You said you don't have to speak
I can hear you
I can feel all the things you've ever felt before

12/24

It was over. All of it. Over. Done. The end. I don't know whether or not I felt relieved or happy. It meant that we didn't have to keep going in and changing Palaces. It meant that we could go back to normal. But was there a normal anymore? Could things even go back to the way they were before we became the Phantom Thieves? I think there was this quiet bond between all of us that knew things were different now. We were not the same people as we were before. There was a lot of good. I just felt a hole now. What did that mean? And Morgana... Morgana was gone.

I couldn't just go home. There was so much on my mind. The snow was falling softly. It was all over. Biting my lip, I pulled out my phone, sending the one person that could make things a bit easier a message. I just could not find the will to head home on my own. Not only that, Sis would probably be busy with work and I'd end up alone. That was just something I did not want to deal with at the moment. Heart pounding in my chest, I was beyond pleased when Ren agreed. I felt a bit selfish, needy even. He probably didn't care though. So, I wondered my way towards him, to where he said he was.

Though, something seemed off when I approached. Ren was just looking down towards his feet. It was bad enough that he no longer had the company of Morgana. Something else happened. My worry increased by the time I reached him. My hand slowly reached out, pulling his from his pocket. Ren looked at me, startled at first. That was short lived as our fingers entwined and a smile lightened his face.
"Something troubling you?" he asked me.
"I should be the one asking you that."
He just shook his head. "It's nothing. Let's head to Leblanc."

The walk, the train ride, the walk to the cafe, it was all in silence. He refused to let go of my hand though. In a way, there was a huge comfort in it. I wasn't too sure what was going to happen in the future with the Metaverse gone. I also was just terrified as to what he was thinking. Ren always thought about everyone else, first and foremost. If something ever bothered him, he just kept it in. Was what was going on in his head far too much to keep hidden this time?

I practically collapsed on the couch when we got to his room. I didn't realise how exhausted I actually was. Ren wasn't too far behind. I immediately dropped my head against his shoulder, our hands linking together once again. I remember us talking about something. I can't remember what exactly. In the long run, I don't think it was too important. He was hiding something from me. He was hiding something and I knew it. Even when I was leaving to go home, I just felt something was wrong.

I don't know what is worse: listening to a lie or refusing to push for the truth.

12/25

Broken. That's how I felt that morning. I had come home after Sis. She looked at me with a bit of guilt. I think she knew in some way or another. I don't know to what extent of our relationship Sis knew about, but she knew I was with him. I think that was what made her the most guilty in the morning. Especially at breakfast while I pondered my previous evening with Ren. Neither one of us looked as if we slept too well. I never pressed though. Something I was just so good at. It was Sis that began it all.

"Makoto, were...did you sleep well last night?" she asked, clearly holding something.
I shrugged. "I slept. I don't know how well. I just can't believe it's all over."
I notice Sis' face change. The questionable look could not be stopped as it formed across my face.
"I have something I need to do this morning. I was hoping you would come with me."
"Sure. Where are we going?"
"Leblanc."

"There...there has to be another way!"

Sis sighed. "Makoto, I-"
"No, no, I won't accept this as the only answer. I refuse. Not after everything we've been through. Ren turning himself will not solve a thing."
"Makoto."
"No!"

I felt his arms wrap around me. Gentle as always, his eyes filled with regret. I don't know why he felt sorry. None of this was just his fault. Though, there was another silent conversation between us with just glances. I couldn't help but search through his eyes for the rebel I knew.
'You don't have to do this.'
'Yes, I do.'
'Why?!'
'No one else can.'
I closed my eyes, burying my face against his chest. I felt him breath in deep, exhaling slowly. I don't remember what part it was that finally broke me. It could have been the gentle kiss to my forehead or what he finally said to me after. I knew that this was the only way to get justice for all that Shido had done. I knew that. Maybe I was just selfish. Maybe...

"I can't have you waste your future with a little black mark like mine. It has to be me, Makoto. This is the final move I have to make to get my justice."
"I know," I whispered. "I jus-"
"I love you."
"I...I love you, too."

I stared long and hard at the coffee cup in my hand. There were no more tears. I felt almost numb, like I did before I became a part of the Phantom Thieves. No one had said anything once Sis and Ren left. Boss just made coffee for myself and Futaba. I don't even recall Futaba drinking it. I only remember her crying. I remember everyone else coming into the cafe. I remember their faces, their reactions. I don't remember the words at first. I felt their heartbreak as strongly as my own. Ren meant something to all of us. He was our leader, our strength. It was him who saved us. That's when we decided to save him.