks at him. I can't say I know what will happen but if it doesn't work it won't be because of me. I actually hope that it does work and they are happy together."

Mira hugged Lucy and the two girls went their separate ways. Mira went back to the bar while Lucy went to talk to the Master. She knocked on the door and waited for him to call her inside.

"Lucy what can I do for you?" asked Master Makarov. He hoped nothing bad had happened to her. He knew that she was going through a tough time but she was strong and he hoped that nothing else was worrying her.

Lucy took a seat in front of him and smiled, "Don't worry Master nothing is wrong. I just had a few questions. Do you know where I can find more information on celestial magic?"

Master Makarov narrowed his eyes, he already had an idea to where this was leading, "Celestial magic has been boarding on lost magic for many decades now with only two or three mages every generation. Some chose not to pursue it because they did not believe it was very strong magic while others had no talent with it. Its not lost yet just rare. You can't just find books on it. You would probably get better results if you used your spirit the Southern Crux I believe its called. Lucy why do you want to know this now?"

Lucy smiled at him, "When I joined Fairy Tail I had little experience using my magic offensively. My mother retired from using magic when I was very young but she told me many stories about the guild she belonged to and of her adventures some included my father before his grief changed him. When she passed I began to dream of having adventures like that too and then I met Natsu and he brought me here. I got so caught up in with Team Natsu and jumping from disaster to disaster that I forgot my original goal. I wanted to explore the magic I shared with my mother. My fathers passing and a talk with Loke reminded me that I still have much to learn and I think its time I finally set out to learn. I want to go find myself Master, explore my magic even find new keys."

Master Makarov smiled at her. He had been right. There were many times when he had seen something like this when mages faced crossroads and needed time to themselves to explore who they are and who they are going to become. Lucy was not the first mage who set off on a journey of self discovery and she would not be the last but that did not mean that they would not miss her.

"I wish you all the luck in the world child. You can show your guild mark to our allies such as Blue Pegasus and Lamia Scale and they will allow you to take a job request from them if you find that you need the money. Be safe and come home as soon as you can. You family will miss you and if you ever need us, call, we will come."

Lucy actually cried and crushed the small man to her as she squished him to her breasts. The perverted old man had a look of glee on his face when she let him go, "I'm leaving now Master. I'll be back in a few months. Have fun telling my team I'm gone." And with that she rushed out.

Master Makarov went white when he processed her words. Her team were liable to destroy the whole of Fiore if they believed that she was in trouble, telling them that she was gone would be suicide to anyone who was not a wizard saint. The little minx did that on purpose he knew it. He cursed she really was a damned brat which meant that she fit in perfectly with the rest of the damn brats.