You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room. Flashing those eyes like highway signs. Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder, I just wanna feel your lips against my skin. White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth and the night life. You told me this is right where it begins. But your lips are heavy underneath me, and I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me. ~ Halsey, Is There Somewhere
EPOV
I never thought I would enjoy being tied to one woman. My entire adult life I had enjoyed the freedom of doing whatever I wanted, or whomever I wanted, and not feeling bad about it. Not once did I ever have to chase a woman. They came to me, perfectly willing to take whatever I gave them. These days, I had Bella. In theory, I had her. She was currently over a thousand miles away from me, but she was suddenly the only woman I wanted paying attention to me.
Given what I was doing tonight, that wasn't my reality. Emmett had always loved clubbing in college, and kept that part of himself alive by opening clubs across the city. That was how I ended up at a crowded club opening, quickly getting frustrated with the attention I once enjoyed.
"Hey, want to buy me a drink?" blonde number four said as she came over, leaning in what I assumed was supposed to be a seductive pose. She was the fourth one to work up the courage to come up to me. I saw them all stare at me from across the room, hold their breath as someone else came up, and sigh in relief as they got rejected. They were the kind of women I would have had in my penthouse already. Blonde, too skinny to be healthy, and more fake body parts than real ones.
"No," I replied, taking a sip of the subpar scotch. Emmett wasn't concerned with the clientele here. The target demographic were drunk college kids that wouldn't be able to tell they were drinking absolute shit.
"Run along, Serena. Edward's taken." A bony arm wrapped around mine, gripping my bicep with claws digging into my flesh. The girl, Serena I supposed, skittered off and left me stuck with Tanya Volturi at my side.
"I miss you, Edward," she said, running her fingers along my arm.
"I'm not interested, Tanya." I pushed her away as gently as my growing anger allowed.
"How about now?" she asked, pushing a small bag with an all too familiar white powder toward me. I stared at the bag, realizing the last time I had indulged in a good high was a few days before the police benefit. Before Bella.
"Remember that night a few months ago? You, me, and a few lines of – "
I didn't stay to listen to her, downing my drink quickly and heading for the door. I gave Emmett a nod across the room and was finally free from the pounding beat of the music.
I sat in my car for a few minutes and tried to decide what I was doing. What was this girl doing to me? A weekend in Los Angeles and she already had me wrapped around her finger. I had taken a spontaneous trip out to her a week later and I knew she was mine. For good.
Then I got home and let the weight of my life came crashing back down. Could I really keep her as mine? She would have to find out about me eventually, about who I truly was. The second she saw me for who I was she would run.
This was the exact reason why I avoided relationships. They were distracting and complicated. I had known the woman for a couple of months. You were supposed to spend months, years getting to know someone before you fell in love with them.
Love.
It floated through my mind the entire time I last saw her. When I got home I convinced myself I loved her body, not her. It was easy when the only communication we had were texts and the occasional phone call. Every time I heard her voice I knew I was lying to myself, but managed to convince myself otherwise once we hung up.
Without much more thinking, I called my pilot as I drove to the airstrip. Bella was playing a show in Denver tonight. It was still relatively early, only ten right now. Thanks to the magic of time zones I could probably make it to her hotel before she got back.
I had no luggage and no real plan. Kate had given me a list of Bella's shows and where she was staying in each city, and that was all I needed. I had it memorized, and knew she had a day of resting scheduled for tomorrow before she left Denver the next morning.
My flight was boring, but once I arrived in Denver I got stuck in what, ironically, seemed like traffic from Bella's show. By the time I was walking down the hall toward her room I figured she would already be inside, my plan to be there before her ruined by the traffic. I was proven right when the door opened and Kate walked out.
"You just keep popping up everywhere, don't you?" she asked, looking at me skeptically.
"Is she inside?" I didn't feel like explaining the uncontrollable pull I had toward the pretty brunette inside to her assistant.
"Look, she's my best friend. Don't hurt her, okay?"
Typically, I didn't take to people telling me what to do very well, never had. However, I knew I would never purposefully hurt Bella and I appreciated the fact that she had someone like Kate looking out for her. "I won't."
She held the door open and I slid by, hearing it snap shut behind me with a click. The main room was dark and empty. I saw a flash of movement out on the balcony and noticed Bella leaning over the railing, her hair blowing in the wind.
Fuck, she's beautiful. Completely different from the women that kept showing up at the club. She was natural and real and unique. Her hair was like silk when I ran my fingers through it, and she got the cutest little wrinkles in the corner of her eyes when she smiled. Her skin was soft and supple under my hands, and her fingers free from the claws that most women had glued to their nails.
I stood and watched her as she stared out at the city beneath her and realized I was quickly starting to treat her like I had those women, showing up for a quick fuck then getting back to work. That was never how I meant for it to be, I just wanted to see her and our schedules didn't allow for much else.
As much as I wanted to grab her and lose myself in her for the rest of the night, I wasn't going to do that. I was going to show her how much she meant to me, not just her body. I was fairly certain I was in love with her, but I had no experience with the emotion. This would be my test. If I could spend time with her and enjoy myself, knowing sex was off the table… did that mean I loved her?
Even as I thought it, it sounded ridiculous. I was a twenty-six-year-old man. I should be able to know if I loved someone or not without some kind of sex-deprivation-test.
Bella turned around and saw me standing in her room. Her face lit up in a smile that I wanted to see every day for the rest of my life. The thought didn't petrify me like I thought it would, it brought an odd sense of peace.
She came inside, immediately wrapping her arms around me. I held her close, savoring the comforting strawberry scent from her freshly-shampooed hair.
"What are you doing here?"
"I missed you," I admitted, feeling a little stupid saying it out loud. At least, until I saw her smile up at me.
"I missed you, too."
I brushed a thumb across her cheek, frowning at the dark circles under her eyes. "You're exhausted."
"Yeah," she sighed. "But I have a whole day of resting tomorrow."
"Let's get you to bed."
It didn't take a lot of convincing to get her to sleep. She practically passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow. My revelations about her left me mentally exhausted, and I followed soon after.
~H.K.~
I rarely slept more than four or five hours a night, so I was up long before Bella ever showed any signs of waking. As she slept, curled tightly next to me, I realized I had decisions to make.
It wasn't right to keep her in the dark about who I really was. She had been nothing but honest to me, especially in Los Angeles. She deserved the same from me, but every time I thought about telling her my gut told me not to. That telling her would lead to losing her.
Bella was the complete opposite of me, too kind and sweet to everyone she met. Her entire career was based on making millions of people happy. I knew it made her happy too, but I also watched her as she met people before and after the shows I had been to. Nothing made her quite as happy as knowing she put a smile on someone else's face.
How did I tell someone like that, someone that good and pure… how did I tell them I was a monster? How could I expect her to still want to be with me after that?
As if on cue, Bella lazily stretched her limbs out, both arms reaching into the air and eventually resting around my neck as she lifted herself on top of me. She had gone to sleep in an oversized t-shirt with dark blue panties sticking out beneath it, and I was only in a pair of boxers.
Without a word, Bella stretched out over me, her lips on mine slow and sensual. My hands had a mind of their own as they traveled along her thighs and up to her hips under her t-shirt. My resolution to show both of us I wanted her for more than her body went out of my mind as she squirmed on top of me.
I had to repress a groan as she ground her hips against me, suddenly realizing where this was headed. As gently as I could, I wrapped my arms around her and rolled her over. "You stay in bed, I'll go get you something to eat."
A sexy, frustrated frown covered her face. "But…"
I pressed a quick kiss to her lips and grabbed the jeans and t-shirt stashed in my bag. I always kept a change of clothes on the plane, just in case. I waited until I was out of the suite to take a deep breath, running a frustrated hand through my hair. What I was doing was either unbelievably stupid or undeniably kind. Every woman wanted to know their partner was with them for more than their body, right?
I used the walk to the nearby Starbucks to calm myself down. The barista blatantly flirted with me as I ordered Bella's favorite drink that I knew was more sugar than caffeine. When I got back, using the key that was left on the kitchen counter, I heard the shower running and left her drink and muffin on the counter.
There was no way I trusted myself enough to join her in the shower and not have it lead to something, so I stepped out onto the balcony. By the time I returned to the hotel, a small group of men with camera's had set up camp outside, accompanied by a larger group of kids All waiting for the woman in the shower to potentially show her face.
It was odd, thinking about Bella as the Bella they knew, and the girl I had come to know. Simply standing on the sidelines of her shows gave me a good insight into her fans. The conversations they had, the way they spoke about her, it was mind blowing. These people practically worshiped her.
I was struck again by the fact that mixing our lives together could be a colossal mistake for both of us. Turning back to the room, I walked back in just as Bella walked out and I forgot every doubt in my mind. She was in a pair of simple dark grey sweats and a low-cut t-shirt. Both things that would look okay on the average person, but on her they were sexy as hell.
"How do you feel?" I asked, meeting her on the couch.
"Just a little tired. Thanks for this," she said, holding up the coffee and muffin. It was a simple drink and breakfast, but the way she said it was like it was the greatest gift in the world. I had a feeling people didn't do stuff like that for her often. Maybe not without being an employee or without thinking she owed them something else in return.
"What would you do today if I wasn't here?"
She shrugged and tentatively leaned her head on my shoulder. "Sleep on the couch and watch whatever cheesy comedy is on television."
I wasn't big on relaxing, hadn't really had the opportunity to do it in years without the help of a drug or two. The idea of sitting next to her for hours on end, no matter what we were doing, sounded entirely too appealing.
With a few fingers under her chin, I eased her head off of my shoulder and kissed her. Just because I wanted to. Kissing had never been my favorite activity, but it was addicting with her. Everything was different with her and it was confusing as hell.
I situated myself with my legs on the coffee table and sighed when Bella laid down, head in my lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. I pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch and wrapped it around her.
"You can pick something, I'll probably doze off anyway," she said, handing a remote to me.
"You don't want me to pick something. I don't remember the last time I sat down to watch cable."
She chuckled, and started scrolling through the guide. One title caught my eye, and I instantly grabbed the remote from her.
"What are you – oh, no."
She tried to get the remote back from me, but my arms were longer than hers. "You did tell me to choose."
"Then you relinquished the right to me."
Bella's face, a few years younger, appeared on the screen. It was her first movie and it was just at the beginning.
"Fine," she mumbled, cozying herself up again under the blanket and against my thigh.
Even though I chose the movie, I didn't pay close attention to it. I had a copy at home, thanks to Bella. No, today I watched her. She slept most of the afternoon, and it made me hate her job. She was working herself too thin if it took her days to recharge.
When I was confident that she was asleep I would run my fingers through her hair, sometimes venture down her collarbone or along her shoulder. Watching her sleep, I knew the best thing for me to do would be to let her go. I'd have to watch her find someone else, probably hear about her wedding in the news, but she would be safe. Away from the scum I dealt with everyday, scum that would try to use her against me the second they found out about her.
Already I felt I had a claim on her, though. Like she was supposed to be mine; like my entire life had been leading up to the moment I sat next to her.
It was a fucking idiotic thing to think, but I wanted it to be true. I wanted Bella Swan to have been made just for me. I wanted to be able to walk down the street holding her hand and I wanted to see her for more than a day or two at a time.
That feeling in my chest, the one that was steadily becoming more and more certain that I loved the girl in my lap, was going to destroy us both one day.
~H.K.~
I made a couple of quiet calls while Bella was sleeping. She woke up every hour or so, stretched out and talked to me about what I was watching before cozying up and getting back to sleep again.
My mind was just as confused as it had been the night before, but there was an underlying sense of resignation.
Yes, being with Bella Swan would likely cause a shit storm back home. It would cause hell for her, once she knew who I was and what I did. I was putting her in more danger that I ever wanted simply by being associated with her.
But, I fucking loved her.
It was stupid and reckless and selfish, but it was true. There was no other explanation for the conflicting thoughts and that feeling deep in my chest. It was there whenever she smiled at me or giggled, whenever she was around me at all really.
For once in my life, I was going to go into something blind. No plan, no backup plan, no idea for how any of this was going to turn out. All I knew what that I wanted Bella, and that was it. I was never one for blind optimism, but it was all I had at this point.
Our dinner was waiting outside the door at seven, as requested during one of my phone calls. It was from the highest rated steakhouse in the area. I had the small dining table set up, plates and drinks ready, and Bella woke up just on time.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought about how she had slept the whole day and would have excess energy tonight, energy I wanted to be the one to work off with her, but I tried to push it out of my mind.
"I feel like I should change into something much less comfortable," she mumbled, sitting down and eying the table. It wasn't all that formal; just our food and a couple of candles I found in the room.
"You're perfect," I said, biting my tongue at my newfound feelings. Now wasn't the time for that admission, not yet.
She blushed and shook her head. Our dinner was peaceful and fun. Bella didn't hesitate to talk back or poke fun at me, something most people shied away from. I had a temper, it was no secret, but I knew it would never be fully directed at the woman across from me.
When we were done I put the dishes in the sink. Bella sat on the counter beside me, enjoying what was left of the chocolate cake.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," I replied, though my guard was immediately up. I didn't want to have to lie to her.
"This morning… Why didn't you want to have sex with me?" The words are out of her mouth in a flourish, the rest blubbering out too quickly for me to interrupt. "I mean, I know I don't have as much experience as you. I've only been with two other –"
I couldn't let her ridiculous speech go on, so I interrupted her with a kiss. Maybe I should have told her about my plan instead of simply refraining from sex all together. Based on all of our previous times together, I supposed it would be a bit odd for me to not be interested in it at all. And, honestly, after all of my revelations today it never occurred to me that she would read into this morning as something odd.
"Believe me when I say that you, Isabella, are the best I've ever had," I told her honestly, watching the adorable way her head cocked to the side until she understood what I was telling her. I'd been with a lot of women, she was right, but there was nothing behind it. No real passion or, fuck, love.
She got the sweetest, cocky smirk on her face. "The best?"
"Absolutely." Because I love you.
"Then why didn't you want to…"
"I was trying to show you that I want you for more than your body," I admitted, turning the water off and stepping over to her. She put her plate down and scooted to the edge of the counter, legs wrapping tightly around my waist.
"Oh…" she sat there for a minute, still looking awfully proud of herself. "I never thought you just wanted me for that."
It was my turn to look confused. In my mind, I had only shown up for sex and then left. Twice.
"Yeah, we have sex every time you visit, but isn't that kind of the best part of long distance relationships? The reunion is great, but then you hold me and we talk. We're both busy… it's as normal of a relationship as we can have for now."
"Huh," I mumbled to myself, thinking over what she was saying. She was right, we would talk and laugh as I held her through the night. All things I had never done with women before, but they just seemed natural with Bella.
Maybe I was better at this relationship thing than I thought.
"So… I'm really the best you've ever had?"
"Best I'll ever have," I admitted, searching her eyes for fear or discomfort. Neither were there.
Bella's arms wrapped around my neck and her legs tightened around my waist. "Take me to bed, Edward."
I did as I was told and realized everything was different now. I didn't just enjoy the way her skin tasted. The little indention behind her ear didn't call to me simply because I knew hitting it just right made her moan. Every soft curve, each inch of skin she let me touch didn't drive me crazy just because she was a warm body.
Her skin tasted like heaven because I loved her.
I hit the spot behind her ear because I loved her.
I craved her skin against mine because I loved her.
Watching her every reaction, I nearly let the words spill out of my mouth. Every little touch felt like heaven and hell combined. It wasn't until Bella was passed out beside me that I decided to test the words out. My heart was still hammering away in my chest, but not from the exertion.
I pressed my lips to her forehead and whispered, "I love you."
A/N: Had this half complete for about… six months so I decided to spend the day finishing it up. It's a massive thank you to everyone who nominated and/or has voted for me and Hopeless Kingdom to make it to round 2 of the TwiFicFandom Awards!
Round 2 voting is open until midnight on 3/3, and you can vote once every 24hrs. We're up for:
Newbie Author (fragilelittleflame)
Undiscovered Gem Fic (Hopeless Kingdom)
I never imagined this story getting anything more than a few hits. I remember posting and thinking Okay, if I get a few views, maybe a couple reviews, I'll continue and really put my all into it. Flashforward a year and I've turned this little guy into 4 stories. Thanks for your encouragement, your thoughts… everything.
I cringe a bit reading bits and pieces of this story now, because I like to think my writing has improved since this. One thing I wish I had done differently, especially with HK, is just add more… feeling to it if that makes sense. That's what I wanted here.
Hope you enjoyed, and I hope to see you for the last two chapters of Dark Paradise soon!