Hi guys! I am SO SORRY for the delay in updating.

Life was and has been a whirlwind!

I just came back from IRELAND, where as you know Star Wars TLJ was filmed, so amazing! (Including the island of Ach-to, which is where my little story is taking place!)

I have missed you all and want to thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for sending all your good juju my way.

I reread this a bunch of times and I actually love this chapter. This story is a bit of a slow burn I realize now, but I really am trying to stay true to them!

Please review, and tell me what you hated or loved and all suggestions are welcome!

Again, thank you for your support and so sorry for the delay! Please enjoy!

It had finally happened.

Rey say cross legged on a hard metal chair in Kylo- Ben's quarters.

Black of course.

She was biting her lip as hard as she could to keep the ridiculous smile that was forcing itself on to her face from showing.

She watched Ben as he set about fixing something of a bed for her and him.

After they had kissed, KISSED, he had set her down gently and quickly, turning and mumbling how it was raining again, too cold, floor too hard, here was better….Rey had heard snippets only, fascinated by the fact that they had touched lips and bodies and Maker.. She didn't know what to do with herself.

This wasn't anything like she planned, but she shrugged, still trying her hardest not to grin.

For tonight, for this moment, she would forget everything and enjoy this.

She hated sounding like the others, so cliché, all bravado and hope and she knew she too was guilty of the standard sayings. But for now, it was appropriate.

She knew tomorrow WAS a mystery, and for once she wanted to tune it all out and enjoy the right now.

The right now being the great Kylo Ren a fidgety mess, stomping here and there, still in his cloak, its edges billowing dramatically as he busied himself with what she did not know.

Rey found her smile escaping, stretching across her face.

Ben paused, black bed sheet in hand and turned.

Rey smiled harder.

"Stop that," he said sternly.

"No," she replied.

He merely looked at her, and Rey couldn't help glancing hungrily at his mouth, soft lips that were so inviting and yet foreign all at once.

"Stop that too," Ben said.

Rey wrinkled her nose at him.

"No," she said again.

She saw his eyes, not a trace of true anger in them.

"You are impossible," he chided.

"So are you," she responded, standing up now.

She walked up to him, taking the black silken sheet from his hand, and laying it on the makeshift bed he had created on the floor.

She put a hand to his cheek, gentle and reassuring.

"You haven't stopped moving," Rey stated.

Ben raised a hand, pausing for a moment, then tucked a stray hair behind her ear, large hands almost covering her face, his eyes soft, large and luminous. They were his loveliest feature and Rey could look into them and become lost in their inky depths. She frowned at her thoughts, Maker, she was being dramatic.

"You always are," Ben said. Rey nodded, a gentle poke to the chest administered.

"You would know," she smiled.

"I did not expect…." And he paused, not sure how to go forward.

"This?" Rey asked.

Ben nodded. "Yes," he said. "My accommodations are…"

And Rey smiled broadly, not hiding her amusement.

"Black?" she teased.

"Well yes, that is the First Order-"

And Rey put a finger to his lips. "Shhhh! I won't say the R word if you won't say the F word," and she paused. "At least for tonight."

Ben understood, thankfully.

Rey truly looked behind him at the impossible amounts of sheets and pillows he had laid out on the floor.

"We've been sleeping on the floor outside just fine Ben," Rey said. "…But this is lovely. Thank you."

"You are welcome," he said.

They then stood in silence, Rey and Ben both unsure how to proceed

They had been so comfortable, hands intertwined, sleeping next to each other, soothing each other into slumber. And now that they had gone further, really just a small step forward but so large in the span of their respective lives…they both now felt awkward, silent and paused.

Rey took a deep breath, wondering where did they go from here. Did tonight's sleep session include more of what they had done earlier? She felt the heat creep up her neck when she realized she very much hoped it would happen again. And again….

She stopped and realized she wasn't making any effort to hide her thoughts and so looked down at her fingers nervously, hoping he wasn't listening in, although she still didn't know the exact mechanics of that (she made a mental note to ask). Keeping her eyes down, she noticed her fingernails and the dirt under them. She sighed heavily and felt shocked that her first thoughts were if HE had noticed….

"You don't have to feel that way," came Ben's voice.

Rey hid her hands behind her back, biting her lip, wondering who she was at the moment.

"You may use my refresher, if you like."

Rey's eyes lit up, all embarrassment gone and replaced with sheer excitement. The ship she had procured was fast, but it wasn't the best and although it had basic necessities, it did not have a 'fresher and the mere thought of hot water and bubbles made Rey's skin tingle.

She nodded then, knowing in no world would she turn it down. She paused then.

"This was all so rushed, I didn't even bring a change of tunic or…"

Ben held his hand up, stopping her.

"I know it is not your size and I am certain not something you would normally wear but I have some extra garments you may choose from, "and he stopped. Then added, "If you like."

Rey smiled. She realized he felt as unsure as she did, he was being so careful to word things, to make sure she was okay. She appreciated it and was glad they both felt strange navigating this new territory.

Kylo Ren sat, knees propped up, one long arm dangling, hand propped under his chin.

His mind was a storm of thoughts.

It was creating a horrible pain in his temples that was threatening to overtake his entire brain.

He had asked himself one thing over and over since their lips had touched: when and how did he let this all get so out of control; so out of HIS control?

And it WAS completely out of his control, and solely in the hands of a tiny girl named Rey.

He rubbed his eyes hard, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Supreme Leader of an entire galaxy, and he couldn't wrap his mind around a simple human situation.

The Force was no use either, continuing to lure him into the light, as he felt the tug in his deepest parts, and the Bond constantly scorching his insides whenever Rey was around…..

And he had kissed her, or she had kissed him, he really could not remember; the entire thing was such a blur of soft lips, fingertips, and that feeling of losing himself completely in the brightness of Rey.

He had never laid hands on a female in the manner that he just had.

When in his life would he have had the chance (and frankly he had never even felt the desire to do so)?. Disciple, pain, exhaustion, and a monster living in his mind had robbed him of any semblance of that, including any to ….for lack of better words, self-indulge.

He groaned remembering how he had picked her up, his hands sinking into soft flesh. He hadn't intended to, but she was so small….and he wanted her as close as possible at that moment and picking up her delicate little form had been an act of instinct.

Kylo felt…. He wasn't sure actually.

He knew only one thing for certain.

He had wanted it, and he had almost needed it…and when it had happened he had felt RELIEF…as if he had been holding his breath up until that moment.

What kind of dark lord was he that a kiss had turned him into this?

"Idiot," he mumbled under his breath. He couldn't begin to wrap his mind around what that sniveling fool was thinking when he demanded the rebels be let go. His fists balled up in frustration, nowhere closer to a resolution than he was when he first got on this planet.

Rey smiled, sitting perched delicately inside the small 'fresher, with HIS large simple black shirt and black pants in her hands. They were surprisingly soft, as she realized most things related to Ben Solo were. She looked around as if she would be caught, and held the fabric to her nose as she had done once before with his long cape.

It did in fact smell like him.

She made quick work of her tunic and underthings, and stood there, looking in the small mirror. She looked at her tanned skin, how thin she was and how she wished she could get her hands on more food. She had scars...And she wondered what he would think if he could see her…

Would he like it?

Would he find her too skinny (as she had been told repeatedly on that horrible place she once thought would be her home forever)?

Rey rolled her eyes at her reflection. She was strong and lean, and of all the worries in the world, in the entire universe, HIS thoughts on her body should have been her last concern.

But it wasn't… all things Ben Solo were her concern and that was the problem, wasn't it?

Rey turned the water on, waiting for it to be as hot as it could as the reality of this all set in. She was in Ben Solo's 'fresher, sans attire, about to take a scalding hot bath. If she wasn't so excited about the steamy water she was sure shed be overwhelmed but for right now, she excitedly stepped in, ready to wash it all away for the time being, thinking how every day on this island had been one unbelievable event after another.

She laughed quietly as the hot, hot water prickled her skin, wondering how she came to exist in a world where she had kissed Ben Solo.

Kylo's head turned.

He heard the water, full force. He could almost feel the steam hitting his skin, the water droplets rolling off his face and hair.

He shook his head, doing his best to not let his mind wander to the 'fresher, cursing their Bond.

He took deep breaths, in and out. Focusing. He was stronger than this, stronger than his wandering brain …. He would not think of Rey with soapy hands, wet hair clinging to her sun kissed skin, her clothes most likely irritably in a pile, because he was certain Rey was not one to fold…and he absolutely would not think about all that skin bare for him to see.

No, not for you to see, his inner thoughts yelled.

He nodded… to himself of course.

Because that's what he had become, a mad man who scolded himself.

He closed his eyes, as if he could close his mind as well. He tried to meditate, thinking of what he had just done by yelling at Hux, of how he had let her pleading eyes sway his will; he thought of what he would do when he got back, what awaited him and her, and he wondered if he truly ever wanted to leave this island…

And when Kylo opened his eyes, he was standing in front of the door to the refresher.

"Oh," he said softly.

Rey's eyes opened wide, and she turned to look at the closed door, hot water pouring over her.

Ben was there.

Just outside.

She could feel him through the metal barrier, the only thing separating them …his presence heavy, dark, and intoxicating. She sighed out loud at the feel of him through the Bond, and quickly covered her mouth, and then quickly coveredher chest, wondering if he could see her…

He couldn't, could he?

Did he feel her, the way she felt him?

Why was he even there?

Kylo stared at the door in front of him, feeling her seep through: light, airy, sweet…intoxicating.

He felt her concern, her own worries whispering across his mind…

Why is he there?

I can feel him.

Can he see me?

Kylo put his hand on the door, palm flat, fingers splayed open.

He could.

If he wanted to….

Rey gasped.

She heard it, Kylo's voice in her head, faint, but there…. She took a step closer to the door.

Did he want to?

Kylo felt that familiar sensation take over, the buzzing, the tingling, the tightness in his chest and stomach.

Did she know that he did? More than anything?

He was controlling it, holding himself back, trying so hard to not cross a boundary, to make sure she knew he would not do a single thing she wasn't okay with.

Kylo did not want to scare her and for once in his entire life he didn't want the fear of another person.

He wanted their reciprocation.

Rey stood as close to the door as she could get.

She ignored the water dripping off of her, ignored the steam billowing around her and focused on the energy melting through, all coming from him.

Her breath came in short little bursts and she felt the Bond, as always, present, but intensified and vibrating through her.

She closed her eyes and sent out a single sentence.

I want you to.

And she slowly lowered her arms from her chest.

Kylo squeezed his eyes closed, forehead against the door.

He heard it, loud and he heard it clear and he would have laughed out loud that THIS was when she mastered her ability to speak to him through the Bond but he could do nothing but try to control his heart nearly slamming out of his chest.

I want you to.

She had given her okay, and he had felt the nervousness, the excitement, the want….and slowly he saw her…there was so much steam, but it was appropriate, swirling around her so that she looked like something from a dream. Her hair was wet, curly and tucked behind her ears.

She held her head up fiercely, and he could hear the blood pounding in her veins, just like his was.

Her eyes were wide and luminous, framed with spiked lashes damp with moisture.

Kylo saw Rey's collarbone and her shoulders, and the lovely expanse of skin from shoulder to shoulder, lightly freckled. He inhaled sharply as more of her appeared… her bust, lovelier than he could have imagined, resting so perfectly on her tiny frame, petite and delicate. His eyes followed the lines of her to the slight indent of her waist, and he paused, too overwhelmed to look any further. Too afraid to go further than he already had.

Too afraid to lose himself once and for all.

Rey's breath caught in her throat.

He was looking at her and she bravely stood there. She wanted him to see her. She wasn't afraid to lay herself bare to him, and she wanted him to know that.

She also wanted (although she tried to ignore this) him to like what he saw, to feel this incessant lunacy that she felt whenever she was near him.

But instead she felt his hesitation to look further, his presence fading and she felt a lump in her throat, and her eyes burned as she quickly covered herself up.

Kylo closed his eyes, balling his fists up.

He wanted to look further and to do more than just look. As soon as he had seen her skin, Kylo had wanted to open the door and show her what he felt, to do things to her he couldn't vocalize and never thought he would have to. For anyone.

He felt Rey's sadness, shame, regret and embarrassment though and he sighed, releasing his clenched hands. He didn't want her to feel that…she had no reason to whatsoever.

Was there something wrong? Came the voice, soft, but with a sharp tone to it ringing in his mind.

How could you think that Rey?

Then why did you stop?

I had to.

Why?

Why do you ask so many questions?

Kylo heard her sigh deeply, could almost see her rolling her eyes.

Rey, I stopped because I would not be able to control myself if I kept looking.

He felt the smile, even separated by this door. Kylo took a deep breath, and with one last look at what laid behind him, he walked away.

While on the other side, Rey grasped the handle and turned the door, opening it …but Ben was already gone.

Kylo sat on the floor, covered with every blanket and sheet and pillow on board. He had removed most garb, sitting now in his undershirt and sleep trousers, feet bare. He waited for Rey nervously, the image of her in the center of that fog filled 'fresher, eyes wide, staring past him and into him, burned into his mind.

Kylo heard her feet before he saw her, a quick shuffle down the hallway.

"Hi," she said, smiling broadly. She was now wearing his pants, pants that literally pooled over her feet and his shirt that came past her hips, practically a dress. Her hair was neatly piled on her head, still wet but tidy. She looked scrubbed, her cheeks red from the water. "It's a little big, but exceptionally soft. What do you people use for your clothing?"

"I am glad you like it," he replied.

"I do," she responded. Kylo noted, as he suspected, the pile of clothing in her hand, all unfolded.

"Set them down there," he said pointing. She turned, and put them down.

"So…" she said, once she was done tossing them haphazardly. She fiddled with the edge of her shirt and Kylo couldn't help notice how she had rolled the pants at her waist, a tiny sliver of skin showing.

He knew what else laid under there and he tried his best to concentrate.

Rey tugged at the shirt that was soaked in Ben's scent.

It was making her insane, and hearing his low voice in her mind…. I would not be able to control myself….

She knew he wouldn't do anything, but sit there, being stern and dark and stoic and blah blah blah.

Rey knew she'd have to make the move.

AGAIN.

Kylo watched the little light go off in her head.

He almost asked out loud what she was thinking, but his words vanished when she got down on her knees into the pile of soft fabric and pillows , graceful as ever. He watched entranced as she crawled towards him, until she was on all fours in front of him.

"Rey?" he choked out.

She said nothing, but smiled as she very suddenly crawled into his lap, legs around his waist, arms draped casually around him. Once more with a soft touch, she leaned forward and pressed her soft mouth to his.

"You really think I am perfect Ben?"

Kylo's frozen hands moved then and he carefully brought them to rest on her waist.

"Yes," he whispered, his eyes searching hers.

Rey smiled, blushing slightly. She brought her hands to his face, touching the barely noticeable scar with a finger.

Kylo let her.

Rey ran her thumbs over his eyebrows, down over his nose, stopping at his mouth. She ran the pads of her thumb over his lips, softly and gently. She touched his jaw and neck, his skin impossibly smooth like the stupid perfect clothing he wore and had lent her.

She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

"I find you beautiful Ben," she whispered.

He frowned.

"I am no such thing Rey," he said quietly. "I am a monster."

Rey stroked his arms, feeling the downy hairs on his strong forearms.

She leaned forward and kissed him again, still chaste.

"A monster wouldn't have lips as soft as yours Ben," she said.

"A monster can take different forms," he said, voice cracking.

Rey smiled and got close to him, near his ear, shamelessly breathing him in.

"I think that you are a sheep in wolf's clothing," she whispered.

She heard the little guffaw in his throat, deep and low, vibrating through him.

"And I think that is not how the expression goes," he replied. Rey leaned back in his lap, his hands still firmly on her.

She put her hand to her chin, thinking.

"I think you are right," she said and laughed a little.

Anytime she laughed, or smiled, Kylo could see the laugh lines around her eyes, her teeth so perfect.

She was so flippant, and yet everything had just been so..intense? And so heavy, and just so….

Defining.

He longed to be as carefree as her, to live in the moment.

"So why don't you?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Kylo sighed, touching her cheek.

"Is it that simple?" he asked.

"It can be," she replied.

He touched the edge of her sleeve, swallowing her and almost down to her elbow.

"My clothing are far too large for you," he said observantly.

Rey nodded.

"Mmm. I like it" and she looked at him, imploring, her eyes travelling from mouth to gaze.

"I wish you would kiss me Ben Solo," she said softly.

"That's not my name," Kylo replied.

Rey nodded.

"Okay."

And Kylo brought his hands up, holding her slender neck, large hands swallowing her there, thumbs under her ears, stroking back and forth. He brought her face down, and kissed her once, twice, three times, tangling his fingers in the nape of her neck, capturing her mouth possessively, tasting her as deeply as he could. Rey was nothing but responsive, sighing into his mouth, as cautious as he was, her tongue soft and delicate like the rest of her and the thought of her skin made him growl and Rey wrapped her legs tighter around him, hands on his chest, trying to find the edge of his shirt.

Kylo pulled back and never leaving her eyes, removed it.

Rey said nothing, but without leaving his stare, she ran her hands all over him, the soft lines, the hard muscle, the skin a geographic map of scars. She felt sad, sad that the porcelain of his flesh was marred with it, most likely at the hands of Snoke.

He let her, with slow breaths and closed eyes, hands clenched at her waist. Rey knew it hurt on some level to allow her to be so intimate. She could not fathom the last time anyone had seen him this vulnerable, or touched him in a way that wasn't to cause harm.

And so she kept her face as passive as she could, touching each bruise and imperfection, feeling his faint tremble each time, ghosting kisses on the broad planes of his shoulder and chest.

She sat back slightly, confident she got everything on his upper naked half. She grabbed a clenched hand, kissing the knuckles until he relaxed enough so that she could rest her face in his palm.

"Now we are even now," he said quietly.

Rey cocked her head, and then smiled broadly.

"One naked even for another, I see," she said.

As the words spilled from her lips, Kylo was back on the other side of the door, hungry for the clothing-less girl on the other side. He knew not what led him to gently guide her down on her back and lay next to her, her eyes wide as she looked up at him, but so beautiful in her ability to trust him in this moment, trust him up to this moment. His skin already felt alive, vibrating wherever she had touched him, his mind a swirling whirlpool. He felt the want deep in his stomach, clawing at him and if he thought he had almost lost control in the 'fresher, he was mistaken. This was far far worse.

Kylo truly knew temptation now.

It was this girl, laying there with pleading golden eyes, lips swollen, asking to be kissed.

Their mouths met again, slowly, testing each other's responses and Kylo felt his hands wandering of who's accord he did not know. The shirt she wore was now bunched up in his fist, exposing the skin of her stomach. . He let go, attempting to smooth it down, beginning to apologize when Rey reached up, putting a finger to his lips, stopping any thought, which Kylo realized was the theme of this.

Don't think. Act.

She grabbed his hand, and slowly led him under the fabric until his hand was touching warm flesh.

Kylo had to close his eyes, the reaction to the contact was so intense. Rey's skin was hot, and so soft, and the Bond was throbbing between them, exploding with unseen sparks.

He gazed at her as he let his hands wander, in awe of her, of what he had only seen but not touched until this moment. He ran his hand up her sides, her skin as dewy and supple as he had imagined, stopping just under the swell of her breast. She bit her lip then, and with shaky hands and breath, guided him further up, the fabric bunching under her chin, exposing the golden freckles and chest.

He held her gently, reverently, scared to do anything but hold her cautiously, her breast a perfect fit in his hand.

"I…I have never …" he tried to explain again.

"I know," Rey said, hand still over his. "I just wanted you to touch me."

And he nodded, understanding because he felt the same, and she moved her hand up to his face again, and pulled him down to her again. Kylo pulled the shirt back over her, covering her, never leaving her mouth, savoring her taste, smirking as she gently nipped at his bottom lip, this fierce woman who wasn't afraid of him, who wasn't afraid of this new territory, who wasn't afraid of what they did after this.

They were side to side, facing each other, learning this new level of intimate.

Rey marveled at his beautiful swollen mouth….the barely there scar running down his cheek.

He said nothing, patient, letting her once more examine him.

"I blame this Bond," she said softly, as if anything above a whisper would ruin this. "I always do."

Ben nodded.

Rey touched his mouth and he kissed her fingers.

"Come back with me," she whispered.

"You know that I can't," Ben said and Rey saw that there was no anger, no rage and no fear in his eyes, just resignation.

She leaned forward, kissing his cheek and neck, tucking his hair behind his ear, pressing her body into his, feeling the hard planes of his form.

"You can."

"I want to stay here," he responded after a minute. "I want to explore every part of you Rey. I do not know what to make of it. But, I do not want to go so far we can't come back."

"Why do we have to come back? To anything?" Rey asked.

"I am still Supreme Leader Kylo Ren," Ben said, again, no hidden meaning, just plain honesty.

"You didn't have to…you didn't need to tell Hux…" and she paused, not wanting to break this magic with words of reality.

"I did, " he said, understanding where she was going. "Not because I didn't want to, but because you asked me not to."

How could someone infuriate her yet still make her feel important? She knew people didn't change overnight, knew that this man was still the same man capable of atrocities beyond her comprehension.

Yet here she was, in his arms, wanting more than just the kisses and touches they had shared.

And that light inside him, it wasn't big and it had gone out some since she last saw him on his knees, sad and defeated, but it was there and it called to her louder the more they tangled themselves with each other.

Ben touched her chin.

"I asked you to come with me once, to join me and you said no," he said softly.

Rey nodded, her hands on his arm, stroking absently.

"It wasn't the right time," she replied. "You know this."

He leaned in, searing her mouth with his before he pulled back, eyes softer than Rey had ever seen.

"Do you think…in our lifetime there will ever be a right time?" he asked quietly.

And Rey said nothing, merely grabbed his hand and sighed, "I don't know."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.