i. Luke

Thalia thought she'd managed to swear him off.

He was evil. He was hosting the Titan lord, and therefore wasn't the Luke Castellan that she had known and fallen for. She was an eternal maiden. Thinking about Luke with anything other than disappointment and rage was a betrayal to her family. To Annabeth.

Annabeth. When Thalia thought about how Luke had hurt their little girl, red flashed across her vision and she wanted to murder him with an even greater intensity. So that was good. Thalia focused on Annabeth.

The stupid music swelled and crashed in the background like the Sound during summer. Through the anger, Thalia's heart hurt. This was it. This was really it. By the end of this hour, Luke would be dead. Or she would.

As things stood, Thalia planned on following Luke to the Fields of Punishment after she outlived him for a good thousand years, just so she could taunt him a little bit. Annabeth, she thought, and the righteous anger grew in her.

So did the little seed of resistance, the little flame that sparked every time she imagined Luke's sky blue eyes, his crooked grin, the way he was always able to make her laugh, the way he knew her better than she knew herself—

Shut up! Thalia considered shooting the speakers in the corner of the elevator. Annabeth. After everything that monster's put Annabeth through...no punishment is too much for him.

The elevators opened at Olympus.

Nothing could've prepared Thalia for the way that Olympus had been destroyed. All of Thalia's doubts came flooding back. Brick by brick, that's what Luke had always said, and Thalia had promised to be by his side. This was all her fault. Maybe if she hadn't left him behind...she could've changed him. Saved him. Thalia could stop all of this.

Because deep down, Thalia knew that she understood him. She understood his rage and his pain and she had always been adept at making him stop. Birds of a feather, and all that. She had to save her best friend.

Later, she wondered how far she'd have gone. She really thought that she would have done anything to save him, no matter what that meant. Sacrifice Percy? Done. Sacrifice herself? It didn't matter. Kiss him, caress him, love him—it would be worth it. Throw away everything she held dear, she'd do it. Anything but Annabeth. Hell or high water.

Lying under the statue, Thalia screamed every curse she knew at the sky. At Hera, at Kronos, at the gods. "How dare you keep me away from him?!" she shrieked. "How dare you stop me! I can save him, you evil—"

All Hera's doing, just more of her sick sense of morality, because in a perfect family the villain didn't run away with the king's daughter. Because in a perfect family, the heroine didn't stab her fellow heroes in the back for the monster her lover had become.

"How could you let her do this to me?!" Thalia screamed at Artemis, knowing that her Lady was too busy with Typhon to hear. "I trusted you! You know I can do this! So why are you doing this?! Why are you taking me out of the game?!"

She probably would have died, true, she probably would have gotten her friends killed. She probably wouldn't have saved Luke. She probably wouldn't have forgiven herself.

But, probably. That was the thing.

It kept Thalia up some nights. She had let that stupid statue fall on her, and then Luke had died. She had promised Luke when they met each other that they'd look out for each other. When they got hurt, they'd share the pain, and when they came out on top, they'd share the spoils. She'd broken all of her promises.

As it stood, she knew she would never forgive herself. Not for almost breaking her oath, and not for letting Luke die.

ii. Cecil

I must have a thing for Hermes kids, Thalia thought.

It had to be the case, because Cecil had nothing in common with his Older-Brother-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. While Cecil was small and sneaky and sort of reminded Thalia of a squirrel, Luke was broad and brash and brave. Luke knew everything about her and could predict her actions with erie accuracy, and Cecil blundered through everything and accidentally insulted her every time they spoke.

So what was it?

It couldn't have been how he cracked jokes that actually made her laugh. It couldn't have been that she respected how devious he was—the mark of another survivor.

It certainly wasn't how he had seen Thalia standing by the tree that had once been her (this is so weird and I don't fully understand it but I guess this tree is my twin now?) and turned around and walked back down the hill even though he was clearly close to collapsing with a full bucket of chum in his hands.

It wasn't the way that he watched from a group of campers as she slaughtered a training dummy (for educational purposes, Annabeth, thanks, love you) and then picked up his own sword and tried to match her movements even though he was clearly an awful swordsman. Or the way that he listened to her every word.

It wasn't the way that he seemed to observe how lonely she was, but never spoke with her about it or tried to force a connection with her, just sat with her at nearly-empty campfires and hummed her favorite songs while strumming on a ukulele. It felt good, Thalia had to admit that. The way that she could be safely alone with someone.

No. None of that.

I must have a thing for Hermes kids, Thalia decided, and left Camp Half-Blood again with her sisters.

iii. Reyna

The thing is, Thalia wasn't even aware that she liked girls that much. She'd felt vague...stirrings...towards girls back in elementary school (but that was so long ago that it was another life). And at the beginning of her time with the Hunt...let's just say that Phoebe featured in her dreams in some non-prophetic ways.

It was more appropriate to feel...things...towards other girls while in the Hunt, everyone knew that. Not great, but better than feeling things for disgusting men. Maybe that's why Thalia was less afraid when her eyes lingered a bit too long on the Roman praetor.

It wasn't romance, exactly, just too much respect. Thalia sometimes wondered if she could've been Reyna, in another world, if Jason had been the Greek child and she had been the Roman one. Maybe she and Reyna would've grown up as best friends.

The facts are the facts, Thalia reminded herself, tapping her fingers on Reyna's desk to the melody of Strawberry Fields. Reyna didn't seem to notice. There's no point in wondering about what could've been.

"Last order of business," Reyna said, and Thalia was surprised that she didn't take out a checklist and make a perfectly angled check-mark in blue pen. "I understand that this isn't my place, but could you possibly ask the Hunt to be a little...less brash?"

Thalia challenged herself to keep a straight face and then smirked. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean." She tried not to let herself focus on the grace of Reyna's features or the proud, commanding tone of her voice. What kind of leader would she be if she let personal feelings get in the way of a business talk?

"Please." Reyna let out a long-suffering sigh. "That stupid complaint box that Dakota made me put out has been constantly stuffed, about being intimidated and physically harmed by the Hunt. Now, I'm sure everyone did something to deserve it, but I won't invite you back if you keep creating a nonconductive environment."

"It's a shame you didn't join," Thalia deflected. "We always need more girls like you."

"I think that between the two of us, there would've been too much of a power struggle." Reyna actually gave a small smile, and the effect was enormous. "And I'm hardly a girl."

Thalia was suddenly all-too-aware of how the praetor was twenty, four years older than her. She suddenly wondered what she would have looked like as an adult—

Oh. So that was this was about.

Her mind suddenly felt much clearer. It wasn't Reyna. It was just her own curiosity about a future she would never have.

She smiled softly and promised to do her best.

iv. Percy

She was in New York City for the last month of the pregnancy, refusing to leave Annabeth's side. Annabeth pretended to be annoyed for the first week and then they had a three-week-long girls' night. Thalia didn't know what people thought when they saw her and Annabeth going around town together. Maybe they thought she was the daughter of a first marriage. Maybe they thought Annabeth was her aunt. Thalia had long since discovered that she enjoyed being something of an enigma to other people.

When Annabeth went into labor it took Sally, Paul, Frank, and Hazel to get Thalia and Percy to stop panicking in the waiting room. Thalia had never thought that she and Kelp Head would act so in unison. She was pleasantly surprised.

She wasn't allowed in the room until after the birth but as soon as the nurses gave her the green light she marched in. Percy was sitting next to Annabeth, holding one of her hands, and Thalia took the other one. "Hey, Annie. How you feeling?"

Annabeth didn't even have the energy to snarl at the nickname. "Horrible."

Thalia pretended to gag as Percy whispered sweet nothings in Annabeth's ear. Screw all of these adult people, with their healthy romantic relationships and children.

And children!

Thalia suddenly buzzed with excitement, looking prouder than a new parent herself. Annabeth and Percy had a kid now! That was so amazing! If it was a girl, Thalia would teach her how to fight and make friends. She would never, ever pressure the girl into joining the hunt, but—well, what if she did?! Wouldn't that be amazing?

The door opened and Frederick Chase came in. Thalia bristled at the sight of the man, but Annabeth squeezed her hand and smiled. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Go say hi to the kid."

Thalia stuck out her tongue. "I'll wait outside."

"No. I'm ordering you. That's my right as an adult."

Thalia snorted, gently flicked Annabeth on the shoulder, and followed Percy down the hall to where the babies were kept.

Thalia had liked children, back in her previous life. She'd practically raised Jason. Then there had been Annabeth, all of seven years old with a hammer and no clue. And Luke could act like a kid at times, and she'd boxed his ears and he'd said yes Mother and teased her motherly instincts—well, she'd never liked that much, she'd preferred it when he pressed kisses to her face, but still. And all of the girls in the Hunt were like her kids, especially the ones that she had personally recruited.

Still, this was her first time around real, actual babies again, and she wasn't sure how it would be. Babies could be kind of gross and annoying, especially in hordes. Percy was single-minded, going into the room and picking up the baby in the cradle marked Jackson. Thalia waited outside.

He stood over the infant, looking down on it, and then his face came apart in what Thalia could only describe as wonder. Adoration. Devotion. He looked at that kid like he was supposed to look at the gods.

For a singular instant, something inside of Thalia hurt. She wanted—she wanted someone to look at something she made the way that Percy looked at his baby! Was that so wrong? She wanted someone to look at her like Percy looked at Annabeth.

And then there was only horror because what was Thalia thinking?! She had sworn off men! The way she was thinking was grounds to get kicked out of the Hunt! And thinking that way about Percy?! As in, Annabeth's Percy?! What was wrong with her?! She could never hurt Annabeth. So what was she thinking?!

He had never been particularly attractive to her. He was a nice kid, if vaguely annoying, but too single-mindedly focused on Annabeth (except when it came to that damn Rachel, but that was all over now). And they had both been focused on saving the world, and then she became a Hunter…

So why now?

Thalia shifted and craned her neck, trying to get a glimpse of Annabeth and Percy's baby. Baby Boy Jackson—

Oh.

A boy?

The slight annoyance was gone before it even started. What did it matter what the Hunt thought? Thalia would change her ways when and only when her Lady told her to. She'd teach that kid to be a little hellion no matter what the gender.

v. Esperanza

Esperanza Valdez had a lot of her mother in her. She was talented with machines but also loved gardening, and had quite a penchant for making Mexican food and singing. She had her father's curly hair and mischievous eyes and pointed face, but had all of her mother's height and severe, lovely features.

Esperanza Valdez was another one of Thalia's honorary godchildren, and Thalia had treated her like all of the others when she came through the shop in Houston or to family reunions in New York. Essie was a sweet kid, but Thalia barely saw her once every two years.

Then Esperanza swore her life to Artemis and the Hunt two weeks before her sixteenth birthday, and suddenly Thalia had a new sister. They were all elated to have Esperanza with them. Thalia was assigned as Essie's mentor and then they started spending time together and that was a huge problem because gods, Essie was not only capable and clever and crazy like a fox, she was beautiful and treated Thalia like Thalia could do no wrong.

They were in the woods one day and Essie said something teasing and then there was a touch that lingered just a little bit too long and for a moment, Thalia actually considered leaning forward and kissing Leo Valdez's daughter. A cold shock went through her. She was disgusted with herself. She was Essie's mentor. Essie had to be able to trust her. She could not ruin herself and the Hunt through her stupid...feelings.

Her thoughts rested on Leo Valdez that night, and Thalia despised herself for it. She loved what she had. Why did she keep ruining it with her thoughts of the past? Live, and let live. Move on. She was still fifteen, and they were getting older. She had three lives: pre-tree, post-tree-pre-Hunt, and post-Hunt. It was dangerous when they blurred together.

She boxed away her feelings and they went away, with time.

(the one that never was.)

Thalia never cried. Not when her sisters died, not when they left the Hunt. Not when her old friends died. Not when she woke up from a dream with Luke's eyes slowly fading from her vision.

This time, she cried.

This time, when she cried, people watched her with respect, because the last step in strength was admitting your weaknesses. And Thalia's weakness was Annabeth. And Annabeth was gone, and Thalia didn't know what to do.

"Annabeth was the best of us," Thalia choked out after Charles and Mikki asked her to speak. "Whatever she did, she did it with full knowledge of how it would affect the greater world. And even though she could be annoyingly logical—" Thalia broke down and had to pause. "She had...she had such a great capacity to love—"

Thalia couldn't go on. Not just with her speech. With this—any of this. No matter how much she loved the Hunt—Annabeth was dead—

"Hear, hear," Mikki called out, and one of Annabeth's grandchildren helped Thalia back to her seat, where the Hunt enfolded her in their loving arms.

Annabeth, Thalia thought.

At least it had been a natural death. If Thalia hadn't been able to protect Annabeth from something, she never would've forgiven herself. Thalia didn't know if she could take another Luke.

At least she was with Percy now.

But I need you here, Annabeth, Thalia selfishly thought.

vi. Apollo

It was at least one hundred years before Thalia lost herself again.

Apollo was one of the most gorgeous specimens to have walked the face of the earth—or the seven earths, whatever those stupid Norse kids were saying nowadays. (The times, they are a-changing, like Essie sang, and Thalia didn't like it.)

Things went a little bit too far. Thalia was changing the Hunt, that was her proudest achievement. She taught them to give out polite indifference instead of shooting immediately. She was pulling them towards friendliness, and sometimes...she forgot when to stop.

Apollo touched her arm, and then she put a hand on his shoulder, and he said something distinctly unfunny that she giggled at. And then they grinned at each other with a bit too much intimacy. And then Thalia wondered what it was like to really be with another person, in a way that wasn't just emotional. Of course her family was fulfilling and she loved them, but—

Well, she was stuck as an almost-sixteen-year-old. Her hormones were eternally unbalanced. And really, was it so wrong to be curious? Especially when it came to a literal sex god. What was the worst that could happen?

He pulled away, which Thalia would always be grateful for.

She didn't know if Apollo told her Lady what had happened, but Thalia admitted it herself. Artemis listened and nodded and reprimanded her, but said that everyone had those failings every once-in-a-while. Thalia left the tent with the knowledge that she had come away with the better twin.

vii. Luke (again)

Sometimes it got hard to tell prophetic dreams from dream-dreams. That was slightly inconvenient.

For instance, when Luke Castellan appeared, Thalia never knew whether he was trying to tell her something, whether she'd see him tomorrow, or whether he was just a representation of her wishes and regrets. Thanks a lot, Luke!

Tonight, he looked like he had in the last year of his life. But his blue eyes were all his, and he moved with an ease that showed he was free of the Titan lord.

"It's been a while, Thalia."

When these dreams first started, she acted with the eagerness of someone who had never accepted his death. After years of this, she was wiser.

"I hope you're doing well in Elysium, Luke."

"Hmm." He softly smiled at her, but Thalia had more control, and her heart barely jumped.

"Find me," he said.

For a moment, Thalia dared to hope that the real him had finally been reborn. But every Hades or Pluto kid that came through said that he was waiting. Waiting for me? Thalia always wanted to ask.

"I'll see you someday," Thalia promised, and turned away.

"Thalia—"

"Goodbye, Luke."

Thalia awoke and prepared to lead the Hunt once again, her conscience clear and her heart lighter than it had any right ot be.

She'd see him again, eventually. But this time, he'd have to be the one to wait.

Charles Jackson is named after Charles Beckendorf, and Mikki Jackson is a nickname for Michaela, after Michael Yew. I don't know why it's so important to me that everyone knows that, but...yeah.

*shifts uncomfortably*

Thoughts?