Nobody could really blame him for falling asleep after four days without proper sleep, especially when his tired and aching body was constantly screaming for it. However, he doesn't give in. He's close to it every passing minute, and these minutes are excruciatingly long, but his fear from freezing is stronger so he doesn't skip any of his regular attempts to keep his blood flow running by exercising his muscles.
He is sitting with hands on his bend knees and head resting against the wall, when the door slowly open. There is some effort to open his eyes and look at the direction, but with his level of exhaustion this effort is not noticeable.
"Jay." Voight declines to his level, eyeing the bruises tentatively forming on Jay's cheek and around his eyes. He can see him move his eye lids a little, but that's it, even after several repeats of his name. And Jay knows it and becomes frustrated from the disobedience his body presents, but that's all he can do. Sit and trying to overcome all the layers of sleep that keep him from moving.
Voight shakes with him and is relieved when Jay sucks in a sharp breath and finally opens his eyes, visibly disoriented. The world suddenly doesn't look like he'd seen it in his mind just a seconds ago when he was trying to get a grip of himself. It looks hostile and loud and blurry. The hand on his shoulder disappeared and is now holding is arm, why? He starts fighting with it, only to be restrained by these strong hands that pin him and his body to the wall.
Jay!
He would bet he heard his name, but as his heart beats so hard in his chest, he is not sure that he didn't mishear it. He attempts to fight the hands holding him again, but it goes in vain. He grunts from the helplessness, when one of the hands holding him lands on his face harshly and makes his head snap to the other side and then his back impacts with the wall, hard enough to lose the blinding layer.
"What," he blurts out, eyes wide and hyperventilating. Definitely the most chaotic awakening he experienced in those few days with Voight.
"Finally. You ready to end this?" Voight asks with a smirk when Jay's eyes finally focus on him.
Jay thinks about the question a moment, unsure if it's a tricky one. He is very much ready to end it whenever it fits to his boss, at least that's what this all has been about. Deciding on not replying verbally, he only shrugs.
"Can you speak?" Voight asks, seeing Jay has yet to catch his breath.
This, Jay doesn't know, so he automatically shrugs again rather than trying to say something.
"Jay, just take it easy." Voight gives him a moment.
"I think," he almost whispers.
"Good. I wanna talk with you." Voight says.
If Jay could control his features, he would probably make some consternated expression, but that's not in his power right now as his face is paralyzed by the cold. "What?"
"I am gonna give it a green light. You?"
Again, it takes a while before Jay answers. "You already know my position on this."
"You can always change your mind." Voight reminds.
"Voight, what do you want?" Jay doesn't understand and gets annoyed with Voight's approach. He did not consent to torture just to drop the case, isn't that clear? At least the annoyance makes him more alert. On the other hand, it brings back the never-ending shaking that takes all his energy.
"Just wanted you to know."
"I know. And I am not turning it down. Just let me get out of here." Jay tries not to sound desperately but succeeds only partially.
"Do you realize it could be significantly worse?"
"I can handle worse." Jay says, closing his eyes.
"Really? 'cause you just told me to let you go." Voight points out with voice quite loud.
"Yeah, and you just gave me a green light. No need to prolong this," Jay opposes very quickly, before the shaking starts controlling his voice again. Not to look so helpless, Jay slowly gets on his feet, while taking support from the wall next to him. "If you wanna talk, we can do it over a cup of coffee."
Voight stands up too, amused by Jay's little comment and admits to himself, that the kid has a point. He takes a step back to enjoy Jay's stumbling towards the stairs in all its glory, not going to help him. Not even when Jay stops, obviously absorbing the pain in his legs.
"Uhm," Jay grunts. "Guess you're not gonna help me," he remarks looking back at the older man. "Or stop me," this time it's with a little question mark at the end.
Voight smirks, but shakes his head. "Where are you going?" He asks slowly, showing the amusement in his voice.
"Home." Jay answers simply, getting to move again.
"I'm not letting you go home. You'll stay here. I've got a bed for you upstairs."
Jay stops, not as much because of Voight's words, but because it's becoming too painful to walk as his legs fight with the unyielding blood flow returning to its usual self. "Fine." He agrees, it's not like he would be able to get his ass through half of the city right now, so he partially welcomes the offer.
Voight watches Jay take the stairs up and can't deny the almost proud feeling that forms within him. Jay being so easy about the whole situation was not what he'd expected. Especially after that not very fair fight and yet here they stand, having almost friendly conversation. However, the fact lies somewhere else. Jay doesn't feel so calm and cool at all and only thanks to his exhaustion, he doesn't have to pretend much when looking to Voight's eyes as his own eyes are almost hidden. What Jay feels inside is close to disgust and rejection. And shame. And that's the most problematic one.
At least he manages the stairs and finally breaths in some warm air. He closes his eyes and leans against the wall, letting the heat surround his numb skin only to realize too soon, that it is either too hot there or he's worse than he thought, because these aggressive omnipresent needles he feels right now might be even worse than the thirty real ones. He bends down in attempt to ease it, but ends up dropping on the ground as the effort steals all his strength and he's no longer able to control his muscles.
Voight hurries up with a worried face. "Hey, kid, you ok?" He turns him to see what's wrong.
"Aahh, it's just the heat." Jay explains with eyes shut. So much for some restored dignity. It's obvious that he doesn't stand a chance in getting to bed without some help. Plus, he should make a stop in the bathroom. Fuck. "I'm gonna be fine." He assures instead of asking for help, avoiding eye contact. It is exactly how he'd expected. Inevitable weirdness. From now on, it's going to be this way forever.
"I don't doubt that." Voight says, not exactly in a right moment, but then he finally extends his hand to help him up. "Come on." He takes him to the bathroom and leaves him there, reminding to be careful about hot water and to call him if he needed anything. He gives him privacy but doesn't go too far, in case Jay would pass out or just fall. He noticed Jay's distant behavior in his body language, but that's been expected and he is sure it's only a matter of time, before they can go the way they were. Maybe the kid doesn't see it, but it's because he's clouded by rage and shame.
When Jay walks out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, Voight is nowhere to be found. Although his absence is welcomed, he stands in this room with a bed motionlessly for several moments to gather his thoughts. Maybe Voight really wants him to behave like at home, but after endless hours of suffering it's not so easily believable. Suddenly, it crosses his mind that he completely forgot about time. He looks in the direction of the window, seeing only dark night and having no way to figure out what day or hour it is, he makes a mental note to ask Voight about that, once he appears again. The next day could also be a working one.
He sways a little as his eyes travel too quickly in the direction of the bed and after regaining his balance, he carefully comes closer, seeing himself under the sheets already. He cannot hide the surprise when he notices the sweatpants and white long-sleeved T-shirt lying on the blanket, right next to a disinfectant and some gauze.
He quickly replaces the towel with the sweatpants and then sits on the bed, hissings as the half-crashed skin on his stomach speaks up on the movement. He looks down at the gash caused by the needle that had been ripped out forcefully and with a frown uses the stinging liquid to clean it. Then he places the gauze over it, sticking it down. Finally, he puts on the t-shirt and with a deep long sight, tucks himself in.
In the exact same moment, he starts feeling miserably. He expected some relief, but instead, all the blows to the head and the effects of icy water and the cold increase about five levels up and the same he can say about the fever and the deafening pounding in his head. It's clear that he's going to live through a couple of very bad days.
"Jay." Voight's voice comes from the door not long after Jay finally closes his eyes. Jay doesn't turn to look at him and nor he makes any response except re-opening his eyes, but that's hidden from Voight. "It's close to Sunday midnight. You'll stay here until you're free of the fever. Alvin is coming tomorrow morning to be here with you while I'm at the precinct." Voight stops, waiting for some sort of acknowledgement, but it never comes. "I'm gonna check up on you in a few hours." Voight adds, thinking that if there's no reply again, he is going to force it out of him.
"Thanks."
All desks in the bullpen are empty when Voight enters his workplace the morning after. He catches a glimpse of Hailey in the breakroom, talking with somebody hidden behind the walls, but before he manages to go there and see, she walks out with Will Halstead behind her. Shit.
"Morning, Sarge. Have you seen Jay?" she asks directly, small portion of concern visible on her features.
"Sorry, Hank, for barging in here," Will doesn't even give Voight chance to speak, but feeling that Hailey didn't put enough of worry into her question, he feels he must. "But we were supposed to go to Molly's on Saturday, he never came, which wouldn't be so rare, but at least he always sends some lame excuse. I tried to call him thousand times - nothing, I checked his apartment – nothing. I even checked with our father – guess what. And this is the last place I could think of. If you don't know anything about him, I'm just going to fill up missing person report."
By the time when Will is finished, Antonio and Adam also appear in the bullpen, both confounded a bit.
Voight is cursing inside, knowing this is not going to be easy to fix. Pictures of Jay during his worse time at night with a fever hovering closely to the dangerous borderline and his discomforted moans, flashes through his mind and he quickly chases them away and focuses on his confident face, trying to find a believable story that would explain his condition.
Will blinks at Antonio in that short moment when Voight takes to gather his thoughts. "Sorry man, I spent whole weekend with my kids," Antonio throws his arms around and looks at Voight, who finally draws in a breath to speak.
"Let's go to my office," he says to Will, going already in that direction, leaving the intelligence members in bewilderment.
Will immediately travels a few years back when Jay was taken by Keyes and the worst imagination comes in front, but he follows Voight, unpleasant feeling settling in his stomach.
"Your brother is fine," Voight states once Will closes the door behind him.
It sounds too good to be truth to Will and he already knows there's more to it. Some of that worry falls off, but not all of it. "And you couldn't tell me that in front of your team? What's happened? Where is he?" Will throws questions at Voight, being afraid that the core problem will be hidden from him.
"He is at my house," Voight says, knowing there's no point in denying that. This time there's no other question from Will and Voight must go out with something. "We got caught up in a case."
"What case?"
"Will, Jay is going to be okay, that's the important thing here," Voight offers instead of answer to his question.
"Is going to be okay…?" Will repeats. "Was it a dangerous drug dealer kind of case? Tell me," Will demands, too much angrily for his own liking, but it's about his brother, so he doesn't care how inappropriately he deals with Voight.
"No," Voight says simply. There's suspenseful silence for a moment and then Voight submits to Will and starts telling lies, having strong feeling there's no other way how to get rid of him. "I can't tell you any details about the case. But… he's banged up a little and ended up in a river while chasing the bastard." Voight says, killing the guilt inside him. "I told him to stay at my house, 'cause he's got a fever. Alvin's with him right now."
First, Will is flushed with a relief, but gets back on the edge when Voight mentions that someone needs to be with him. "Okay. Can I stop by at your house to check up on him?" Will asks somehow calmly and adds, "and kick his ass for ignoring my calls and ignoring me whatsoever."
"Sure," Voight shrugs, knowing that there's not a getaway. He writes down his address and hands it over to Will.
"Thanks," Will takes it and turns to leave. Then stops and slowly turns back to Voight. "You know, ever since he…," he starts, and then stops to rephrase, "ever since his bullet killed the little girl, he is not completely in his usual composed self." Will spills out his worry, but starts to regret it immediately as it feels like he's betraying his brother while all he wanted to do in the first place, was to apologize for being so tempered. "I mean, it's a lot to deal with and I am just worried about him."
Voight nods, being aware of that fact already. He knows that the effort to pay off the mistake is currently Jay's engine.
Will nods back and strides out of the bullpen. He's after long night shift, but the visit of Voight's house is more important to him than his bed. He needs to see on his own eyes that Jay is okay. At the same time, he would love to punch him in his face, but that will have to wait, as it seems.
When Will leaves, Voight gives the same story to the other detectives, adding that the case came from Jay's CI, so he had to act quickly, called only Voight and Al and they all were finished the next day, having no luck in catching that guy. All Jay's co-workers buy it, even when Voight intentionally leaves out the name of the bad guy. The only one who seems to notice some hole in the story, is Hailey, but Voight knows quite well that she won't ask him for the details, she will go to Jay, if at all.
Once everyone has their questions about Jay's health answered, Voight closes himself in the office again and makes a quick phone call. "Al, you need to wake him up. His brother is stopping by."
So, goodbye Voight - the tormentor! waving sadly We have this saying in Czech, that when something is really hard, it's like delivering a baby, so hear me - this was exactly it! Lots of direct speeches and that's my biggest worry. (Because of not only the grammar, but mainly because of the slang. Even when I watched like all the Chicago stuff plus some more :D I'm not an expert and never will be!) I hope you like it anyway! :) and next time Jay and Will!
And welcome you other guys! waving happily
(it is a weird change btw, after 7 chapters full of the holy trinity xD