Title: The Weekend

Author: Stormhawk

Rating: It's for everyone but to cover myself I'll call it PG.

Disclaimer: This all belongs to the Master (Tolkien) and the Lord of the Ring-movies (Peter Jackson)

Notes: None this time.

Word Count: 5104

Summary: The fellowship in the real world (again) but give it a chance. Babies spit up on Legolas. Boromir introduces a young boy to alcohol and Smeagol is haunting the basement.

Please Read and Review.

'We are leaving you in charge and we trust you. We will be back on Monday morning, call us if there is anything you need.' This is the last thing that seventeen year old Rachel needed to hear. This was considering she was also in charge of her nine year old brother and one year old twins. Another Saturday gone Rachel thought.

As soon as their parent's car had turned out of the street her brother turned to her and smiled evilly 'I am going to make this weekend a living hell.'

'You do and I will curse you in black speech. Bart.'

'You wouldn't dare.' Rachel smiled and started saying the black speech version of the ring poem and her brother, James (though he acted like Bart Simpson) ran to his room screaming. Rachel had approximately twenty seconds to laugh before the twins started to cry in the other room. 'Great' she muttered and went to face the smelly pair.

Halfway through changing the twins she heard something in the basement. Something very much like a large crashing noise. 'James get out of the basement, you know you're not allowed in there.'

James appeared at the doorway, Gameboy in hand. 'I'm not in the basement.'

'Then who is?' James shrugged and went back to his game. Rachel did up the diaper and tried to soothe the child.

Knowing that something or someone had caused the crashing noises she picked up the baseball bat from behind the door and headed for the stairs.

She opened the door and heard muffled voices from down in the darkness. Her heart beat faster, buglers? But it was broad daylight. And there was a lot of them.

'Fool of a Took,' one of them said, 'I told you not to touch that.'

'It wasn't my fault I swear,' came a softer voice. This is getting weird thought Rachel. I've finally flipped.

'I think a more important question is where are we now?' This was a rougher voice and somewhat Dwarfish.

'It feels like a cave.'

'This is no cave, the air is too fresh.'

For better or worse, Rachel took a step down the stairs. 'Someone approaches, be ready.' Came a strong voice.

Rachel finished descending the stairs and before her eyes could adjust to the light a blade was at her throat and she could hear an arrow at the ready as well.

'Where are we?'

'Earth. Would you hallucinations like some light?'

'We have no torches, what magic have you performed?'

Rachel lifted her hand and turned on the light switch, all the members of the fellowship had to shield their eyes. 'Sorry it's a bit bright. There's a light on and I can still see you I really am going insane.'

'You're human,' said Aragorn.

'Earth. No Hobbits, dwarves, elves or wizards,' said Rachel.

'I have heard of this place,' said Gandalf, 'we must return to Middle-Earth as soon as we can.'

Upstairs the babies started to cry again. She looked incredulously at the blade at her throat. 'I need to check on the kids.' Aragorn withdrew the blade and Rachel climbed the stairs to check on the babies. The fellowship followed her and up into earth.

'Have you got anything to eat?' said Pippin.

'Give me a minute,' said Rachel. They followed her into the twin's room. As soon as the babies saw her they both started to cry. 'I hate children,' she muttered.

'Then you shouldn't have had them at such an early age,' said Legolas.

'They are my brother and sister, my other brother is running around somewhere. Then again an elephant could walk around in his bedroom and he wouldn't notice it.'

'Oliphaunt?' said Sam hopefully. Rachel shook her head. As she was cradling her sister the fact that the ring fellowship was in her house dawned on her. 'How'd you get here?'

The other eight members turned around and looked at, or down to Pippin. He put up a small hand, 'it was my fault I touched something magic that Mister Gandalf warned me not to and we all landed in your cave.'

'Basement,' she corrected gently. Her youngest brother wanted some attention so she handed her sister to Gimli and picked up her littlest brother and handed him to Legolas. 'Just watch them for a minute please,' she said to the surprised pair.

'How can I help you?' she said to the middle-earthers.

'Food?' the Hobbits said simultaneously.

'Follow me.' She took them out to the kitchen and called for James to come help her. 'One thing first, put all your weapons on that table over there I can't let any of this stuff get broken.' Begrudgingly they all complied.

James appeared, still engrossed in his Gameboy. 'What is that noise?' Boromir said.

'Gameboy, dude,' still not looking up, 'why are there people in our house, the parents said you weren't allowed friends over.'

Aragorn walked over to James, took the Gameboy out of his hand and through the window. 'It's rude to ignore a lady while she's speaking.'

'She's not a lady, she's my sister.Aragorn? Why is Aragorn in our house?' He looked past the royal heir and saw the rest. 'We're insane aren't we?'

'No.'

'Then why is the fellowship in our house?'

'It was a mistake,' Pippin said.

'Not really anyone's fault,' Merry said before anyone could blame Pip again.

'How is it that you know about us?' Aragorn asked.

'Rachel, allow me - my Lady. You,' pointing to all the guests, 'are all fictional.'

'What?' Frodo asked.

'Not real,' James said with all of Gollum's sliminess.

'Is this true Lady Rachel?'

'Yes. Middle-earth and all of you are fictional from our point of view. Though very important to a lot of people. Most only consider reality a formality.'

'I'm going to put the movie on.'

'No James!' It was too late, he had jumped over the lounge and pushed play on the VCR before Rachel could even get to the living room.

'Turn it off James. They can't see it. It will screw with their reality.'

'Where did they come from?'

'Moria.'

'We'll let them watch to there, that won't screw with them too much.'

'What is that.' Boromir asked as the New Line logo drifted onto the screen.

'It's not magic,' Gandalf said, 'it's technology.'

'It shows moving pictures of real things and fictional things. It's called TV.'

Galadriel's VO started and Gandalf guessed who it was. When the battle of the last alliance started Aragorn was speechless to see his ancestors. 'Elendil.' He muttered.

Everyone was silent as they watched images from their lives and their friend's lives play out on the TV but soon enough they had reached Moria.

'We're turning it off here.'

'Why?'

'You can't know the future.'

'But it hasn't happened yet, they might be able to change what happens. Boro.'

Rachel grabbed him and pulled him into the next room.

'We have the fellowship sitting in our living room. The real fellowship and we're showing them the movie. Ok, we'll let them watch to the end and when they go back to their reality they can change it and guess what?...Rip their reality apart. Boromir has to die, he dies and Pippin and Merry are caught. If they aren't caught the Ents don't go to war and Isengard doesn't fall. If Gandalf can figure out some way to beat the Balrog he won't ascend to Gandalf the white and won't have the power he needs. Let them watch something else put on the Matrix, I don't care.'

'Hobbits are a virus and we are the cure.' Rachel broke up laughing with James' perfect Agent Smith impression.

'No Matrix, no Indiana Jones, nothing Viggo was in, no Goonies, no X-men. Nothing with Christopher Lee in or Gandalf will curse the TV.'

'Star Wars?'

'Ok.'

They went back into the living room but between the men, elf, dwarf, wizard and Hobbits present they had figured out how to work the remote and they had just seen Gandalf fall.

'Oh no.'

Rachel took the remote from Gandalf's hand and pressed Stop. 'Quick overview of the future. He's not dead, he comes back and he's ok. Some bad stuff happens but it turns out for the best.'

'Can we see the rest?'

'No.'

'Can we eat?'

'Yes.'

'Ok then, let's eat.'

Rachel went into the kitchen followed by a troop of hungry men. She pulled out cake, cookies, cold meat, drinks and then left the cupboards open.

'No ale?'

'No Gimli - no ale.'

'Mushrooms?'

'No.'

The babies started crying again. 'You stay you help. Legolas and Gimli - look after the babies.' The pair looked at her in horror.

'Please no, give me a thousand Orcs to fight but no babies.'

'Legolas you wimp. Come watch me, it's easy.'

'Go Rachel.'

'James, dear brother - there is a pile of pointy weapons over there don't give me a reason to hurt you.'

'I'm going to look for my Gameboy,' to Aragorn, 'jerk.' He opened the back door and went out to the garden.

'Can I help?' Pippin asked, not wanting to get on the bad side of a woman who threatened people with pointy weapons.

'I Just have to load the dishwasher.'

'What's that?'

'It washes dishes so you don't have to.'

'We don't have those in the shire,' Frodo said, 'we have to do it ourselves.'

'But earth doesn't have the shire.'

'It's ruined,' James yelled from outside, 'heir of Isildur you will pay.'

Aragorn looked at Rachel. 'Don't kill him but anything else goes.' Aragorn nodded and went out into the backyard.

The remaining members of the fellowship looked at her.

'Would you like to watch another movie?' They nodded yes in unison. She put Star Wars on and they sat and stared at the screen. She went back to the kitchen and started to load the dishwasher, Gandalf was still sitting at the table. He sat as though he was expecting something.

'I'm sorry. I've been rude haven't I?'

'No. Rude would have been throwing out of your home into a strange world instead of feeding us and letting us stay here until the spell is broken. What I am wondering is why your parents left you here in charge of your siblings?'

'They do it all the time though usually it's just James, they used to take the twins to our aunt's place. They've always left us on our own. We are just their children, nothing more to them. Barely family, we stop them from doing things that they would be able to do without having to worry about the family at home.'

'Such things are unheard of, only in the wild families are children are abandoned. We value our children in Middle-earth.'

'That's why I like it so much. No-one is ever alone except by choice.'

She heard James yell outside. 'Great, Aragorn is killing my brother.'

'I think not.'

She opened the back door and saw James and Aragorn having a sword fight with cardboard tubing. She laughed, they saw her then continued. She went back inside.

'He's happy. That hasn't happened for a long time. I'm going to check on the babies'

She opened the door and saw the strangest sight in the world. Gimli the dwarf was gently cradling the twins and they were asleep.

'I can't do that.'

'Practice my lady. I am many times an uncle. The elf is the problem.' Legolas she had forgotten about, she turned around and saw him white as a sheet. 'What's wrong with him.'

'The baby spat up on him. Elf babies apparently don't do that.' Legolas pointed to a milky stain on his tunic. 'Come on you big baby. I'll get you clean.'

'Elves,' Gimli muttered as they left the room. Rachel led Legolas to the laundry and told him to take off his tunic.

'Honestly, you can handle blood and Orc guts on your clothes you can't handle baby spit?'

'I was not familiar with that aspect of children.'

'They all do it.'

'Take off your tunic and I'll wash it.'

He took off his tunic and handed it to her. She only had seconds to contemplate his muscles when the front door bell rang. She swore in Elvish that she had learned on a web site then slapped her hand over her mouth.

'You understood that, Oops, most people don't understand Elvish.'

Boromir stepped into the laundry, 'what strange horn was that?'

'You and you get everyone back down in the basement, cave whatever you call it and don't make noise unless the entire armies of the dark forces show up.'

She shoved them out and went to the front door. She opened it, her neighbor, Mr. Jenkins stood there.

'Hello Rachel, are your parents out this weekend?'

'Yes Mr. Jenkins.'

'Are you all right, I've heard strange noises coming from the house all morning and several voices that I don't recognize.'

'Were you eavesdropping?'

'Your parents like me to keep an eye on the house when they're out.' He looked past her, trying to find something incriminating.

'We've had the TV up a little loud this morning, we'll try to keep it down a bit, ok.'

'I've got my eye on you. Your parents find out that you've been having guests over and they'll pull all of your privileges.'

'I'll keep that in mind.'

'Rachel?' Came Pippin's voice.

'Aw, crap,' Rachel said under her breath as Pippin came into view. 'Yes.Perry. What is it?'

'I couldn't find the door to your cave.'

'Who is this?'

'This is Perry. A friend of James. He's over today with our parent's permission.'

'He looks like a hobbit.' Rachel reached down to apparently pat him on the head but he turned him around and pushed him toward the kitchen.

'I didn't know you like the movie Mr. Jenkins.'

'I don't.'

'Perry really likes it so his mother lets him dress him in green and yellow sometimes. He already had curly hair so he's perfect. If you'll excuse me I have babies to feed.'

She shut the door in his face and locked it before he could ask another question. She ran into the kitchen and saw Pippin sitting on a low chair. 'Sorry. I'm always doing things like that.'

'It's ok. He's just a mean man. Like Farmer Maggot after you got into his crops.' Pippin nodded and raided the cookie bottle. Rachel opened the door of the basement and let the fellowship out who had their weapons at ready. 'He's gone.'

'I hate that guy. He's always coming over when our parents have gone out, he's just trying to get me into trouble. He doesn't like kids.' She left out a deep breath. 'That's out of my system. What now?'

'We'd like to see your world. We will probably never come here again so we'd like to take this chance,' said Aragorn.

'Could you wait until it gets a little darker? Then people won't recognize you.'

Something crashed behind them in the basement. 'What was that?'

'I have been hearing something down there here since we first got here.'

'Gollum.'

'How Gandalf?' Frodo asked.

'He follows his precious where ever it goes.'

'You didn't say this before? Why?'

'I wasn't sure.'

'Come up here,' Rachel said. She went to the fridge and pulled out a fresh fish. 'The cat's not going to be happy with me.' She walked back to the stairs and waved it around while she descended. 'Stay there,' she said to the rest.

'Smeagol.fish.'

A dark shape shot from the dark and tackled her. Gollum grabbed the fish and started eating it.

'Hello Smeagol.'

'Who are you?'

'The master of the fish. If you are good, I'll give you another fish.'

'We will serves the master of the fish.'

'If you are bad, you won't get fish for the rest of your life.'

'We be good. We be good.' Rachel led him upstairs and the fellowship looked in disgust at him. 'Nice people,' Smeagol said nervously.

'What are we to do with him?' Aragorn asked.

'Smeagol if I give you another fish would you like to go back down into the cave?'

'Smeagol would like that. Give fish to us.' Rachel retrieved the other fish and threw it down the stairs and he went after it. She locked the door and put the key up on the bench.

'He will go back with you won't he?'

'Yes. He still has his part to play - doesn't he?' Gandalf asked.

'Yes.'

'That vile creature has a part to play?' Boromir asked.

'He's not the vile one.' James started but Rachel clamped her hand over his mouth and shoved him into the next room.

'Lady, these children are asleep if I could put them back in their cots.?'

'Yes, thank you Gimli.'

'Can we see the outside world now?'

'The sun is sinking, yeah it should be all right. Give me a minute.' Rachel used the phone and called her neighbor Marie to look after the twins for a while. Marie, never having seen or read Lord of the Rings didn't ask any questions about the fellowship. Rachel just muttered Uncles and cousins and that was accepted at face value.

They walked down the street and they took in the earth sights. Every time they saw a car or bus she had to assure them that they weren't metal dragons, even so they always tensed up.

She took down one of the emptier streets and showed them some store windows. Gimli started to run away. 'Gimli come back here, you'll get lost.'

'I smell ale.'

'It's the pub.'

'Pub? Let's go.'

They ran until they reached the pub. They all looked at it lovingly. Then they turned and looked at Rachel. She sighed and dug her wallet out and took out the emergency money. She pointed to Aragorn and told him to get two cartons of the beer on sale.

Minutes later he walked out with two large boxes. Balanced precariously on top was a bottle of cheap wine. 'That came free,' Legolas nimbly took it off the top.

'Elves don't drink ale - we drink wine.'

'Can I have some Rachel?'

'You're only twelve James - no.'

They looked around the shops for a while longer before heading back to Rachel's place. On the way she stopped to tie up her shoe. The rest walked ahead and someone stood in front of her.

'No James - you can't have any beer.'

'It's not James Rachel.' She looked up and saw Troy, a guy who like her but she loathed. She finished tying her shoe and stood up.

'What do you want?' He didn't say anything he just smiled eerily.

'Get lost creep.'

Ahead of them James turned to ask Rachel one more time if he could even try alcohol. 'Where's Rachel?' he asked.

Rachel tried to walk away from Troy but he grabbed her arms and tried to hold her back. She brought her elbow around and hit him in the side of the head but he still didn't release her.

'Oh shit - it's Troy.' James said as he ran to his sister. The fellowship followed him. Aragorn handed the beer to Boromir and drew his dagger which he had 'forgotten' to put on the pile of weapons.

Rachel was still struggling against the stronger Troy when he simply let her go. She brushed herself off and turned to see Aragorn with his dagger at the creep's throat. 'Thanks,' she said then kneed Troy in a.sensitive.area.

'Go on Mister Gandalf turn him into something unnatural,' Sam begged.

'Who are these freaks?' Troy asked, careful not to move.

'These are my friends.'

'Release him Aragorn,' Gandalf said. Aragorn pulled his dagger away. Gandalf hit Troy over the head and he fell to the ground.

'He will have bad headaches for the next week,' the old wizard said happily.

'Thank you my friends.'

They made it back to the house without further incident. Rachel paid Marie who went home still completely unaware that anything strange was happening.

Everyone pitched in to make dinner with excellent and delicious results. Then they opened the ale. They were unaccustomed to drinking out of bottles so she gave them all cups.

James went from ranger to dwarf to hobbit begging for some, he would even have been happy with some of Legolas' wine but none gave any to him. James went out to the back stairs with his soft drink.

'I had the same problem when I was a child,' Boromir said quietly to Rachel who was barely onto his second cup. 'I sought ale over everything else so when I was your brother's age my father made me sick on it and you see the results.'

'Think that will work on James?'

'I am sure of it.'

'Then go for it, please.' Boromir nodded and took a few bottles out to James.

'James?'

'Hello Boromir.'

'I brought you some ale.'

'How?'

'Your sister wasn't looking.'

'Can I have it?'

'Yes.' He handed James the bottle and he sculled half of it without stopping. He burped then finished the other half. Boromir handed him a second bottle and he did the same, a little slower this time.

He handed him a third bottle and with a little encouragement got James to start drinking it. Three sips later James ran into the bathroom and.got over his infatuation with ale.

'Thank you steward of Gondor, you have really helped me.'

'Welcome lady Rachel.'

After another movie the fellowship was starting to get tired and they fixed up beds for them all. The hobbits shared their parent's king sized bed. Legolas demanded to be at the opposite end of the house to the babies so got one of the beds in the guest room. Aragorn got the other.

Gimli asked to have a bed in the twin's room so that he could be near them, he had become really attached to them. Boromir got the couch.

Deep into the night Rachel sat up in her bed knowing that something was wrong. She couldn't hear anything, no children crying, no elf-dwarf bickering, even Smeagol wasn't talking to himself anymore. She became aware that the television was on and crept out to the lounge room.

Boromir was watching the television. More than that Rachel the words Directed by Peter Jackson flash up on the screen. He had seen the movie - all of it. 'Oh crap,' she uttered and made her presence known.

'This is what you did not wish us to see?'

'Yes.'

'I failed. I am too weak.'

'You died protecting Merry and Pippin.'

'I tried to take the ring.'

'That was the ring's fault - not yours.'

'The poor little ones - I do not know what evil Saruman will do to them.'

'He never gets his hands on them.'

'How can you know?'

'Remember James told you that you are not real in this world? Just a story well I know the end of the story.'

'What happens, please you have to tell me.'

'The dark forces are defeated and Middle-earth is saved.'

'I can die peacefully knowing that. Thank you.'

'Your brother will miss you.'

'Faramir? He also plays a part in this story?'

'Yes.'

'Does he fall also?'

'No and he marries a lady of Rohan.'

'How can I face them in light of what I will do?'

'You are redeemed and forgiven. No-one blames you for anything.'

'Good night.'

'Sleep but do not be troubled. There is enough trouble about.'

Rachel sat alone in her room contemplating many things then heard James down the hall. She stole quietly into his room where he was brushing imaginary bugs off himself.'

'Shh, there's nothing there.'

'But I see them.'

'An after effect of the amount of alcohol you consumed.'

'I'm sorry.'

'For what?'

'Drinking when you told me not to.'

'I let Boromir give you the drinks. Nothing gets past me - not even people from Middle-earth.'

'Do you want to know why I did it?'

'It might help me to understand.'

'I thought mum and dad would like me better. They're always drinking and I thought.'

'I know kiddo. They aren't fit to be parents but that's our lot in life. You can't drink just because you think they'll like you better and they won't I guarantee it. They won't always be like this but until then you have me to look after you.'

'I'm glad of that.'

'I will do anything for you kids and everything that our parents won't.' James laid back and Rachel tucked the covers right up to his chin like when he was a little child. 'Good night.'

He was sleeping soundly when Rachel left and went back to her room. The fellowship had been a nice distraction but after they left she and the kids would still be there with their mostly-absent parents and there was nothing she could do about it.

She laid down and tried to get some sleep but knowing she wasn't going to get any she opened her window and looked up to the stars.

The next morning she woke to some delicious smells. She practically floated out of her room on the scent trail of well-done toast, eggs, sausages and the most of the contents of her kitchen.

Samwise Gamgee was cooking. For anyone who doesn't know it's an impressive sight. Next to gardening it was what he did best. The rest of the house rose quickly and found somewhere to sit.

After James went to the bathroom - still getting over the beer, he joined in on the feast. Everyone ate their fill except Gandalf who was deep in his own thoughts. Everyone jumped when he spoke.

'By my reckoning we will be returned to middle-earth sometime tomorrow morning.'

'Our parents are coming back tomorrow morning.'

'What time?'

'I don't know.'

'This could end badly,' James said.

'It could indeed young master,' Gimli said, 'very badly.'

'That wasn't encouraging Gimli,' Legolas said.

The rest of the day past without incident and they had a feast that night. Everyone pitched in and they had so much food they had to move it out to the backyard. Out of pity Rachel threw a few more fish down to Smeagol.

The laughed and ate and drank what was left of the beer. Just as a test Boromir tried to give James some but he ran away screaming.

After they were finished Rachel had to do five loads in the dishwasher to get everything clean. After that they all found somewhere to relax in the living room.

They put on a couple more movies then everyone pretty much fell asleep. James didn't have any trouble sleeping that night but the twins did. Around midnight she heard the babies crying so she rose to change their diapers and give them their bottles but found Gimli doing it with Legolas helping him!

'I thought he was afraid of the children.'

'He is, I made him come in here. They are after all only babies.'

Legolas was actually smiling at the little boy he held in his arms but his smile faded when the baby smiled and spit up on him again. He quietly handed the baby to the dwarf, took off his night-tunic, handed it to Rachel and excused himself.

'I think we've scared the want to have children out of him forever.'

'Is that a good thing?' The babies fell asleep and the girl and the dwarf went back to sleep.

Rachel woke the next morning to a frantic James. 'The parents are going to be back in two hours.'

'Are they still here?'

'Would I be this crazy if they weren't?' Rachel got up, not even bothering to change and went out to find the kitchen a mess.

'Clean it up. Our parents will be back in two hours.'

'We may still be here,' Gandalf said - extremely calmly.

'This is not going to end well.' They ate a hurried breakfast and tried to make the house look like there hadn't been nine - ten if you counted Smeagol - visitors for the weekend.

'Can we come with you?' James said suddenly. Everyone looked at him and he quietly left.

'He's really going to miss you guys.'

'I think we should go back down to the cellar. We came in there, we will most likely leave from there,' Gandalf said.

The fellowship collected their weapons and headed down the stairs. Rachel said goodbye to each of them in turn then ran back to the laundry to get Legolas's tunic. He thanked her and muttered something about human babies.

Gimli said his good-byes to the twins then wiped a tear from his eye. He straightened up and said goodbye to Rachel.

Boromir was the last to go down. Before he descended he went into James' room and took something from his pocket. He handed it to James. It was a small flat disk with the white tree of Gondor on it.

'You cannot come with us but this will help you to remember us.' James thanked him and as he walked down the stairs Rachel thanked him too.

They heard their parents pull into the driveway and ran downstairs to warn the fellowship but they were gone. They walked sadly back up the stairs and Rachel unlocked the door for her parents and silently let them in.

They went through the house towards the bedroom but stopped when they passed the kitchen. There were two cups of coffee sitting there. They mumbled thanks to Rachel, grabbed them and continued on.

'Guess things are back to normal hey sis?' Rachel nodded slowly.

'I didn't make those coffees.' They looked at each other and ran to the bench. In the fine dust there were two words and a strange symbol.

'Hannon le,' James read. 'What does that mean?'

'It's Elvish for thank you.'

'And what is that?' he pointed to the symbol.

'That's the elf-rune for G. It's the same symbol Gandalf used on his fire-works. Gandalf!'

'He must have made them. Why?' They didn't have to wait too long for the answer. Their parents stepped out of their room changed people. All the absent-minded ways the children remembered and hated seemed to be gone. Instead they seemed to be kind, like the parents they had always wanted.

Change was slow but it came and they grew from the absent shadows they had been to respected and loved parents.

The End.