Hey Guys, this is my second story. I decided to write this in Lou of another story written by one of my other author friends. We both had the idea of a comedic story for DxD but our concepts were different. Either way, this one would be much easier to write aside from my serious story Red Dragon Of Golden Light so I might as well. If you haven't read that one and you like serious stories, read that one. If you like comedy more, you're at the right place. Also, while you're at it, check out Red Dragons power: BOOSTED. That's our boy J's story that I was talking about. Anyway, here goes.

-SCENE-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"...Uuuuuuuuunnnnnn….."

A loud groan was heard in a certain adolescents bedroom.

"Ise! Honey, Wake up! It's time for school!"

"Mmmm…...Yes mama….."

The mother of said adolescent called him out from behind his bedroom door. He slowly got up with heavily disheveled hair and yawned loudly.

"...Aaaaaaahh….mmm….."

He stood and looked at himself in his full body mirror standing against the wall while he scratched his ass lazily. He looked on at himself with half opened eyes.

He was a tall young boy with a strong, toned, muscle ridden body, brown messy hair, bright golden or yellowish colored eyes, a few sharp teeth, and a long vertical scar on the right side of his chest that lead up to his shoulder and touched the very bottom of the right side of his chin.

He scratched lightly at the scar on his chest.

"...Mmmm….That hurt ya know?..."

He said that, randomly speaking to absolutely nobody in particular.

[Yes, Partner. Good morning to you as well.]

Aside from his spiritual companion known as Ddraig. The Red Dragon Emperor sealed into the Sacred Gear known as the Boosted Gear. This boy, was indeed the current generation's Sekiryuutei.

Whether or not you considered that a bad thing, would be up to you. However, if you were to say that it was a good thing–

–you would be wrong.

"..Aaaaaaaahh…."

The boy yawned once more as he headed out of his room and into his bathroom. Soon enough, noises were heard. Things like flushing of the bathroom and washing of hands and face. Until–

"Bzzzz"

The buzzing of an electric toothbrush.

"Gurgle"

Gurgling of water

"Ptu!"

Spitting.

"...Cha...Cha….Mmmm..."

Chewing of toothpaste.

"Ack!–Cah!"

Choking.

"Bleh!–Gleeeeeh!"

And Vomiting.

…..

Flush

The boy stepped out from his bathroom feeling an even more empty stomach than before. This was the 3rd time he attempted to digest the cherry flavored toothpaste.

"Ah, Ise. There you are. Breakfast is ready."

"Mmm...Thanks mama. Mornin' pops."

"Morning boy."

The boy known as Hyoudou Issei sat down at the table with his father who was sat across from him reading a newspaper. His mother was setting the table with food and when she had finally finished, sat down with the both of them and began eating. Normally, Issei would be questioning his father for still reading a newspaper rather than watching TV or using an electronic device in their current age, but instead he was heavily stuffing his face with food.

"You seem hungry."

"Mmm."

"...Did you try to eat the toothpaste again?"

"Mmm…"

Issei continued eating while his mother and father sighed heavily.

"We really should stop buying him the nice tasting flavors."

"No, we can't. If we do that he just won't brush his teeth."

"Sigh" "Sigh"

Both parents sighed. Unfortunately, above all things concerning their son, the most important of all— was that he was an idiot.

—.

An idiot. A true imbecile. That was the boy known as Hyoudou Issei. Since birth he was a stupid boy. For many years it was hard to tell whether he was actually dumb or not. He was just a boy after all. However, it became quite apparent once he was able to speak.

Issei had once approached a mother at a park he was playing at. His approach was a bit inappropriate.

"Ah!"

He had grabbed her plump bottom.

"Wha-?!"

Of course she noticed the small adorable boy behind, staring up at her. He donned a bright goofy smile when their eyes met.

"Onee-san is really pretty!"

The woman couldn't help but smile at the boy's innocence. Until—

"But she smells bad!"

…...He had said that out loud with no reservation. With the same stupid smile on his face….

His parents could only deeply apologize after the fact while Issei only looked on in confusion.

At first they just assumed he was socially inept. So it was pretty great when he finally obtained a childhood best friend. Of course, this is when his stupidity finally came to light, during bath time at his house with said friend. He came running out of the bathroom naked and afraid.

"Mama! Pops! Rin's peepee is gone!"

The parents looked at each other in confusion until his mother addressed him

"Ise Honey, Rin is a girl. She doesn't have one."

"What?! But mama is a girl!"

"Of course I am."

"So then how can Rin be a girl if mama is a girl?!"

"...Ise…..Mommy isn't the only girl in the world you know?.."

"There are more?!"

….

You would assume that maybe since he was a child he still wouldn't understand the concept of Gender or Sex. But he was 6 years old at the time…..and on top of that he already knew that Rin wasn't a boy but something else…..He just didn't know what that something else was.

Rrr!

Issei quickly stood from his chair and began to head out.

"Bye Mama! Bye Pops! I'm heading to school!"

"Have a nice day!"

"Don't cause trouble for anyone boy!"

Dakun!

Issei ran out the door and slammed it shut behind him leaving his parents alone.

…..

"He forgot his bag…."

"Just give him a moment Kaa-san."

"...He's not coming back dear….."

"Sigh"

Rrr!

"Be careful out there Honey! You know he runs to school!"

Dakun!

-Kuoh Academy-

After Issei's father finally caught up with his unreasonably fast son and handed him his bag, said son bolted to his school like usual.

When he arrived many students were flooding in the gates, a majority of them being women. Now, Issei knows what a woman is. He knows that they are the ones who have babies and breasts. Also nice legs and butts. He also knew that he liked them and not boys. He didn't know for sure when he was young. When he was young he once said that he wanted to test it out, to which his father turned into stone after hearing. His mother later had a long talk with him. Luckily, he now knows women are attractive to him.

"Oi, Ise."

"Yo, Ise, Morning!"

Unfortunately, because of this he is now associated with the school's most infamous perverts.

"Mornin' Matsuda! Motohama!"

You see, it went a bit like this: One day in an ordinary middle school.

"Yo, new kid!"

"Hey you, you're the new kid right?!"

Issei was approached at his desk by two unknown boys who were apparently in his class.

"Yeah, I had to come to this school instead because the other school I was gonna go to was too far from my house!"

He answered with enthusiasm. In truth, he was a very sociable and friendly boy, but it was mostly because he was too dumb to know what was mean or nice.

"Well, enough about that. Say, what type of women do you like?"

The boy known as Matsuda asked Issei with no regard for the stares of other students around them. Issei answered with the same regard.

"I like all women!"

"Ohoho! A man of simple taste who does not discriminate! A rare existence indeed boy! But I can respect that!"

The other boy known as Motohama, complimented Issei while pushing up his glasses. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Motohama pulled a porn magazine out of his uniform coat.

"—But! Now is the time, where we pinpoint our tastes and chase after our dreams!"

The students around them sneered at their actions or were simply disgusted. Issei tilted his head in confusion.

"What is that?"

"Treasure, my boy!"

"Hmm? No it's not. That's a 'dirty old man book'."

"Ah- Ah- Ah young one! That's a misconception! Everyone knows that the number 1 customer for such treasures like these are young adolescent boys like us! And to say that anything is wrong about that is only denying the truth! We are the healthy ones! Anyone else is just lying to themselves!"

"Mmm….I don't really get it but isn't it just a book with a lot of pictures of women in it?"

"Yes, exactly! But now just any women! And not just any pictures either! This is the material which surpasses all!"

"Mmm…..I don't really get it…..why get a book of women if there are women everywhere?"

"Ohoho! Now, now. Calm down young one! I understand that you are eager young one but we can't just go chasing women just yet! First, we must educate ourselves in the ways of the masturb*ters!"

"Don't you mean masters?"

"Yes!"

"Hmmmm…..I still don't get it. You don't chase women. You're only supposed to chase people if you're playing tag. And I'm older than you guys I think. So why do you want to look at pictures of women?"

"Hohoho...that's why you're still the 'Young one', boy. You don't understand yet, but worry not! We shall show you the way! We will teach you everything you need to know!"

"No thanks. We already have Sensei's so I don't need you to."

"...No, that's not really what I meant."

"But you said you'll teach me."

"Yes but…...Ah, whatever! In any case, become our friend— Nay, our comrade!"

"Ah, Okay! I've never had a comrade!"

"What's your name kid?"

"Hyoudou Issei! But mama and Pops call me Ise!"

"I see! Welcome to the club Ise!"

"Gasp! You guys are in a club?!"

"Ah, No...That's not what we meant. We aren't."

"Oh. Okay. Then why'd you say that?"

And with that, the perverted trio was formed!...Or actually, it wasn't the perverted trio…..You see, once they became friends, their first objective was to educate Issei in the ways of perverts. Which was practically a fruitless effort because of how stupid he was. Nevertheless, Matsuda and Motohama are very stubborn. They vowed to convert Issei properly. To make him understand the wonders of the world involving women. No matter how hard it was. They would very much regret that vow.

That aside, their next objective was to enter a special school and obtain their harems! They would do this by applying to a newly Coed school that was just switching from all girls to Coed that year. As Motohama calculated, the ratio of girls to boys had to be at least 5:1. And that was a humble estimate. So with excitement, they took the entrance exam for that prestigious school. It proved, with no surprise, to be extremely difficult for the two perverts.

For Issei however, it was not that difficult. For some odd reason Issei was always good with school, aside from math since he sucks with numbers. He never really understood difficult subjects, but when it came to school, he always retained average or above grades. It is a phenomenon that no scientist can explain. Some would even consider it one of the world's 10 wonders. 10? Yes, because again, Issei is not good with numbers.

Anyway, they all ended up passing and attending Kuoh Academy. Unfortunately, it seemed that Matsuda and Motohama ended up attending with a little too much enthusiasm, and as a result, their perverted antics did not go unnoticed. They quickly earned the name 'Perverted Trio'.

This name did not last long because it was soon taken into account that Issei was not very involved when it came to the antics. Or at least not the way his friends hoped.

Every time they found a peeking spot or talked about a certain girl in some way, Issei would go and confess to them on their behalf or just tell them where the spot was, oblivious to the consequences. Because of that, Issei was simply considered the innocent fool who The Perverted Duo kept around for unknown reasons. A lot of people even found it endearing because of how nice he was. He would help out with literally anything you asked him to. A majority of the time, it's the sports teams asking him for help since, for some reason, he is unbelievably fit and adept at sports. His body is ridiculously built and he wins at any game he plays.

Many sports clubs and teams fight to have him join their teams but he always declines. He says "It's boring winning that easily." so he never joins any teams, much to their dismay. Even so, almost every team asks him to help with practice, which he always does. They also always lose but because of how good he is, it works for practice either way. And it goes without saying that the best grade he has in school is Physical Education with the highest grade possible due to constantly doing even more than asked (usually by mistake).

In the end, Issei usually isn't included with the Perverted Duo's reputation. He's just kind of considered their unhelpful sidekick.

"Neh, Issei, did you know? Motohama and I found a new special spot that we could use."

Matsuda said that with his arm around Issei's shoulder and leaning in to whisper.

"Eeeeeeh? Where is it?"

"Now, Ise, listen closely. You can't rat us out this time ya hear? No telling. This is a secret. A secret between men. You got it?"

"Gasp! Is it like….a super secret secret?"

"Yes. A super duper secret."

"Hooooooo…."

Issei hummed in amazement. He had never been told of a super duper secret before.

.

"Ah! Shit! Matsuda! K & M are approaching at 6 o'clock!"

"-Ah! Crap! We'll see you in class Ise!"

Matsuda and Motohama sped off towards the main building in fear. Issei looked around.

"6 o'clock is behind you Ise-kun."

Issei turned around and faced two girls. One with pink short hair and one with brown pigtails hair.

"Ah, Katase? Well, obviously it is, it's not 6 it's 7."

"Sigh….Good morning to you too Ise-kun."

The girl known as Katase sighed while rubbing her temples. Meanwhile Murayama just greeted with a giggle.

"Hehehehe. Good morning Ise-kun."

"Ah, Mornin' Murayama."

"So, Ise-kun, what were you talking about with Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum?"

"We were talking about something secret, so I can't tell you guys."

Issei said that with his chest puffed with pride. He had never been entrusted with a super duper secret. Murayama then used her skills and questioned him to spill the beans.

"Eeeeeh? Really? What type of secret?"

"A super duper secret! A secret between men."

"No way!"

"Yup! So that's why I can't tell you guys because you're women."

"Aw Really? But wait Ise-kun. If it's a secret between men then how can it be a super duper secret? It can't be both."

"Eh?"

"Yeah, Ise-kun, it has to be one or the other right?"

"...Uh…..Then….."

"Then it has to be a first one right?"

"...Y…..Yeah!...Yeah! It's the first one! It's a super duper secret!"

"Ah, I see, I see. In that case, it's not a secret between men huh. So you can tell us then."

"Oh….I guess you're right! Yeah! Well Matsuda and Motohama told me that they found a new special spot and that it was secret so I shouldn't tell anyone. But it's a secret! A super duper secret! So don't tell anyone Okay!"

"Got it! You too Ise-kun! You can't tell anyone Okay! Its a super duper secret so don't tell anyone Okay?"

"Yeah!"

"Kay. See you in class!"

"Yeah!"

Issei ran off with that towards their classroom with abnormal speed while waving back at them. Murayama smiled kindly and waved. Katase had an awkward smile on her face while she waved slowly.

"See Katase? I told you. He's a nice boy. If he wasn't then everybody wouldn't be asking him for help you know? He's not the brightest bulb but he is the cleanest."

"Mmmm….You say that, but I still can't help but feel that he may just be putting up an act to cover for himself."

"No, if that was the case then why would he help so many people? He can act dumb but there's no point in being nice."

"Well….if you're devoted enough…"

"Katase, no one helps sports teams get to regionals till he passes out twice a day at school. Especially for an act."

"...Hmm….maybe you're right."

DING DONG DING DONG — DONG DONG DING DING

"Ah, we should get to class."

"Yeah."

The girls made their way to their class. Little did they know, that their interaction with Issei was being watched. Because Issei has become a point of interest for two special individuals. They were viewing from up on the 3rd floor of the main building as Issei proceeded up the stairs to the 2nd floor where his class resides.

"What do you think Sona?"

A red headed beauty asked her black haired friend. They were both watching Issei until he was no longer visible from their position, against a railing.

"Yes….I hardly noticed it a year before despite knowing of him, but now it feels a bit more distinct. Such an aura is unmistakable. He most definitely possesses a Sacred Gear. Either a very powerful one or he has become skilled enough at using it to surpass normal humans."

"Have you met him before?"

"Only once before. He lended a hand to the student council last year for the School festival. Though, I had no solid interaction with him."

"Hmm...I may have to introduce myself."

The Redhead said that with an intrigued look.

.

"Hold on Rias, you can't just go recruiting without a thought. Remember what we talked about."

"-I know Sona, don't worry. Just need to have a chat with him. For safety purposes. He is in my territory after all."

"Very well. Let me know what happens. Try not to seem aggressive."

"Yes. I know."

The two conspicuous Devils, known as Rias Gremory and Sona Sitri, headed off to their class with that.

Well, either way, they would never expect what was going to happen.

END

Hey Guys it's ya boi- Skinny pen*s. Anyway, this is a second story I'm working on. Pretty simple concept. Issei is stupid. Obviously, this is a comedy, unlike my other story. I'm only doing this because it's an easier story to write and there are a lot of funny moments I have in mind for this type of story. If you're worried about this getting in the way of my other story, no need. The other story is still my top priority. But this one's for sh*ts and gigs. And in case you were wondering, yes, Issei has Balance Breaker.

Short chapter I know, but don't worry, it's only short because I wanted to publish it quickly.

Read, Rate, Review, go crazy.

Stay frosty.