"You've been on dates before, right?" Kaito asks the question with such nonchalance that Gakupo finds himself momentarily taken aback.

Of course, he's totally been on dates before. He's the most gorgeous man he knows (besides the one standing in front of him, obviously). He's been on tons of dates! Tons!

So, summoning his usual trademark confidence, he replies, "Uh...yeah."

Kaito seems unfazed. "Okay, good! Then do you have any suggestions?"

...Fuck. What do people do on dates? Gakupo racks his brain for an idea. He thinks back to all those cheesy heterosexual romance movies that he's seen (not that he's into those or anything!).

"Um...we could go out to dinner." Nailed it.

Kaito smiles. "That sounds fun! In fact, I actually had something in mind…" He rubs the back of his head sheepishly, and it's clear that he's obviously put some thought into this. Gakupo feels flattered, for as much as he loves the blue-haired man, he is well aware of his complete lack of foresight 95% of the time.

Oh, and you don't have the same problem? a little voice in his brain asks him, and he mentally growls at it to shut up.

"Well, lay it on me, handsome." Gakupo says confidently. "What romantic plans do you have?" He knows exactly how to say the words to make Kaito blush, and he feels a swell of pride.

"W-well, I was thinking we could have a picnic! It's spring, you know, and that's picnic season." He smiles giddily. "Besides, I hear they sell ice cream in the park."

Gakupo snickers. Of course Kaito would be in it for the ice cream. He was willing to bet that, if given the choice between him and the frozen treat, the man would be more likely to marry a plain vanilla cone.

"That sounds just perfect, dear." Gakupo coos. "When are you available?"

Kaito hums in thought. "Hm...Sunday is good, I think."

Sunday. That's less than a week away. That's more than enough time to prepare - not that he really NEEDS preparation, because of course he's the master of dating.

"Then it's settled. Sunday it is."

Sunday arrives much quicker than expected, but Gakupo is ready. He's looked at all sorts of guides online, watched all those terrible movies again, and even went to the library for proper reference since books could never lie. Now he's clean, coiffed and ready to get this date started.

He knocks on the door with an air of playful authority, ready to show Kaito the best time ever. After a couple of seconds, the door opens, and Gakupo swells out his chest like a bird during mating season and says, "Hello, gorgeous."

He is shocked when he sees not Kaito standing there, but a very displeased Meiko. She frowns disapprovingly at him as he stammers to explain himself. She holds up a hand to stop him.

"I'm flattered that you think a woman as old as me is still gorgeous, honey," she says coldly, "but I'm afraid I'm not the one you're looking for, right?"

Gakupo sheepishly nods, his face as red as the top Meiko is wearing. She rolls her eyes and turns back into the house to call out, "KAITO, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HERE!"

Gakupo blushes even further when the cry provokes a stir from the Kagamine twins, who rush to the door to see him. He waves awkwardly at them, but they don't reply. Rin seems to be judging him critically, and while Len's face is unreadable, he can tell he's doing the same thing.

With a short cry of "Coming!", Kaito is at the door within seconds. He shoos the twins away with the air of a playful older brother, and Gakupo finds himself marvelling at just how good Kaito is with kids.

"Alright, I'm here! Ready to go, Gack?" The nickname that he knows he hates causes Gakupo to roll his eyes, but he nods anyway because it's Kaito and he doesn't mind when it's Kaito.

"You bet I am, love," he replies smoothly, hesitating when he sees Meiko's stern glare. "Um...goodbye, Miss Sakine."

Meiko grits her teeth, clearly holding back a cutting remark, but she simply says, "Bye."

Kaito doesn't seem to notice, as usual. It's amazing just how unaware he is of the world around him, Gakupo thinks, but once again he shoves that thought aside because it's Kaito.

"So," Gakupo asks, noticing the picnic basket in his boyfriend's hand, "what exactly did you pack in there?"

Kaito smiles and winks playfully. "You'll find out when we get there. It's a surprise."

Gakupo chuckles. Kaito's never been the best at keeping secrets. He figures there's probably eggplant in there or something else that he really likes, because that's the kind of guy Kaito is. But for now, he decides to just humor him and drop the subject.

The park isn't too far of a walk from the house, so the two have plenty of time to talk. Perfect for setting the mood, Gakupo thinks slyly. He thought back to those movies he studied over the past few days and tries to think of a clever, clean pickup line.

"Hey," he begins, holding back a smirk at his own cleverness, "did you fall from heaven? Because you really hurt."

Kaito looks at him, confused. It takes Gakupo a second to realize that he just messed up the line, and he flounders to correct his mistake.

"Uh, wait, that's not what I meant. Um..." Think, think, think, you idiot! "What I meant to say was...are you appealing? Because bananas...wait, that one only makes sense in English..."

Fuck, this is bad. They're not even at the park yet and he's already making a total fool of himself. Kaito doesn't seemed bothered, though; instead, he's giggling lightly and rubbing his hand reassuringly.

"Wow, Gack," he interrupts, wiggling his eyebrows. "I didn't know you were a thief."

Gakupo freezes, his eyes widening. A thief? Did Kaito know what he was doing? Hesitantly, he opens his mouth to explain himself, but his partner holds up a hand to stop him.

"Because you really know how to steal my heart."

Gakupo's mouth drops open. Oh god, that was good. Why didn't he think of that? He's pretty sure he's blushing (something most unbecoming of him), because Kaito laughs triumphantly.

"Come on, dork. We're here."

Dork? He wasn't a dork! If anything, Kaito was the dork for being so cheesy. Stupid sexy Kaito.

But, much to Gakupo's surprise, they were indeed already at the park. Maybe the distance between their destination and their starting point really was shorter than he thought, or he spent almost the entire walk over babbling like a dumbass. He sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter.

"I'll help you get everything set up, darling," Gakupo declares, always eager to be a gentleman (and even more eager to make up for his stupidity). If pickup lines didn't work, then surely being polite would.

Kaito took the neatly-folded blanket out of the picnic basket and handed it to Gakupo. Confidently, the purple-haired man unfolded it in one motion and attempted to spread it out on the ground. Unfortunately, the wind had other plans.

In that moment, a heavy gust of wind surges in his direction, blowing the blanket away. Gakupo shrieks unbecomingly and races after it, catching the attention of several park-goers. When he finally retrieves it, he returns to find Kaito laughing his ass off.

"You could have helped me, you know," Gakupo mutters, finally spreading the fabric down and sitting on it for good measure.

Kaito tries to calm himself and rubs his eyes. "Sorry," he says, "your hair just looks really funny right now."

Oh no. Gakupo instinctively reaches up and feels his perfectly cared-for violet hair and feels his heart sink. Dear god, no. It's sticking up thanks to the wind, ruffled and not at all how he had arranged it this morning.

Before he can freak out, Kaito snickers and pats his leg reassuringly. "It's okay," he says, "it's just a bit windswept, that's all."

"Windswept is NOT a good look for me," Gakupo murmurs grumpily. He's seen quite a few people who could pull off the whole "rugged outdoorsman" look, but that wasn't his type. As such, he made sure to carefully monitor his appearance so he could avoid looking like an uncivilized jackass.

But Kaito doesn't seem to mind that he looks like an uncivilized jackass. Instead, he fiddles with his scarf sheepishly and says, "Well, I still think you look great."

Fuck. That was adorable. God fucking dammit. It was official: Gakupo was absolutely blowing this date (not in that way, you perverts) and Kaito was the winner at romance. The only solution now was to pack up his things and move to some faraway place where nobody would ever-

"Gack? You okay?" Kaito asks, snapping him out of his melodramatic internal monologue. As if on cue, Gakupo smiles as if he hasn't just sullied his own name when it comes to being the worst at dates.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he says, putting on his trademark winning smile. "Just a bit...distressed over my hair."

Kaito raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he shrugs and opens the picnic basket once more. "Well, I hope you're hungry," he announces, "because I brought your favorite!" With a flourish, he removes a certain dark purple vegetable from the basket and presents it triumphantly.

Eggplant. Of course it's eggplant. Gakupo knew it all along, but he doesn't say anything because that would be rude. Besides, Kaito looks so damn proud of himself for remembering Gakupo's favorite food that he can't bear to tell him that he knew about the surprise the whole time.

"Thank you, darling," he says graciously, accepting the offering, "that was very sweet of you to remember."

Kaito puffs out his chest in pride, and Gakupo nearly coos when he remembers that he's losing this date. Kaito has been so nice to him and all he's been doing is running around like a dumbass and failing at the most basic of pickup lines. He has to take it up a notch. He can't lose.

As Kaito digs through the rest of the basket and produces more food, Gakupo begins to brainstorm. What did all those movies and romance novels have in common? The man usually says something witty and clever...but he's already proven that he's the exact opposite of that. Well, if he can't be the man, maybe he can be the woman! Granted, the two of them were both dudes, but gender roles be damned, he was going to romance the fuck out of Kaito.

So, what did the woman do in those movies? ...Well, not much of anything, really. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more misogynistic most of the movies and novels he saw were. But hey, people seemed to like them just fine, so maybe Kaito would appreciate his behavior.

"So," Gakupo says, batting his eyelashes, "you're looking very handsome today."

Kaito flushes and waves a hand dismissively. "Oh, really? I just thought I'd keep it casual, since, y'know, we knew each other way before we started dating. That's fine, right?"

Hm...he had a point. The two had been friends/rivals for a long time before they finally confessed their mutual feelings for one another. Maybe Gakupo was taking this too seriously. Maybe this was supposed to be just like a platonic outing...

No! That train of thought was ridiculous. That wasn't how the movies portrayed it! Those movies were all written by experienced directors who had no doubt been on billions of dates - much like Gakupo himself, who had totally been on dates before.

He smiled coquettishly and channeled his teachings. "Of course that's fine, love. You would look wonderful in anything."

Admittedly, this persona suited him much better. If being successful at dates meant providing useless commentary and acting outrageously suggestive, then this was right up his alley.

Kaito smiles happily, but before he can say anything, his attention is swiftly drawn to a brightly-colored ice cream cart in the distance. His expression shifts to probably the most intense desire Gakupo has ever seen. It would be kinda hot if not for the fact that it was over a dessert and not him.

"I know it's more of an after-dinner food," Kaito explains, "but I'm seriously considering going up there and getting one."

Ah, this was perfect! Forget the whole "act like a stereotypical straight person in a romantic comedy" shtick; if Gakupo went up there and bought some ice cream, Kaito would be all over him like whipped cream on a sundae. Why can't I be that clever at coming up with similes when I'm trying to romance somebody? he thinks to himself, only to shake his head and remember that he's totally romanced people before and that he's always clever.

"Don't worry, babe. I'll get it." he says valiantly, standing up. "What flavor do you want?"

Kaito looks concerned. "Are you sure you want to buy it? I brought money, you know."

...Oh. Money. Right. The one thing he forgot to bring. Well, no matter; just bringing the ice cream to Kaito would surely be enough, right?

"Well, I'll just go up there and bring it to you so that you don't have to move your pretty little...legs." God, that was lame, but Kaito doesn't seem to care. He asks once again whether or not Gakupo is sure he wants to get some for him, and he repeats that yes, he does want to get him some, goddammit why can't you just accept the fucking favor. ...Well, he doesn't say that last part, but he thinks it. He thinks it very, very hard.

Kaito finally sighs and hands him the money, which he takes with a dramatic motion. "Never fear," Gakupo says, "You can count on me, honey." Then, he turns on his heel and makes a beeline for the ice cream cart.

The line is long, but Gakupo doesn't care. He can wait as long as it takes for his man's satisfaction, as long as he can finally make some headway in this whole "dating" thing.

When he finally gets to the front of the line, however, the most inconvenient thing to ever happen to him happens. The woman behind the cart says she has to close.

"What?!" Gakupo cries, "You can't close now! I just need one cone!"

The woman gives him a tired glance. "What flavor?"

He opens his mouth to respond, but words fail him. Shit. He forgot to get an answer from Kaito. Goddammit.

Well, no matter. Kaito had always insisted that there was no such thing as a "favorite" ice cream flavor for him. Maybe if he just gets some plain vanilla, it'll be fine.

"We're at the end of the day, sir. We're nearly out of all of our popular flavors." the woman tells him, clearly wanting to be anywhere else but here.

"So...no vanilla?"

"No vanilla, no chocolate, no strawberry; at least, not enough to fill one full cone. It's been a busy day, sir."

Crap. Well, there was only one solution; the solution he always took whenever things got too dire. He hates to do this with Kaito around, but it's his only way.

He has to flirt his way into some ice cream.

"Are you absolutely sure you're out?" Gakupo asks smoothly, his voice shifting into a lower tone. "Because I think I might be able to pay a little...extra." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. He hates doing this, but he does it for Kaito.

The woman is unfazed. "Sir, go home."

Defeated, Gakupo nods and returns back to the blanket. Kaito is waiting for him, and he seems disappointed at the lack of a cone. Gakupo mentally kicks himself for his own idiocy. He's the worst boyfriend. No wonder he's never been on any dates before.

"Kaito, I'm..." he mutters, trying to get the words out, "I'm sorry. They're closing for the day and the woman wouldn't let me buy any and I messed everything up."

Kaito looks puzzled as to why he's so sad. "Hey, it's okay, Gack. It's just some ice cream-"

"It's more than just the ice cream!" Gakupo blurts, swallowing his pride once and for all. "I'm...not good at dating. I told you I had been on dates before, but that was a lie. I spent the past couple days watching cheap romance movies just so I could be prepared for this, but I wasn't. I'm sorry."

Silence. Gakupo is hanging his head in shame. This is it. Now that Kaito knows the truth, he can never show his face in Japan again. He's just formulating a false identity for himself when something unexpected happens.

Kaito laughs.

What the fuck? Usually, in the movies, the other person comforts and hugs their partner whenever they confess their terrible secret. Why is Kaito laughing?

"Oh my god," the blue-haired man wheezes, "you watched movies? Why?"

Gakupo flushes indignantly. "To prepare, of course! Were you even listening?!"

Kaito is laughing so hard tears are running down his face. "Gakupo," he gasps, "romantic comedies are all unrealistic! Nobody can be that perfect!"

Gakupo raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"No!" With a deep breath, Kaito manages to quell his laughter. "Gakupo, you don't have to look at movies or romance novels or anything to try to impress me. This is my first date, too!"

Gakupo's eyes widen. "It is?"

"Yeah! I just sorta went off of what I know about you, which is kind of a lot since we've been friends for years. In all those movies, the two people involved barely know anything about each other and automatically fall in love anyway."

"Oh." Of course it was that easy. He should have known better than to listen to some stereotypical rom-com. He's such a dummy.

"Hey, don't feel bad!" Kaito says comfortingly, putting a hand over his. "I'm sorry for laughing. You obviously wanted things to go well, but just because some minor inconveniences happened doesn't mean the whole date is ruined."

Gakupo tilts his head. Kaito is right. He can still win this. He knows Kaito. He knows everything he likes and what he dislikes. He knows how to make him happy. Why on Earth did he listen to some stupid movies? He has a better idea.

"You know what, sweetie?" Gakupo says, leaning in closer. "You've got a point. From now on, I'll never listen to the media ever again. I'll hide in a cave somewhere and never look at a single film or advertisement."

Kaito snickers. "Gack, I'm pretty sure it's unavoidable wherever you go."

Gakupo rolls his eyes. "Whatever. As long as I have you, I'll be fine."

Kaito blushes and pulls his scarf up to hide it. "Y-you're a dork."

"Your dork."

Suddenly, he feels something warm on his cheek for a split second. When he comes to his senses, he realizes that Kaito just gave him a kiss.

Fuck. Kaito's the best at dating.