Hey Squirrel Friends!

This is a thing that I had to write because I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Mostly because I'm obsessed with RPDR and no one can convince me that Kurt and Santana wouldn't be super fans of the show. Like, remember Season 4 when they bonded over The Facts of Life? Those nerds would totally be all about Drag Race.

Also we all know Naya is a fan because she guest judged and I want to say I remember Heather posting an Insta story a long time ago about catching up on episodes and Chris is more than likely a fan because I follow a lot of queens on Insta and I always see Chris liking their pics before I do.

Just a heads up though, I don't know how enjoyable this fic will be without having a certain knowledge of RPDR. There's lot of jokes and easter eggs that won't really make sense if you're not a part of the fandom. This is going to be a Kurt/Santana friendship fic but there will be Brittana too. ;)

X

Junior year was supposed to be Santana's year. She had it all planned out.

She had led the Cheerios to a national title the previous year when Quinn had gotten preggo and had been promptly kicked off the squad. Still riding from that high Santana was certain that she could lead the squad to another title and with that in the bag, not to mention having Coach Sue doing her bidding, she would surely land a cheerleading scholarship and finally get a ticket out of that nowhere cowtown. Sure, slumming it in glee club didn't exactly do her any favors but it was worth it. Mostly.

She was a national championship winner, a proven leader, not to mention a totally hot piece of ass. She was going to rule Mckinley and make the school year her bitch.

That was the plan anyway.

But no.

On her first day as a junior the rug had been pulled out from under her and she was told she was being kicked down to the bottom of the pyramid thanks to Q, who had since squirted out her bastard baby and was suddenly intent on taking back her thrown.

Whatever.

That was definitely a setback but one she was certain she could work around. She knew Quinn was an ambitious little bitch which okay Santana actually respected, but she also knew for a fact that Quinn wasn't as hungry for it as she was. Santana was used to working to get what she wanted, but Quinn? That girl had been handed everything to her on a plate. She had no idea how to wage a real war and if that's what Quinn wanted, that's what Quinn was going to get Santana had decided.

At least she still had Brittany though. Brittany would always choose her.

Or well, so Santana thought anyway.

It was shortly after losing her spot at the top of the pyramid that Santana lost Brittany too.

To be completely honest she never saw that one coming and when it did it hurt like a motherfucker. It was like someone bitch slapped her heart and then proceeded to pee all over it or something.

She had treated Brittany like her personal squeaky toy one too many times and by the time Santana got her head out of her ass and realized why she was so scared of her own feelings, Brittany had went and found herself in a relationship with someone else.

Freaking Artie.

So that was a thing that happened.

Brittany had told her in not so many words that she wasn't going to be having sex with her anymore because she wanted to try the whole emotionally open and honest relationship thing. So. She and Brittany were in a a super strange place together now. A non naked place, and that was nowhere Santana Lopez wanted to be.

It sucked. And not in the way she usually enjoyed.

And so with no captain title and no Brittany, Santana spent the first several months of her junior year indulging in some of her other favorite activities and hobbies. The usual. General mayhem and chaos, occasional theft and damage to property, normal teenage girl things. In between all of that she also managed to wreak a little havoc within the glee club. Dropping bombs on Finn and Rachel, not to mention Sam and Quinn. But when it was all said and done she did find herself losing her appetite for destruction shortly after she sort of maybe kind of got her ass beat by Zizes. Literally. After that she had to take a really long and hard look at herself - as well as her fabulous yet slightly bruised butt - and figure out how to get her crap back together.

She started spending most of her nights in. She didn't have the squad anymore which in turn meant she didn't have a crazy diet regime or work out routine to worry about which resulted in a lot more sitting around time. Netflix and the Breadstix delivery person pretty much became her best friends. Her parents may or may have not found her crying into a bag of take out on one or two occasions and she may or may have not have sobbed and snotted all over herself on one specific evening when the delivery person accidentally gave her a serving of fettuccine with shrimp which of course only served to remind her of Brittany because Brittany loved shrimp. She also may or may have not eaten that serving of shrimp on her bedroom floor as some kind of testament to her hopeless and devoted longing for the blonde. Or whatever.

It was pretty pathetic and for the first time it really dawned on her. She had nothing and no one. Mostly thanks to her own petty ass behavior but like, still.

That's how it was for awhile. Netflix and Breadstix. Breadstix and Netflix. There was no Netflix and chill, it was actually more like Netflix and sob. Until one life altering night when she just happened to be mindlessly scrolling through her menu looking for something, anything, that spoke to her and it was then that the gay gods above looked down upon her and delivered her to salvation!

She found Rupaul's Drag Race.

She wasn't sure what it was about the series or why it was but it somehow spoke to her. It came to her when she had needed something like that the most. Not only had it provided her a good distraction and a good laugh for that matter, it had in some ways given her a sort of hope, to see these larger than life personalities on TV being their true and authentic selves and being embraced for it.

She fell in love with the show and it's humor and message. Sure, maybe she didn't have any friends and maybe she didn't have Brittany, but at least she had this. This ''silly'' TV show that made her smile and made her forget, but most of all, made her realize there was a big giant world out there outside of Lima, Ohio just waiting for her to take a bite out of it.

It was a sort of comfort.

It was also, she quickly discovered, wildly popular. Through Tumblr and Reddit she discovered how wonderfully rabid the Drag Race fandom was. It was huge and ever growing and young. Sure there were adult fans but the majority of the people out there blogging, podcasting,making fanart and fanvids were people her age. It opened this incredible new door where everyone was gay or, like, gay-adjacent.

And the queens? She fell in love with the queens. What truly set this show apart from other reality tv was the fact that the show served as a launching pad for queens to begin their own empires. Each season had a winning queen that walked away with a cash prize but even defeated queens would walk off the show scoring record deals or modeling contracts, others would parlay their time on the show into TV hosting gigs or a successful Youtube series, and even the queens who didn't manage any of that still found themselves in demand, launching their very own worldwide tours. Now granted most of straight America wouldn't consider the queens to be household names but to the Drag Race fandom they were legit celebs. Latrice Royale! Raven! Raja! Also, she definitely found herself feeling a little Latin solidarity with Yara Sophia and Alexis Mateo, Puerto Rican pride and all that. Of course come season four she found herself feeling a strange almost cosmic connection to Willam who possessed a certain kind of bitch magic she had to admire.

But unlike most celebrities they didn't feel so far away, or rather, to Santana they didn't feel so different from her. In small but profound ways she felt connected to them as she binged her way through the seasons and then made her way through Untucked and from there found Raja and Raven's Fashion Photo Ruview series and then from there found herself going down the Youtube rabbit hole of Ru girl compilation videos. Drag Race was the gift that kept on giving. Even when the show wasn't in production you could still follow your favorite queens on social media, watch their videos of behind the scenes hijinks on the road or simply check out their Instagrams to see what they had for breakfast. Her favorites of course were the make up tutorials. She was woman enough to admit that she could learn a lot from a queen.

So, okay, it turned into a little bit of a hyper fixation but at least it was a relatively healthy harmless one she told herself. It was something to do and something to enjoy until she figured the rest of her life out, until she found a way to maybe mend a few friendships and maybe just maybe get Brittany back.

Drag Race was this special thing and she was pretty certain no one she knew had even heard of it.

That is until one eventful day in glee.

The club was gearing up for another completely unnecessary and overly elaborate performance when a heated debate took place between Kurt and Rachel about something or other. Santana hadn't really been paying attention to their conversation in the middle of the room. She was too busy filing her nails to really listen to what they were squawking about. All she knew was that when Kurt and Rachel went in on each other they sounded like angry gay seagulls. At least Kurt did anyway. She hadn't exactly known what their disagreement was over but it looked like it had seriously ruffled Kurt's feathers. Literally. Kurt walked into class that day wearing some kind of weird ass feathered hat.

Normally Santana would've thrown out some sly remark about how both of them were making her ears bleed but she was trying to turn a new leaf and be A Good Guy now so she sat there silently as she watched it all go down.

And that's when she heard it.

''You know what Rachel? You'll never be glamour.''

And Santana just about snorted.

Did he just-

''You. Are. Not. That. Kind. Of. Girl,'' Kurt added pointedly and calmly with a hand on his hip.

''What does that even mean?'' Rachel asked, scrunching up her face in confusion.

''Everything I've had I've worked for and I've built myself and I need you to know that one hundred percent. Because I am what? Sickening.'' Kurt added, his eyes smug, playful and yet also cryptic as he recited one of the most iconic monologues from Drag Race.

''Alright, alright, everyone settle down,'' Mr. Schue walked over and attempted to diffuse the bickering, waving both Rachel and Kurt off to take a seat on the steps. ''Now as for today's lesson…''

Rachel shrunk in her seat, folding her arms and looking properly admonished. Kurt however crossed his legs elegantly and preened, head held high for some unknown reason.

Beside him in her seat Santana had to smirk.

So maybe she wasn't the only closet Drag Race fan in this town but there was only one way to be sure.

''I was channeling Leigh Bowery today,'' Santana said, sounding random as hell to everyone else except to Kurt.

Kurt slowly turned his head towards her with a look of delight and awe. He stared at her unblinking for several quiet moments as if reading something from her eyes and her smirk. It was then that she knew and it was then that he knew.

In each other they had found a fellow super fan.

They shared something.

''Girl, it was camp,'' Kurt replied, finishing the iconic Drag Race exchange.

And the rest you could say was herstory.

X

This new realization that she and Kurt actually shared something didn't exactly magically make them best pals or anything but there was something there that shifted between them. A common understanding. A subtle nod.

They didn't really talk about it. Santana certainly didn't just walk up to him and announce herself as a fangirl. Santana played it cool and Kurt surprisingly did as well which she appreciated, not that she considered the show to be a guilty pleasure exactly. She wasn't embarrassed that she watched it. It was more the fact that Drag Race was her Special Thing and she kind of liked keeping it all to herself, but there was another part of her, a bigger part of her that desperately itched to have someone to talk to about it. Sure she followed and chatted with a bunch of fans online, even going so far as to create an account on Reddit (they had the best spoilers okay?) but still, she couldn't help but be intrigued with the idea of getting to share this with someone she knew.

Someone she, like, cared about.

Not that they were friends or whatever but she didn't hate him entirely. He was more than mildly annoying and eye roll worthy most of the time sure, but as far as her fellow glee clubbers went he was one of the few that she didn't feel the urge to throttle 24/7.

So as if testing out the water they started playing this unspoken game in glee club that lasted for several weeks. Each day one of them would slyly drop a famous Drag Race catchphrase into their conversations in the choir room. It would of course go over everyone's heads but it was amusing to share this inside joke together in this secret covert way.

One day Santana tells Sam to ''go back to Party City where you belong!'' to the total and complete befuddlement of the entire glee club, but she catches Kurt laughing inwardly to himself, and it's worth it. The next day when Finn is arranging sheet music on top of the black shiny surface of the piano Kurt approaches him and asks ''may I call you Jiggly?''. No one is witness to the exchange except Santana who grins in approval at his use of the iconic Season 4 line. A few days later when Mr. Schue gives them another one of his intense 'guys, we need to be a cohesive team or we stand no chance in our next competition!' speeches that's meant to silence and reprimand the entire club, Santana eventually breaks the silence by looking their teacher straight in the eye and calmly stating ''your tone seems very pointed right now.''

No one has any idea of course about the significance of the phrases but each time they get away with it they shoot these really pleased expressions at each other from across the room. It kind of feels nice and a little bit like she's not alone. It goes on for some time until she figures one of them is going to have to do something to move this along already.

For months the internet and the fandom had been buzzing with anticipation over the season 5 premiere of Drag Race and her previous plans had been to stay in, order Breadstix and watch it alone, but then this thing with Kurt happened and well, that changed things. Sure she could watch and enjoy it by herself but if she was going to be watching and if Kurt was going to be watching then, well, why not watch it together, right? It's not like she was looking for friendship. She just thought it might be a little less pathetic if she had someone to watch the show with. But since she was Santana Lopez she couldn't exactly just be open and honest about what she wanted because, well, openness and honesty were still foreign concepts to her.

She was going to have to be tricky about this she concluded.

''Yo Hummel I need your notes today from Spanish,'' she announced that Monday evening when she found herself knocking on Kurt's door.

Kurt looked startled at first to see her at his house but that soon gave way to confusion. ''And you couldn't get them from someone else,'' he asked, clearly toying with her. ''Say Quinn for instance.''

Santana lifted a shoulder in nonchalance. ''Quinn's pissed at me at the moment so I'd really rather not go grovelling to her. She's still mad about that whole me giving her mono on purpose thing. Also I slept with like two of her boytoys this year. If I go anywhere near Fabray I risk a slap to the face and clearly I don't want to risk this work of art.'' She made a theatrical little wave to her facial features.

''And Brittany?''

''Brittany's busy,'' Santana said, lying. In truth she and Brittany weren't exactly speaking to each other anymore but she wasn't going to let that bit of information slide. Brittany had tried to of course but Santana's pride kept her from having any more weepy conversations about the state of their (non) relationship. Getting her ass rejected once was quite enough. '''Look are you gonna give them to me or not? I know you always take notes, especially in Spanish because you like to be all cultured and crap and I really need them, I'm failing that class.''

''But aren't you fluent in Spanish?''

Damn. She hadn't thought this out at all. Why couldn't she have said she needed notes for English. Ugh to the ugh.

''But if you really need them I suppose,'' Kurt said, stepping aside to open his door further and grant her entrance. ''They're down in my bedroom though.''

She wrinkled up her nose and made some displeased face as if he was the one inconveniencing her. ''Whatever.''

Still she silently followed him through the Hummel residence and down into his beautifully decorated basement bedroom. It was her first time seeing it in person, although she was already somewhat familiar with the space. In his infinite fabulousness Kurt had enlisted Tina and Brittany as his backup dancers, the three of them had once reenacted and recorded themselves doing the Single Ladies dance complete with identical costumes and everything. Santana had watched their fan made video more times than she could count because Brittany in a skin tight black leotard and heels? Yeah that did it for her. Best believe she had that video bookmarked.

She watched Kurt sift through his satchel for several moments as she took in the rest of the place. He had a neat little sitting area with a couch and a coffee table where he had a couple of trays filled with fancy looking appetizers, there was also a giant flat screen on the opposite wall that was muted on the Logo network. He was definitely preparing to for his own private Drag Race watch party.

''So were you expecting somebody?'' she asked knowing full well he wasn't.

He paused what he was doing and studied her for a moment before shaking his head. ''No. I was just about to sit down and watch some TV.''

''TV huh…'' Santana said, still very much trying to play it casual and not give herself away.

''Yeah. My favorite show comes on tonight. New season.''

She made a small thoughtful noise. She knew that he knew what she was doing but like hell was she just going to admit that. ''Mm.''

He looked at her like she was a wild little alley cat who he was trying to offer a saucer of milk. He had that look in his eyes like he feared being clawed to death if he made the wrong move or said the wrong thing. ''You know...if you want you could join me.''

''Join you?'' she asked, forcing a snotty little laugh in his direction. An invitation is what she wanted but she couldn't be obvious about it. ''I have better things to do, Lady Hummel.''

''Must you with the Lady Hummel?''

''Madam Hummel?''

''If you're going to be obnoxious nevermind. I was trying to be kind but I should've known such gestures are wasted on you. I only asked because I accidentally made more hor d'oeuveres than I meant to so I have plenty. My dad's taste palette isn't as sophisticated as mine so god knows he won't finish them off. Plus I just bought a new case of my favorite bottled ginger ale. You'd love it, it's really quite crisp.''

''Do you ever get tired of being this white?''

''Like I said, nevermind.'' Kurt gave her a tight smile and held out a small folder towards her. His notes.

Even though she was secretly pleased with his offer she grumbled outwardly. She had to make a show of it after all. ''Ohmygod, fine whatever god, if you're gonna make a big freaking deal about it I'll hang out for awhile and watch your stupid show with you.''

She briskly swiped his notebook from his hand and then proceeded to march herself over to the couch where she quickly made herself comfortable, sinking into the cushions.

''So what are we watching?'' she asked as if she didn't already know.

''What are we watching?'' he repeated as he scampered over to take a seat at her side. ''Only the greatest television show to ever exist.''

He pressed a button to unmute his TV as the oh so familiar theme began to play.

Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! Start your engines! Ru-Ru-Ru-Rupaul's Drag Race! May the best woman-best woman win!

X

Their first episode together was a little awkward.

Santana made the point of trying not to show too much excitement and every few moments she would sneak a peek over at Kurt to make sure he wasn't watching her. Thankfully he was way too engaged with the season premiere to pay her any mind so she was able to relax after a couple of commercial breaks.

''Didn't think you'd be into this show,'' she said during one break as she watched him stand and fetch them two cold bottles of ginger ale from a little mini fridge near his desk. He handed her one and sat himself back down, except this time he positioned himself at an angle in order to face her.

''Why do you say that?''

''I don't know, you got all uppity when Mr. Schue's suggested you play Frank N. Furter when we did Rocky Horror earlier this year. I just figured.''

''For the record I wasn't balking at the role itself, but Mr. Schue was under the false assumption - just like most straight people - that all gay men have some secret desire to dress up in women's clothes. I enjoy fashion but that doesn't mean I want to don a wig and heels. I personally don't want to perform drag however I can certainly appreciate it as an artform.''

She nodded in acceptance of that and felt a pang of guilt. She had kind of been an ass to him about that Frank N. Furter thing that day in the choir room. Then again she'd been an ass to him plenty of times before that.

''So how long have you been a fan?'' he asked.

She blinked unevenly. She took a breathe and stalled for a long moment. ''I don't know if I'd call myself a fan. Like sure I've seen all of the seasons and I follow all of the queens on Twitter and Glamazon is totally my ringtone and I lowkey think Phi Phi O'Hara is the kind of evil I could only wish to aspire to be but fan? Puh.'' She let out a strange false laugh that didn't do her any favors.

''Santana.''

''What?''

''Today in glee you told Tina she needed to sashay away after she gave a rather pedestrian performance.''

''She did!''

''You told Rachel she was a booger queen last week.''

''I stand by that statement.''

''The week before that I heard you tell Finn I pity you for the face you have.''

''What, his face makes him look like he's always taking a dump.''

''Half of your insults and burns are from Drag Race. You have more than just a cursory knowledge of the show which leads me to believe you're more than a casual viewer. You're invested.''

"Invested is a strong word. I wouldn't say I was invested,'' she scoffed. ''Why are you trying to make this a thing? So we like the same show. Don't get any ideas about us turning into besties over here. This ain't Rupaul's Best Friend Race."

"You just quoted the show again!" he hollered through laughter. He clearly wasn't buying her bull. ''It's okay you know, for us to share something I mean. I won't tell anyone you're a fangirl.''

She relaxed at that. ''You won't?''

He shook his head and gave her a half shrug. ''Who would believe me?''

Still slightly unsure of that she went silent. Instead of responding she opened up her beverage and took a quick sip, swallowing it down slowly. ''This is some fancy ass ginger ale by the way.''

''Thanks,'' he said, delighting at Santana's version of a compliment.

When the show came back on he unmuted the tv and together they silently resumed watching, except this time she stopped checking to make sure he wasn't watching her watch the show.

She had bigger secrets in her closet anyway.

''Can I just say, Lineysha Sparx really should've won the mini challenge AND the main challenge.'' Kurt held his hand up in the air and waved it around a little bit as if he were in a church service.

Santana squinted as if in great thought. ''I agree about the mini challenge but Roxxxy really brought it on her runway and deserved the main challenge win. If Roxxxy didn't win though it should've went to Alaska. I mean that trash bag gown!''

''Okay that was amazingly unique I will say that. That Serena Cha Cha needs to cha cha her ass out of there already though.''

''Right?!'' Santana almost shouted, so thankful to have one of them finally say it. ''Penny Tration's runway was a little sloppy and unpolished but at least Penny doesn't make me want to throw something at the tv like Serena!''

''But Serena's runway was just as sloppy and unpolished as Penny's, if not more so. At least Penny was trying. Serena's was just tragic and-''

''SHUT UP FOOL IT'S TIME FOR ELIMINATION!'' Santana forced a throw pillow onto Kurt's face which he promptly slapped away.

''The time has come for you to lip sync for your life,'' RuPaul announces on the tv, addressing the two bottom queens for the week. ''Good luck...and don't fuck it up.''

Santana and Kurt both hold their breath as Serena Cha Cha and Penny Tration take to the main stage for their lip sync face off. They watch as Penny starts off with promise but mid way through the song it becomes clear that she doesn't know all the words. Penny does that old drag queen trick of turning around to distract from the fact and that's when Serena turns her performance up and sort of delivers though not really. In the end Ru tells Penny to sashay away leaving Serena in the competition for one more week.

''That was some kind of bull,'' Santana grumbles.

''They probably want to keep Serena because she's entertaining. Annoying but entertaining.''

''It's why we keep you in the glee club.''

Kurt laughed at her joke and she couldn't help but join him.

It was new. It was different. It was...not entirely horrible spending time with him. She got to fill herself up on his weird food and fancy drinks and had a few laughs. Kurt it turned out really knew his Drag Race and was just as eager to engage. At the end of the evening when he's walking her back up to the front door they're still talking about the lip sync, totally engrossed about how it all went down between the queens during the Miley Cyrus song. She doesn't even realize it when it comes out of her mouth.

''You know Party In the USA is like Brittany's favorite karaoke jam,'' Santana sighed, smiling at nothing. ''It's like the most Brittany song ever. I keep telling her to do it in glee but...''

When she catches Kurt tilt his head in sympathy, that's when she knows she's probably said more than she should. She and Brittany didn't exactly have some big public break up or anything but a few of the more observant glee club members had definitely noticed the new and strange rift between the two of them. Kurt, Mercedes and Tina definitely knew, not to mention Artie.

Freaking Artie.

''I mean...whatever,'' she sputtered, trying to play it off.

Kurt nodded and tossed her a sad little look. ''You know you should come over next Monday. We can watch the next episode.''

Santana's cheek twitched. ''I don't need your pity you know. Just because Brittany and I aren't hanging out anymore doesn't mean I'm desperate for company or whatever, okay Hummel? So you can stop giving me that pathetic little head tilt. Don't feel sorry for me, alright. Feel sorry for your sallow complexion.''

Kurt didn't miss a beat. ''Next Monday it is then?''

She shrunk in place. ''Yeah.''

''See you tomorrow in glee club, Santana.''

He opened the door for her and made a gentlemanly wave towards it. She gave him a nod and walked out though not before turning around to face him one last time.

''Hey Kurt...thanks for….''

He raised his eyebrows in waiting. ''For?''

''For, you know….?''

''For letting you borrow my Spanish notes?'' he said, even though the Spanish notes were long forgotten downstairs in his bedroom.

''Yeah for letting me borrow your Spanish notes,'' she said, coughing slightly to avoid showing any emotions resembling vulnerability. She tended to think that emotions were for ugly people.

''You're welcome.''

He gave her a small tight smile before he closed the door.

By the time she got home that night her parents were both asleep and her house was quiet and for the first time in a long time she didn't automatically feel like crawling into her bed and cocooning herself in the blankets and drowning in her own tears.

Hanging out with Kurt was kind of fun.

Not as fun as Brittany but, who was.

Still it was something. Goofing around and laughing with him made her forget about what a mess she was, if only for a night. That was something. Maybe not friendship, but something. And that something made her feel like she wasn't alone. At least not entirely.

That night when she gets under the covers she feels like a tiny weight has been lifted off of her.

This could be a good thing she thinks as she grabs her phone from her bedside table and shoots off a text.

Santana: you should get on Reddit they give the best RPDR spoilers.

Kurt: bitch I've been on Reddit, where have you been? Have you read that thread about the Alyssa/Coco beef?

Santana: yeah. I'm Team Alyssa by the way.

Kurt: Same!

Santana: btw do not click on the thread about Jade Jolie doing nazi porn

Kurt: why would I click on that thread?

Kurt: also what is nazi porn?

Kurt: nevermind I don't even want to know

Santana: go the fuck to sleep lol

X

More to come... :)