I'm not Gay!

Gay \Gay\, a. [Compar. Gayer; superl. Gayest.] [F. gai,

   perhaps fr. OHG. g?hi swift, rapid, G. g["a]h, j["a]h, steep,

   hasty; or cf. OHG. w?hi beatiful, good. Cf. Jay.]

   1. Excited with merriment; manifesting sportiveness or

      delight; inspiring delight; livery; merry.

   2. Brilliant in colors; splendid; fine; richly dressed.

"And now for our male Valedictorian, Harry Potter!" Dumbledore's eyes twinkle as Harry steps onto the stage.

"Sonorous!" Harry looks at the crowd, at his friends, and at his betrothed. "I know that, traditionally, Valedictorians are supposed to talk about what they learned about life from school, or going out into the big, bad world—which, incidentally, I won't be doing. Professor Dumbledore has offered me the position of Muggle Studies Professor, as Professor Grunbottom is leaving. I know there have been rumors of the DADA position, but after seven different teachers in seven years, I kinda believe that superstition about the post. I don't want to disappear on you guys!" The audience laughs. "But I've got something I DO want to talk about. My engagement. I know that there have been rumors of me being engaged to Hermione, but I'm not." The audience starts to move about, surprised. The rumor had started during the Christmas holidays, after Harry had turned down a date with Seamus (Harry's bi) and said that he was engaged, and shortly thereafter, Hermione had started to wear the ring. "I won't spoil her surprise, though—she'll tell you who she's engaged to during her speech." Harry delivers this with a wry grin at Hermione, who smirks back, knowing that her announcement will be overshadowed by his. "Only a few people know who I'm engaged to—Hermione; her fiancée, because he and his brother were in on the plot; Remus and Sirius, because they walked in on us—" Here Remus smirks at Harry, while Sirius just slumps further down in his seat and scowls darkly. He was NOT happy about Harry's fiancée. Sirius had been cleared of all the charges against him in Harry's sixth year, after he had defeated Voldemort for the last time. "—Professor Dumbledore; and of course, my fiancée. We didn't tell Ron because we wanted to surprise him." Harry starts down from the stage, walking slowly toward the table at which his fiancee sat. "I am engaged to the man I love most—" Here he pauses, and looks toward his lover with his heart in his eyes, "—Severus Snape."

Severus stands up, and comes over to Harry, and smiles at him. The audience is amazed—Severus Snape, the terror of all (well, save Slytherins)—smiling at Harry Potter, who everybody thought he hated? Gasp! Ron stands up, and says in an astounded tone of voice, "Snape's GAY?!"

Sev turns, gives him the patented 'Glare of Death' and says, "I may be homosexual, Mr. Weasley, but I am NOT gay!"

Fin.