AN: I CANNOT. GET THIS AU. OUT OF MY HEAD. IT WILL NOT LEAVE. IT WILL NOT LEAVE. OH MY GOD.

So yeah here's Axel's POV on chapter 1 because this is MY FUCKING LIFE NOW APPARENTLY.

This fanfiction is brought to you by the new Fall Out Boy album Mania, which I have been listening to on repeat for this entire writing experience. I would advise everyone to listen to it as well. My favourite track is Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea, it's such a fucking bop oh my god.

Enjoy!

Isa had wanted to be the one to do it, but Lea had put his foot down. Really, they were both about as smart as each other, even if Isa had been the one with the drive and the focus to do better in school. Lea was just a clever, and at the end of the day, twice as tricky. Besides, with Isa's new moon-induced sleep issues, plus his occasionally berserk temper, Lea was the best option.

So Lea it was.

It had taken a few years, working his way into the good graces of the six founders (murders more like, oh he couldn't hate them anymore, but he was as close as possible). He took over post-mission paperwork from Vexen, leaving him more time for his experiments, began making suggestions of his own, and by the time Xemnas became interested in Lea taking the work in official capacity, he was already handling mission organizing by himself.

His alarm went off at five in the morning, and he was quick to turn it off again, the shrill beeping irritating his ears. For a moment, he let himself lie in bed, sleep deprivation heavy in his bones (how late had he been up doing paperwork? Until midnight, at least), and sleep begging to reclaim him.

But there was work to do, so he grunted, and sat up. With an absent flick of his wrist, the many candles placed around the room lit themselves, and he stumbled over to his desk.

It was a quick check to make sure that the days missions were all prepared (they were), and then he was off to the shower. As always, the bathroom was empty, considering he would be the only one up for at least an hour, usually more.

He went quickly through the shower, and soon enough was applying his eyeliner, and then styling his hair.

Axel didn't like taking longer than he had to in front of the mirror. While he had long since grown used to it, he disliked his scar, the X mark meeting over where his heart would be, and curling across a fair amount of his chest. Wounds like that shouldn't have left scars – between potions and magic, only major injuries left scars. But his chest had been left untreated for over a day before he could have done anything about it, and once he was able to, it wasn't worth the effort. He'd left it to heal the slow way, and as a result the X was there permanently, sitting on his chest like a brand.

He didn't like it.

(he didn't know why he'd left it to scar, but he didn't know why he did most things these days)

After he was dressed, he detoured through the kitchen, and reluctantly grabbed a bagel, even though the idea of eating in the morning usually made him vaguely nauseous. But Saix would bitch if he didn't eat something, so he reluctantly ate it while looking over his reports for the morning, and mentally writing out what to say during his morning meeting with Lord Xemnas.

When he was done that, he got up, and headed for Lord Xemnas's door. It took a moment for the Sorcerer on guard duty to fetch him from where he was probably staring intently at where Kingdom Hearts would appear, and Axel resisted the urge to sigh in annoyance. Or demand that the Superior start doing some of the paperwork. Both would be met poorly.

The meeting went normally, and the Superior didn't have any extra tasks for Axel today, so he returned to his room, and collected three clipboards worth of files. Missions for today, the mission reports from yesterday, and his notes on the relevant worlds that had made him decide the missions in question. None of the reports from the day before had highlighted anything, so he'd put them aside for the morning.

He spent a while working through them until he reached Marluxia's idea of a mission report.

'Located Heartless, eliminated target.'

That was it. That was his entire report.

Marluxia's mission had taken five hours.

He was writing some harsh suggestions of what to do with Marluxia's lackluster reports, when someone entered the Grey Area. Axel looked up on reflex, fully prepared to corridor his notes away if it was one of the less trustworthy members, but plastered on a grin at the sight of Saix, looking tired and grumpy as always, and carrying cold pizza, and a protein bar.

"Morning Saix. Getting up on your own today?"

He rolled his eyes, and sat down beside Axel, a faint scowl on his face at the reminder of the times Axel had to drag him out of bed.

"That only happened twice. Have you eaten yet today?"

The question was enough to make the grin drop from his face, and he rolled his eyes. Admittedly, it was probably a good thing Saix was around to worry about Axel's heath, because he sure as hell wasn't doing that for himself. What was the point? He was still as alive as he ever was. Why pretend to care beyond that?

But Saix got on his ass if he explained his philosophy of not caring, so the path of least resistance was to put up with it.

"Yes mother, I had a bagel for breakfast. You know, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to harass your boss about his eating habits. Insubordination, is what this is." Axel said. Unsurprisingly, Saix still looked displeased, and handed over the protein bar, which Axel took.

"I think letting you collapse of malnutrition would be insubordination, actually."

Axel snorted. Like that was going to happen. He knew his limits. He just… didn't care enough to go beyond bare minimum. He wasn't going to collapse.

(it wouldn't let him)

"Sure, sure. Anyways, sweet Kingdom fucking Hearts, I don't care how big the new guys scythe is, if he doesn't start writing better mission reports, I'm going to shove a chakram somewhere highly unpleasant on his anatomy. I mean really 'Located Heartless and eliminated target'? That's all that happened over a span of five hours? Fuck you. Demyx writes better reports than this. Demyx." He complained, turning his attention to the report in front of him, and glaring. It was tempting to stab it with his pen, and see how much damage he could do, but that would be counterproductive, so he settled for writing a final note, and flipping over to the next one. Xaldin's mission report, thank fuck. Straight forward, and right to the point. Axel rarely had problems with him, which was good. For his sake.

"Didn't you have to set Demyx on fire just to get him to write reports at all?" Saix said, voice somewhat skeptical, and Axel's mouth twitched upwards at the thought. He'd done a bit more than set him on fire. Sure, Demyx had bitched and moaned about his injuries after, but he was a drama queen. Pain was good for you. Builds character.

Besides, it was relaxing. That fight had been fun as hell.

"I mean… yeah. But now he writes acceptable reports, so it was worth it."

Would have been worth it even if Demyx hadn't gotten it together. …Would have been ESPECIALLY worth it if Demyx hadn't gotten his act together, because then he'd have an excuse for a repeat performance. Oh well.

Maybe Marluxia would be a slow learner.

"Because he's terrified of you." Saix pointed out, voice disapproving. Always the buzzkill, that one.

"Eh. Fear is a good motivator. I fail to see a downside. Yeah, if Marluxia doesn't get his shit together soon, I'm going to give him the Demyx treatment. Make an evening out of it. Might be relaxing, actually." Axel said, a cheerful tone entering his voice. It was always nice to take his stress out on someone else. Whether they deserved wasn't really important, but it was even better if he was taking it out on the cause of the stress. And besides, Nobody's were built tough, the ones who retained human forms even more so. There was a lot you could do a Nobody without causing damage that could interfere with their ability to work.

So, so many things he could do.

Well, Marluxia had gotten two reprimands regarding his reports already. Axel would give the third today, and the next time he inevitably failed to get the message, he would go and teach the new Number XI exactly why Axel was not someone to be fucked with.

He was pulled out of his happy thoughts by Saix speaking again.

"Are you doing anything after work today?" He said, in a less than subtle attempt to change the subject. Still, Saix got weirdly upset about that sort of thing, so he went with it.

"Not really, just paperwork. The usual. Why, you have plans?"

Saix continued to look weirdly upset. Great, what now?

"Axel, you're twenty four today."

…Oh.

Huh.

He needed to stop losing track of the date. Bi-annual vacation days were the best way to keep everyone on task, with the least amount of lost productivity. If he forgot to schedule one, fatigue would cause results to slip.

Oh, and birthday. Saix was probably going to try and be sentimental about that. Ugh. He'd dodged it last year, and hoped Saix would get the point. Apparently not.

"Oh, right. Is that today? Well, I can't celebrate tonight, I'm super behind. We'll do something later, alright? Besides, it's not like the day actually means anything to us." He said, tone dismissive. Hopefully that would be enough to dissuade Saix, and he could always keep blowing him off until he forgot about it. Like last year. Easy.

Saix looked troubled, but didn't try to continue the conversation, and soon left. Axel was able to finish working though the after mission reports from the day before, and sent the rest back to his room with a carefully aimed dark corridor. Wouldn't do to have anyone else reading his reports. There wasn't anything sensitive in those, but it was the principle of the matter.

And then he grabbed his clipboard of missions for the day, took his place at the front of the room, and waited.

Sure enough, the more diligent members were the first to arrive for their missions – Lexaeus, Luxord, Zexion and Xaldin all came and left with their missions before Saix returned. Axel already had the briefing in hand.

"There's a giant Heartless in Twilight Town. If I were you, I'd stock up on blizzard spells before going in, alright? Kick ass and take names. Also, Demyx is going with you. Don't let him slack off." He warned, punctuating the implied threat with a stern look, and a pat on the shoulder. Not that he would actively hurt Saix. That would ruin their alliance, and make things inconvenient for Axel. No, he'd just make life unpleasant for him for a bit if Demyx slacked off, give him a few miserable missions and call it even.

And they said he couldn't be nice.

Saix nodded once, and retreated to one of the couches, carefully reading the brief, and then going over his panels while waiting for Demyx. While he did so, Vexen, Xigbar, and Marluxia also came and went, making Demyx the last one left. Holding up the mission.

Maybe the lesson hadn't quite sunk in.

Axel was considering going to go find him, when Demyx finally thought to come wandering in, flinching under the look Axel gave him. Good.

"Hey, you're with Saix today. Giant heartless. Don't fuck it up." He snapped, handing Demyx his copy of the briefing, and increasing his glare. Demyx winced again, and retreated towards the couch.

Saix and Demyx exchanged a few quiet words, and left rapidly. Good.

Axel had his own damn work to do.

He didn't understand why the other members whined about having to do recon. Well, he did understand, as recon was deeply annoying.

But unlike him, they weren't doing recon every fucking day. And yet you didn't see Axel bitching about it.

Today he was investigating a world the Organization hadn't reached before, somewhere called Coruscaunt. The day's investigations proved that the place was strongly rooted in the light, due to a group of warriors called 'Jedi' who lived there, and served it. Still, he could sense darkness running underneath, so at the end of the day, the world was marked down as one to watch. In the future it could be useful.

And then he returned to the castle, early enough to be the first one back, and waited for the other members to return.

The summons to meet with Xemnas and Xigbar hadn't mention anything about a promotion, but Lea and Isa had been excited all the same. They knew which way the wind was blowing. Lea had left with confidence, and with Isa waiting in his room to hear all about it.

He'd like to say he didn't remember what happened, but he did.

He remembered being ordered to remove his coat, and not knowing why as he did so. He remembered being held down, as Xemnas carved into his chest.

He remembered screaming, and knowing that it wouldn't be heard, not with how secluded Xemnas's chambers were. He remembered being certain he was dying again, and not knowing where he was, being half certain that he was fifteen with a Heartless tearing him apart, but that couldn't be right, there was nothing in him for the Heartless to take, so why was this happening, where was he-

And then it was done.

Lea was released, and dropped to the ground, shuddering breaths forcing their way out of him, and his chest burning with agony, burning like nothing did anymore, as if his own element had somehow turned against him.

He hoped it was over.

It was not.

But after that, thankfully, the memories started to blur.

The after mission reports were collected relatively quickly, and after a quick glance confirmed no immediate problems, were set aside for the next morning. Axel retired to his room, candles lighting as soon as he entered, and settled at his desk.

There was always work to be done. Budgeting, long term planning, information gathering, potential threats to assess, organizing the castle's defenses, processing reports from the labs, transcribing reports from the lesser Nobodies...

Running an Organization generated considerably more paperwork than anybody assumed.

Saix attempted to bother him around seven with something inane, but Axel quickly lost patience, and had his Assassin's escort him out, with firm orders not to let him back in again that night.

At eleven, when his eyes wouldn't stay open any longer, and every other word was coming out as a typo, he accepted defeat, and changed into his sleep clothes, and collapsed into bed, asleep almost instantly.

something was wrong, something dark and cold seeping into him, settling into the spot where his heart used to be and rooting in there, something wrong and foul and violating and it was in his soul and body and mind and it was consuming him and he was dying but he was not he only wished he were and it was destroying him and he was screaming until his throat was raw until sound could not convey the agony he was in and his screams were reduced to sobs were reduced to whimpers were reduced to nothing

a hand pressed against his face and forced his eyes open. they burned, burned like his chest, and he could not see through the gold consuming his vision

"Look. They're changing colour."

He woke with a start, clarity hitting him like a hammer to the face. Earlier today, when Saix had visited him. He… he'd said something to him. What had he said? Something awful, but he couldn't remember what, only that it was bad, and that he'd had Saix dragged out. Why had he done that? He shouldn't have done that.

Something was wrong with him. Something was very wrong with him. Why had he ignored Saix? Why had he hurt Demyx? Why did he want to hurt Marluxia? What was going on?

Something was wrong, something was very wrong, and he needed help.

Saix. He needed Saix.

Shaking, he got out of bed, not caring for the time, and went to Saix's room.

As he entered, Saix stirred in his bed, turned to look at his clock, and then dropped his face into his pillow and groaned.

"Saix? I'm sorry. About earlier. I don't know why I said all that." He said, unsure of what exactly he said, but knowing it was something he needed to apologize for.

He wanted to say more beyond that, to share his revelation that something was horribly wrong with him, and he needed help. But his throat closed up, and the words died before he could ever vocalise them, voice refusing to function, mouth refusing to even open.

Saix rolled over, and lifted his blanket up.

"C'mere." He muttered, the invitation clear.

Axel's voice still wouldn't cooperate, and his body would not let him draw attention to that fact.

But he was able to get into the bed, and bury his face in Saix's chest, still shaking. Saix moved the blanket to cover them both, and wrapped an arm around Axel, holding him until he stopped shaking.

Saix fell asleep again almost immediately. It took Axel longer.

He woke up in his own bed, unsure of how long it had been. His eyes hurt. His ears hurt. His chest hurt.

...Actually, the pain in his chest was more of a stabbing pain, while his head and eyes were throbbing dully.

Looking down proved that his chest had been sliced open, a large X shaped wound that was centered over his heart, the cuts going deep and long. Every time he breathed, stabbing pains went through him.

He called up the energy for a cure spell, but the magic wouldn't leave him.

Alarm shot through him, and he tried again, attempting a cura with similar non-results. Casting curaga in front of him worked perfectly, but when he tried to get inside the field of healing energy, his body refused to move towards it, locking him in place until the spell faded.

Frustrated, he tried to grab a potion, and once more, his hand refused to touch any of them, body rebelling against him.

He hurt, and there was something controlling him, and it wouldn't let him heal himself.

Well, he knew something of pre-magic first aid, from history classes in school. He knew he didn't want the wound to get infected, and that he needed to clean it with water.

The bathroom was empty, and a clock on the wall helpfully informed him it was three in the afternoon. He should have been long gone on a mission. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He staggered over to his area, and froze at the sight of him in the mirror.

His eyes were a sickly shade of gold, flat and dull, looking inhuman and wrong on him. His ears had changed as well, the top now forming into points, and between his altered features and his chest wound, he looked like someone different had woken up.

Like he had died that night, and someone else had gotten up in his body.

(and he had, hadn't he? they'd killed Lea, killed whatever was left of him, and now he truly was Axel.)

He ended up retching into his toilet for a while. When it was over, he rinsed his mouth out, made an unmotivated attempt at cleaning his wound (which was more pain but what did it even matter he was dead dead dead and all that was left was for his body to figure it out), and returned to his room, collapsing into bed.

Which was how Isa found him, an unknown amount of time later.

He had been worried, and then afraid, and then more worried, and demanded answers. Axel had not been able to give them, the words for what had been done to him refusing to form, and eventually he hadn't been able to speak at all, only shake his head and ignore Isa until he went away, and Axel was finally able to pass into a restless sleep.

He was awoken by the Superior. He dressed, was taken to a meeting, and announced as Lord Xemnas's new second in command.

This was what Lea had been working for, had spent years trying to achieve. This was supposed to be a victory.

Axel had not won. Axel had lost, lost something he hadn't even known was at stake.

He woke up automatically at five, even without his alarm going off. For a moment, he was surprised to find himself in Saix's bed, and then the memories of that night came to his mind.

…Wow.

Where had all of that came from?

Honestly, sleep deprivation made him so whiny.

He carefully got out of bed, and returned to his own room, absently shutting off the alarm as he did so. The words he had been unable to say were already gone from his mind.

There was work to do.

AN: Well, hope you all enjoyed that dose of suffering.

So yeah, things are not great in Axel's head. If you couldn't tell, pretty much all of the disjointed stuff in parenthesis was Axel's real thoughts running underneath the warped, possessed ones. He doesn't remember thinking those things. He also doesn't remember when Xehanort's control needs to step in and full on stop him from doing things (I.E raising the alarm with Saix, stopping his Recusant's Sigil from scarring properly, that sort of thing). His memories get edited afterwards to make it seem like he chose whatever happened, or that he never wanted to say/do things in the first place. Quite bastardy.

So yeah. Poor Axel, am I right?

These are the only two chapters Cold Flame will have. This will instead serve as the prologue/first part of a series, in which all of Days, KH II, DDD, and KH III (provided it is coming out this year and Square Enix isn't just fucking with us) get re-done, via this AU, with a loose role reversal between Saix and Axel. Already working on the first chapter of Days fic, so expect that one soon.