The music boomed through the room, winding up the stairs and round the corners. Everywhere there stood women (mostly in jeans and jumpers or sweat pants, people were too tired to dress up) liquid sloshing against the rim of their cups. Wynonna had somehow got bright pink disco lights as well, (god knows from where, at this sort of hour, and in Purgatory no less) which made everything look distorted. Well, that and the drink. The old corners of Waverly's former home were twisted, flipped around, and Waverly felt as if she were seeing the remnants of her old home floating in a lake, debris bobbing along the surface. The homestead looked different in the light, the kitchen seemed a different shape, the living room smaller, her own room different all together (not in the least because it was now Alice's room, for when she came on weekends.)

Nicole clutched Waverly's hand a little tighter, half because she was drunk, stumbling through the corridor, and half because she knew Waverly sometimes struggled to be back in the old house. Only sometimes. For the most part it had been repurposed in her mind (and re-decorated mostly by Waverly herself), it was no longer the house of her early memory, shadowy and questionable and dark. It Wynonna's home.

It was always messy, always a pizza box somewhere, and pictures littered the walls. Pictures of them as kids, Waverly on Wynonna's shoulders, grinning and holding onto the ears of her woollen hat like a steering wheel, pictures of the day Alice was born, her tiny fingers clutched against Wynonna's own, her big eyes staring up from inside the makeshift cot. And then there was Waverly holding Alice, Alice's fingers clasping Waverly's braid, and Waverly laughing, her eyes crinkling directly into the camera, Nicole leaned against the window in the back corner, a bright pink jacket thrown over her shoulders and a smile across her face. There was Doc with Alice, the brow of his hat casting a shadow over his face, but not disguising the massive grin across his face and the tear in his eye, his daughter, wrapped in blue, rested in the crest of his arm. Memories littered the walls, covering the old cracks, both real and abstract, old dark memories had been replaced with bright, white frames and smiles.

Down the hall there was a small cabinet with newspaper clippings of the team in, as well as the small trophy the team gave Wynonna last year and the medal she'd received when they'd won the amateur league. These stood alongside Alice's trinkets, certificates for sports days and medals for spelling, and the one time she'd won star pupil. According to Doc, Alice was becoming very interested in running, and her teacher was considering entering her into some local competitions. Waverly couldn't stand to hear people in the village, their sly whispers questioning Wynonna's parenting, saying it was wrong for her to let Doc raise her, to see her only once a week. It enraged Waverly like nothing else, Waverly would defend Wynonna to the end of the world. There was no one on earth who loved that child more than her.

Waverly saw Wynonna in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen island, her eyes warm as she leaned closer to Dolls, their hands clasped on the counter, a drink firmly grasped in her other hand. Waverly coughed as she entered the room and they sprung about (she thought some payback was due.)

"Oh it's just you," Wynonna said,

"I think everyone's seen you now Wy," Nicole shook her head fondly, "remember, you kissed in the middle of the grounds? Half the town was there?"

"I keep forgetting." Wynonna said, her smile subtle. Waverly didn't think she'd ever seen her so vulnerable, she seemed to radiate. Dolls placed a hand on her shoulder. "So what do you think?" she said, "Sorry for not telling you Wave," Wynonna bit her lip, "it's new."

"It's not that new." Waverly laughed and Wynonna looked puzzled, "We've all know for ages, Wy."

"No you haven't."

"Yup." Nicole grinned, pulling Waverly closer so she could rest her head on Nicole's shoulder, snaking her arm around Waverly's hip.

"How did you know?"

The pair of them looked at each other, laughing. "You're the least subtle person on this earth, Wy," Waverly grinned, "you know I love you but it was so obvious."

"There's no way everyone knew." Wynonna insisted.

"I promise you they did," Nicole said. Wynonna took Dolls' hand, furrowing her brow and dragging him from the room with a determined look in her eye. Somewhere down the hall Waverly could hear Wynonna interrogating Rosa about what she knew, Nicole shot Dolls a sympathetic look.

"So," Nicole said, moving so that she was opposite Waverly, Waverly leaning against the kitchen island, "does this mean we're alone now?"

"Hmm, I think so," Waverly said, as Nicole wrapped her arms around her waist, leaning down to kiss her with none of the urgency of a couple of hours ago. Instead this kiss was soft and sweet and slow, Nicole's lips moved against her own tenderly and she could feel Nicole's thumb moving against her cheek. Just as all their earlier kisses though, this too was interrupted.

"Jesus do you guys ever stop?" Rosa said, throwing a handful of popcorn at them, and earning a death glare from Nicole perhaps only rivalled by the time Wynonna had insisted on sharing a hotel room with them on their anniversary because she was lonely. Waverly remembered Nicole, her temple twitching, glaring at Wynonna as she plonked herself in between them, flicking through channels on the remote. Waverly laughed,

"We're engaged Rosa, it's all perfectly kosher."

"Not married yet," she said in a sing-song voice. "Did you tell her the good news?" Rosa grinned,

"Not yet," Nicole said, and Waverly furrowed her brow in confusion.

"What news?"

"We're being sponsored," Nicole grinned, and Waverly jumped, hugging Nicole,

"Well done baby, that's great news."

"Yeah by fantasia," Rosa said, now shovelling popcorn into her mouth by the handful, "which means we're getting a raise, I don't know how much yet, Dolls hasn't specified, but we should have better accommodation and that for when we go on tour for the big league in a couple of weeks, it's all coming together." She said, grinning almost bashfully as if she realised she'd talked too long.

Waverly felt herself begin to falter as hollaback girl began to play from the other room, Rosa's entire face spreading into a giant grin.

"Oh my god," she said, "this is our song!" she screamed, placing the bowl of popcorn on the side and grabbing Nicole by the arm, Nicole shot her an apologetic look as she disappeared through the door frame.

She could hear people scream the lyrics from the other room, but it sounded as if it were underwater. Waverly's ears were beginning to ring. Not now, she thought. She'd done a great job all day, being happy for Nicole being happy for herself and the world she'd built. She been secure in the knowledge that she was going to tell her, that this sinking feeling in her stomach would soon be gone, but now she felt again like the ground had been ripped from underneath her, her hand gripped tight against the kitchen island, and she felt suddenly much drunker than she had before. Rosa's wide grin echoed in her mind. She hated herself for not being able to cope. But there was something about the way Rosa said it, all her success lined up, her whole life ahead of her, and here Waverly was, still as a statue and only getting older, starting to crumble into the sand below. Stop, she thought. You can't think like this. But it was too late, the spiral had begun. Nicole was successful, Nicole was getting a raise, Nicole had done something with her life. Even Wynonna, the town fuck up, who won most-likely-to-be-imprisoned back in high school was living her best life, had a beautiful daughter, a boyfriend, was team captain of a team that was only getting more and more successful, was about to tour Canada. Waverly felt herself begin to breathe heavier. She was foolish. What was she going to tell Nicole? I'm sorry Nicole, I want to do something for myself, you're not good enough. No, she thought, that's not it. She'd spent nights in secret, hunched over a glowing laptop screen, scrolling through college after college, course after course, she knew she could do it in theory, she had the grades, she could take a loan, but it would mean four years away. How could she do that? Nicole couldn't put her life on hold for four years. Or maybe Waverly just feared that she wouldn't. And then what would she do?

And how could she tell Nicole something she had kept from her for so long? How could she tell her that the moment she got down on one knee, presented the ring to her, a massive smile written across her face, that she didn't just feel joy, that she didn't just feel a wave of warmth and happiness, but also a small tinge, a small fear of is this my life now? Do I have to say goodbye to all my dreams? The kitchen started to spin, falling down down into a spiral, and Waverly swore she could see the tiled floor turn black beneath her feet. She shook her head, she needed to get out of there.

Waverly didn't really know how she ended up there but she did, back in that old spot she used to go whenever she could hear her daddy shouting, or when her big sister Willa gave her that look she feared with every bone in her body. Down in the reeds by the lake, the shimmer of the air on the lake, the wind in the trees, the stretching sky and the earth running through her fingers, she felt part of the landscape. It calmed her, the feeling of all the reeds against her skin grounded her, brought her back to the surface of her skin, and watching the water ripple, even in the dark, reminded her that everything was going to be okay. The lake looked the exact same as it did when she was three years old, and it had probably looked the same for a hundred years before that and a hundred years to come. That soothed Waverly, a constant. It didn't make her feel trapped, but rather reminded her that as difficult as life and all her decisions were, at least the lake could be relied on. Waverly wiped away a tear she didn't realise was falling, hugging her knees under her chin.

Waverly didn't know how much time passed before Wynonna got there. She was so quiet Waverly barely noticed her (which was so unlike Wynonna, especially drunk Wynonna). She didn't say anything, just sat next to her, pulling her closer to her, cradling her head against her chest. Waverly didn't realise how cold she was until she felt the warmth of Wynonna's chest. It fractured everything, blurred all her timelines and suddenly she was five years old, and she and Wynonna had ran out the house fast as they could, away from the blazing eyes and raised hand of their father, and Wynonna was there for her, as she always was, and always would be, it's all going to be okay, baby girl.

Tears were streaming down her face now, falling onto her clothes, and into the dirt below.

"What are we, trying to make a new lake now?" Wynonna said, and Waverly laughed, hiccupping as all her emotions mixed together. Wynonna could feel her laugh in her chest. Waverly let go, and sat up so she was face to face with Wynonna. "Now what's wrong baby girl? Spit it out."

And in the darkness it was easier somehow. Or maybe it was easier because it was Wynonna, her rock, her north star. A part of herself lived in Wynonna, inaccessible to anybody else, beating away inside her very heart. They were sisters, bonded for life.

"I can't do this anymore," Waverly choked,

"Can't do what baby girl?" Wynonna said, and Waverly broke, her floodgates opening as she told Wynonna everything, how she felt trapped in purgatory, how she'd always dreamed of making something of her life, how she didn't want to just work at shorty's her whole life and be a wife, how she wanted to go back to college and felt guilty every day that she hadn't told Nicole, that she'd promised her life to Nicole without telling her what she wanted to do with that life. Word after word spilled over her lips, until they were practically blue, tears and the cold air mixing together, sprinkling along her wobbling lip.

Wynonna took in everything she was saying, not saying a single word until she had finished, at which point she simply opened her arms, hugged Waverly extra tight, and whilst stroking her hair she whispered over and over again;

It's all going to be okay baby girl.

And when Waverly had stopped crying, Wynonna placed both her hands on her shoulders, looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Tell Nicole, baby girl, she'll understand, I know she will. You can't keep living this way." And Waverly knew in that second she couldn't put it off any longer, Nicole was a huge part of her life, and she wasn't being honest about what her life was.

"Thanks Wy," Waverly said, placing her forehead against her older sister's.

"What are big sisters for?" Wynonna said, standing up and holding out a hand to pull Waverly up off the floor.

When Waverly got back to the homestead the party was pretty much over. Most people had left, just a few girls remained, Rosa snoring sound asleep on the armchair, and Dolls and Kit still playing poker on the coffee table. As soon as Dolls saw them come in he smiled at Wynonna, patting the seat next to him. Waverly was glad they were out in the open now, as much fun as it was to see them try (and fail) to sneak around, she was glad Wynonna got her happy ending, and she smiled as she saw Wynonna settle next to him, nestling her head into his shoulder. Lord knows, it was what she deserved.

"Nicole's upstairs," Dolls said quietly, looking towards the stairs.

"Thanks," Waverly said, making her way to the staircase as Wynonna shot her an encouraging look.

When Waverly got to her old bedroom, Nicole had already passed out, still in her dark blue shirt from before, her jeans hanging loosely from her hips. Sometimes she just didn't know how to handle her drink, for all her height, Nicole was a bit of a lightweight. Wynonna had told her that Nicole had been looking frantically for her, slurring her words and running into various pieces of furniture before Dolls had put her to bed, clearly being too sheepish to take off any of her clothes.

Waverly cocked her head and smiled, at this angle, her hair all mussed up, and her clothes draped across her body, her face looser in sleep, Nicole looked younger than ever. Waverly felt a surge of love, and she felt confidence in the words Wynonna had said. She'll understand. Of course she would, Waverly had been fretting for nothing. She'd tell her in the morning, when they were both a little fresher, when there wasn't some kind of alcohol stained across Nicole's jeans, and mascara dripping from Waverly's cheeks.

She moved across the room, taking her shoes off and changing into the one of her old t-shirts she'd left in Alice's chest of drawers for exactly this situation. She stared down at Nicole, she looked so peaceful she didn't want to move her, but she was star fished across the bed, and Waverly needed sleep, the shaking of crying settling as exhaustion in her bones.

"Hey" she said, shaking her shoulder gently, "Nicole,"

"Hmm, what?" she said, her voice scratchy and her eyes still scrunched up against the light.

"It's me, I need to get into bed," she said and Nicole opened her eyes,

"Wave?" she said, sitting up, shaking her head as if she was returning to the room, "I was worried about you." She looked up at Nicole.

"I know baby," Waverly smiled, "here let me help you," she said, pulling Nicole's shirt over her head and turning to get her another shirt from inside the chest of drawers (the t-shirts were always way too short for Nicole, not that Waverly was complaining.) She threw the t-shirt to Nicole who pulled it over her head before kicking her jeans off, holding out a hand to Waverly and pulling her down so she was lying next to her, she placed her arms around Waverly, her eyes still half closed in sleep. Waverly switched off the lamp and pulled the duvet over them.

"You're really pretty you know," Nicole said, and Waverly could hear the slur in her voice,

"Thanks baby,"

"And I love you so much."

"I love you too," Waverly smiled, settling in closer to Nicole so she could feel her breathing against the back of her neck, could smell her hair wrapped around her ear. She felt settled.